Chapter 3: Broken

It was a strange feeling for her, being cared for by her former adversaries. It was more comforting than she expected. Compassion like this was something new to her, foreign in every way possible, and ran contrary to everything she was taught before. Even so, she was adamant not to admit this, especially with the waterbender close by.

Soothing water ran along the length of her back, suspended skillfully over her exposed skin. It was like a warm balm, washing away the incessant, numbing feeling of pins and needles jabbing into her spine. She was able to breathe more calmly as she laid on her belly, almost falling blissfully to sleep on a few occasions.

"Feels good?" Sokka's voice roused Azula from her dream-like trance, snapping her back to reality.

"It is adequate," she murmured reluctantly into the crook of her arm. She thought she heard Katara mutter something, but the waterbender carried on with her task regardless.

"Can you… feel anything?" he asked warily.

"Sokka, stop," Katara said sternly before Azula could answer for herself. "She needs to relax."

"Okay, okay." He lowered his voice. "Sorry."

It had never been easy for Azula to relax, but with Sokka around, it was a nearly impossible feat. Something about his presence always made her feel… alert. On edge. And yet, she found herself more comforted around him than without him. It was a strange irony she couldn't quite comprehend.

Well, she may not have been able to feel her legs despite Katara's treatments, but she could certainly feel Sokka's eyes on her bare back. The feeling alone made her cheeks burn hot.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a moment?" Katara asked her brother. "Outside?"

"Yeah, sure - "

"Is everything okay?" Azula questioned.

"Yes, everything's fine," Katara assured. "Nothing to worry about. Just… focus on your breathing for a bit. I'll be back in a second."

Unlike Azula, Katara was not a good liar. Knowing something was up, the firebender strained to listen to their conversation on the other side of the door. Although they were whispering, Azula could make out a good portion of what they were saying.

"Sokka… this isn't working. I-I don't know what I'm doing wrong, she should be healed by now - "

"What are you saying?"

"I… I don't know what else I can do for her."

Then, an uncomfortable, long silence. All the pleasant sensations, whether born from the treatment or Sokka's attention, dwindled and shattered: she didn't know what else she could do? Wasn't she some sort of legendary waterbending healer? Was it all talk, then? How could she not know how to help her? How could she claim she should be healed already instead of working harder…?

Panic seized Azula's heart, powerfully so, as Sokka gave no answers: was he giving up too? Would he decide his sister was right? Oh, who was she kidding, why would she expect them to help her at all? Nonsense, all of it, nonsense. She should climb off this bed already and prove Katara wrong. She had to…

She pushed herself up with an arm, weakly, wanting nothing but to prove she could do this. To prove the waterbender wrong… but the lack of any sensation in her legs seemed determined to do the opposite thing instead.

"She can't be right. She can't be right. She can't…" Azula whispered to herself, though she stopped her impulsive rambling by instinct: she didn't do this sort of thing anymore. No talking to herself. That was a sign of slipping, and she had to keep it together…

Then, at last, she heard him speak again.

"Then maybe someone else can help."

Azula's chest surged with relief.

"Maybe… maybe we could go to the North Pole. Find the oasis water…"

"Sokka, are you serious? They don't give that out willy-nilly, let alone to someone who did so much to help the Fire Nation, and moreover, that's not even the point, Sokka! Her body is… it's healed, as far as I can tell. The chi flows smoothly. There's no way oasis water can fix something that isn't… isn't really broken anymore."

"But that makes no sense! She's tried to walk, Katara, I've helped her in every attempt. She's sincere about trying, I know she is! I mean, really, would she want you to wash her back with funky magic water if she didn't need it? She wouldn't! She needs more help…!"

"Well, then, be my guest and find more, but waterbending healing has already done as much as it can. Maybe… maybe find someone else who knows about this condition. Maybe build her a wheelchair, like Teo's…"

Teo? Who was that? A wheelchair, though… Azula shuddered at the idea, slumping again as she gave up all hope of pushing herself up to her feet. Was that really where this alleged recovery would take her to? Was that truly the full extent of how much she would heal? Maybe… maybe she should have just let Zirin win. Maybe then she'd have other concerns, or rather no concerns at all, if Zirin had succeeded at her quest to rid the world of Azula's presence. But living this way… could she do it? Could she learn how to cope with this new reality?

Could she? Absolutely. Did she want to? That was an entirely different question for her to determine. What was she without every part of herself? Her movements had always been graceful and sublime. It wasn't just her father who had paid those compliments. She was always composed and flawless with her steps and motions, and now it had all been taken away and even the greatest waterbender in the world couldn't find a blasted way to fix her. Despair began to set in, creeping up from her toes and engulfing every inch of her body.

Despair mixed with anger. She let that anger fester. It was better than letting herself go hollow, she thought, but only for a moment. She held onto the notion only until her desire to engulf Zirin in a full dress of fire turned to thinking of burning or stabbing her own legs. They were useless anyways, she might as well.

Katara insisted that they were perfectly healed and yet she couldn't even twitch a damn toe. It was all for show; clean and unscarred, yet broken somehow all the same. Her lip twitched in rage. Sokka and Katara were still out in the hallway. She supposed that that was why it was so easy to lose her composure.

