* ~ The Eighth Year Universe Series ~ *
PART FOUR
Brave New World
Chapter 3: Muggle Conversation 101
*** TRIGGER WARNING ***
Mentions of past rape, unplanned pregnancy, and suicide.
"Hermione, move!"
"I'm going to miss the bit with Olivia Newton-John in a skin-tight leather outfit!"
Daphne raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend. They were all gathered together in the movie theatre room of Longbottom House. It was one thing Potter Manor didn't have, so this was where they spent their Friday nights as of now, "Woah Potter, steady on."
Harry smirked at her, "Hey, Muggles have better clothes than us. You have to admit that much."
"Definitely sexier," Draco said as he peeked around the side of Hermione at the huge projector screen, "Although I do prefer Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing..."
Hermione crossed her arms in front of them, "I have to tell you something."
"In the middle of our movie night?" Neville asked in amusement, "And just to throw in my two cents, by the way, I'm pretty fond of Carrie Fisher myself."
Lilly snorted, "Because of the slave girl outfit?"
Neville grinned mischievously, "Maybe."
Hermione rolled her eyes, "Honestly, you lot are a nightmare! And it can't wait because if I wait, then I'll have to interrupt in the middle of Fight Club, and I'm sure you would be a lot more unhappy about that."
"Fair point," Harry said with a nod, "We're all listening. What's up?"
"My parents want to throw a graduation party for me," Hermione said with a roll of her eyes, "It's their way of explaining to my posh Muggle family that I'm not going to university. It's this stupid thing at the house, and it's tomorrow night."
"And we all have to go?" Draco guessed.
"My mother has invited you all, yes," Hermione said as she surveyed her friends.
"Well," Harry said in amusement, "That's fine for Lilly and me since we're used to dealing with Muggles. How the hell are this lot going to fit in, though?"
"Not easily," Susan grinned, "And I can't go by the way, sorry."
"Date with Perce?" Ginny guessed as she glanced over at the redhead. Now that school was over, she only had to hide her pregnancy when she was out in public. All of her glamour charms had been removed. She was sitting with her feet up on a footstool; she had one hand resting lazily on her stomach.
"Yep," Susan said, "He's taking me to some ministry thing in Austria, could be fun."
"He nearly got arrested for punching the Austrian Minister in the face a couple of months ago," Ginny said in amusement, "Keep him away from the vodka."
"I didn't know Percy drank vodka," Susan laughed.
"Well, after that last incident in Austria, he probably doesn't," Harry snorted in amusement.
Hermione shook her head in amusement, "What about the rest of you?"
"I'll go, and I'll drag Daph along with me," Harry said as he smiled at his best friend.
"And I'm kind of obliged to go since I'm your fiancé," Draco said grudgingly.
"Yes, you are," Hermione agreed as her eyes landed on Neville and Lilly.
"I'm happy to come along," Lilly said, "Not sure how well Nev will cope, though. He'll probably try and talk to Muggles about Quidditch or something."
"I've seen enough Muggle movies to make conversation with them," Neville pointed out, "I can talk about transvestites and singing plants...and sinking ships, like the Titanic."
Hermione couldn't help herself. She laughed out loud, "Neville, if you talk to my family like that, they will probably think you're insane...or gay."
"Or both," Harry laughed.
"We need to train you guys up," Lilly laughed, "Tomorrow morning."
"Train us how to do what, talk to Muggles?" Draco asked in disbelief.
"Yes, exactly," Hermione said in amusement, "You'll need a cover story. They'll ask what you guys are going to do now that school is over. You can't tell them you're going to be Aurors and Curse Breakers. They really will think you're insane."
"Fine," Daphne said with a wave of her hand, "Muggle Conversation 101 it is, but tomorrow morning."
"Not now," Harry agreed, "We're going to miss the finale!"
"And the flying car!"
"I miss Arthur's flying car," Harry mused, "I wonder if it's still roaming free in the forbidden forest…."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Ginny had been pondering Zara Zabini's words for a couple of weeks when she spoke to her brothers about it one evening. Bill and Charlie had come over to help their Dad with something in the garage, and as per usual, their mum had convinced him to stay for dinner and a coffee.
"Bill?"
Bill looked up from his coffee, "Yeah?"
"Did you go to school with Belinda Zabini?" Ginny asked him curiously.
Bill nodded, "Yeah, Belle was in my year. We were in the same house. Why?"
"I met her at Blaise's the other day," Ginny replied, "She was nice. But she said something about you."
"Oh good Godric," Bill muttered, "What did she say?"
Ginny raised an eyebrow at him, "She re-iterated that Zabinis don't really 'do' conventional relationships and said that she had been very good friends with you and Charlie."
Bill grimaced, "That's a surprisingly accurate description."
"Bill!" Ginny exclaimed, "You and Charlie and her? Together?"
Bill shot his younger brother an amused look and waved him over. Charlie sauntered over and asked, "What's up?"
"Would you care to tell our sister about the nature of our relationship with Belle Zabini?" Bill asked, "Because I'm fucking it up immensely."
