Whew! Last chapter ended up being longer than I expected! Yuki ended up adding a few more words for himself last second.
I swear a lot of this story is just writing itself, Momiji and Yuki are just speaking through me.
Thank you so much to my beta-reader LadyLutra!
Thank you so much!
You really help me out a lot!
I should probably mention...this story is also on archiveofourown, and includes more tags there for more clarity on what to expect.
But if you don't mind not having some ideas as what to expect, then by all means read ahead!
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.
Momiji hadn't said a word since leaving Hatori's house on the way home. Yuki tried initiating conversation but it had fallen flat as their feet continued scraping against the concrete, in the midst of the silence.
Yuki was left wondering what had gone wrong.
Lonely child…
Lonely child…
Such a boring child.
Momiji took off his shoes when he entered his home, Yuki followed afterward quietly.
Momiji did not say a word as he made his way into his room, not bothering to glance back at him. Yuki bit his lip hesitantly before deciding to ask again.
"Momiji are you okay?" He said reaching for him in worry.
He paused when Momiji gave him a bland smile, a smile Yuki recognized after giving so many himself.
A bubble of annoyance and frustration bubbled inside him.
Yuki dropped his hand, clenching it in a fist to try and hide his frustration. Why? He wanted to ask, he bit his lip hard, to prevent it from escaping his lips. His head lowered in disappointment.
The silence stretched on.
Momiji's eyes softened, noticing Yuki's frustration.
"Don't smile...If you don't want to…It doesn't suit you...," Yuki said quietly, quickly turning around in the direction of the guest room before he said something he'd undoubtedly regret.
It was a reflection...a reflection of his past self...that he did not want to see on anybody.
Frustration built up to his core.
Churning.
No one at all.
Especially, Momiji.
His nails dug deeper into the skin of his palm.
Momiji's smiles are always genuine.
Not fake like mine.
Like mine used to be.
And they never should be.
Yuki gritted his teeth as he neared his door.
It felt like a sledgehammer had been struck upon his chest.
If Momiji didn't want to talk...
...Who was he to force him?
Yuki tried to reassure himself by focusing on this thought.
But it didn't stop his nails from leaving a mark.
It doesn't bother me, he told himself as he turned the handle to the guest room.
But it did.
Momiji quickly blocked his path, surprising him.
Yuki froze, but stubbornly kept his focus on the ground.
He would not interfere, he told himself, waiting for Momiji to move away from the door. He forced himself to stare at the ground to avoid Momiji's eyes.
It proved to be futile as his attention was caught when he brushed Yuki's silver bangs away from his face.
Momiji was no longer smiling.
"I'm not alright...But I will be." He said, before removing his hand completely, and turning around.
"I appreciate the concern. Good night." He said before reaching his room and shutting the door behind him, leaving Yuki alone in the hall.
Momiji was quiet the next day too, only making light conversation now and then but never anything concrete. Yuki watched him eat his breakfast...
...Slowly...
...Quietly...
...Politely...
...Nothing like his usual bumbling bouncy mischievous self.
Yuki's eyebrows furrowed with worry, his thoughts racing.
Had Yuki done something wrong?
Was it something he had done?
Something he had said?
He shook his head.
No...don't jump to conclusions.
He will let me know if he needs me, Yuki tried to reassure himself.
At least I hope.
A 'ding' rang through the semi-quiet table, Momiji reached for his phone, his eyes looked slightly relieved as he gazed upon the screen. He looked up at Yuki, a serious expression crossing his face.
"I'm going out for a bit," Momiji announced.
Yuki set the plates down with a 'clink' then glanced up at him. "Oh. I see. Have a good one then..." Momiji smiled faintly and turned to leave, but Yuki caught him, by the edge of his shirt. "You are alright though, right?" Yuki asked, tilting his head. "You've been quiet since yesterday…"
His silver violet eyes looked at Momiji inquiringly. Momiji's eyes went wide in surprise,then he smiled softly for the first time in a while, and gently held Yuki's hand. "I'll be fine Yuki. Thanks."
He gently put down Yuki's hand and went for the door.
Momiji's smile dropped and he looked perturbed yet again.
He frowned bitterly at the floor.
