Chapter 3 - Katniss' diary entry (day 18)
Dear Diary,
It has been three days since we left District 6. As we are on the run, we can only stick to the wilds or move in the darkness of night. Gale says we are already at our fastest and that Prim would surely hold on until we arrive - perhaps in an effort to console me or rather himself. I can see his guilt in how he agreed to go to the Capitol despite knowing what might happen if we are caught on even the nonexistent possibility of us being able to save her. Especially when she's already entered the arena. But I can't comfort him or even forgive him. Maybe it's because I blame him for igniting the spark of rebellion inside my head. Maybe because I know that had he been successful in getting everyone on the other side of the fence. Eating roasted fish from the pond near the outskirts of District 6. Even if they had to starve for a few days she would be lively and uninjured unlike how I saw her on TV that night, frail and soulless. Maybe I'd rather blame Gale than my incompetence or lack of foresight for the situation we are in. Maybe I just refuse to believe that one day my actions could hurt Prim. Hah.. sometimes I find myself rather unfamiliar. Like there is someone else underneath my flesh. And the girl I've grown up being isn't who I see when I look at the reflection in the pond. I've become someone who is taking advantage of another's guilt to have things my way, someone who abandoned the people who believed her when things didn't work out, someone who has lost all rationality. Like how right now I decided to scribble on a piece of paper with a fountain pen I barely managed to steal, knowing very well that if traded for it could give us three days worth of food. I seem to become crazier and each day passes in helplessness. Where I can only hope that Prim would hold on until I reach the Capitol the day after tomorrow.
Katniss Everdeen