"Belle Zabini," Charlie whistled, "Now that takes me back. When was that Bill? You were in Egypt, weren't you?"
"Yep," Bill replied, "I'd just broken up with Lara. You were about to go into seventh year."
"And Belle was working in the DMLE, that's how she ended up out in Egypt," Charlie remembered, "While I was visiting you over there."
Ginny raised an eyebrow, "Okay?"
"Let's just say it was a fun two weeks," Charlie said, "Belle Zabini...what's she up to these days?"
"She's a judge in the DMLE," Ginny replied, "But what do the Zabini's mean when they say that they don't do conventional relationships?"
"Well," Charlie snorted, "Sleeping with two brothers is hardly conventional. Is it?"
"Neither is sleeping with your brother," Bill said. He wrinkled his nose up, "Remember Beau? he was a couple of years above me in school?"
"Yeah, and Blake was a year older than him," Charlie said, "Those two were shagging each other. They used to tell everyone they were only half-brothers but still..."
"They're dead now, though," Bill said with a sigh, "I heard that Blake joined up with Voldemort the minute he could, and he dragged Beau along with him. I'm sure he was under the imperius curse when he died."
"That sounds familiar," Ginny admitted, "I'm sure I heard something like that on Potterwatch, but Blaise doesn't really talk about them."
Shortly after that, her brothers left, and Ginny decided to brave her mother. She sat down at the kitchen table while Molly was washing up and said, "Mum, could we talk?"
Molly sat down at the table and smiled weakly at her daughter, "Of course we can, Ginny."
Ginny bit her lip and said, "I am…seriously considering marrying Blaise."
"Why are you thinking about marrying him?" Molly asked calmly.
Ginny answered, "Part of me thinks that it's the right thing to do, rather than having a baby born out of wedlock. I don't want it to get bullied when it goes to school or anything, you know?"
Molly nodded.
"But another part of me worries that I would be doing it for the wrong reasons," Ginny admitted.
"Well, I can only agree that having a child in wedlock is better for all concerned," Molly said, "I remember being in your position and having to make the same choice. The difference was, of course, I loved your father."
"I do love Blaise," Ginny objected, "I love him. I just don't know if I could categorically say that he's the love of my life that I want to marry."
"Well, perhaps you should have thought of that before you got pregnant, Ginny," Molly said with an exasperated sigh.
Ginny rose to her feet, "Do you know what? You have been nothing but judgemental about all of this! But what do you have to say for Ron, huh? He fucked a girl and got her pregnant when he had a girlfriend! But no, Ron is being noble, he's doing the right thing, he's got a good job, he's giving Katie money, so it's all okay? Well, I have a boyfriend, Mum! A boyfriend who is willing to marry me and give this baby and me a comfortable fucking life! But you don't care because you don't like him, whether that's because he's a pureblood or because he's black-"
"It's because he's a Zabini," Molly snapped, "And everyone knows that they are not a normal family, Ginny."
"Since when did we become the snobs, Mum?" Ginny asked angrily, "Since when did we start looking down on everyone? My whole life, everyone looked down on us for being blood traitors or for being poor. People judged you for how many children you had, they questioned why you would keep having them when you couldn't give them a good quality of life, and you hated that!"
She shook her head and began to pace the kitchen in her fury, "But now the war is over and your actual son, Ron, he's a war hero with fangirls queuing at the door, so what does it matter if he knocked one up, right? And your adopted kids, Harry and Hermione, saved the wizarding world. What does it matter that they were shagging each other all the way through it when Harry and I were supposed to be waiting for each other? You wanted to know the real reason I didn't marry Harry? Well, that's it!"
"Ginevra-"
"No! Ginny snapped, "I'm done listening to this! You've welcomed Draco Malfoy into this family, without a care in the world for what he did in the war and the fact he was a Death Eater. But you don't want me to marry Blaise because the Zabini's have a questionable idea of family? Well, do you know what? Zara Zabini has got it right because she doesn't give a shit if her children are gay or straight if they are married or sleep around. All she wants is for them to be provided for and happy. That's all a mother should want, but all you have ever done is judged! When you thought Charlie was gay, you were outraged, and god forbid your reaction if Fred and George had told you that they both wanted to date the same girl, right? The Zabini's are a normal family; they are just far more liberal than this one will ever be!"
And with that, Ginny stalked out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
When Ginny got to High Top House, an elf let her in, and she was met almost immediately by Blanche.
"Are you okay?"
Ginny sighed and shook her head, "No, I just lost my temper at my mother and stormed out."
Blanche rolled her eyes, "Come on. You're like five months pregnant. You can't do shit like that, or you could lose the baby."
Ginny yanked her arm away, "How do you know so much about it?"
"My best friend got pregnant in her seventh year at Hogwarts and gave birth in a bathroom prematurely because she was terrified to tell her parents," Blanche shot back, "I know a thing or two about pregnancy."
"Right," Ginny said, "Sorry."
