"Norma, Gina, I hate to admit it but this cake is even better than mine," Red praised, using her fork to scrape a line of frosting off of her plate and then lick it clean.
The three of them were standing together in the kitchen that was deserted of people aside from themselves. Every inch of the place was immaculate. Red had spent the last week cleaning and organizing every inch of the place. Leaving notes for the two friends she was leaving behind and making sure everything would continue to run like a well oiled machine even after she left tomorrow.
Though her efforts were quite unnecessary. Norma had been by her side for two decades and Gina had worked with them for nearly ten. However, they could tell reorganizing everything that was already organized was making Red feel a little bit more in control, so they humoured her. Even if she was happy to be getting out, for the longest time this prison had been home. It was familiar to Red and, thanks to her resourcefulness, it had been moderately comfortable and pleasant. She had figured out how to do time, and now she needed to learn if she could do life again.
"We won't let you down," Gina told her for at least the seventh time in just as many days. Norma nodded her head reassuringly.
"I gave you my number," Red reminded her. "You can call me if you have any questions. Norma, you can write."
She already missed both of them and the thought of letting go of what she had inside, brought back reminder pains about how hard it had been to lose her family and freedom all those years ago. It might be hard to believe, but this hurt the same way. She was struggling to let go of her grip on normalcy, which sadly wasn't the real world to her anymore. What felt natural to Red was the culture of prison. Of the respect she'd earned inside, of the work she put in everyday to keep this community running, of her strict schedule, and the fishbowl reality that came from living in a dorm with so many other women.
"We'll keep in touch," Gina promised. "I'll come see you when I get out in four years."
It made Red feel a bit better to hear that, but they all knew that was unlikely to be the case. Nearly everyone looked away once they got released from prison. She had had countless of her girls swear to keep in touch and despite all this time, only one of them had kept her word. It was understandable, but still hard for Red to imagine that she'd ever be capable of walking out those doors tomorrow and truly never looking back. Even the mere thought of that, made her feel uneasy.
"Well, this was very nice. Thank you," Red stammered, not sounding at all like her usual confident self.
She brushed some crumbs off of her lips and went to put her dishes in the sink. Norma had surprised her with dessert that night, after everyone else had gone back to their dormitories. For the past hour, the three of them had sat together to eat cake and drink coffee, and be happy. Red had no way of knowing what tomorrow would bring, though her mind was run wild with all the possibilities. These final minutes in the kitchen that she had devoted her all to were some of the most bittersweet she could recall.
"I just remembered I need to make a phone call," Red told them, running her index finger across her bottom lip. "I'll come find you in the morning though, huh? Say goodbye."
She left before her emotions got the better of her and walked close to the wall with her hand sliding across it. Her heart was pounding and her head felt light. She could still taste the icing on her tongue. She was relieved that the phones were mostly unoccupied right now. Everyone was typically already in their dorms by this time, which resonated with Red who had fallen asleep all week thinking about how it was going to feel to sleep in her own bed at home again.
Everything was already arranged, though she had waited until the last minute to tell Dmitri the logistics about what date and time he could come get her. She hadn't wanted to get her hopes up, she still was in disbelief about how she was actually going to be allowed to just walk out of this place tomorrow. Although, since nobody had come forward yet to claim that she was mistaken, she finally felt secure enough to let Nicky in on the news.
"I'm going to give you a couple days to settle in, but I'm going to be by on Friday night at six o'clock to take you out to dinner," Nicky told her over the phone, and Red smiled.
She had been pretty positive that Nicky would want to see her, but it still made her feel better to have it confirmed. The two of them had stayed in touch off and on since Nicky had been released. Nicky had even come up to visit her a handful of times once her probation officer permitted it, and it had been reassuring to both of them to see that the bond between them was genuine.
Even if they weren't without their differences, Nicky had taken any opportunity to talk in all seriousness with Red about their problems and it had only made them grow closer. She'd become Red's most loyal girl, and even more committed to her sobriety as she leaned on her prison mom for support. She'd been doing well enough on the outside as well: adjusting apparently seamlessly to the freedoms in the beautiful apartment her mom bought for her and keeping relatively busy with the little tasks Marka found her to do in the law office she ran.
Nicky still sometimes wondered about Tricia, but as time went on it became easier to forget. Red told her she wasn't responsible for Tricia using, that it was a personal choice and demon to fight. They learned not to mention her and once Red succeeded in getting the drugs to stop coming in, life had returned moderately back to normal.
"I'm going to pick you up in a limo," Nicky announced, becoming even more adamant when Red told her that was ridiculous and unnecessary.
"This is crazy," Red laughed, but she felt much better by the time she hung up the phone.
