Kai was gone, what more could I say. And he lost his life because of me.

It had been 4 hours since the phone call at breakfast. My steps feel heavy and I feel lost. I'm in disbelief how easy human life can be lost and short for some it is.

Kai's life had only just started, he had many dreams and ambitions that he thought he would accomplish in his lifetime. That didn't happen.

I couldn't talk to anyone, no one knew that I had brought Kai back. I was too scared to talk to anyone about it either in case they thought of me a murderer.

My appetite was lost and all I could think about was him.

Gordon knew that Alan was a troublemaker but he had never seen him depressive. He looked like a kicked puppy at breakfast and seemed to be absent minded.

Maybe he could cheer him up.

They were all sitting around the pool so what's the problem with a little fun?

Taking the ball from the pool, he chucked it at Alan and it connected with his head.

The only thing he didn't take into account is that Alan was at the edge of the deck and when the ball hit he fell backwards.

Falling down into the bush below with a resounding thud. Alan was pissed but he had nothing to say, no energy to retort.

Getting up, his ankle hurt but who cares? These ankles are the one that caused Kai's death.

He felt consumed, swallowed by the guilt. Can he continue as he is? Maybe his dad is right when he calls him selfish and irresponsible. Unable to continue to sit there contemplating, he decided the only place for him right now is his room, alone.

Gordon was surprised when he didn't hear a shout from Alan nor an angry attack. Just a slightly unbalanced walk-off from the boy. What was up with him? Something is clearly wrong because I usually get much more reaction from him.

Gordon was worried.

Virgil was suspicious. He wanted to shout at Gordon for not being careful and hitting Alan's head but was it worth the effort? Gordon never listens anyway. He was surprised that there wasn't any response from Alan. Alan is always the first to lash back.

Alan was limping back slowly to his room. Virgil decided to catch him and drag him to the infirmary. Something is clearly wrong but let's start with the ankle.

Grabbing Alan's hand, Alan stares back at him surprised but doesn't put up a fight. He knows there's no getting out of it now.

Virgil peels back Alan's trousers to find a very swollen ankle "Damn Alan you've really done a good one this time" He was tempted to say it was broken but only an MRI scan could confirm that.

Alan just sat there lost, he was really sure what to do. He felt a bit emotionless.

"Actually whilst we're at it I need to talk to you about first aid training, you're due your renewal in a week or two and I thought we could get it done whilst you're on the Island" Vigil suddenly remembers. He knew that Alan most likely was going to groan in protest but it had to be done. "Once your ankle is sorted we could do it actually, take only about an hour"

Alan's emotionless mind suddenly changed. Emotion came over him and he couldn't control it. He had killed Kai. He would never see him again. He had left him to die at the hospital.

He choked up, he couldn't stop the urge to cry now. The tears slipped from his eyes and he could stop.

Virgil turned from his equipment to find Alan crying. What was going on? Was he in pain?

"Is your ankle hurting Alan? Do you need pain relief?" Virgil asked worriedly

"No, no…" Alan answered choked up.

"What's going Alan? Is this about why you've been upset all morning?"

"...yes" Alan thought no one had noticed his emotional state but clearly he was wrong.

"I...I...my friend died, he was my roommate" He admitted struggling to hold back the rest.

Virgil was lost for words, he knew Alan's roommate. He was 16, maybe 17 years old, how did he suddenly die?

"I'm sorry for your lost Alan, when did it happen?" Virgil was having trouble responding in a compassionate manner. He had never had to deal with this before.

The dam broke.

"It was me! We went out for a run and I wanted to stay out longer. On one of the more remote paths he suddenly went into cardiac arrest and I had to revive him. It took nearly five minutes to come back and we were so far from anything I had to carry him to safety. And today he's dead! I'll never see him again and it's all my fault" Alan practically screamed, he felt so pent up.

"I...I.. don't know what to do anymore…" It was as if the weight of the world was on Alan's shoulders.

Virgil just sat there, lost. He was expecting maybe a small yard fight, not this. What could he say? You can't comfort the dead…

Resuscitating someone is difficult, but doing it on someone you know is horrifying. Yes you're trying to save their life but you're inflicting harm upon them and you feel like you've never done enough, never up to the task.

Virgil had been lucky he had never resuscitated a friend. Alan wasn't as lucky.

"Alan, I want you to listen to me. Kai's death is not your fault, yes he has passed and yes it is unfortunate but you prolonged his life and gave him time to say his goodbyes. His parents won't blame you for making an effort to save him. It may have been only a matter of time before it happened but he had you as a friend to support him and attempt to save him.

Kai wouldn't have wanted you to be sad from his death, death is another step of life which always comes too early"

"And you will never be without him, he will always follow you through your memories and your spirit. Show him that you will live in his legacy and never falter for his sake"

Been awhile since I updated this one. I feel in a creepy way this story is growing with me. The first chapter was written when I learnt to resuscitate someone. This chapter is written through my experience of dealing with grief and death.

Please review :)

Bisous.