"It's fine," Blanche said. She led Ginny upstairs and yanked open a door that led into a large, airy bedroom, "Come on."
Ginny stepped inside and looked around. It was evident from the pictures all over the place that this was Blanche's bedroom. The photographs featured the same girl; she had dark blonde hair and big brown eyes.
"Is that your best friend?" Ginny asked.
"Yep," Blanche replied, "Lie down."
Ginny did so, "What happened to her baby?"
"It was adopted," Blanche replied, "Her parents never did find out. Severus and the Headmaster kept very quiet about it."
"Why was she so afraid to tell them?" Ginny asked as Blanche cast her wand over her, "And I can do a diagnostic charm myself, you know? I was a healer during the war."
"I'm a qualified one," Blanche said, shooting Ginny a smile, "It's what I trained in after school, but I want to be an Auror, so I'm pursuing my own path, regardless of what my mother thinks. And as for my friend, she was afraid to tell them because her father is a political man, a baby born out of wedlock would have destroyed his career."
"Couldn't she just have married the guy?" Ginny mused.
Blanche shook her head, "No way on this green earth. I'd have let that happen. She didn't get pregnant by choice. She was raped."
Ginny's eyes widened, "Oh my god, that's horrible. Is she…is she okay now?"
Blanche's eyes darkened, "No, she's gone."
From the way Blanche had said 'gone', Ginny assumed that meant that she hadn't just left the country, but she didn't want to ask.
"Mother thinks that's when I spiralled out of control," Blanche said with a roll of her eyes, "But finding your best friends body will do that to you."
Ginny shook her head, "I'm so sorry, Blanche, that's awful. I mean, I know it's not comparable, but I…I changed after the war. I spent a year fixing up injured kids and trying to keep Neville sane while he led this rebellion, then my brother-"
"I know," Blanche said, she gripped Ginny's shoulder, "You don't have to talk about that. I liked Fred a lot. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you."
Ginny sighed and shut her eyes, trying to block out memories from the battle.
"Have you been struggling with nightmares more since you fell pregnant?" Blanche asked curiously.
Ginny opened her eyes, "Yeah, I have them all of the time, and they are so-"
"Vivid?" Blanche finished.
Ginny nodded.
"I can give you a pregnancy-safe sleeping draught for that," She said. Her wand buzzed, and she smiled, "And you are all good. The babies heartbeat is a tad fast, but it's probably just thinking, what the fuck Mum? After your fight with your mum."
Ginny laughed at that.
"Was it about the baby?" Blanche asked.
"It was about Blaise," Ginny said, "I told her that I was seriously thinking of marrying him."
"You should, you know?" Blanche said. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and Ginny pushed herself up into a sitting position, "Of all my brothers, I like Blaise the most. Maybe it's because we're closest in ages, I don't know. But he's nice, and not fake nice, but just so kind."
Ginny nodded, "Yeah, he is," she agreed.
"And he adores you," Blanche said with a smile, "That much is clear. Whether your relationship stayed sexual forever or became more of a partnership, he would understand."
"Isn't that a farce, though?" Ginny asked, looking over at her, "Like living a lie?"
"Is it a farce?" Blanche said with a smile, "Or is it just making the best of the situation that you find yourself in? Purebloods, we marry for status or money all of the time. Marrying someone you love to give your kid a good life is one of the better reasons to marry."
Ginny pondered on that for a moment, and Blanche said, "And I'm sorry for what I said to you the other day, you know? I was out of line. I can't judge you for sleeping with a few guys when I slept my way through all the gay and bisexual girls in my year, and even some of the straight ones," she joked.
Ginny smiled weakly, "Did you always know? That you liked girls, I mean?"
"Yeah," Blanche said honestly, "I slept with a guy one time, wasn't much to shout about, really."
"Please tell me it wasn't one of my brothers," Ginny grimaced.
"No, Belinda had a thing for the Weasley boys, not me," Blanche chuckled.
"Yeah, so I heard," Ginny said with a shake of her head.
"If you want to look your brothers in the eye again, never ask her about the summer she spent in Egypt," Blanche advised.
"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick," Ginny said in disgust.
Blanche chuckled, "But come to think of it, my one shitty experience with a guy…it was with your brothers best friend."
Ginny frowned, "Lee Jordan?"
"For all my sins," Blanche said with a roll of her eyes, "A Gryffindor in the Quidditch changing rooms. What a tacky way to lose your virginity, right?"
Ginny snorted, "I can beat it. Michael Corner in a broom cupboard on the fifth floor. It lasted for less than ten minutes."
Blanche laughed, "That is definitely worse. Are you feeling up to movement?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Ginny replied as she pushed herself to her feet.
"Good," Blanche chirped, "Let's go and find my mother so you can tell her that you accept Blaise's marriage proposal."
"Shouldn't I tell Blaise first?" Ginny frowned.
"No, Mother is the one arranging it all. Blaise will just shrug and say, okay, you have met him, haven't you?"