It happened before she truly realized that it did. At first she only slammed her fists against her legs. Repeatedly beating at them with a bruising force. Maybe, just maybe if she hit them hard enough she would feel something. Maybe…

She repressed a cry of anguish and resentment as she raked her nails over her legs, longing for a tingle, a prickle of pain, anything at all.

There was nothing.

Nothing but thin trails of blood.

She pulled her robes back over her legs, but not on time for the consequences of her outburst to go unnoticed.

"Azula, what did you do!?" Sokka shouted.

"What does it look like I did!?"

"Why'd you do that?"

She didn't have an answer for this. "I thought it would...I thought I could…" She didn't have an answer because even she knew that it was foolish. As pointless as trying to rise up from the chair. She could feel her composure slipping and, Agni, did she hope that Katara would leave before it fell away entirely.

"Azula," Sokka muttered ever so softly.

She gave a little jerk when he carefully pulled her into his arms, rubbing his hand up and down her back. She pressed her cheek against his chest and drew in a shaky breath. She just wanted her legs back. She just wanted to be normal again.

"Will you let Katara fix that?" He gestured to the bloody mess.

Silently, Azula hiked the robe up once more and let Katara cover it under a thin layer of water. "I just want to walk again, Sokka."

He brushed the loose strands of hair away from her eyes. He found it very hard to look back into them and the weight of her words struck a deep chord in Sokka that made him choke. She was clawing at hope, and yet so close to giving in to the dark machinations of despair and hopelessness.

His father had the same look as Azula when he begged his mother to not leave this world, shaking her so desperately to wake up. Katara had the same look as well when his father had to put her in the ground. Aang had that look too when he realized he was the last of his kind.

Don't go. Don't leave me. Don't let me be alone. All of it tore at his heart.

He wished he could take their pain away in moments like that, and had tried to before. He wished so desperately to take Azula's pain away too.

The waters glowed as the cuts on Azula's legs were easily healed. Katara flicked her wrists and the water was gracefully willed into the leather container strapped to her back. She rose from her seat without a single word, calmly touching Sokka on the shoulder.

"I'll come back later for another session," she said, "I'll need a fresh batch of clean water."

Azula sighed mournfully, ashamed to even look at the waterbender. "You do that then."

She didn't have the will to jab at her with words, to revel in seeing Sokka's sister get so infuriated over one of her witty remarks.

And so she was surprised when she knelt at her bedside, clasping her hand. Even Sokka was taken off guard by the gesture.

"One day," Katara said, "You and I will fight again. One-on-one, with no one to tell us otherwise. Not Aang, not Zuko, and not even my brother. I'll show you just how good of a bender I've become. And you…" She raised a finger and pointed at her with a smile. "...will walk into an arena, kicking out as much fire as you can summon. Straight at me."

It was the first time that Azula saw the waterbender smile at her. And at no expense to her pride or dignity. She blinked and for a moment her anguish had evaporated, the astonishment from such an audacious and amusing vow blowing it entirely out of her mind.

But when she remembered how the waterbender talked about her behind closed doors, that fleeting moment of hope vanished as easily as it came.

"You give me false promises." Azula scoffed grimly, shaking her head.

"No. She doesn't."

Her gaze then flicked toward Sokka. He looked as if he had been mulling over something, his brow heavily set in deep thought. But when he spoke, he had the conviction of one who wanted to make that promise come true. "We have a friend. His name is Teo."

Teo. The same name she heard out in the hallway. Who was this mysterious Teo and why hadn't she heard of him before? Was he some sort of miracle healer? "And what's so special about this Teo?"

"He became paralyzed from the waist down after a flood destroyed his village when he was an infant. But he's never once let his disability hold him back. In fact, he's one of the most clever and high-spirited people I know. He was a huge asset during the invasion on the day of the eclipse, he can do anything we can - "

"I'm going to stop you there," she cut in. "The invasion during the eclipse was a colossal failure on your part - "

"Well, yes but he - "

"And don't tell me he can do anything you can do with working legs. He can't walk, he can't run, he can't swim, he can't - "

"He can fly."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "He can what?"

"He can fly," he repeated. "His father is a mechanist. He created a glider for Teo, which attaches to his son's wheelchair." A gentle chuckle escaped his lips. "Teo's aerial acrobatic stunts rival Aang's. You've never seen anything like it."

She grew quiet. Too many things were circling through her head.

"So, what do you say? Would you like me to reach out to him?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "Reaching out to him sounds like you've given up on the idea I'll be able to use my legs again."

"I haven't given up hope, Azula," he said reassuringly, taking her hand. "I can promise you that. Think of this as a temporary solution, to give you back some personal freedom."

Well, spirits knew she could use some more freedom, some independence. And maybe she should get used to the fact she'll probably never be able to walk again. If Katara couldn't fix her, then who else could? At least this chair would allow her to stop living in her bedroom.

"Okay," she said, nodding slowly. "Will you write to him for me? Please?"

He smiled softly at her. "Of course."