Chapter 3: Revelations

My heart

Is sad and lonely

For you I sigh

For you dear only

Why haven't you

Seen it?

I'm all for you

Body and soul

Emily stood at the stove, stirring the pesto sauce that was a long-standing comfort food in their family. She took a sip of her wine, then stooped down to check the garlic bread in the oven. It was on its way, but not quite done. Emily stood back up and stirred the spoon through the pesto, checking the pot of pasta boiling on another element. Just as she lifted the wooden spoon to her mouth, there was a knock at the door.

Emily quickly turned the oven down a few degrees, to make sure their dinner didn't burn, before she headed down the short hallway to the front door. She checked the peephole and groaned as she stood back up to open the door.

"What are you doing here, Hotch?"

Hotch frowned in reply, not sure what warranted the tone Prentiss was projecting.

"I just came to check and see if you're ok," he replied, "Can I come in?"

Emily stayed in the doorway, holding the door open with her hip, "Shouldn't you be checking on Reid?"

"I did… he's ok," Hotch replied, "So now it's your turn."

Emily rolled her eyes and nodded, standing back and holding the door open for Hotch to walk through.

"Something smells good," Hotch said dryly as he made his way down the hall and into the living room.

"Uh… it's my comfort food," Emily replied, "Vegetarian pesto penne."

Emily turned to the stove and stirred the pesto again, taking time to reduce the heat before she turned back to face Hotch. She watched him looking around her living room, at the photos on the shelves and the memorabilia she collected from her travels. Emily's brow furrowed as she realised the photo he's looking at – of her and Zac when he was learning how to walk – and she knew she needed to divert his attention.

"I'll repeat my question from earlier – what are you doing here, Hotch?"

Hotch spun around to face Prentiss, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking her in the eye.

"Like I said, I wanted to make sure you're ok," Hotch replied. He wasn't lying. He did need to check on Prentiss, make sure that she was ok after everything she'd witnessed over the past few days. He had checked on each of the team members over the past few hours, some with visits (JJ had sat with him in Reid's hospital room, until Hotch decided that he needed to leave, and Garcia had dropped in on the tail-end of that visit), and some with phone calls (Gideon had gone straight to his cabin for a few days, and Morgan was knee-deep in a new construction project).

But there was another motive to his visit - Hotch just wasn't sure if he was ready to share that motive just yet. First, he needed to test the water with Prentiss.

Emily sniffed out and shook her head, "I don't believe you, Hotch… I wasn't kidnapped or assaulted, I didn't have to shoot someone's dogs… I'm fine." Emily paused and walked over to lean on the kitchen counter, "But now you've got me worried about you, Hotch."

Hotch shook his head, "I'm fine."

"You're knocking on my door, asking me if I'm ok, after you've just watched a good friend and colleague get kidnapped and beaten… and killed and brought back to life… by a serial killer," Emily argued.

"It's my job to make sure everyone on the team is ok," Hotch replied, "This was a difficult case, much more difficult than our typical ones, so it would be understandable if someone was having more trouble than others in processing what happened."

Emily shrugged, "I'm really ok... I've been vicariously traumatised by my work long enough that I have my post-case rituals down to a sweet science."

Hotch huffed and nodded, "What are those rituals?"

Emily tipped her head towards the stove, "I make my pesto, enjoy some wine, and binge-watch reality television until my brain turns to mush." Emily's voice trailed off at the end as she studied her boss' face. He looked... defeated. And that was concerning enough for Emily to ignore all of her initial instincts that were telling her to assure Hotch that she was fine and get him to leave as quickly as possible. Instead, she knew she needed to poke until he opened up.

"Hotch..." Emily paused and watched his face carefully, and when she saw him furrow his brow, she knew she was getting to him. "I know you are this big, tough leader and I'm sure you have your own ways of processing, but if you ever need to talk..."

Hotch looked down at his feet and spoke softly when he finally spoke, "Did you mean what you said?"

Emily furrowed her brow, and Hotch sighed before speaking again.

"When you said that I don't trust women as much as men…" Hotch paused, "Do you think I'm a misogynist?"