Ginny laughed and let Blanche hook her arm through hers as they left the bedroom together.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"Alright. Are you three ready?"
"This is ridiculous," Draco remarked from where he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
"No, it's essential," Hermione corrected him, "Because if any of you say something stupid in front of a room full of Muggles, you are breaking the Statute of Secrecy."
"And therefore the law," Harry said matter of factly.
"So you're judging us on our ability to be Muggles?" Daphne asked in amusement.
"Precisely babe," Harry said with a smirk, "For your own good."
"And our amusement," Lilly said with a wink in Neville's direction.
"You're first Draco," Hermione said with a slightly wicked smile, "So when they ask you what your job is, what do you say?"
Draco rolled his eyes and drawled, "I work for the government."
Lilly, who was a dreadful actress, put on a ridiculous posh person voice (she was from the East End of London), "Oh, what department of the government?"
"The Ministry of Defence," Draco replied, his lips quirked up in amusement.
"And what does that entail?" Harry asked with a grin.
"I'm afraid I can't answer that," Draco said very matter of factly, "It's classified."
"Are you like James Bond or something?" Hermione asked through her laughter.
Draco frowned, "Uh, what is James Bond?"
"See! All Muggles know who James Bond is!" Lilly exclaimed.
"Even I've seen some James Bond films, Draco," Neville said in amusement, "He's a British spy. Like the Muggle equivalent of a Hit Wizard, I guess."
"Right," Draco said, "And how do I answer that question, Hermione?"
"You laugh and say, oh no, it's very boring," Hermione said with a wave of her hand, "Or something like that anyway."
"Now, Draco. What do you say if you are asked where you went to school?" Harry asked the blond boy.
"I went to a private school in Scotland," Draco replied.
"Oh, is that where you met Hermione?" Harry asked.
"Uh, yes it is," Draco guessed.
"Hermione's cover story is an all-girls private school, Draco," Lilly said with an amused grin.
"Well, how was I to know that?" Draco exclaimed, "I know as much as possible about the real Hermione, not the fake Hermione!"
Hermione laughed, "I know Draco. That's why we are doing this. Tell them that you went to a nearby all-boys school."
"How did we meet then?" Draco asked with a frown.
"I punched you in the face on a night out," Hermione said thoughtfully, "You thought it was pretty hot, so you started following me around. We went to a party together the following year, but we didn't get together until our last year of school."
"Alright," Draco frowned, "What if they ask how I proposed?"
"Say that our schools are a partnership," Lilly piped up, "So they have a joint prom. Then tell them the truth that you proposed at prom."
"Okay...is there anything else I should know? Or anything else I shouldn't say?" Draco asked in exasperation.
"What do you do in your spare time?" Hermione asked, "What would you say to that?"
"I play sports," Draco replied.
"Oh, like football?"
"No way, I hate football," Draco said distastefully. It was the only Muggle sport he did know anything about.
"Ah, cricket then?"
"How the fuck can you play a small irritating bug?" Draco asked loudly.
Harry burst out laughing, "It's the name of a sport Draco. Don't you know anything about cricket?"
"No," Draco said in disbelief, "Can't you just quickly explain the rules?"
Hermione snorted, "There is no way to explain the rules of cricket quickly. But if there's a lull in conversation tonight, by all means, ask someone to do that. It will keep you occupied all night."
"So I don't play cricket then?" Draco asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No, you would never be able to carry off that lie," Harry grinned, "We need to give you an easy sport to talk about...something like golf."
"Golf?" Draco asked with a frown.
"It's a sport," Lilly explained, "A very boring one. You hold a golf club, and you hit a ball into 18 little holes in the ground. Sometimes the hole is farther away. Sometimes there is sand or water for the ball to get stuck in. But ultimately, all you do is hit it into a hole."
"Like Quidditch but with only a quaffle and on the ground with a smaller hole," Draco said with a nod, "Easy. I can do that."
"Perfect," Hermione said in amusement, "You pass the test. You are officially allowed to speak to Muggles. Daph, you're next."
Daphne stepped forward and raised an eyebrow at her friends, "Go for it then."
"What do you say if you are asked what you do for a living?" Lilly asked her friend.
"I work in a bank," Daphne replied matter of factly.
"Oh, what do you do there?" Hermione asked.
"I'm a Curse Breaker."
Harry let his head fall onto the table with a thump as he laughed loudly, "You can't say that! If you tell a Muggle you're a Curse Breaker, they'll think you're Indiana bloody Jones! Curse Breakers don't work in banks in the Muggle world, Daph!"
"What do they do then?" Daphne asked irritably.
"Well, they don't have to go into dangerous dark magic vaults after a family has died out and examine their possessions for curses. They also don't get contracted by the bank to go into old wizarding households and break curses or wards," Hermione said in amusement.
"Generally, they are explorers or archaeologists in the Muggle world," Lilly laughed, "Exactly like Indiana Jones."
"So what do I say that I do then?" Daphne asked as she crossed her arms.
"Just say that you're a secretary in a bank," Harry said with a wave of his hand.
