"So his name is Peter Parker" Nick Fury says, mentally noting down the name for later reference; he had seen the fight at the German airport, the new guy had talent, a lot of raw and untrained talent.
"He's making a film? I thought that the fight in Berlin was supposed to be a kind of secret" Clint said, throwing a questioning glance towards Tony, who was sweating profusely.
[Through a small, rectangular screen, we see the scenery of New York passing by at a high velocity. We seem to be on a highway.]
Peter: (in a gravelly voice) New York. Queens. It's a rough borough, but hey, it's home.
"Queens huh?" Steve commented with a smirk
Happy: Who are you talking to?
[Camera quickly pans to reveal Happy Hogan driving in the front seat.]
Peter: (in a normal voice) No one. Just making a little video of the trip.
Everyone suddenly froze and turned to glare at Tony.
"Tony, how old is Spider-man" Natasha asked her friend in a dangerously clipped tone.
"Fifteen" Tony whispered
"Pardon?" Thor's loud voice boomed through the room
"Fifteen" Tony said, his voice slightly wavering
"He's my age!" Shuri excitedly
"Oh, friend Anthony! How wonderful! In Asgard it is encouraged to fight from when you are able to walk. When I return to Midgard there will be a new warrior for me to befriend!" Thor said cheerfully
"The pirate angel is true! A warrior for the ages" Drax said earning odd locks for calling Thor a pirate angel.
"I'm sorry but are you saying that a fifteen year old boy was the one who caught Bucky's arm?" Sam says, completely bewildered, causing everyone to turn to the Winter Soldier who gave a solemn nod of confirmation.
"I dropped a bridge on him!" Steve suddenly and fearfully says
"I dragged him throw a window!" Sam shouts in exasperation
"I punched him like really hard!" Scott said, echoing Steve and Sam, Tony shrinking from all the glares that he was receiving. Nick Fury however was grinning, very widely, if someone was able to battle cap, the winter soldier, and Antman, Fury might be looking at the future leader of the Avengers.
Happy: You know you can't show it to anyone.
Peter: Yeah, I know.
Happy: Then why are you narrating in that voice?
"Because narrating whilst filming is very fun!" Shuri shouted with glee as her eyes flicked towards her brother, thinking about her plan of filming him attack her new suit, that was going to be comedy gold.
Peter: Uh... Because it's fun.
Shuri smirked at T'Challa who rolled his eyes in exasperation.
Happy: Fun.
[Apparently, Happy thinks this whole situation is the opposite of fun. He puts on his sunglasses and solemnly looks out the windshield.]
Peter: So, uh, why do they call you Happy?
"Yeah! I always wondered why they did call him Happy" Natasha said, throwing a questioning glance towards Tony.
"His Parents were hippies and they wanted to be Smurfs by naming their son Happy, but they found out 10 years later that they should've named him Grumpy" Tony slowly said with a solemn nod, whilst everyone looked at him with wide eyes, that was a very weird origin story.
[Happy raises the limo's partition. We see a reflection of Peter Parker holding up his phone and filming.]
[Peter gets out of the car to find a small private plane waiting for him.]
Happy: Come on. I'm not carrying your bags. Let's go.
Peter: Hey, should I go to the bathroom before?
Happy: There's a bathroom on it.
"Jesus Tony! How young is he!" Clint shouted.
[Inside the plane, we see a view of the cockpit. Two seats for the pilot and the copilot are there no one is sitting in them.]
Peter: Whoa. No pilot? That's awesome.
"Stark Tech is awesome thank you very much" Tony said with a proud glint in his eyes, smiling in pride, not noticing how everyone rolled their eyes at his behaviour.
[Peter sits down across from Happy, directly facing him.]
Happy: Is that where you're gonna sit?
Peter: Yeah.
Happy: This is your first time on a private plane?
Peter: My first time on any plane.
[Happy moves away to sit in another seat.]
"I am Groot" Groot growled
"The tree speaks the truth, that is very rude" Thor said with a frown on his face.
Peter: Should it...? Should it be...? Should it be making that noise?
[Later. Peter puts a finger to his lips and makes a shushing sound.]
Peter: Shh.
[Camera reveals Happy snoring. At the sound of Peter's chuckle, Happy jerks awake, causing the whole frame to shake.]
