Lulu Gives Poppy a Bath

In the beginning, there was pain. Poppy curled up into a ball and groaned in agony. The thumping on the side of her head drowned out her first thoughts. Before she could recollect them there were soft footsteps creeping closer. She felt there was something she was supposed to do at that moment.

Poppy gasped and fumbled to her feet, or, attempted to. She fell back and rubbed her eyes open as fast as she could. Through the blurred vision she faced the painful light of midday and a shadowy blur in front of it.

She reached for her hammer, "Stay back. I'll send you flying this time, I mean it."

"Good morning, sunshine!" a familiar voice. A familiar child-like, high-pitched voice followed through with a spoon being banged against a pot. "Wake up! Wake up! It's time for Poppy to wake up!"

Lulu. Poppy whined loudly and covered her sensitive ears. Her thoughts were scattered, and she had hoped that her last memories were just a dream, but sadly, Lulu found her.

"Stop..." Poppy whimpered out, "Let me sleep."

"Is Stink-Butt up?" A more boisterous voice added, poking at Poppy with a familiar tease she remembered only one yordle called her. Tristana. "Lulu, rain down hell water on her, that's an order."

"Yes ma'am!" Lulu responded.

Poppy twisted her body away from the light and her greasy unkempt hair fell over her face. She reached over to scratch her back and began digging into her collar to reach under her armor, but something was amiss. She was in her britches and blouse. As she began to rise, she heard a pan hit the floor.

"Lemme know when you're done Lulu," Said Tristana, "I'll keep the boys away and uh… take care of these elephant knickers."

Poppy looked over and saw Lulu throw down a small pot with warm water and a thimble floating carelessly in it. Not like this—she thought.

Poppy began dragging herself away from the light and deeper into the dirt. She heard Lulu whip her staff around and the muddied yordle increased her desperate pace. But, it was too late, she heard something whiz through the air and then a numbing sensation overtook her for a second and poof. Poppy had been turned into a bunny rabbit, and she flopped over in defeat.

Poppy fought the purple yordle's grip, but her adorable fluff provided none of her usual strength. Lulu waved her staff once more and pointed at the pot and thimble, they rapidly grew to a size of a large tub, with a hand sized thimble to boot. Poppy let out a rabbit screech before being submerged into the waters. This was all it took to revert Poppy to her normal form, alas, it did not revert her pride, and she sat there, defeated by a yordle half her size and a quarter her strength.

"Tsk tsk," Began Lulu, "What a filthy yordle, and you're the one that usually keeps herself the cleanest."

"I had a rough night, Lulu." Responded Tristana as Lulu scrubbed her neck with a sponge. "You wouldn't understand."

"Aw, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Poppy interjected quickly. "Why are you here even? Trist would never come up here to the Frejlord, and she'd never bring you."

"My what a grumpy yordle," Lulu began combing the knots in Poppy's hair, pulling extra hard to pull out the grime. "So, who did it?"

"Did what?"

Suddenly, a sting pierced the back of her head and Poppy yelped.

"Silly Poppy, who bonked you on the head?"

"No one, I tripped and-" Another quick sting as Lulu carefully brushed a painful knot, "Fine fine! I don't know his name, okay? I just met him in the forest."

"What color was his fur?"

"Orange- Wait."

Lulu gasped, "You met another yordle?"

Poppy sighed and rolled her eyes, here it comes, "Yes, Lulu. I met another yordle."

"Was he cute?"

Poppy shrugged.

"Was he tall?"

"For a yordle."

"What color were his eyes?"

"I mean…" Poppy thought about that question for a moment. They were black, but maybe it was just dark that night. But, when he stood on that branch…

"Red. They were red." Poppy said.

"A tall orange yordle with red eyes." Lulu swooned, "What was he wearing?"

"I don't remember, I think he was naked."

"Oolala," Lulu let out a little giggle, "I didn't think you found yourself another like that."

"No- Lulu please. You know, I remember now. He was wearing a loincloth."