"A secretary?" Daphne asked dryly, "I have been accepted into one of the most elite programmes in the UK! Under the instruction of Bill bloody Weasley himself! I mean, he's only the most amazing curse breaker this country has ever seen! I am not a secretary!"
"What else can we say she does that's a bit more inventive?" Harry muttered.
"We'll have to think of something to keep her quiet," Hermione murmured back.
"I can hear you guys, you know!" Daphne snapped, but she didn't look too angry as she raised an eyebrow at her friends.
"Alright then, Daphne," Lilly said in amusement, "You don't work in a bank. You're an explorer and an archaeologist. You travel the world looking for old artefacts, alright?"
"Alright," Daphne agreed, "I travel the world looking for old artefacts, and then I break curses on them-"
"- No!" Harry interjected as he laughed uncontrollably, "You don't mention the curse-breaking thing, ever! Most Muggles think that's nonsense!"
"Well, you never mentioned that before!" Daphne exclaimed as even Draco and Neville cracked up on either side of her.
"We're telling you now," Hermione chuckled, "Don't mention the curses. Talk about countries where you get curses, like Egypt and Peru. But don't mention the curses."
"Alright, I get it!" Daphne said with a roll of her eyes, "What else do I need to know?"
"Where and how did you and Hermione meet?" Lilly asked calmly.
"Uh, we went to the same school," Daphne replied, "But we weren't in the same house, so we didn't share a dorm. We met in Ancient Runes - shit, no I mean uh foreign language - class."
"And how did you meet Harry?" Hermione asked, "Because you didn't go to the same school, remember?"
"I know, I know," Daphne said offhandedly, "Draco is my friend because I met him through you when you started dating him. And Harry is Draco's best friend, so when you guys started dating, I met Harry, and we fell in love, blah blah blah."
Lilly grinned, "Perfect. So what do you do in your spare time?"
"I read," Daphne replied.
"Oh, what authors do you like?" Hermione asked. She knew that Daphne really could answer this one easily.
"I like the classic stuff mostly. Horror, romance, mystery. The Bronte sisters, Edgar Allan Poe, Jane Austin, Jules Verne, oh and Tolkien obviously."
"Great," Harry chuckled, "You'll do just fine. Just talk about Muggle literature and-"
"- Don't mention curse breaking, I get it," Daphne said with a roll of her eyes, but a smile was playing on her lips.
"Right," Lilly laughed, "Last but certainly not least! Will Neville Longbottom take to the stage?"
Neville chuckled as he stepped into the middle of the dancefloor and surveyed the three people sitting behind the desk, "Ask away, my lady."
Lilly chuckled at that, "So Neville. What do you do for a living?"
"I work in the government," Neville said matter of factly.
"Ah, which department?" Harry asked.
"The Ministry of Defence," Neville replied.
"Okay, what do you do there?" Hermione asked in her best posh voice. She had kind of lost her accent since starting Hogwarts.
"Can't say," Neville said with a grin, "It's classified."
"Oh wow, so you're like a spy?" Lilly asked in a false fan girl voice.
"It's all a bit James Bond at times, yeah," Neville replied smoothly.
"You can't say that," Lilly laughed, "You can't go around pretending to be James Bond!"
"But James Bond is cool!" Neville exclaimed.
"That doesn't mean you can say you're a spy just for the sake of it," Hermione said as Harry laughed uncontrollably once more, "You have to say the same thing as Draco. Say it's all boring paperwork mostly."
"Fine," Neville said, "What else do I need to answer?"
"Where did you go to school?" Hermione asked.
"A private school in Scotland with Draco and Harry," Neville replied.
"And how did you meet Hermione then?" Lilly asked.
"Oh, we've been friends for years since we were eleven," Neville said.
Hermione looked at her friend fondly, "Neville, you can't say that. If we went to separate schools, we wouldn't have become friends that quickly."
"Right," Neville said sheepishly, "That's a good point. What do I say?"
"Say you met me through Draco when we started dating," Hermione laughed.
"Next question. How did you meet me?" Lilly asked with a smirk.
"Uh," Neville floundered, "We met because you were friends with Hermione, and she started dating Draco?"
"That will do," Harry said with a smirk, "What do you do in your spare time, Neville?"
"Well, I love Herbology," Neville said brightly.
Lilly let her head drop onto the table in exasperation, "You can't say that! They'll think you're mental. Tell them that you like gardening."
"And that you have an allotment," Hermione added through her chuckles.
"What the hell is an allotment?" Neville asked in disbelief.
"Right," Lilly said with a grin, "People with houses that don't have gardens sometimes get given bits of land by the local government. They can plant fruit and vegetables there, or just plants in general. It's like a greenhouse, but it's outside, and the plants don't try and eat you."
"And if people ask you what kind of things you plant there, don't tell them anything wizarding," Harry added, "Say that Audrey, your creepy venomous tentacula thing, is a Venus Fly Trap."
"A what?" Neville asked bluntly.