Everyone began to laugh, especially Tony, it was fun to make Happy annoyed.
[Inside Berlin Brandenburg Airport, we see German signs, Happy dragging his luggage behind him, and Peter's face in quick succession.]
[Peter is sightseeing Berlin. We see Berlin streets, the Brandenburg Gate, a street performer, foreign girls, and a pretzel vendor.]
Peter: No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin or what I'm doing. Something about Captain America going crazy.
"You told the kid that I was going crazy!" Steve said incredulously with a bewildered look.
"Wait a sec, let me get this straight. You, Captain America, the war hero who is supposed to be dead, got into a fight with a Howard Stark lookalike and the Howard Stark lookalike manipulated a superpower teen into fighting for him" Quill said, he was very confused, Captain America was supposed to be dead.
"Umm yeah, I'm Howard's son, and I didn't manipulate him though" Tony said defensively.
"Really, then why did he come to aid you?" Clint drawled.
"I uhh… may have threatened to tell his aunt about his alter ego" Tony said in a hushed tone, but everyone heard his statement, everyone.
"You! You blackmailed a teenager into becoming a child soldier for you!" Natasha exploded, she was a child soldier in the red room, it was fucking hell. She used to trust Tony to a degree, but now, she was not so sure as to what she ever saw in him.
"Wow, Black Widow is going full mama spider on Peter" Scott called out, earning him a respectable nod from Natasha.
"I'm sorry but last I hear, Captain America had super strength, how did you stand up to Captain America" Quill asked, he wasn't too bothered about the child soldier part, Yondu ended up being kinda nice to him in the end.
"I made a super suit with a bunch of weapons" Tony responded, causing Rocket to light up with glee.
"Oh my god Buddy! You need to show me this suit right now! How many things can we blow pu with this thing?" Rocket asked, overwhelming everyone else with his question.
"Can we just watch this recording please" T'Challa called out, causing everyone to reluctantly nod at him.
[Happy and Peter enter a hotel.]
Happy: (pointing at a door) This is you.
Peter: Oh, we're neighbours?
Happy: We're not roommates. Suit up.
[Peter's hotel room. Standing in front of a mirror, we see Peter wearing his homemade Spider-Man suit, consisting of a thin, baggy sweatshirt, goggles with shutters, and web-shooters.]
Rocket burst out laughing.
"What is that! He looks like a fucking Trash Panda!" Rocket shouted.
"Its Spider-Man's original suit, I made his a suit made out of vibranium so don't worry, now that I know his name I can give it to him" Shuri said, pleased that she now knew the identity of Spider-Man, she had watched all of his fail videos. Secretly, Shuri was excited to make Peter a suit, it meant that she would have to measure his body which also meant she could get close to the handsome teenager.
Peter: Okay, Peter, you got this. You got this.
Happy: What the hell are you wearing?
[Happy is staring at Peter with a horrified look. Peter tilts down the camera to reveal his feet.]
A round of laughs make's it way around the cinema as people laugh at the actions of the socially awkward teenager.
Peter: It's my suit.
Happy: Where's the case?
Peter: What case? That's not my...
[Happy opens a door, showing Peter another area of his suite.]
Peter: What? I thought that was a closet. This is still my room?
Happy: Go. Please.
Peter: My room is way bigger than...
Happy: There.
[A case is sitting on a coffee table.]
Peter: I found the case. I found the case. I found the case.
[He plucks up a card that says "A minor upgrade -TS" from the case.]
Peter: "A minor upgrade"?
[When Peter unbuckles a lock the case unfolds itself, revealing a high tech Spider-Man suit complete with awesome holograms.]
"That looks so simplistic, I can already think of so many things wrong with that suit!" Shuri said, with Rocket nodding along, making Tony slightly angry because he thought that he was always the best at what he did.
Peter: Whoa. Oh my God.
Happy: Put it on.
Peter: What the...? This is the coolest thing I've ever seen-
Happy: Let's go.
Peter: But, yeah. Well, I don't understand. Is it for me?
[Camera spins to find Happy leaving the room.]
Peter: Happy, Happy, wait.
[Peter takes off the mask of his homemade Spider-Man suit with a huge, excited grin on his face.]
