AN: Hi guys and welcome to a new chapter! I actually want to address some of the reviews and my updating schedule: Someone in the reviews asked me to post longer chapters, even though my updates would come more seldom (I think once a week would be a safe bet). Please let me know in the reviews if you prefer faster, shorter updates or longer chapters like this one.
Another concern was regarding the rating of the story, currently placed at T, even though I mentioned the possibility of upcoming lemons. Well, since I think most of the people read stories rated K+ to T, I would like to postpone changing the rating until the lemon chapter(s) will come out and for those of you who are uncomfortable reading mature content, I will make sure to mark it visibly, such that you could still read my FanFiction and easily navigate the lemons.
Disclaimer: I also intend this FanFiction to go on for at least 20 chapters (provided I stick to the lengthier posts), so it will be a slow burn, buckle up for the long ride!
Enjoy! :)
The debriefing had been short, but straight to the point. The mission: Finding two abducted Konoha nin, one Cuunin and one Jounin. The catch? Possibly facing a Kekkei Genkai hunting organization, since both missing ninjas possessed one blood limit. The first one missing was a distant cousin of Ino's: Takumi Yamanaka, 14 years old, a talented ninja. The Chuunin had last been seen gathering medical plants just outside Konoha's walls to aid his fellow teammate, Miume Nara, who was working on soldier pills. Takumi was a promising young man who was intending on joining the Interrogation Squad due to his rapidly improving abilities. He was also the only Chuunin in his Genin squad. After he was reported missing by his mother the next day, Aiko Aburame was sent to locate and retrieve him – 36 of age, she was an experienced Jounin equipped to face the most dangerous of enemies with her Kidaichu (a breed of giant parasitic insects, a beetle-like species initially small in size, but which, provided with the wrong amount of chakra immediately begin devouring the flesh of their host, rapidly growing in size). Takumi had pale blond hair with a hint of orange, dusty blue eyes and had an above-average height for his age. A trademark scar ran along his left brow. Aiko's features were less known due to her cloaking habit, but the Aburame clan was able to provide some identification features: The Jounin's eyes were black, her dull brown hair was crossed by multiple white strands, she had a rather large mole on her neck and a scar across her upper lip. She towered above most other ninjas at 1,88 m tall.
Since both Ino and Shino were on a rather delicate espionage mission, they could not be assigned to this task; Kakashi's rough action plan implied using Hinata as bait, due to the fact that her Byakugan was unsealed. Shikamaru would be the obvious leader, adjusting the plan of the squad on a whim, according to the situation; another obvious reason for him being picked were his dull physical features, which were ideal for playing an undercover role in a possible infiltration, where a transformation justsu would be a dead giveaway to any remotely talented sensory type ninja. Naruto would be the muscle of the team since the enemy had obviously been able to subdue Aiko Aburame, one of the strongest Kunoichi - no, even Jounin altogether of the Leaf. Lastly, Sakura's task was to refrain from action, concentrating her efforts mostly on healing the possibly harmed Konoha-nin should the need arise and provide support for her own squad.
They were given the day off to prepare for the mission, planning to leave the next day, though all preparation and strategizing was mostly on Shikamaru. How unfair, the others get to enjoy a free day while he was stuck to figure out a game plan and the problematic logistics by himself. He dragged his eyelids open again, even if only enough to have barely half of his iris to be uncloaked. As Hinata seemed to hurry off and Sakura joined her – when did those two get so close anyways he found himself rhetorically questioning in his own head. Nonetheless, if they were now "allies", that meant double the trouble for him, God, what a pain – a grinning Naruto took his exasperation as a cue to join him. Great. Just amazing. He loved Naruto in small doses and he had the impression he'd get his fill on this mission already before it started.
He sighed and tried to shake off his whole rainy mood. He needed Naruto around because his own thoughts were getting dark recently and maybe unconsciously the blond was one of his main support pillars. Now that Sakura was gone, he took out a cigarette and placed it between his thin lips, lighting it absent-mindedly while walking beside Naruto towards Yakuniku, Chouji's favourite place in Konoha. When in doubt, always pick Yakuniku he could almost hear Choji enthusiastically exclaiming. When did he develop an inner Choji? Man, what a drag indeed!
Hinata decided to go directly to Neji's grave in the Hyuuga district. There were a lot of things she had to discuss with him or rather get off her chest. The pinkette tagged along right away, but decided to give her the space she needed and waited at the entrance to the graveyard, sparing Hinata a glance every now and then for when she was to inevitably break down. Except that today, Hinata wasn't going to.