She knew she could count on Nicky to put a smile on her face, and she loved the idea of going out with her on a Friday night. It was the sort of thing Red had always wanted to do more of in the past, but it had always been a challenge to get someone to do things with her. Dmitri had never wanted to go anywhere but Red already knew she wasn't going to waste a moment of her second chance sitting around letting life pass her by.
"I'll call you later," Red told her. "From home."
It still felt surreal to her, with nervous excited butterflies dancing around in her stomach. She walked down the empty hall slowly, concentrating on the sound of each footstep she took. She didn't expect she would be able to sleep at all tonight, and wasn't very interested in trying. She felt alive with a restless energy and an eagerness to move. Though the sight of Healy coming out of his office brought her to an immediate halt.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked.
"You're lucky I just happened to be passing by right now or you would have missed your chance," Red replied.
Though the air felt heavy between them and she wanted to talk to him as well. It was strange how they had both been here, prisoner and counselor, for all this time together and conversation had always come easy. They were of the same age and both flawed and struggling in different ways. Red had been there for Healy when his mail-order bride left him...and Healy had been there for her since the beginning. Even going as far as to acknowledge the special relationship that had developed between them. They cared for each other. Though her release day approaching had suddenly put them at a loss for words.
"How do you feel?" Healy asked, after he closed the door behind them. He sat, not at his desk, but on the couch pushed up against the wall.
"Well, I just got informed that I'm going to go for my first ride ever in a limo this Friday," Red replied. "So, I guess I'm feeling pretty good."
"That's great," Healy murmured. "You're going to do great."
"I hope," Red said skeptically.
"It's just…" she angled herself towards him in her chair. "I'm going back to a world that doesn't even exist anymore. Dmitri told me they changed all the bus routes around the city. I'm going to get lost if I try to go to the grocery store myself."
"He'll show you," Healy smiled gently. "You'll have it figured out in a day or two."
"Maxsim told me he's getting me this all-in-one cell phone that's also a computer?" Red looked perplexed. "It's like a fancy mobile. He said I need to have one. So, I guess I can call one of them if I can't figure out which bus to get on."
"Text, not call," she corrected herself. "Maxsim said he never answers calls. Who buys a phone for the purpose of not answering it when it rings?"
"Probably most people nowadays," Healy laughed at that. "The only calls I get are from work or my doctor telling me I need to come get my blood pressure checked. I don't think anyone likes the sound of a phone ringing anymore."
"Strange," Red shook her head. "It's like waking up from a twenty-year-long coma. Vasily was only sixteen when I came here...and now he's a married man with three children."
"Who you must be very eager to meet," Healy said.
She beamed at that. "They're still young," she told him happily.
"I know," Healy smiled. "And you get to watch them grow up."
"It's just so surreal," she admitted, pursing her lips. "I feel like I could have a heart attack. My chest is so tight I can barely breathe. I think I made the best of what was. I didn't roll over and spend all these years feeling sorry for myself, but getting back to them was always what I wanted. Sometimes I forgot that all of this was just supposed to be temporary. It's easy to forget that there's a life not just in here. And now I'm not sure what to do with it."
"Well...from having the privilege of knowing you, I can say with certainty that you have the ability to make the best of almost anything," Healy said thoughtfully. "You evolve. You're resilient. And that's why I know you're going to be okay."
"I'll be fine," Red agreed. "I think it's just going to hit me all at once how much I've missed. I just trained myself not to think about it, I do that a lot."
"Sometimes that's necessary," Healy replied.
"Like with Tricia," Red thought to herself. She'd been tough on her and she'd made choices that she could never have any guarantee were the right ones. She didn't even know where she was anymore or if she'd ever succeeded in getting clean. Healy probably knew, but he'd never volunteered the information and Red had never asked. She was afraid to hear the answer.
"You know that you can always reach out to me about anything, Galina," Healy said. "Not as a counselor, as your friend. I don't want to say goodbye."
"I'm going to miss you," Red said honestly. "Not enough to stick around, but enough to say that you helped me get through this and I'm not sure where I'd be without you."
"And…" she rolled the word off her tongue. "I guess I helped you too, huh? How else would you have known all the mean things your wife said about you in Russian?"
"I probably should have been able to surmise most of it myself," Healy chuckled. "But thank you anyway."
"It was my pleasure," Red smirked. "Sometimes it could be very entertaining."
She left his office feeling a little bit more steady on her feet than she had been before. There was a last time for everything and she was reaching the end of an era. Lying on a bunk in a barren cube because she had already given away all of her possessions to Norma, Gina, and a few others she'd grown close to since their arrival.
She'd been correct in believing that she would not sleep, as she lay awake listening to the sounds of the other women all night until the first light appeared in the sky. Then she decided to get up and go get an early start on breakfast. Her stomach was feeling even more jittery than the previous night, and she knew sitting around waiting to be called would only make her feel worse. Working until it was time made a lot more sense to her. Spending a morning in her kitchen for the last time.