"A Venus Fly Trap," Hermione said with a smile, "It's a plant that eats flies, it has a mouth, but it can't hurt humans."
"Unlike a venomous tentacula," Lilly said in amusement.
"As Theo would know," Draco chuckled. Theo was still on his two-week honeymoon with Sadie at the moment, which was probably a good thing. He would certainly have broken the Statute of Secrecy if he had been allowed to attend the party.
"Is there anything else?" Neville asked in amusement.
"Nope, you pass the test, just," Lilly grinned.
"There is one more thing," Harry said, "And I'm directing this at Draco and Neville more than you, Daphne. We'll take the motorbikes, but we can't fly."
"How far is Oxford from here by road then?" Daphne asked curiously.
"About an hour," Hermione replied.
"On motorways and country roads," Harry added, "And I've forged driving licences for you both. Terribly illegal, but there we have it. I just need to give you a lesson on how to drive now."
"I know how to drive the bike," Draco scoffed.
"So do I," Neville said with offence, "I've driven it on the road before!"
"Yeah, and you didn't have a grasp on anything about the roads," Lilly said in disbelief, "Like the speed limit or one way systems!"
"Or box junctions," Hermione added, "Which, to be fair, most competent drivers can't bloody work out either."
"You also don't seem capable of filling the bike with petrol," Lilly said with a raised eyebrow, "And also, you drive on one side of the road, not into oncoming traffic."
"The girls are right, so before we go, I'm going to give you both a lesson on the theory of driving on Muggles roads," Harry said with an amused smirk.
"Wonderful," Draco remarked dryly.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"John! What on earth is that noise?"
John frowned up at Elizabeth as she stood in front of the window. There was a loud roaring from outside, like the rev of an engine, "It sounds like a car or a motorbike love."
"A motorbike", Elizabeth frowned, "That can't be Hermione, surely. She would never get on something as dangerous as a motorbike."
The room was full of Hermione's aunts, uncles and cousins along with all of their children. They were going to surprise Hermione when she and her friends arrived at the house. Outside, a black and green bike pulled into the driveway and parked. John and Elizabeth stood by the window curiously as the rider pulled off their helmet and shook back their shoulder-length blond hair.
They both gasped when they realised who the rider was, and their shock turned to horror when he helped a woman off of the bike. She pulled her helmet off and shook out her long, curly mane of hair. That was the final straw for John and Elizabeth; they abandoned their surprise plan and swiftly made their way out into the front garden.
"Hermione!" Elizabeth exclaimed, "I thought you had more common sense than to get on a death trap like that!"
"And had I known you had a motorbike, I would not have given you my blessing so easily, Draco!" John snapped in agreement.
"It's fine," Hermione said as she tried not to roll her eyes, "Draco's a good driver."
"I don't care how good a driver he is, Hermione!" John remarked, "Do you know how dangerous motorbikes are?"
Hermione opened her mouth to reply when the loud rev of another engine filled the street. She had to hide her smirk as her family moved to the window and the door to see what the fuss was about. A black motorbike pulled into the drive and parked next to Draco's. John and Elizabeth were looking relatively faint as Harry and Daphne got off the bike and shook their hair out as they did so.
"Harry!" Elizabeth said in disbelief, "I would have thought you of all people would have more sense than to ride something as dangerous as a motorbike!"
"Sorry, Mrs Granger," Harry said sheepishly, "I like the adrenaline rush."
"But we drove to the speed limit, Mrs Granger," Daphne assured the woman, "That's actually why we're late. Draco wouldn't go above 50 miles an hour on the motorway."
Elizabeth's eyes flashed angrily, and she opened her mouth to voice her opinion when a third loud rev distracted her.
Neville's red and black bike pulled into the drive, and he parked up on the other side of Draco's bike.
"Oh, for the love of Jesus!" Elizabeth exclaimed under her breath.
Neville jumped off of the bike after he had shut the engine off and helped his minuscule girlfriend jump down. They took their helmets off, and at this point, John was looking slightly amused, but Elizabeth looked like she was going to blow her top at any moment.
"Neville! Honestly, Hermione told me that she had responsible friends!" Elizabeth breathed.
"Sorry, Mrs Granger," Neville said somewhat sheepishly as he put his arm around Lilly, "By the way, this is my girlfriend Lilly; I don't think you've met."
"We haven't," Elizabeth said, "But it's lovely to meet you, Lilly."
"You too, Mrs Granger," Lilly said with a slight smile.
Elizabeth's cheeks were fairly red as she turned her eyes toward her daughter, "You and I will be talking about this later, Hermione," she said in an undertone.
"Understood," Hermione muttered under her breath, "Can we go inside and join my surprise party now?"
John chuckled at his daughter's sassiness, but Elizabeth looked affronted by it. She didn't get in trouble, though, because John walked over to her and hugged her, "Of course we can. Come on in, sweetheart."
They all walked into the living room, and Hermione's family shouted a belated and out of sync, "Surprise!"