'Kind people smile the brightest don't they?' he then chuckled at the irony of it all. 'And they are the ones who get hurt the most as well.'
Yuki watched as Momiji quietly left, he debated about going with him, but one look at Momiji's face told him all he needed to know. He needed time alone.
He washed the dishes thoughtfully after his departure.
He hoped Momiji was alright...
Honestly...Yuki was starting to feel a bit lonely.
The phone rang, startling Yuki.
He dried his hands quickly and answered.
"Moshi Moshi?" he inquired.
And it was like his thoughts were heard.
"Ah. Yuki! Good morning!"
A smile unwillingly stretched across his face, the loneliness already starting to creep out of his chest.
"Tohru, good morning. I hope you are well," he said, a light laugh escaping his lips even though he had just seen her recently.
"Ahh, yes I am fine! I just finished cooking breakfast and-oh no! I left the stove on!"
He heard her footsteps through the phone.
"Tohru! Are you okay?" Yuki asked in concern.
A light laugh was heard on the other end.
"I'm fine! I'm fine!" she breathed, "I left the fish on the stove...I forgot I left it there...So now it's all burnt!"
Yuki let out a laugh, he heard her laughing through the phone as well.
"Feed it to Kyo next time he visits you," Yuki said grinning wickedly.
"No, no, I couldn't do that! That's mean, Yuki!" he heard the smile on her lips though.
"It's no good now though!"
"I'm sure it's not as bad you think, Tohru. Your cooking is always great, I'm serious, you should probably save it for later and give it to the stupid ca-I mean Kyo."
"I'll keep it in the fridge. I hope you are right about this," Tohru said lightly, ignoring his Kyo comment.
"I am right. Your cooking is always great, there is no doubt about that," Yuki said, wiping water dripping from the sink with a dry cloth.
"Then...You should come by sometime when you have time."
His hand froze.
"That's actually why I called you. I'd like to cook for you again, if that's okay…"
Yuki smiled.
"I'll go toda-," he froze as he remembered Momiji's mood, and let go of the cloth.
"Actually...Can I come by tomorrow?" He said smiling. He wanted to make sure Momiji was alright before deciding to go to Tohru's apartment.
"Of course! Whenever you like!"
"Thank you."
Momiji was ready to drop by the time Haru came into view to their designated meeting place.
"Yo. Momiji," Haru waved.
Momiji smiled tiredly, and approached the former ox. "I'm surprised you didn't get lost, Haru. I was worried I was going to have to look for you."
"Actually, Rin got this thing, called a 'GPS' on my phone, and google maps, so I don't get lost. She also has my 'location' connected to her phone so she can keep track of me so I don't get lost. She texts me when I am walking in the wrong direction."
"I see. That's effective isn't it?" Momiji said letting out a small laugh. "I've been meaning to do that for my sister as well." A notification then rang from Haru's phone. He wordlessly replied back then raised his phone to Momiji to show him the messages.
"Wow! She texted a lot! You must have gotten lost a lot on the way here!"
Haru nodded, a look of accomplishment on his face.
"I don't think it's something you should be proud about Haru," Momiji said with a small chuckle at Haru's blissful face.
"So, what did you want to talk about, Momiji?"
Momiji's smile turned downcast. "It's about Yuki…"
Haru's eyes widened at that and Momiji's torn expression. "What about Yuki?"
Momiji looked to the sky, his wavy blonde hair slightly messy, slightly covering his eyes. The wind blew and brushed against Momiji's face revealing Momiji's expression turned to perturbed yet again.
"I think I made a mistake," Momiji said quietly, Haru barely catching Momiji's wavering voice.
"What mistake?"
Momiji suddenly paused, a rare serious expression on his usual cheerful face, before he sighed sitting down on the ground, pulling his knees to his face.
Where to start?
His thoughts went back to a few days ago, when Yuki had arrived.
Momiji was surprised to see Yuki laugh openly, wholeheartedly. He was even more surprised to see him get angry, and flustered. It was…
"Cute," Momiji muttered sitting on a staircase.
"Huh?" Haru turned to him, wondering if he had heard right.
"Yuki is cute," Momiji murmured, folding his arms on top of his knees.
Haru nodded vigorously. "Cute. Especially when he is mad. His ears turn a bright red."