Hinata had yet to open herself up properly to Sakura. Sure, they found warmth and comfort in each other knowing that they shared their unreciprocated love for one, a rather demanding job at Konoha's hospital and having seen the horrors of the war through an innocent pair of eyes, but their meetings had lacked a lot of words or meaningful verbal communication. They've seen the hurt in each other and proceeded to patch one another without any exchange of words. Neji was still Hinata's closest, dare she say only, confidant even after his death.
Today the sky was covered by a light veil of clouds, such that the sun's light seemed way too bright, because of the reflection occurring within the clouds. Yes, the day was rather unusual and unpleasant, the light being harsh, nearly painful to the eye. One had to walk with nearly closed eyes, peeking only through one's eyelashes; everyone sported this nearly pained expression of a frown meant to offer additional relief from the brightness. There was little wind to speak of and the temperature was pleasant, that was if one were to be walking. Should you just rest outside, the chill would have gotten the better of you in a dozen minutes. The Hyuuga proceeded to sit on her knees facing Neji's simple gravestone. Even though it was the standard one, identical to hundreds nearby, Hinata couldn't shake off that it was fitting her cousin perfectly. It was simple, yet elegant, cut very roughly, yet those imperfect edges seemed so intentional. It's colour was a dusty off-white, the same shade as his piercing orbs. Every time she faced his gravestone she felt a little warmer as if she was just staring into his eyes again. Hinata's red-rimmed eyes softened and she sighed wistfully.
"Neji-nii-san…", she started as usual, but this time she was finally able to proceed to talk and actually tell him what has been on her mind. "I am sure you wouldn't approve of my handling of the current situation. I'm in a really bad place right now, but I promise you that I am trying to build myself up again. I really do. I miss you. Greatly. I dream about your death and imagine how… How I would gladly take your place, but I can't. I wish I would, because, nii-san, you would have known what you would have wanted to do. I am struggling to find a purpose, something to make me happy. Besides, I have had enough time to let the news sink in. You know, nii-san, you always told me I would have made a wonderful mother. I am sorry, but that is a role I will not be able to fulfil and I struggle very much embracing the idea", she took some time to breathe in and out, lick her lips and try to hold back tears.
"I know you knew, but never said a word about it. I actually resent you for that, because I struggle to find anything to say about it on my own. It would have been so much easier clinging to your words, Neji-nii... Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I feel nothing because truth be told, I never had time to think about having children of my own, I mean, I knew I wanted to have someone day, but now it's even worse. I can only think about that. I want children so badly and it breaks my heart thinking I would never be able to bear them. Funny, how our mind wishes something so desperately, after being told it is outside our reach."
Silence.
"As selfish as I might be, I still wish you were here, even if you wouldn't be able to tell me anything, because making you proud has always given me a reason to strive further. Your unwavering confidence in me no one from our family dared even match to a fraction has given me hope, because, Neji-nii-san, you've rarely been wrong. This is why I have trouble understanding why you chose me over you."
Hinata's voice started breaking down and the cold suddenly reached her every bone. Shivering, she still kept an uncharacteristically stoic face, which mirrored the emptiness she suddenly found herself drowning in. Her breathing got more laboured as if mimicking the act of drowning, struggling for air.
As if on a cue, Sakura stepped closer.
"You finally spoke to him, Hinata", she smiled at her and grabbed her shoulder in a reassuring motion. Hinata just nodded.
"Look, let's have a tea at my place for a change. It's not that I want to impose on you or something, but actually, I've been wanting to plant some flowers in the small patch I have in front of my house, the landlord keeps calling a garden", she said barely managing not rolling her eyes.
Hinata's trembling body suddenly remembered the kneeling position she adopted earlier and it felt suddenly so painful, that she got up. She tried to blow in her own cupped hands in an attempt to get warmer and to stop shaking, but Sakura was faster and gave her the burgundy coat she brought this morning just in case she would be cold. Sakura was always cold, but she kept moving while waiting for Hinata, so she felt comfortable giving it up.
"Even though I love plants, the shifts are always unpredictable at the hospital and I often get discharged on missions like today, so I'd want something I'd have trouble killing off and I'll need your expertise, Hina-chan!"
Hinata stared at her for a moment and stopped walking. Sakura's smile was bright and she seemed slightly embarrassed to be in the position of asking for help. Hinata couldn't keep a smile from emerging on her lips. Also, the way she addressed her remembered her of a young, innocent Hanabi. This was the first time her smile reached her eyes after the war, Sakura noticed.
"Sure, Sakura-san, in all honesty, I think sedums would be perfect for you. They are actually best suited for late summer or fall gardens and could withstand Konoha's heats. They don't require much watering either, since they are perfectly fit to withstand droughts. Not to mention they would be fitting for you, I think, since their petals fade from white to pink. I actually think about you every time I see them in my mother's old garden. The only issue here would be that you could only plant them in a couple of months. "
Sakura could barely manage to hold herself back from gaping, this was the longest Hinata has ever spoken in her presence, let alone to her; she also mentioned her dead mother, something Sakura learned only from her medical files because this subject was never spoken of. So plant discussion was indeed a good topic to loosen the petite kunoichi's tongue.