Peter: This is insane. Insane. Look at this thing. Look. Look at the eyes. This is the greatest day of my life.
"He's very excited" Steve said slowly, almost as if tasting the words in his mouth, why would the boy be excited to get into a fight with him.
Happy: Let's go.
[He has come to drag a hyped-up Peter out of the room.]
Peter: Okay.
Happy: Come on.
[Outside Flughafen Leipzig-Halle, We see Iron Man, War Machine, Captain America, Black Widow, and Black Panther confronting each other.]
Peter: (whispers) Okay, there's Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow. Whoa. Who's that new guy?
"He filmed the fight as well?" Natasha said, the fight was supposed to be a secret, but a certain spider teenager had filmed the entire thing!
Tony: Underoos!
[We see Peter, now dressed in the Spider-Man suit that Tony gave him.]
Peter: Oh, that's me. I gotta go. I gotta go.
[Peter puts down the phone and proceeds to snatch Captain America's shield with his web.]
"Captain! The boy of Spiders has stolen your shield!" Thor pointed out with a teasing grin.
"He… he didn't" Steve stuttered, embarrassed to have been showed up by a teenager, whilst Bucky chortled next to Steve.
[Later.]
Peter: Hey, everyone.
[He is holding his camera and flying through the air to find a safe spot. We see and hear explosions everywhere.]
Peter: Okay, so the craziest thing just happened, right? I just had a fight with Captain America and I stole his shield and I threw it at him-
[We hear a metallic noise. Ant-Man grows into a giant in the background and grabs War Machine by his ankle. Peter turns to see this.]
Peter: Holy Shit! What the hell? He's big now. I gotta go. Hang on.
"You must have been really tired after that huh" Tony absently said to Scott who nodded, not really focusing, feeling worried about watching himself punching the teenager
[The phone is put down and for a moment, all we see are the sky and the clouds. Then we hear the battle commencing and see Peter being flung through the air.]
Everybody winces at this and Scott looks down in shame, whilst most were glaring at Stark for even bringing the teenager into their fight in the first place, fucking Stark!
Peter: Whoa!
[Back in Peter's hotel room. Peter is facing the camera, now dressed in a grey NASA T-shirt. It is obvious that he is still high on adrenaline.]
Shuri blushed slightly seeing a hot and sweaty Peter Parker, she wouldn't say it allowed because she was afraid of T'Challa's reaction, but the image of him turned her on.
"This human is so cute!" Mantis cooed, with Drax humming in agreement.
"Yes, people of Terra, would you be willing to trade Quill for this child!?" Drax asked, ignoring the offended look that Quill sent him, oblivious to the dumbfounded looks from the Avengers.
Peter: It was the most amazing thing that's ever happened! So Mr. Stark was like, "Hey, Underoos!" and I just sort of flipped in and I stole Cap's shield. I was like, "Hey, what's up, everybody?" And then...
[There's a knock on his door.]
Peter: Hey, just a second! Coming!
[He backflips to the door, but before he can open it, Happy enters in a bathrobe.]
Peter: Hey.
Happy: We have thin walls here.
[Camera starts rolling. We are now inside Tony's car. A hand reaches for it and we tilt up to find Tony Stark in a suit and sunglasses ensemble.]
Tony: What are you doing, a little video diary?
Peter: (embarrassed) Yeah.
Tony: It's all right. I'd probably do the same.
"I remember a time when instead of video diaries, you would pay for a maid to be a stripper" Rhodey said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
Happy: (from the driver's seat) I told him not to do it. He was filming everything.
Tony: It's okay.
Happy: I'm gonna wipe the chip.
"No! This is the most meme worthy footage I've seen in a long time!" Shuri shouted at the screen.
Tony: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what? We should actually... We should make an alibi video for your aunt anyway. You ready?
"You know his secret before his aunt?" Gamora asked with a disapproving glance towards the billionaire.
[Tony takes off his sunglasses, revealing a badly bruised face.]
Peter: Yeah, hold on.
Tony: We rolling?
Peter: An alibi? Sure.
Tony: Get in the frame.
Peter: Okay.
Tony: Hey, May. How you doing? What are you wearing? Something skimpy, I hope.
"Anthony Stark!" Natasha screeched as everyone turned to stare at Tony in disbelief, if looks could kill, then Tony would be deep in hell by now.