Momiji let out a quiet laugh. "Yes! It's adorable."
"You are just noticing?" Haru asked, expressionless.
"I thought he was cute before, but back at the diner, he seemed cuter than usual!" Momiji whined quietly, half-heartedly, his tone indicating something else entirely.
Haru merely nodded in agreement. "He blushed."
Momiji let out a bitter smile. "Yeah that too. I was surprised to see him so worked up and full of energy, usually the one who gets worked up easily is Kyo. Yuki is always so calm and collected, it surprised me."
Haru smiled. "It's a good look for him."
"It is." Momiji nodded, going quiet once again. Haru tried to prompt him back to conversation.
"I wouldn't say 'full of energy' have you seen him in the mornings?" Haru asked.
Momiji nodded unfazed. "You'd be surprised how much energy he actually has when you get him angry enough. I tried waking him up yesterday, and he was ready to kill me where I stood, luckily he woke up beforehand,he didn't even remember attempting my murder when he woke up," Momiji said a small smile crawling to his lips.
"Momiji, that's dangerous," Haru said, Momiji merely grinned before looking solemnly at the floor.
"It's hard to believe the Yuki we know...might be hiding so much, huh?"
Haru turned his full attention at Momiji's change of tone. "Momiji, what's going on?"
"I...Yesterday at Hatori's office, I saw something," Momiji unfolded his legs and took a breath, and turned to the sky to avoid Haru's gaze.
"It was a picture...of Yuki...He…," his voice wavered, and he couldn't continue with his sentence. Momiji's eyes went wide with terror, his stomach suddenly hurt.
He felt sick, and his face had gone pale.
He turned to the ground once again, unable to stomach it.
Understanding lit Haru's eyes, he was about to ask more when Momiji suddenly turned to him.
"Haru, something happened, didn't it?" Momiji said suddenly. "To Yuki, when we were young, when he was in Akito's care," Momiji said quickly, trying not to look panicked.
He had realized this all too late, and that made Momiji feel sick.
Haru sighed, as Momiji's eyes looked to Haru's for answers almost desperately.
"I would tell you to ask him himself. But he'd never talk about it," Haru said patting Momiji's head. Momiji nodded, looking more perturbed yet again.
Momiji felt panicked when he realized how little he actually knew about his distant cousin.
He never thought to ask...
To dig deeper...
Panic and guilt gnawed him.
Churning in his stomach, like a bubbling broth.
He wanted to crawl back into himself further.
Yuki usually kept to himself, and never really opened up about anything.
If only Momiji had-
The implications and consequences of his actions seeped deeper.
Momiji felt sick.
Haru's voice froze Momiji's thoughts cold.
"He was sold."
Momiji's eyes widened in horror.
"By his own parents."
Momiji was feeling sick before, but now he wanted to throw up.
How could...how could anyone do that to their child?
"I don't know what you saw," Haru said meeting Momiji's eyes directly.
"But as you can imagine, a childhood with Akito without anyone interfering at all couldn't have been very happy. Going through all that might be why he unconsciously keeps his distance from people."
I had no idea... , Momiji's eyes widened in shock. But...
"B-But Aya...Aya would have helped, wouldn't he?"
Haru looked a little pissed at that, before calming down.
"You would think, huh? Not everyone is a good brother like you Momiji…, When we were younger, did you ever see Ayame even mention his brother? Or be anywhere near him for that matter, aside from New Years?"
Momiji choked.
He bit his lips and tried to calm his racing heart.
So...he was all alone….?
The realization of this felt like a bucket of cold water being poured all over him.
Haru stood up as Momiji took all this in.
Momiji let in and out a breath.
How could he not have seen it?
Anyone who went near Akito had gotten hurt...why would have the Rat been any different?
Had he really been so blind? Or had he not wanted to see it?
Had he just ignored Yuki as he stood by Akito's side throughout New Years?
Throughout the window he passed everyday as he would catch a glimpse of silver.
Had he really just pretended not to notice it?
How Yuki's eyes followed him and the others longingly?
How Yuki's eyes would follow the crowds but not participate?
"I'm such an idiot….How could I not have noticed?" Momiji muttered into his knees quietly before standing up, decision made, and joining Haru as he stood by some railings nearby.