"Wow, Hinata, you seem really knowledgeable, I knew I could trust you with that."
In all honesty, she could have easily gone to Ino. Yes, she could have, but she was making an effort to try to bond with Hinata verbally. She was sure no one was getting over the grief by leading dialogues to gravestones. Plus, she really needed a friend as well. She was getting depressed and lonely and there was only so much she could get off her chest with Naruto. Ino was always an option as well, but she was not that kind of friend. Sakura would see Ino when she wasn't in the mood to talk about herself, but rather willing to forget about everything, go for a drink, tease each other and have fun; no questions asked was their policy and to this date, they never broke it, even after Inoichi had died in the war. It never went beyond that, because Sakura knew different friends accommodate different needs you might have. And for matters of the heart, Hinata seemed to be the only one matching her tact.
Most importantly, she knew Hinata needed a friend. Hinata had just found out about her fertility situation and was just facing the real consequences or at least trying to grasp them. All the while, her forever crush was acting oblivious even after her confession - what an idiot, I'll make sure to not spare him the next time I'll go for a punch - and her closest friend and cousin was dead. This girl needed someone and Sakura was having trouble finding someone to care for. This was at least as therapeutic for her as it was for Hinata, to just try and be there for someone, give that someone your everything to help them stand up.
After reaching Sakura's home, Hinata noted indeed, that it wasn't an audacity to call the so-called "garden" a patch since it must have totalled (on both sides of the alley) somewhere around one square meter. The house seemed small and would be deemed as unremarkable, the peachy tone already seemed to border a grey-ish hue, if it weren't for the beautifully white painted front door. It was of such immaculate white as if Sakura would be wiping it clean every day; she later learned, it was in fact true. Once in her living room, she noticed the white furniture, the same stark white as the entrance door, nearly blinding in its intensity, but truth be told, they managed to brighten up the room. It seemed as if Sakura's obsessive hand rubbing at the hospital translated into an almost sterile home – at this point, Hinata was sure one would find more dust in the operating room than in Sakura's living room.
Despite all this, the room seemed inviting because of the tidy, though well-used couch taking in most of the space. It was navy blue – reminding Hinata of a certain Uchiha – with a rough red and white wool blanket. Yes, definitely, it was the colour palette as a whole that made Hinata think of Sasuke. The Hyuuga also told herself that maybe the rough wool was an intentional choice, after all, taking after the last Sharingan wielder. She involuntarily smiled and when asked which tea she would prefer; she decided for a rather exciting mix of liquorice root and mint. The sweet aftertaste managed to brighten up the mood and heal any lingering emotional damage, at least for that one instant where the taste lingered.
"This is not how I expected your home to look like, Sakura-san", Hinata said feeling obligated to say something about the house she's just been invited into, "but I actually like it a lot."
Sakura chuckled.
"My mum always used to say that if you feel like shit, at least don't live in it, so ever since, whenever I am stressed or tense, I start compulsively cleaning. It's also come to calm my nerves."
"It's still productive, Sakura-san. My flower pressing hobby is just amounting to a lot of collections even I don't bother to look through anymore."
"I would really like to look through them one day", she lied. She really didn't want to. But it seemed important to Hinata, that someone would show interest in her hobby.
"Umm, sure, maybe next time after we visit Neji-nii we could go directly to my place. Though I must warn you, Sakura-san, the compound can seem a little creepy to an outsider I suppose."
"Hey, no problem, I'll terrorize them anyways by threatening to slowly extract that stick up their asses should they even try to intimidate me!"
They both laughed wholeheartedly and one hour later Hinata started heading home to pack. The mission alone was stressing her out since it would be the first one in a long time where she would be put on a team with Naruto. She was terrified of disappointing him. Her little chatter with Sakura sure made her feel more at ease and managed to get her thoughts off this topic for a while, but she still felt so down. She reached the compound after a thirty-minute walk, even though it should have been only fifteen. Yes, she was being an airhead again. A sigh, but not her own.
