Oh sorry I had to reupload these chapters...

I think I'm not good at writing from Alex's point of view but it makes me mad that this is always about Bobby. Especially those episodes where he is up to find Donny or goes undercover. I know Alex is portrayed as the strong one. Mentally and physically. But I think those events affected her as much as they affected Bobby. Here is my take on the hours after Purgatory. But of cause, it will end in a somehow fluffy way. I just can't help it.

Nightmare

Time: after Purgatory

Character: Alex

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Waves of anger flooded her as she finally drove home that day. How could he do that? How could he just not tell her? She had always been there for him. Always. Whenever there was something with his mother, brother, or mentor it was always her who supported him. She even had helped him to investigate in Tates, putting her carrier aside for his nephew whom she hardly knew. And Bobby didn't know that kid either. But instead of keeping calm and go to a higher authority for investigation, Bobby went down this road of self-destruction for the boy he only knew a few hours for crying out loud! Alex knew it was not fair that she thought that way but she could not stop.

She had been so stupid to offer her help in this. So very stupid. He had taken her down with him, just like everyone had warned her before. The hearings she had gone through after it had not been easy and she found herself defending Bobby's action over and over again. And for what? For a partner who took her for granted? Who gave a shit about her? No call, nothing in the last couple of months. And today… she could still see the gun in his hands.

Her apartment was quiet. Too quiet. She wanted to shout, to throw things but the person she wanted to shout at was not there. No, he was probably at home happy because he got his badge back. Alex closed her eyes, desperate longing for sleep. She wanted the day to end and sleep would be of help. But she could not. The anger still burned her from the inside out. It was almost physical pain.

The drawer next to her bed contained what she needed. An herbal sleeping pill that her sister had once recommended to her. Alex had used it only once and she remembered the deep sleep it had brought. Exactly what she needed now. It was already expired but she didn't waste a thought of it and took two pills.

Half an hour later she felt the anger vanishing and sleep finally took over. Without the anger covering it, her subconscious was now able to show her what was really bugging her.

In her dream, she stormed again in that room and aimed a gun at her partner's head. They were alone. No officers no bad guys just them and she heard the shot. The pain knocked her to the ground she was bleeding. He had shot her! She couldn't believe it. Bobby knelt down, cupping her cheek with his large hand.

He didn't recognize me. He is sorry. He cares about me.

But his face was stern. There was no worry in his eyes no apologies.

"Finish it." Alex heard a soft voice and Nicole appeared behind him. Her hand lay on his shoulder.

"Finish it and we will be together and free, my love."

Alex's eyes grew wide. No, that cannot be happening.

In terror she watched Bobby raising his gun to her forehead. She could feel the cold metal.

"Bobby." She pleaded but he pulled the trigger.

Alex shot up in her bed. The nightmare was gone but the terror was still there. The pills she had taken were already forcing her eyes to close again.

No… no… I don't want that. She thought about vomiting, she really felt like she had to but it would do no good. The drug was already in her blood. And her whole body felt so heavy that she could not get up. It took only minutes for her to lose the fight against the upcoming sleep which dragged her into another nightmare.

She stormed that room, again and again, she was face to face with her partner but she did not recognize him this time. She saw only the gun and reacted to it. She shut two, three, four times and when the man finally fell back she realized in shock that it was him.

"Bobby! Nooo!" She flew down to his side. He was alive, barely.

"Daddy!" Alex's head spun around, a little girl ran into the room and fell down next to Bobby's body. She was crying. Then she looked at Alex: "Mommy is he going to be alright? Mommy?" the girl threw herself in Alex's arms. She hugged her daughter close. In her nightmare, it made sense that they had a daughter. She didn't question it. "Bobby, don't leave us," Alex begged, and when he shut his eyes the scream of the girl woke Alex up again.

Her heart was racing and it was almost impossible for her to control her breathing. And still, she felt the urge to close her eyes. Tired she was so tired… to very…

She grabbed her phone and dialed his number. But she knew he would not answer. He had not done it in the last month. Not once. Why did she do it over and over again?

"Goren."

"Bobby? Where are you?" she asked. He had answered. Everything was going to be good. He would tell her about the undercover mission and they would never end up in this mess. None of this would happen and they could go back to their partnership without…

"Eames? Are you okay?"

"Bobby, I need you, I…" the line went dead and she found herself again at that door. Her phone slipped from her hands. She should draw her weapon but she didn't she knew exactly what was behind that door... They stood in never-ending darkness. Just them.

"Why Bobby?"

He looked at his feet and sadly shook his head. "I have to go now." With that, he turned around and walked away from her.

"No, don't you dare!" she called and hurried behind him. She was running but could not reach him. Even though he walked away with slow steps.

"Bobby, wait, don't leave me! Don't leave me in the dark. Please!"

And suddenly after what felt like hours he stopped and turned around again and his arms opened to her. Now she reached him and he hugged her close.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered.

She cried. Oh, she hated crying but she couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry Alex. Please don't cry, everything is alright. I'm here for you. I always will be."

"Where is she?"

"Who?" he asked confused.

"Our daughter, where is she?"

No answer. "Bobby, where is she?"

"I took her to bed she is already asleep and she is safe."

"Mommy, Daddy?"

They looked up. They were tangled in blankets on the couch and the little girl stood in the door.

"I had a nightmare." Her eyes were big and she had a teddy in her arms.

Bobby waved her over and pulled her in between him and Alex. "What did you dream, princess?" he asked.

"You and Mommy were fighting. And you tow fell apart."

He smiled at Alex before turning his attention to his daughter. "Don't worry about it. There was one time we almost did but it was before you were born. It's fine now."

XXX

"Bobby? Where are you?" Alex's voice sounded terrified. What was wrong? She had been angry at him so he was surprised when he saw the ID of the caller.

"Eames? Are you okay?"

"Bobby, I need you, I…"

"Eames? Hello? Eames?" there was no answer.

Bobby hurried to his car without thinking. Alex was in trouble. He broke several speeding limits on the way to her place and he used his spare keys without thinking. Her apartment was quiet but he heard her voice coming from her bedroom.

"Bobby, wait, don't leave me!" He ran to her bed. Only one look told him what he needed to know. The pills… he knew those. They were harmless but in connection with a troubled mind, they made an almost toxic mixture. "Don't leave me in the dark. Please!"

What had he done to her? This was not fair. He sat next to her, gathering her shaking body in his arms.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered kissing the top of her head.

She cried.

"I'm sorry Alex. Please don't cry, everything is alright. I'm here for you. I always will be."

"Where is she?"

"Who?" he asked confused.

"Our daughter, where is she?"

Bobby was stunned but he knew she was still trapped in a nightmare her subconscious had made up for her. What should he tell her? How old was the daughter? Could he tell her she was out with a friend to play? Or could he tell her that she was in school? "Bobby, where is she?"

"I took her to bed she is already asleep and she is safe."

Alex calmed at his words and he was positive that the nightmare was over now. His as much as hers.