"WHAT, DID YOU THINK IT WAS GONNA END WITH ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE AND NATASHA LIKE THAT?! GET READY FOR THE NEXT EPISODE, STARTING RIGHT NOW, "Rock-a-bye baddie," or, "Pitter-patter of evil feet! AND TO START OFF, WE OPEN WITH BORIS AND NATASHA, NOW SETTLED INTO MORE DOMESTIC SURROUNDINGS..."

/

"Boris, dollink, ow' can ju steel love me like thees..." Natasha mused, seated in her and Boris' home, on a couch, both hands across her abdomen's expanse. "I am too round in tummy now, needed to get maternity size version of clessic purple dress."

"Ah, but round ees PERFECT shape to me..." the smaller man replied, snuggling up to his tall wife's now 9-and-1/2-months pregnant body, his little arms only reaching around half of her body. "Round to me, ees like wreckink ball, all ready to CRUNCH bones of moose and squirrel. Ees also shape of BOMB! Eh beeg, round, bleck bomb, that vhen explodes, vill make us mama and papa!"

Natasha sighed. Boris clambered up her rather large stomach, mindful of her sensitive popped navel, and laid down, resting his face between her chest.

"Ooh, dees fun bags ain't half bad either.." He giggled, loving the plush, maternal softness they possessed.

"BORIS!" Natasha replied. "GET OFF TUMMY! And stop talkink about moose and sqvirrel!! Ve fineeshed vith them! REMEMBER?! Kaput!"

"Sorry, honeybun." Boris replied.

"BORIS KNEW IT WAS CERTAINLY NOT EASY DEALING WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN—ESPECIALLY A SLIGHTLY-OVERDUE, SWOLLEN, PUFFY, TEMPERAMENTAL, BLOATED, CRABBY—"

"Thees narrator man-guy AGAIN?!" Natasha cast her gaze up to the ceiling, briefly rubbing her stomach, as the baby started kicking. "Enough vith veight jokes!"

"OH, sorry." The narrator cleared his throat. "Can I pleeeeease feel your baby bump? ILL BE EXTRA CAREFUL! Promise! Bullwinkle and Rocky got to do it, why can't I?"

"NO!" Natasha boomed, standing up as much as she could, really feeling tired, disgusting and sore. "All of ju, PLEASE, for love of all that ees bad, SHARRUP YOU MO—"

Natasha froze, completely silent for a pregnant (HAH! It's a joke! sorry.) pause.

"Boris..." Natasha said, hands instinctively going to her tummy, shivering a little. "I sink...pregnancy bomb just vent off."

"AND WHAT A WATERY—"

"SHARRUP! Can't ju see Boris am goink to be daddy?!" Boris replied, handing the narrator a cell phone. "Just call hospital!!"

"Okay, okay—AND SO, OUR AU STORY COMES TO A CLOSE, WITH NONE OTHER THAN ROCKET J. SQUIRREL CARRYING BOTH BORIS AND NATASHA TO A HOSPITAL SO NATASHA COULD GIVE BIRTH. LATER, CAME THE LONG...horrible...PAINFUL BIRTH OF BORIS AND NATASHA'S child...no, CHILDREN...Borisovich J. Badenov, Jr., and little Svetlana J. Badenov...This is so precious...I can't make a pun for the life of me..." The narrator walked out of the hospital along with Rocky and Bullwinkle, to give the two, new villainous parents some space along with their twin children.

"Dees ees happiest day of villainous life..." Boris sighed, cradling an asleep Svetlana on his left arm, as well as a yawning Boris Jr. on his right, with both newborns swaddled in blankets, being very quiet so as to not wake his children. "Love ju, dollink..."

"Love ju too, honeybun..." a very tired Natasha replied.

End. For reals this time.

--

(A/N:

Ok weird headcanon/theory time: Boris and Natasha are somewhat related to Gru from Despicable Me--they're villainous yet affable, they got Russian accents--yet aren't actually from Russia, and they're both owned by Universal. Coincidence? I think NOT! (lol))