"Hanabi-chan, what is-", not even finishing her question she found herself thrown on the floor with Hanabi's arms tight around her neck. Her sister was nearly straddling her and Hinata gently patted her head. Lightly off-white met pale lavender - that same pale lavender which led to massive debates after Hinata's birth in the Hyuuga Council, fears of the impurity of the Main Branch resurfacing. It was really one of their rare interactions; that is because Hanabi was training to take over as head of the clan and their father always made sure to keep Hanabi so busy and so tired, the sisters barely met and if so, exchanged few words. None of them took it the wrong way, they were sure their father didn't mean this to happen, he barely wanted to help Hanabi exude confidence and command respect in order not to be toyed with by the council. Yes, the Hyuuga council was a terrifying lot of people to be in front of – a collection of the sternest pairs of eyes in the clan; Hinata always wondered if they organised a starring contest amongst the elderly clansmen to determine its members. It was even worse when they opened their mouths to speak, for they were so skilled in the art of diplomacy, an inexperienced man would often find himself always agreeing to what they said, even to the point where one could be swayed that a circle had right angles. These were the men Hanabi would have to face and even try to bend according to her own will and the prospect of her not being ready terrified even Hinata. Today was another day of exchanging pleasantries briefly before a member of the branch promptly came asking for Hanabi's assistance in picking out the proper paper for sending out a written request to the Hokage. Young, temperamental Hanabi had to grind her teeth to stop rolling her eyes backwards or cursing. In the end, she stood up, barely bowed to Hinata and off she was.
Now, spending lots of time away from the Hyuuga compound, Hinata could easily understand why her clan was regarded as stuck-up or why many people tried figuring out the length and girth of the wooden sticks stuck up her clansmen's asses. Well, luckily for those people, seeing a Hyuuga was a rare occurrence, but for her and her little sister, it was their existence. This was the main reason why any friendship she ever had was never able to compare to her bond to Neji developed mainly in the last three to four years; he more than understood the way their family worked and they had multiple inside jokes about each clansman, which they were, later on, able to communicate just by meeting each other's eyes. Their stern masks were able to conceal their amusement and no one thought anything of it. Even in a clan full of all-seeing eyes, they were able to communicate unnoticed in plain sight.
Trying to get a hold of her own thoughts, Hinata visited her father's study to notify him of the upcoming mission. Nothing really could have prepared her for the upcoming discussion. Hiashi felt his daughter's presence from the moment she started heading in his study's direction. He was dreading the discussion to come as well.
"Come in, daughter", his deep voice called and Hinata was suddenly pulled out of her sweet memories.
"Yes, father", she replied in a cold and practised voice, opening the sliding door without making a sound, bowing respectfully and taking a seat on the designated sitting pillow.
"I have been made aware of a certain situation regarding your fertility by the Council", he directly stated as if speaking about the weather, so casually so, that Hinata's insides started turning. Sure, she expected nothing less, if Neji was able to spot the disturbance in the chakra paths to her uterus, other clansmen did as well. Just when had they used their Byuakugan on her?
"As such, the Council sees no necessity in upholding your Main Branch status. Your inability to enter arranged marriages for political gain and provide heirs to your husband has made you an unprofitable member of the Main House. The costs of upholding your status may never find compensation in ulterior use of your abilities."
Hiashi seemed utterly disturbed by the words coming out of his mouth, but he was unable to push back against the elders. His only motivation was emotional and he was unable to convince his fellow clansmen of doing otherwise. Hinata in the meantime seemed outwardly unphased and said nothing; this troubled the Hyuuga Head greatly, knowing his daughter well enough to know, this was the worst kind of reaction from her, because it implied the greatest suffering. It was the same expression she held during Neji's funeral.
"Hinata, I don't want to do that and I promise you, I will fight for you. I just want you to be prepared, should any of them come to you with the news."
Hinata broke down in tears and Hiashi stood up and clumsily wrapped his daughter in what was surely one of the few times he held her after being able to walk on her own. Hinata looked up to her father in shock and awe and cried even harder; she wanted to clutch the folds of his yukata and let herself completely go, but she knew better. Even though her father was showing her what she was sure was the greatest extent of love he was capable of, he still had some limits she didn't want to test. They stood there for what seemed like hours to Hinata but was in fact just around ten minutes until another person announced herself at Hiashi's door. He spoke in his usual conserved, deep tone and told the person to wait, for he was engaged in an important matter. Some other ten minutes later, Hinata managed to make herself look presentable again. Pink, fluffy eyes were her usual look these days, no one would suspect a thing, especially because of the situation of her being allegedly demoted to the Branch. She informed her father of the mission she was to embark upon briefly, he nodded and she left for her room. She was feeling well for the first time after the war, the embrace of her father being forever imprinted in her memory as a treasure she will always come to when in need of warmth.
After packing in haste, Hinata had her first deep sleep after the War and woke up energized and ready to take on the world. The mission no longer terrified her, but she felt an inner urge of using it as a means of showing her worth and how much she grew in the past years. She made it to the gates early.
AN: Thank you guys for reading! Please review and let me know what you think or how I could improve. Please let me know as well which format you like better, the shorter chapters or this longer one (roughly three times as long as the other ones) and I'll put your advice into practice.
Have a nice day! :)