Trigger warning:This chapter includes self harm and depression

"And here I thought my day couldn't get any worse..." Meredith muttered as she stared at her patients father. "Grey, could you stop staring and explain the risks of the surgery?" "Dr Montgomery Shepherd, I am really sorry, but I am legally not allowed to treat the patient, it would be a conflict of interest if we consider the fact, that she is a part of my father's new family and related to me." "Me-Meredith?" Thatcher Grey looks at Meredith with wide eyes as he says her name. Meredith just pushes her way through to the door, runs out of the room and slips into the next free supply closet.

Once in the supply closet she sees them...

Once upon a time they were her best friend, her only friend. She loved them but she hated them. They destroyed her life but they offered a relief. She takes one and sits down with her back againt the shelves. Her mind starts racing again.

Noone eve chose her. Her father chose to be with his pregnant daughter and his new family and abandoned her. He never came looking for her. He walked out on her when her mother was the one who destroyed everything. Their family. Thatcher was the man who poured Meredith's Cereal in the morning. And the man who used to sing her to sleep and read to her and play with her. Until one day he wasn't anymore. Noone ever chose Meredith. He chose to walk out on his family and abandon Meredith only to have a new daughter. Ellis didn't want Meredith, she was too busy to care about her. All her life. But when she was a toddler at least she had her dad who took care of her when her mother didn't... Until one day he was gone.

Why would anyone ever think about choosing Meredith? Der- Dr. Shepherd was just like everyone else in Meredith's life. He abandoned her just like her father did. Just like her mother did. Just like Richard Webber did.

Meredith opened the sterile paper package and pulled it out. Just like old times. She knows it's only made for single use but she doesn't care. She never cared, she knew that she would use it multiple times. She would always have it on her just like she did when she was younger.

She knew that this wasn't the right way to cope but she had to. She wasn't worth anything else. She had to punish herself. Just her existence destroyed her mother's life and career.

She pulls her left sleeve up and looks at her scar. The one she gave herself during the "Incident" she saw all the old, faded lines on her arm and she just knew she had to add some.

She looks at it, it's already in her hand and nothing can stop her now. She presses the blade of the brand new scalpel on her arm. She slowly pulls it towards her body like she did all the times before. This is number 1. For her mother who never cared. Number 2 for her father and his new family. She didn't deserve a family. Number 3 for Richard Webber for taking part in destroying her family. Number 4 - pick me, number 5 - choose me, number 6 - love me, number 7 - she is my wife, number 8 - "Me-Meredith?"

"Yes daddy, it's me, your little Meri..." she thinks... The child you abandoned... The one you never cared for. The one who had Noone because of you, because you were supposed to love her but you left her...

She watched the blood slowly drip down her arm and on to the floor. 8 brand new straight lines are there unlike the other faded white lines those are red and bleeding. Meredith wiped the tears that she didn't even notice before away and stood up looking for some gauze to bandage her arm quickly. Once she found it she bandaged like she always did before.

Right as she finished bandaging her arm, pulling down her sleeve and hiding everything so Noone could suspect anything like she did so many times before the door opened and Cristina entered the supply closet.

"Mer, are you okay?" "I'm fine, don't worry about me." Meredith said. "Can you please stob blocking the door so I can leave?" She asked Cristina who got out of Meredith's way so Meredith could exit the supply closet.

"Grey what was this? You don't talk to a patient's family like that and you don't just leave the room! " Dr Bailey yelled at Meredith as she spotted her. "You are on scut today, just finish all the charts and post op notes and don't bother me anymore, I don't care about your private problems and I don't want you to take your private issues to work. I really don't want to say it like that but I told you so... " Meredith just nodded and tried to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes once again. It wasn't too hard for her considering it wasn't the first time she had to hide her feelings.

Meredith just turned around and walked to the nurses station to take her charts and start to work.

This is the second chapter, I hope you like it... That's just how I imagine Meredith being dark and twisty with all her problems... Idk where I'm actually gonna go from here but I just think that we should have seen meredith fall apart in season 2 bc I really think that that's what she felt...