It must be around three in the morning when I wake up to Santana crying. It isn't loud, but I can still hear it as she didn't close her bedroom door all the way. I wait and make my way quietly to her room. I stand in the doorway until she notices me. "Shit! Did I wake you?" She asked as she wipes her face and sniffles. I go and slip in bed beside her.
"Yes, you did. But it doesn't matter. What's going on?" I ask as I stare into her eyes. There is enough light shining through her curtains from streetlights that I can see her face perfectly.
"I- I've been having these bad dreams and I guess they have been causing a lot of anxiety at night. Then it's hard to fall asleep because I'm so used to sleeping next to someone. Probably sounds silly." She informs me but still trying to undermine her emotions.
"If you want to talk about it, I'm here. And if you don't want to talk about it, I'm here." I make sure to make eye contact while I speak to her. I relax into her bed; it feels a million times better than mine at home.
"Certainly not ready to talk about it yet but you will be the first to know when I am. But…" she paused "if it's not too weird… feel free to say no, I promise not to get handsy. I just really…" she continued nervously before I cut her off.
"Yes, I'll sleep with you…" I pause and my memory drifts back to Mr. Shue's wedding and how we slept together more than once. I still wonder if it's several times during one session, does it count as one time. "And you can get a little handsy if it makes you feel better." I wink at her and turn over.
She pulls me into her, I feel her arm wrap around my stomach. It's been a long time since I've cuddled with anyone but an even longer time since I've been the little spoon. My ex, Julie, always was the little spoon. She was not my first relationship with a girl. After Santana and I had sex, I realized that I was bi. I dated a few guys for the wrong reasons and then I dated Emily, then Kaylee. Then I came out as queer. I don't think I will be with another man in a romantic way, but it isn't completely off the table. I thought Julie was the one. We dated almost 3 years and it was amazing until she cheated on me with a friend of ours. The breakup was messy. Her friends were mine, and my friends were hers. I never thought I'd get over her. But I finally did. And here I am for the first time since I was in love in my best friend's bed that I've also had sex with. I feel Santana's body begin to still and I close my eyes. I wake up first, I look over my shoulder to see a sleeping Santana. I trace the lines of her beautiful, relaxed face with my eyes. How could someone cheat on her?! She was perfect. My thoughts were interrupted my a flutter of her eyelashes before her eyes open. "What? Was I drooling or something?" She asked with for the first time a hint of that old Santana's shamelessness. I turn over so I'm facing her, I can noticeably tell the difference between Santana's breathing. Does she still find me attractive? Or what if she is simply scared of anything that involves women?
"You have a little drool right…" I rub her chin and I watch her breathing get heavier "…here. Right here too." I say in a low growl as I run my finger across Santana's bottom lip. And there it is, she completely forgets how to breath.
She leans in and presses her lips against mine and my whole body feels this kiss. As much as I never wanted to admit is Santana was the best lover I ever had partly because she knows me, I've never been so comfortable with anyone. We kiss until we are breathless foreheads pressed against each other. And then she starts taking off her shirt. I can't help but stare.
"Q, wake up?" I hear Santana say as she shakes me a little. "Your phone has been buzzing nonstop for like twenty minutes." Oh fuck, I was having a sex dream about Santana! I groggily make way to my phone in the living room just to realize it's Brittany. I have a few missed calls and a text from her. I sit on the couch and begin to read.
'Quinn, I know that things might be difficult for you because you are friends with both of us but if you ever have to pick, please pick Santana. I was wrong. I shouldn't have cheated on her. I know this, I also know how much she needs you and I would never want to jeopardize that. I know Santana. I know she won't care eventually that I'm still a part of our friend group, but I guess I'm just saying that she loves you and be gentle with her. I think I broke her. I love you. Take care of her please.'
"Work stuff or Berry asking you 21 questions about me?" I look up to see San walking out of her bedroom. Her legs are out, and I can't take my eyes from them. "Hello? Earth to Quinn… are you checking me out?" I can tell she is amused just from the tone of her voice but now her face is wearing smirk.
"No Rachel, no work. Is that the way you treat girls who sleep in your bed?!" I pretend to be offended. She just laughs before taking off her shirt and telling me she's going to take a quick shower. Did she know that I'm attracted to her, did she know about the dream? How could she possibly know? Why is she so hot!
After her shower I asked her if I could borrow an actual outfit and that I'd wash it and bring it back when I see her again. She tossed me an oversized McKinley High hoodie and matching joggers. We all had our fair share of them. Every time we went back home since college we would stop by Sue's office and get new pairs. "Keep it, they've always looked better on you anyway." She said winking at me. She is flirting with me. "So, I'm thinking about my favorite brunch spot? What do you say then you can head home?"
"Only if you let me pay?" I stand up and begin to change clothes right in front of her. I watch her eyes roam all over my body, Before I can get the hoodie over my head, I feel her hand rub my side.
"You have a tattoo on your side? 'We're all mad here.' Nice!" Our eyes meet and I am sure that I have stopped breathing at this point. She smells so nice, and she's so soft in the way that she touches me. Almost like I'm fragile.
"Okay ready to head out?" I ask as I grab my bag with my clothes in it and slide on my boots. I don't want to leave these four walls. I don't want to go to brunch because then reality sets in that I won't be coming back to Santana's to spend the night. I've missed her so much.