Addison unlocked the door to Pete's house. Work is, most of the time, slow in L.A., but on the times when it's not, it tends to be physically draining. It could be that her body isn't used to the rush of surgery-after-surgery schedule anymore, but there is also the possibility that ever since she started working in Oceanside Wellness, Addison had been more attached than ever to her patients.
In L.A., there's no Derek Shepherd or Richard Webber to stop her from being emotionally attached to her patients. To make matters worse, the whole practice has a holistic health care system that requires her to care and be attached.
As soon as she stepped inside, she immediately heard Lucas's cries. She followed the sound, her heart clenching yet still so overly happy that she gets to go home to them after a physically and emotionally exhausting day.
It seemed like she walked forever before she reached Pete's room.
She heard his voice trying to calm down Lucas, making her smile in adoration. Right when she was about to open the door of the room, she heard another adult voice, one that made her heart drop.
"Baby, stop crying… Mommy's here…" Addison held back a sob. Hearing Violet Turner's voice sent her mind reeling, and she felt her heart breaking into pieces. Despite her need to run away and go as far as she can from the house, she still opened the door, some sort of unwarranted masochistic desire to watch the happy family.
She watched as Violet lifted Lucas from his crib. What hurt her the most was seeing the love in Pete's eyes as he watched Violet try to calm down a hysterical Lucas.
"Add! Add!" Addison gasped as soon as Lucas's gaze landed on her. She watched the toddler reach out for her and her body instinctively moved closer but immediately stopped when Violet shifted her body to hide Lucas from her.
The desperate cries of the little boy felt like she was being stabbed over and over.
"Addison, I told you we don't need you anymore." Tears continued to pour from her eyes when she heard Pete's words. Her feet was stuck because if they weren't she would have fled the scene right after she realized what was happening.
"Addison." Pete was getting blurry through her tears, and the sound of Lucas's cries were now muffled.
"Addison." She stared at Pete's lips as he uttered her name yet she can hardly hear it. She felt like she was about to faint, or fall, and she thought she did.
It was as if someone pulled her away from the pool of pain she was feeling because the next thing she knew, she was in a dimly-lit room, settled at the bottom of a bunk bed.
"Addison." Addison blinked a few times to clear her blurry vision. Her heart was pounding and she felt hot and wet on her face and upper body. She sat up abruptly, her head almost bumping on the lowered top bed.
"You were dreaming." She became aware of the other person in the room. When she turned her head, Meredith Grey was crouching beside her. Her racing heart was calming down, but her dream was still clearly replaying inside her head. Nightmare.
"Are you alright?" She felt a hand on her arm. There was a lump on her throat that's begging to be relieved. She knows she can't talk so she pursed her lips and nodded, her grip on the sheets tightening by the second.
Before Meredith Grey could say anything, the door opened and Addison heard Callie's voice.
"What's going on?" Addison didn't bother to listen to Grey's reply as she focused on desperately keeping it together. She was repressing her emotions to keep herself from sobbing, because she can't breakdown now.
She felt the hold on her arm disappear, and Meredith probably left the room. Addison's sole focus was to keep her tears at bay, or else she would completely lose it.
"Addison…" The spot beside the her shifted and Addison barely lifted her head to see Callie sitting down beside her. "Take deep breaths."
Callie softly placed a hand on her back and that was the trigger her body needed. Sobs immediately racked her body, the wounds reopened by her nightmare now seemingly unbearable. She felt her friend pull her closer and she leaned on Callie, grateful to have someone beside her that she's comfortable with.
Addison thinks she cried for hours when it was just a full ten minutes, in which the door opened some time in between, but Callie must have chased the person away with her glare.
Once her tears were controllable, and her body's too exhausted to give in to another bout of cry, she softly pulled away from Callie, and muttered a quiet "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. We all need a good cry from time to time." A few tears continued to fall as she felt Callie hold her upper arm. "Want to talk about it?"
Addison looked at her friend and shook her head, face slightly troubled. Callie nodded her head, giving Addison an understanding smile.
"If you need someone to talk to, I'm here... we're here, alright?" Addison felt a squeeze of reassurance, making her feel overwhelmed with gratitude.
"Thank you." She briefly hugged Callie, sticking up to her claim of being a hugger now.
"I have to check on a patient… so if you're okay…?" Addison smiled and nodded, body still exhausted to come up with a sentence.
"Also, can I just say… seeing you and Grey in this room, that close…" Addison laughed as Callie finished with a silent "wow."
Though the idea was somewhat weird for her, she can't help but admire how her friend transformed from being awkward when talking about the vagina monologues to being ridiculously proud and explicit about it.
Some things did change.
"So…?" Addison nagged as soon as Derek stepped out of the O.R. The man just glared at Addison, exhausted as she keeps doing this for the past two weeks.
"Addison, for the last time, Meredith and I are not getting back together. Irreconcilable differences, remember?" Derek said, as they walked through the hospital's hallways.