Emily sighed and reached down to pick up her glass, taking a sip of wine before she answered. She knew her answer had to be honest, but she was worried about how Hotch would respond.

"I don't really know you well enough to answer that question," Emily replied, "And I was stuck for something to say, so I thought about the interactions we've had so far and made a calculated guess."

"I trust you, Prentiss," Hotch stated, "I hope you know that."

Emily frowned and nodded, looking down at her hands, "I know… or at least I'm beginning to know."

"What can I do to prove it?"

"I'm not sure, Hotch," Emily replied, "But the fact that you're asking means a lot."

Hotch nodded and looked up to meet Prentiss' eyes, "I'll keep trying," he said quietly, "If you will."

Emily smiled sadly and opened her mouth to reply, but stopped when the shower started upstairs. Emily bit her lip and watched Hotch, hoping that Zac would stay upstairs until she could get her boss out of her apartment. As she had assured Zac over the years, it wasn't a case of her being ashamed of her son, but she was just starting to trust Hotch and the last thing she wanted was to have to explain why she had kept this secret.

Hotch briefly looked upstairs, but there was no way he could see anything... or anyone. He looked back at Prentiss with an awkward expression on his face. His heart started beating fast in his chest, and he knew he needed to get out of there. He wasn't usually one to disrupt his agents in their personal lives, and he wasn't about to start. As curious as Hotch was about who the someone was, Prentiss deserved her privacy.

"I'm sorry, Prentiss," Hotch said quickly, starting down the hallway, "I didn't realise you had company… I'll leave you to your night."

"Hotch, it's not…" Emily stopped herself halfway down the hall, realising that there was no way to explain to Hotch who was upstairs without revealing her secret. And why should she feel compelled to share this part of her life with him anyway? Emily stayed still, watching Hotch stand in place with his handle on the front door, "Thanks for stopping by… and thanks for trying."

Hotch nodded, keeping his hand on the handle but turning his head to look Prentiss in the eyes, "I'm glad to have you on the team," Hotch said quietly, before he took the final steps through the front door and letting it close behind him.

Emily stood in place and stared at the door, watching the space where Hotch had been standing. Her surprise at his visit was off the charts, and she struggled to process the conversation she'd just had with Hotch. She ran the conversation through her head and bit her lip, thinking about Hotch's question about proving himself. She wasn't sure she'd ever have an answer for him. How could someone earn trust? Time was an obvious factor in that endeavour, and Emily wasn't planning to go anywhere anytime soon. So maybe they just needed to give it time.

Emily was broken from her thoughts by a familiar voice descending the stairs.

"Nothing like the smell of pesto to cheer us up, hey?"

Emily turned and smiled at Zac as he made his way into the kitchen. She let out a sigh and followed him into the kitchen, taking the spoon out of his hand and nodding towards the cabinet.

"Set the table please," Emily directed, smiling as Zac didn't even hesitate to follow her instructions.

"Did I hear someone drop by?" Zac asked as he took plates out of the cabinet.

"Uh… yeah," Emily replied, taking the tray of garlic bread out of the oven and moving the bread into a basket, "Hotch stopped by to check up on me."

"Hotch… you mean the asshole?" Zac asked incredulously, "You mean he might actually have a heart?"

Emily frowned at Zac as she handed him the basket of garlic bread and watched as he took the basket and the pot of pasta from the stove. Emily followed behind with the pesto mix, and they laid everything out on the table, before taking their seats.

"He does have a heart," Emily replied, a little later than she had meant to, resulting in a confused look from Zac, "Hotch… he's not really an asshole and I need you to stop referring to him like that."

Zac nodded, "Ok… I'll stop… you know it's just that I love you right, and I'll defend you to the hill."

Emily reached out to squeeze Zac's hand, "I know sweetheart," she said quietly, "And I will do the same for you… but in this case, my first impression was completely off the mark."

"You're a good egg, Mom," Zac said, scooping a serving of pasta onto the plate Emily held out to him, "You know that right?"

Emily chuckled, "Right back atcha kid."