Before

Two months after I met my newfound best friends, I felt like I was floating. I was ridiculously happy with the way my new life was going. No one seemed to know what had really made me and my dad move out here and strangely, I was okay with that. I never wanted to forget my mother and she was with me in almost everything I did every single day, but I couldn't help but revel in the new chapter we found ourselves in. I could just be me, Bella Swan, daughter of Charlie Swan and newcomer to Forks, Washington. There was no longer anyone looking at me with pity, asking me if I was okay or whispering about me when I showed up to school with dark circles under my eyes, baggy clothes, and a tear-stained face. I felt... Free.

I remember one evening I was sitting behind my house, listening the nature that surrounded me, and dipping my feet into the cool water of the creek that ran through our property. I had never experienced nature like this, and never seen anything like it in California. I could hear crickets chirping, a dog bark or two in the wind, but other than that it was just me.

I sat there for hours just watching and looking around as the sun went down. Soon though, the grass behind me gave way to the soft footsteps that came through headed in my direction. I peered over my shoulder and smiled when I see Jacob making his way towards me, eyes only looking at me. He gave me a soft smile and sat down quietly beside me. There were no words for a while, just friendship and silence. I think we both needed it.

"Are you okay?" He whispered in the quiet. "You've seemed a little distant the past few days."

My face turned down, my smile suddenly leaving my lips. "I'm fine."

"Bells, come on, please don't do that. What's going on?" His eyes are so kind, and his hand gently takes mine in his. I know beyond a shadow of doubt I can trust him. But tell him almost makes everything real.

" Jacob?" I hesitate. He hums in response, encouraging me to go on. "My mom died 8 months ago." As I say the words with finality, tears spring instantly to my eyes. I don't think I've spoken those words since she left us and when he stiffens beside me, I remember why.

He's sad, I can tell. Edward still has both of his parents and they're happily married, one a doctor and the other a teacher and loving mother. They both love their kids something fierce. Jacob on the other hand it's just him and his dad. His mom ran out on them when he was a toddler and it's just been him and his dad ever since. Edward's family took them in, and they've all been close since then, so I know the somewhat understands this pain.

I'm afraid of what he'll say or how he will look at me now. But he doesn't say anything. Doesn't pity me, doesn't try to get me to talk more. He takes his hand from mine and wraps his arms tightly around me. And I cry. For the first time in front of someone else who isn't family and if you think about it, practically a stranger, I cry.

I cry for my mom and what I lost. I cry for my dad and how he tries so hard to continue and be so strong. I cry that my mom will never be here for all the moments I need her most. I even cry for this new life dad and I build, because somewhere deep inside I feel guilty to move on and be happy.

"Tell me about her." Jacob says to me and it almost shocks me. But I do. I tell him about her smile, her soft brown hair, and the way her nose wrinkled up every time she laughed. I tell him how I could never lie to her because she always knew. And I tell him about how she was my best friend and I still felt lost without her.

"Maybe that's why we felt like sitting down with you that day. Fate or something?" He smiles and looks down at me. I peer into his eyes, "The world knew we would all need each other." His hand dances softly against my cheek, wiping away the stray tear that managed to escape.

"I think you're right," I whisper in agreement. "I needed both of you more than I realized." I squeeze him tighter.

There's a shift in the air as Jacob and I look at each other. Suddenly the air feels thicker, and I see him swallow nervously. He pushes a piece of my hair behind my ear and inches closer. I don't know what I do. I feel my heart hammering out of my chest, my mind is racing with panic, but I don't stop him.

His lips touch mine and I'm suddenly flying. Or at least I feel like I am. Everything is suddenly roaring in my ears and my cheeks are warm as I kiss him back. I've never been kissed before, but I feel like this is one of the most important moments in my life.

It was brief, sweet, and loving but it was everything. He pulls back and searches my eyes with his. All I can do is smile at him and then giggle, burying my head in his shoulder. I feel his chest rumble with small laughter.

"I don't think it's a good thing when a girl laughs after you kiss her." He tickles me as he says this, and I laugh harder.

"I promise I'm not laughing at you. That was... It was..." I'm stammering and look like an idiot.

"Everything." He says like he knows exactly what I'm feeling.

Days later we had yet to talk about what had happened, but I could tell it was on each of our minds every time we were together. Both of us wanting to acknowledge it but both of us terrified of what would happen at the same time. I was the new girl in this friendship. If things went badly, I would lose both of them and I don't think I could handle it.

"Okay enough of this shit. You two need to get your head out of your asses." Edward says, stealing one of my carrots out of my lunch bag. "What is going on?" He finishes.

"What are you talking about?" I ask him, avoiding his eyes. Jacob does the same thing and looks everywhere but at us. Edward rolls his eyes and huffs out a laugh.

"Oh, will you two shits stop avoiding. You kissed. So what? Either decide what you're gonna do or move on. I'm trying to have important life conversations here!" His impatience makes me laugh but then I stop and look at Jacob, who's face is bright red.

"Wait, you know we kissed?" I say shocked.

"Oh honey," Edward starts, "Even if Jacob here hadn't called me at 3 a.m. to tell me you all had your first kiss, like he was some giddy little kid, I still would have figured it out. It's all over your face." Jacob groans in embarrassment and punches Edward in the shoulder, who barely even flinches.

"Is not!" I reply and he smirks.

"Really? You have barely been able to look at Jacob in two days and you've not laughed at a single joke I laid on you. I mean honestly, I'm hurt you think I'm that dumb. Either you two kissed or did the dirty and I don't quite think my boy here is ready for your devilish ways yet."

" Edward!" Both of us turn to him and yell at the same time, sending him up in a raucous laughter.

"What?!" He says back. "Look, all I'm saying is you kissed. It's not that big of a deal. It's what you do next that matters."

"What do you mean?" Jacob speaks up for the first time.

"I mean, do you like each other? Want to date? Ya know, keep smoochin'?" He wiggles his eyebrows. "You two need to talk about that." He shrugs.

"But wouldn't that be weird?" I ask them both.

"Why?" Jacob says suddenly looking very panicked.

"Well I mean.. You two have been friends for a long time and if you and I were to.. I don't know, see if there was something between us and it didn't work out, I-..." I shut down and look at my food, playing with it a little.

"You what?" Edward asks, and when I look at both of them. They look confused.

"I would lose you both." I shrug and look away. "I don't think I can handle that." Jacob frowns because he knows why I feel this way. He knows I can't bear to lose another person in my life. Not so soon after my mom.

I startle when Edward reaches across the table and takes both my hands in his. I look up at him curiously and he's looking at me with the most serious expression I imagine he could muster. That's one thing about Edward Cullen, he was almost never serious, so the weight of his expression was not lost on me.

"Bells you won't lose either one of us. Just because you've only been around for a couple of months doesn't change the fact that you are our best friend too. I care about you just as much as I care about Jacob. Nothing is going to change that. It's up to the both of you if you want to be together or see whatever the hell this is, but it doesn't change a thing for me, even if you two were to break up. This-" he points to each one of us, "Is a forever kind of bond type shit. So, get used to it, sweetheart." He squeezes my hands gently before releasing them. I feel my eyes well up slightly, but I blink them away quickly and clear away the emotion in my throat.

I look at Jacob, who's smiling sweetly at me, nodding his head in agreement. And suddenly, I don't know how I could ever say no to that boy. Or Edward either.

"Alright, enough of that sappy bullshit. Can we please discuss the movie we're seeing this weekend?"

Authors Note:

Shorter chapter today but thank you for reading and joining me here! I'm so excited to see where this story goes! I have so many plans. ️