Hermione laughed and waved to them all as she kicked her shoes off in the hallway. As her friends all stood around her, she whispered, "Draco, please tell me you are wearing a long-sleeved shirt."
Draco frowned, "No, I'm wearing a short-sleeved shirt. Why?"
"Don't take your jacket off," Hermione muttered, "You know why."
"They'll ask me to take it off," Draco whispered, "I'd be rude not to."
"Just say you don't want to," Hermione snapped, "Say you're cold."
"Alright," Draco said quickly as he kicked off his shoes while everybody else hung up their coats.
"Won't you take your coat off, Draco?" Elizabeth asked politely as the others made their way into the living room.
"Uh, I'd rather not," Draco replied.
"And why is that?" She asked curiously.
"Well, I'm a little cold," Draco lied.
"In July?" Elizabeth asked with a chuckle, "Heavens, don't be silly. Do take your coat off."
"I... uh…like I said. I'd rather not," Draco said as he swallowed.
"I'm starting to think that you have something to hide, Draco," Elizabeth said as she narrowed her eyes at the wizard.
"No," Draco lied, "I just...like my coat."
"That is a terrible excuse," Elizabeth said, and for a reasonably short woman, she managed to be very intimidating, "So please take your coat off Draco."
Draco grimaced as he slipped his coat off, and Elizabeth's eyes immediately went to his forearms. Her face paled, "What is that?"
"It's a tattoo," Draco said weakly as he looked at the image on his left forearm, "Of a dragon."
"A dragon?" Elizabeth half shrieked.
"Because my name means dragon," Draco continued.
"Motorbikes and tattoos!" Elizabeth said as she turned her gaze to her daughter, "We will certainly be talking about this later young lady!"
Hermione rolled her eyes, "What's the big deal about tattoos, Mum? Everybody has them!"
"Do you have them?" Elizabeth asked hotly.
"No, but my friends all do," Hermione said offhandedly.
"Do you have a tattoo, Harry?" Elizabeth asked sharply.
"Uh, no," Harry lied badly.
"Where is it?" Elizabeth asked simply.
Harry bit his lip. Hermione's mother was scary; he could see where she got it from, "It's on my arm...in the same place as Draco's."
"And is it also a dragon?"
"No, it's a Phoenix..." Harry said sheepishly.
"And you Neville?" Elizabeth asked as she spun around to look at the boy.
Neville looked quite terrified as he replied, "Uh, yes. Harry, Draco and I got them at the same time in the same place...mine is of a lion."
"A lion," Elizabeth tutted, "I don't suppose you respectable ladies have tattoos?"
"I have a lightning bolt on my wrist," Daphne admitted as she showed Elizabeth the underside of her wrist, "Because my cat is called lightning..."
Harry shot her an amused smirk. He knew her lightning bolt tattoo had a double meaning.
"I hate to disappoint you, Mrs Granger," Lilly said sheepishly, "But I have a raven tattoo on my foot..."
Elizabeth sighed, "Well if you all have them and you all did so well in school, I suppose I cannot argue with you. But you and I will still be having words later, Hermione."
"Yes, Mother," Hermione muttered.
"Don't you mutter at me, young lady," Elizabeth said quietly as she slipped past them to the kitchen to grab drinks.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"I can't believe you managed to get away with that!" Lilly grinned.
"What do you mean?" Neville asked cluelessly as they sat in the little bar area of Potter Manor later that night.
"You told one of Hermione's cousins that Nessie was a Kelpie and then managed to convince her, a veterinary student, that a Kelpie was a variation of the Kraken and that it was a mythological beast," Lilly exclaimed.
"Well, I realised my mistake when I said Kelpie," Neville said sheepishly, "I just had to try and find a way to fix it."
"She did look at you like you were mad for the rest of the night," Harry laughed.
"Well, she didn't think you were that mad," Daphne said with a chuckle, "Hermione's Uncle wanted to send me off to the loony bin."
"You did tell him that your biggest goal was to break the curse on the long lost tomb of the ancient sorcerer Amun-Ra," Hermione pointed out.
"I know," Daphne cringed, "But I didn't realise it would sound that crazy. I thought Muggles believed in exploring tombs and things."
"Yeah, but we told you not to mention curses," Harry said through his chuckles.
"And what did you go and do? Mention a curse!" Lilly laughed loudly.
Draco grinned, "So what you are saying is that I was the only pureblood who didn't fuck up tonight."
Hermione grinned, "I don't know if I would go that far. You did get cricket and golf mixed up..."
"How was I supposed to know the difference between a golf club and a bat?" Draco asked defensively.
"Or a wicket and a hole for that matter," Harry laughed, "Which are very different by the way."
Draco rolled his eyes, "Hey, I think I did alright compared to Neville."
"Yeah, you were pretty dreadful," Lilly said as she glanced at her boyfriend.
"I don't have to deal with Muggles normally," Neville shrugged, "So I tried to go off of what I knew from films..."
"Yeah, I got that impression when you were talking to my aunt who lived in the Pacific, and you asked her if she had ever been to that island where the dinosaurs were reborn," Hermione laughed, "She looked at you like you were either an idiot or a crazy person."