"In my defense, his aunt is hot, like really hot for an aunt" Tony muttered
"Just how hot?" Quill asked excitedly, causing Gamora to casually take out her knives, sharpening them just incase she could have some competition.
[Peter turns to Tony with a frown on his face. Tony chuckles and pats Peter's shoulder, whose face now wears an uncomfortable smile.]
Tony: Peter, that's inappropriate. All right, let's start over. You can edit it.
Peter: Mm-hmm.
[Looking at Tony, Peter chuckles.]
Tony: Three, two, one. Hey, May. My gosh, uh, I wanted to tell you what an incredible job your nephew did this weekend at the Stark internship retreat. Everyone was impressed.
"Internship?" Fury asked with a raised eyebrow. Nick had spoken to Rogers and Romanoff after the Civil War, he knew that the Spider guy was way stronger than Steve, Fury didn't want the boy's potential to be squandered by Stark. It would be good to take the boy under his wing, he never told anyone about, but Parker's mother worked for him, trying to recreate the super soldier serum; this must have been how the boy got his powers. Fury knew that Mary Parker injected herself with the serum, and something must have happened to the Parker boy to trigger his dormant super soldier genes.
[Tony is putting on a solemn face. Peter offers the camera a wide-eyed, tight-lipped smile, trying to look innocent. Suddenly, we hear a loud honk.]
Happy: Come on! It's a freaking merge. (to Tony) I'm sorry.
Tony: This is because you're not on Queens Boulevard. (to the camera) See, Happy is... is hoping to get bumped up to asset management. He was forehead of security, and before that, he was just a driver.
[Still driving, Happy gives Tony a sidelong glance.]
Happy: That was a private conversation. I don't like joking about this. It was hard for me to talk to you about that.
Tony: No, seriously, was he snoring a bunch?
[Happy slams on the brakes, making the car screech to a stop.]
Happy: All right. Here we are. End of the line. Whoops.
[Tony laughs and films Peter, who looks a bit pale.]
Tony: Happy, can you give us a moment?
Happy: You want me to leave the car?
Tony: Why don't you grab Peter's case out of the trunk.
[Peter's film finally stops rolling. He slowly lowers his phone, shocked.]
Peter: I can keep the suit?
Tony: Yes, we were just talking about it.
[Tony puts his sunglasses back on and clears his throat. Through the rear window, we see Happy struggling with Peter's case.]
Tony: Do me a favour, though. Happy's kind of your point guy on this. Don't stress him out. Don't do anything stupid. I've seen his cardiogram. All right?
Peter: (enthusiastically) Yes.
Tony: Don't do anything I would do, and definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do. There's a... There's a little grey area in there, and that's where you operate.
Peter: Wait, does that mean that I'm an Avenger?
"No!" Clint shouted at the screen.
Tony: No.
[Happy knocks on the window and holds the case up.]
Happy: This it?
Tony: Seventh floor.
Peter: I can take that. You don't have to take it.
Happy: You're gonna take it?
Peter: Yeah, I can take that.
Happy: Thank you.
[Happy drops the case by the car.]
Peter: So when's, when's our next... When's our next "retreat," you know? Like...
Tony: What, next mission?
Peter: Yeah, the mission. The missions.
Tony: We'll call you.
Peter: Do you have my numbers?
Tony: No, I mean, we'll call you. Like, someone will call you.
Peter: Oh.
Tony: All right?
Peter: From your team.
Tony: Okay.
[Tony reaches for the door. Peter mistakes the gesture as a hug and brings his arms around Tony.]
Tony: It's not a hug. I'm just grabbing the door for you. We're not there yet.
[Peter awkwardly climbs out of the car. Almost as an afterthought, Tony calls out:]
Tony: Bye.
[Tony and Happy drive off. Holding his bag and the Spider-Man suit case, Peter grins.]
Peter: They're gonna call me.
"Oh for fucks sake Stark!", Fury shouted, "Look what you've done! You're going to let the boy become overly arrogant, just like you, you dumb motherfucker!". Everyone jumped a bit at the sudden shout, except Groot who was grinning wider than a Cheshire cate, finally someone who was very good at swearing just like him.
[He heads to the apartment entrance. There is a definite spring in his step.]