"Loincloth…Orange yordle…" Lulu was walking over towards her bag for a towel. "Sounds like Tristana's friend friend!"

"Wait," Poppy splashed around and looked over at Lulu, "Tristana's friend friend?"

"Yeah, they would walk around and… talk. Sorta. And he would give her flowers.

"Oh, that kind of friend?"

"Well, not officially since he's dead now."

"I beg your pardon?"

"He's dead. Gobbled up by a monster. Loincloth, orange, tail, black eyes, handsome tiger face, grrar," Lulu rolled her tongue and carried the towel over her face towards Poppy.

"But, yours had red eyes right? So, it's probably another orange yordle in a loincloth. Or a ghost."

"Ghosts don't hit you over the head with a boomerang."

Lulu gasped, "A poltergeist?"

Poppy paused for a moment in between drying herself. A poltergeist. She shivered, it wasn't the first she's heard of poltergeists.

"I don't know. Do poltergeists touch ears?"

Lulu gasped and her cheeks went red, "Oh my, Poppy." She began waving air into her face.

"What, it's just an ear." Poppy looked away and tried to hide her blushing face. It's just an ear grab, right? Her heart thumped loudly. Right?

"Don't you remember Dinger's classes, Poppy?"

Poppy thought back, all she could remember about Heimer's classes was when she and Tristana would sit in the corner of one room intimidating the other yordles. Trist would allure boys over, and she would pull them in with a noogie and throw them away. She let out a chuckle.

"When two yordles like each other very much they…" Lulu looked around and held her flustered cheeks. "First they hug."

"Uh huh. Where's Trist with my clothes?"

"Then they hold hands. This makes them special friends."

"Right."

"Then comes the smooching…" Lulu paused and squealed with flustered delight. Poppy snapped her fingers to deliver the lesson with haste.

"Then they hold ears."

Poppy paused, her bum at the edge of the bath. "And then?"

"I don't really remember." Lulu poked her finger into her cheek and closed one eye while the other searched for the answer.

"Lulu." blurted out Poppy.

"Oh yeah! Then, the baby is born, tadaa!"

Poppy's eyes widened. "In that order?!"

"Yup!" Lulu cackled out with childlike glee, "But uh… I think something came between ear touching and baby. I don't remember. Whoops."

"Lulu." Called Poppy.

"Old man Ding Dong always said it was very important to wear gloves before-"

"Lulu!"

"Yeeeees?"

"Are you sure this is Trist's… Boyfriend?"

"Idunno, maybe, that's why we're here! I think."

"To…"

"To find the monster that gobbled Gnar and get revenge!" Responded Lulu with gumho, "Well… Sorta. That's what Rumble tells me, but Tristana says he's out there walking around and stuff."

Poppy stared at Lulu who was scratching her noggin, and she heard a familiar whistling from outside the pit. Tristana was coming. She looked at the entrance and called Lulu over.

"Lulu," She whispered.

"Yes Poppy?" Whispered Lulu back.

"Don't tell Tristana about the orange yordle."

"Why?"

"Just pinky promise it to me, okay?" Poppy held out her stubby little pinky.

"Okay!" Lulu exclaimed, locking pinkies with Poppy, sealing their secret for good. A vow Lulu would never break. Not even for all the candy in the world.

Tristana came in and presented Poppy with her usual clothing, a doublet, puffy armored slacks, and-

"And a new pair of gloves. These ones are better suited for the cold climate, so I washed the old ones and threw them in your little ration bag."

Poppy looked back at her bindle, then back to Tristana.

"Trist…" Poppy slowly turned to Lulu who was disposing of the pot with dirty water, already normal size.

"Why so glum, chum?" Tristana said while boxing Poppy's muscle strewn arm. "I even had Rumble waterproof your stinky boots a little more, aren't you glad to see me?"

"Uh…yeah," Poppy gave her best smile and pulled in Trist for a hug. "It's been a long time."

Please, please be a poltergeist.