"Thank god he didn't talk to your Irish cousin about the Titanic," Harry said through his laughter.
"Yeah, Neville, Kate Winslet wasn't on board the Titanic," Lilly grinned, "And neither was Leonardo DiCaprio."
"You mean Jack, right?" Neville asked curiously.
"Yeah, the actor who plays him is called Leonardo Di - you know what, never mind," Lilly said as she laughed at the blank look on Neville's face.
"Muggles are quite difficult," Neville yawned, "I'm exhausted after today."
"You're going to have to get used to it," Lilly pointed out in amusement, "I know my mum and dads know about you being a wizard and all. But you'll have to meet my muggle family at some stage; you know my aunts, uncles and cousins? And they won't know."
"Well, I'll jump over that hurdle when I get to it," Neville said with a slight smile at his girlfriend, "But in the meantime, I guess I'll just watch more Muggle films."
"Contrary to wizarding belief, they aren't actually an accurate representation of muggle culture," Lilly laughed, "Ask Theo that, and he'll tell you that they only watch films in every Muggle Studies class because the teachers are generally washed-up hippies."
"Well, at least Theo paid enough attention to work out that much in Muggle Studies," Harry said, and the others laughed at the comment. They were missing Sadie and Theo a little, but their group was so large that it could hold up just fine even with the absence of two members.
Harry, Draco and Neville suspected that Theo wouldn't be happy when he got back and found out that his friends had gotten tattoos without him, and he would probably jump on the bandwagon and get one too. He still had one week of his honeymoon to go, and when he returned, the four of them would all be leaving their other halves for a weekend. They would be spending it on the Auror training base to be a part of the selection process. They had been training hard, jogging, eating better than usual and working out.
They knew it would be intense, and they all wanted to make sure that they did their best to get accepted. Those going into Auror training started earlier than everyone else, whose courses began around the start of August on the whole. It meant that they were spending all of their free time lounging around watching movies (or, in Neville and Lilly's case, building a greenhouse) while Sadie and Theo were honeymooning in Paris.
As the evening wore on, Daphne found herself alone with Draco, "Do you think he drinks too much since we got home?"
Draco frowned, "Who? Harry?"
Daphne nodded and cast her eyes over Harry. He was standing at the bar with Neville, laughing and knocking back a firewhiskey.
"No, he's just enjoying himself. What's wrong with that?" Draco asked.
Daphne sighed, "I don't know, maybe I'm just seeing things that aren't there because my father was alcohol dependant when he was going through his gambling addiction, but…it's every night since we left school Draco. He's either drinking with you, Nev or Theo, or he has a glass of firewhiskey before bed."
"It probably helps him sleep. That's kind of to be expected," Draco shrugged.
"He didn't need it to sleep when we were at school," Daphne pointed out.
"Come on, Daph," Draco laughed, "You're not seriously thinking he's an alcoholic, are you? He's Harry Potter; he's perfect."
"No, he's not," Daphne said. She set her glass of wine down on the table to look at Draco, "He's just Harry, and he's human and a little bit broken, just like the rest of us."
Draco met her eye, "Still…."
"I'll keep an eye on it," Daphne said, "But I would appreciate it if you would do the same."
"Yeah," Draco said sincerely, "I will."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"When Theo comes back, you and him will have to keep these in your mouth for a month," Harry said late that night as he sat up with the boys after the girls had gone to bed.
"Leaves?" Draco asked with a frown.
"Mandrake leaves," Neville said, "For becoming an Animagus like Harry."
"Exactly," Harry grinned.
Draco's eyes widened, "Seriously?"
"Uh-huh," Harry said with a smug grin, "The girls didn't really work on the potion properly until after graduation, but they've got it to the point where it's nearly finished. It needs to stew for two weeks before they add the final ingredient, and then it has to stew for another two weeks. After that, it will keep for a month, so if you guys pop them in your mouth at the same time, you'll all be Animagi in just over a month."
Draco grinned, "That's cool. I just wish I didn't have to wait for Theo."
"You know he'd go mental if we didn't," Neville laughed.
"He's going to be pissed enough about the tattoos," Harry laughed.
"Well, if he will go away and sleep with his wife on a beach for two weeks, of course, he's going to miss the fun!" Draco joked.
Harry snorted, "I wouldn't tell Sadie that's how you think they're spending their honeymoon."
"I've not heard from Sadie," Draco admitted in amusement, "I've been sending Theo cuttings from the prophet to keep him up to date with the Quidditch league. Sadie banned newspapers."
Neville snorted in amusement, "So you're his black market newspaper supply guy now?" he joked.
"Exactly," Draco smirked, 'Draco Malf - shit, it's Black now - Draco Black, criminal extraordinaire."
Harry barked out a laugh at his friend's behaviour, "Try Draco Malfoy, extraordinary arsehole."
"Oi, I resent that Scarhead!"
* ~ TBC ~ *