Willing herself to go in the house had yet to happen. Instead, Max had pulled the lighter that had at one point belonged to her older brother from her pocket and flicked it to life a couple of times. The cold Indiana chill compiled with the shake in her hands had blown it out before she could reach the cigarette between her chapped lips.

This was overwhelming.

It was bad enough that she was home. A place that she hadn't been since she was 18. Four years had passed since she'd been in Hawkins. Four long years of changes and bends in what had once been. They weren't the kids who had gotten themselves wrapped in the supernatural. Those days were behind them for the most part, they had shaped the adults that they had all grown into, sure. Had shaped the weird succession of the places life had brought them all to.

Mike had a band he toured with, Lucas was an accountant, Will was lucky he'd gotten to 21, El was… who knew, and Dustin was right where she'd never expected him to be.

Claudia was dying. Actively dying. Right inside of the house in back of her the woman who'd turned into the closest thing to a mother that Max had ever accepted. Dustin's mother wavered in and out of consciousness. Death might have been a concept that Max was familiar with and not having a parent there to provide support might have also been something she knew all too well, but this was different. Claudia had been good to her even when she hadn't deserved it. Claudia was a woman she'd grown to respect more than she'd ever respected her own.

Max took a long inhale of the stick between her fingers. The nicotine coated her lungs for a moment as blue eyes fell shut and she allowed herself to feel the cold winter air. Yet the cold that stuck in her bones was not the same as it was in California. California had put an ache in her that had filled the second she'd seen him, he'd repaired her broken pieces with that lopsided smile.

How was it that that was all it took?

"You're going to catch your death out here." his voice came from in back of her as the screen door opened with a clatter. She felt his pause for a moment and then the rambling began, "that was a poor choice of words. I mean, I know… this is all new to you. It's overwhelming, I'm sorry." why the hell he was apologizing she wasn't sure. It was his mother that was in the house on her deathbed. The hospital had been brought to his home, and in pure Henderson fashion, he was trying to make her comfortable.

Her head shook, the red under her beanie fluttering into her eyes for a moment, "D… don't." he needed her to step up and be there for him for once, not the other way around. Even if she wasn't very good at it.

"Come here" before any rebuttal or protest could be made she felt the old cardigan being wrapped around her shoulders. He was always far better to her than she felt like she deserved. She knew that nothing she said would have deterred him from it either. "I've had my time to settle with this. You haven't. For once Max, you don't get to tell me how it is here." his words made her take another pull from the cigarette in her hand.

He was right.

"I should have been here" words were quiet, she was speaking things that she should have said years ago when she'd first been told by Lucas that things weren't going to get better. "For her" that wasn't all of it, as he walked in front of her and met her eyes she whispered out the rest of it, not finding the strength enough to find her voice, "…for you."

The cigarette was dropped, crushed under his shoe and she made a note to pick up the filter later, quirks of being teens who hid their smoking habits meant always cleaning up the evidence. His hand was on the back of her neck, warm fingers against cold flesh, "Stop it Max" always the one to know her truths, even when she hesitated with saying them. She'd never been able to lie to him with a straight face without him calling her shit. "You followed what you needed to do." he wasn't wrong.

She'd put space between herself and everything that had happened in her history. She'd retraced her steps home to the beach and dumped her brother's ashes into the pacific ocean, right in the little cove where they'd grown up. Paintings had bloomed, photos had etched her life with memories, sketching had turned into more than just a vice that she did on the corners of her papers.

Leaving Hawkins had made Max find herself.

It also didn't mean that she hadn't wanted him with her for all of it, didn't mean that she'd gotten over the fact that every breath she took felt weighed down by the lack of Dustin there to ease her through it all. With a love so golden it was hard to function and move past it. Hard to know that back in Hawkins he was being emotionally torn apart while she surfed and lingered in the blinding sun.

"You were stuck here" he had been. They'd all left at one point or another and Dustin had taken care of Claudia. He'd remained in Hawkins even when they'd all put money down on him being the one to get out and to create all of those big dreams that he missed so much. "I should have come home"

They were somewhere between lies and the truth.

"You would have ended up hating me." she was pretty sure that wouldn't have been an option. Hating Dustin sounded like some vile lie that colored her in a shade of red anger. "Don't give me that look Max" it was like an intrusion when he did it, reading her without her even saying a damn word. "Days were dark. Things I've said to her… things I've done. It was tough for a while Max. Really tough." sure, maybe she hadn't had to watch Billy die slowly, but she could remember what she'd been like in the fallout of that.

She would have stood by him, they both knew that. Even if he was trying to make her feel better.

"Stay here tonight Sunshine. Don't go back to Neil's while you're here this weekend." she wasn't sure when she'd started it, but she could feel the moisture slipping down her cheeks. Crying was one she didn't do, one she didn't allow herself to do. Yet as he stood with his forehead bent against hers, his warm breath against her nose, she could feel the tears falling.

It was safe here. Safe to cry and safe to feel.

A moment later her lips were against his and she couldn't quite recall who had begun it or where it would end. But her back was pressed against the vinyl siding of the house and for the first time in four years she didn't feel like there were broken pieces sticking out of every inch of her.

Their lives were a mess. They had more to talk about than either one of them had the time or the emotional wingspan to admit. But for a moment, just a single fragmented moment, it all felt like maybe there was a little bit of hope in her bones. Because as the kiss went on she could feel all of the bruises, cuts, and scraps that were lingering under her skin beginning to heal.

It wasn't a surprise to her. Dustin had always been the one to level her off and fix her.

…now all she had to do was figure out how to find the courage to make it inside of the house.