"I thought it was strange...Yuki...should be able to smile and laugh easily. I wondered why he hadn't been able to until now," Momiji mused quietly. His bangs covered his eyes as he looked down the railing.
"I know as members of the zodiac we each go through hardships. I guess I just thought...well since he is the rat that…"
"That he might have it easier?"
"Just a bit. But now I'm thinking how wrong I am to even assume such a thing...I really don't know Yuki at all do I?" Momiji said, staring at the sky. "Haru...Yesterday at Hatori's office I saw...Yuki-," Momiji looked haunted, but Haru's hand on his hair stopped him.
"Nobody knows all the details except Yuki himself, and Yuki wouldn't want you to worry." Haru said looking pensive.
"Just talk to him later...clear things with him. It will be alright. Yuki is stronger than he looks." Yuki wouldn't want you to worry.
"That's the sad part, isn't it?" Momiji smiled sadly.
That's why he was afraid to face Akito.
How could he not be?
Even though Yuki forgave Akito...Yuki was hurt by Akito the most.
How he was able to move past that...is amazing...
A picture had fallen out.
A picture of a silver haired boy dying in the snow.
Covered in blood and bruises, and looking ready to face death square on.
Clack!
"Momiji?" Yuki called questioningly when he heard the door open. He put down the phone, ending his phone call, as Momiji made his way to the kitchen.
"Was that Tohru?" Momiji asked, noticing Yuki's serene mood. Yuki looked surprised, before nodding with a small smile.
"Mm. She invited me for dinner. You want to come?"
Momiji shook his head. "No. I go over there enough as it is."
Momiji paused a bit as a thought occurred to him, before turning back to Yuki once more.
"She misses you. Cooking for you. She'll be happy if you visited."
Yuki nodded. "I hope to stop by tomorrow." Yuki said with a gentle smile coating his face before fading as he switched topics. "Now...Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?"
Momiji froze.
Yuki turned around, pretending to get something from the kitchen.
"That is...If you want to...You don't have to tell me if you don't want to…Just...I'm here for you is all."
Momiji's mouth opened, he wanted to say something, confess it all right there, that he knew something but the words wouldn't leave his mouth.
Instead he asked.
"Is there tea brewing?"
Yuki paused, letting the subject go.
"Yes. I just put some on, I'll serve you a cup."
He left to get it, and Momiji collected his thoughts as the kettle whistled.
Yuki pushed the cup in front of him and turned to move away. Momiji clenched Yuki's sleeve instinctively. Yuki froze.
Slowly rising, Momiji stood in front of Yuki, loosening his hold on his sleeve.
Solemn and silent.
"Is something wrong?" Yuki asked, his smile looking a little strained, Momiji's eyes widened, recognizing Yuki's pained smile.
He really had been blind, hadn't he?
"I...really don't know much about you at all. Do I Yuki?"
"What do you mean?" Yuki asked in concern at Momiji's change of mood.
"I saw a picture...of you bruised in the snow."
Yuki went stiff, freezing. "There was more of them…all there…," Tears ran down Momiji's face, Momiji half- heartedly tried to wipe them. "How come...nobody saved you?" Momiji demanded, grasping Yuki's shirt. "Momiji-," Yuki tried to calm him but Momiji wouldn't hear of it.
"How come? It's not fair." Momiji cried.
What's worse is...I had no idea...at all. I barely knew who Yuki was at the time but I stopped by there all the time...by that same window...Momiji realized, he caught a glimpse of silver once, and was pulled away by Kyo or Haru.
Yuki watched as Momiji sobbed, holding him by the cuff of his shirt.
Shock emulated Yuki's features.
Someone had found it.
Someone had discovered the part of himself he had kept from the world.
A him he wanted to keep silent about forever.
He wanted to hide.
He wanted to run away.
But the look on Momiji's face froze him in place.
He breathed in and out, closing his eyes and mind to collect his bearings.
Right now this isn't about me.
He put his hand gentlest on Momiji's shoulders in an attempt to calm him. He got a napkin and went to wipe Momiji's tears. Momiji smacked the napkin away, as well as Yuki's hand. "I'm not a child anymore Yuki!" Yuki shook his head, and pulled Momiji forward into an embrace, surprising him.