"So, if I were to date her… you wouldn't mind?" Addison asked cheekily, eagerly looking at her now best friend to see every transition of his reaction. Callie gave her the idea a week ago and admittedly, the thought lingered at the back of her head. Though it wasn't even the top craziest of all ideas that kept her awake at night and it more likely wouldn't happen as far as she can tell, seeing Derek's reaction is one of the things that really lit up her curiosity and excitement.
And it was totally worth it as the man suddenly froze, mouth dropped open, stared at her in shock, as if blood abruptly stopped circulating all over his body. She raised an eyebrow, pretending to dare him to say something.
"What?" Derek stuttered, mind replaying on the handful of times he saw his ex-wives interact and had he missed something?
"I did offer a threesome, Derek, when I came here," Addison continued to tease, enjoying Derek's seemingly silent seizures.
"I know I wouldn't mind so long as I can join," Mark said smugly, inserting himself in the conversation. Both Addison and Derek rolled their eyes, Derek snapping out of his horrified trance, and then kept walking, both shaking their heads.
"Way to ruin it, Mark," Addison said as she was deeply aware Mark was following them.
"Well, Derek wasn't answering a rather simple and beautiful question—if I might say so myself. So, I delivered… like I always do." He raised both his hands in defense once he received a pair of identically intense glares from his comment.
"Okay, tough crowd," He said, not bothering to follow his best friends anymore. He watched as they walked side by side and kept talking, as if no other people outside their bubble existed. "You two are so made for each other," He continued, as soon as he knew the ex-spouses were far away.
"Hey, Dr. Sloan." Mark's eyes brightened as soon as he heard the voice, making him face it with a smirk on his face… an easy resort when he can't control his racing heart. He really needs a consult.
"Dr. Grey," Mark said, making the woman roll her eyes.
"Some people are looking for Dr. Montgomery… have you seen her?" The young doctor asked cheerfully, sending Mark a smile, and she was fully aware what her smiles were doing to the man.
"Just did, actually. You could try her office… or Dr. Shepherd's, if she's not there." He continued staring at Lexie Grey as the woman frowned at his words. He stayed rooted at his spot as he watched the woman walk away after thanking him.
"Patients to attend to, Dr. Sloan. Stop slacking." Mark snapped out of his trance and glared at an unhappy Bailey.
"I'm just saying, Derek. Flowers and wine might work… you know… romantic date nights. She's a girl… or a woman—I know, alright—and she would like that. I know I would," Addison said sweetly, leaning over the nurse's desk as Derek continued to fill out some charts.
"Addison…" Derek sighed. They both know no one's going to back down between the two of them, and Derek's the one struggling with a thin patience.
"Or… maybe buy her some diamonds. Oh! I could help with that—"
"Addison, please, stop!" Addison shut up, though not really surprised that Derek snapped. It was her goal, actually, yet she really did not think things through… especially what she's going to do after Derek snaps.
"Meredith and I won't work out anymore and we both made peace with it, so stop—just, stop, alright?" He said quietly, feeling guilty over seeing Addison's sad and guilty face.
"I've never really asked–can… can I ask why?" Derek felt her eyes on him, and when he looked at her once again, he knew he shouldn't have done that.
"I don't think you can handle it." Derek's heart started racing because he's been taking hold and backing away from chances weeks now, on when he can say this to Addison. And as cowardly, and borderline stupid he may be for grabbing this chance out of all the chances he had, he thinks he won't have this much courage if he backs out again.
"Wait… are you serious–I can't handle it?" Addison sounded outraged and amused at the same time. She stared as her ex-husband gave her brief smile while not taking off his attention from his chart.
"Well, you really want to know?" Addison rolled her eyes.
"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to, Derek. Now spill." She gestured for the man to keep going, making him shake his head in amusement.
He took a deep breath and put down his pen and faced Addison completely. It's now or never.
"I love you—I am in love with you, and I don't think I ever stopped," Derek finally said and it wasn't spoken softly or breathlessly. It was spoken like how he told her 'I love you' the first time, or like during their first anniversary as a couple, their first night as a married couple, their first anniversary as a married couple... and all the times in between.
He spoke it like how he did back when they were still Addison-and-Derek or Derek-and-Addison, before the cheating, the adultery, the affair. Before all the indifference and missed date nights and holidays and family gatherings and birthdays.
And Addison was in a trance, her rapidly beating heart seemed to have not stopped dropping on her stomach. Her throat was clogged as she stared at her ex-husband's achingly familiar gaze, staring at her as if loving her was the best and worst feeling at the same time.
She did not know how she felt. She knew a part of her will always love him, but they were comfortable now, and she was healing from another deep and hurtful wound and could he really love her?
"Addison?" She broke out of her spiraling thoughts and she unwillingly shifted her gaze to the person behind Derek and if her heart was dropping before, it reached even greater depths as she recognized the man who said her name.
"Pete?"