"It was a long time ago Momiji. You couldn't have known."
Momiji then hugged Yuki tighter.
"I'm sorry Yuki," Momiji cried. "It's just a napkin," Yuki sighed, about to let go of Momiji when Momiji grasped him tighter. "I'm sorry nobody saved you."
Yuki's heart stopped there, he lost his breath. And he tried to remember how to breathe again.
Momiji's thoughts continued to race as salty wet tears melted across his cheeks.
And I'm sorry I didn't pay attention.
I saw the signs…I saw them...but I chose...I chose to pretend they weren't there. I'm despicable.
Momiji remembered the banquets.
He remembered the first one he attended with Yuki present.
Yuki was at Akito's side, looking at them silently with an almost nervous look in his eyes.
Yuki did not look comfortable around Akito at all.
Yuki did not look like he wanted to be there at all.
He remembered the whispers of the maids.
The whispers echoed in his mind.
"What a lonely child."
"Hush don't say that! The family head will hear you. Besides, he isn't lonely."
"Yes yes! Our great family head is merciful and he takes care of the child."
Another scoffed.
"Such a boring child, no opinions of his own."
But he ignored them.
He ignored the whispers.
The longing eyes piercing the back of his head, as he continued to talk to the other zodiac members.
It was fine...after all, Yuki was the Rat, wasn't he?
Yuki tried to control the onslaught of emotions before pushing them down to investigate later.
This wasn't about him right now, Yuki reminded himself and turned back to the hurting former rabbit.
"Momiji, you were going through your own problems at the time, weren't you?" Yuki said meeting Momiji's eyes.
"I don't blame you. So, don't blame yourself."
Tears burst forward from his face full force yet again.
"E-eh calm down! H-Here!" Yuki said surprised at Momiji's outburst of tears. He reached for the napkin dropped early and handed it to Momiji to clean his face.
Yuki tried to calm him down, "There, there. It's alright."
Yuki really is a kind person...isn't he? Somehow that makes me feel worse that I didn't notice at all.
Yuki paused as Momiji cried before saying something that made Momiji's heart stop.
"Thank you."
He looked up to see Yuki's turned away slightly embarrassed, and vulnerable as he moved to turn away.
"For crying for me."
He walked back to the kitchen.
"I'll get you some sweets or something…," Yuki said before his feelings could overwhelm him once again. He needed a moment, to gather himself.
It was okay...He would be okay...
Yuki's heart stopped beating, and his breathing stilled.
He felt an ache course through him, hurt and loneliness like an unstoppable ocean let loose by an old and worn dam.
The box within boxes that he had stuffed his most personal feelings, feelings of loneliness, of want, of longing, that he had buried deep deep deep, had opened.
A box he had always kept tightly shut had flickered open, for the world to see.
His eyes burned and he suddenly felt light headed.
"You don't ever need to apologize for that." Yuki said to himself sniffling. Tears running down his face. He had moved past it. He had forgiven it, however hearing somebody apologize, someone be concerned about him, was nice. It was so nice.
The resentment...He had none.
Any he had, he had buried it deep deep deep till it was gone.
But it had scarred his heart.
The loneliness, the rejection, it hurt.
Hearing someone say I'm sorry, felt like some closure Yuki did not know he needed.
Embarrassed, he furiously wiped his tears before Momiji noticed, his hands shaking as he held a plate containing a small flan.
When hands took the cake from his fingers and put it aside.
"I'm sorry," Momiji said again, rubbing his thumb along Yuki's eyes to wipe away any stray tears. "I made you cry." He got the napkin from earlier and wiped away Yuki's tears.
"I'm sorry about slapping your hand earlier Yuki, and for losing it," he said seriously. He then gently wiped Yuki's tears from his surprised expression. "I was supposed to be comforting you, and I ended up crying instead," Momiji laughed. Yuki smiled, wiping his tears away delicately. "Same here. What a mess, ne?"
They both laughed, as they both made dinner. The atmosphere already lighter, like a cloud had lifted.
As they conversed, Yuki's expression softened as he tried to hide the darkness from his eyes, quietly shutting the box of his old emotions.
That was the past...now I'm in the present.
And the present box was open.
Unlidded for all to see.
Hi! I hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter! ^_^