Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned the rights to 911 or its characters. It all belongs to Fox TV and the show's creators like Brad Falchuk, Ryan Murphy and whoever else.
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Chapter 3
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Bobby Nash did his best not to shuffle too much in the chair he was sitting in, the waiting room of his therapists office was quiet with only him and the receptionist at the front desk as occupants. Bobby's eyes kept darting to the office door as he was actually waiting for someone very important.
By some grace of the universe, Bobby's therapist, Dr. Connors had asked him if he could have Buck come to a session with him. Going off of this and a complete leap of faith, Bobby had called Buck and asked if the younger man was agreeable. To Bobby's everlasting relief, Buck had agreed and would be here soon.
It had been two whole months since Bobby had actually seen Buck in person. Eddie had finally gone back to work just a couple of days ago but he was now serving as the man behind and stuck with all of the particularly nasty chores. From what he got from Chim and Hen, Captain Mills was on him like a hawk, making damn sure Eddie was keeping up with his mandatory therapy sessions and anger management classes.
Bobby could only sigh at that, self-depreciation rolling through him. Captain Mills had already done a way better job than he had with regards to not only keeping Eddie in line regarding his therapy sessions, but with Hen, Chim, and Buck too. Bobby couldn't dwell on his melancholic thoughts as the door to the doctor's office opened and the fire captain felt his heart give an almighty lurch as Evan Buckley stepped into the waiting area. Bobby felt his heart flip flop further when Buck's bright blue eyes zeroed in on him and grew a bit dim and sad. Buck still smiled warmly at him anyway but it was a pale reflection of the sun-shaming grins the younger man could actually send a person's way.
It was still smile Bobby felt he absolutely did not deserve after all the pain and problems he had caused Buck.
Bobby slowly rose to his feet and forced a smile to his own lips as he stepped forward to meet Buck halfway.
" Hey Buck, I am really glad you could make it." Bobby said quietly.
" Y-Yeah hey Bobby, I figured it was time we actually talked. I guess your therapist can be the referee." Buck said with a slightly hollow huff and a quiet pain visible in his blue eyes.
Before Bobby could say anything to assure Buck, the receptionist spoke up.
" Mr. Nash? Dr. Connors will see you now, please go right in." She said pleasantly as she gestured to the door down the hallway.
" C'mon Buck." Bobby said, Buck nodding and walking beside him as they made their way to Dr. Connors.
Inside his office Dr. Adam Connors looked up at the knock to his door.
" Come in please." He called. A moment later the door swung away to reveal his client Robert Nash with a tall young man beside him, no doubt the very important and much loved Evan Buckley.
" Hi Dr. Connors." Bobby greeted as Dr. Connors got up from behind his desk and made his way across to meet the two men in his office.
" Good to see you Bobby, and you musy be Evan." Dr. Connors said with a smile as he first shook Bobby's hand and then reached for Buck.
" Nice to meet you Dr. Connors, and yes I am Evan, but please call me Buck." Buck said cordially with a smile as he shook hands with the therapist.
" Please have a seat you guys." Dr. Connors said as he gestured to the two comfy chairs situated side by side across from the one chair that he himself occupied during sessions.
Bobby and Buck did as Dr. Connors asked, each taking a seat and waiting in silence for Dr. Connors to grab his notepad and take his own seat.
" Let me start by saying thank you to you Buck for choosing to be here, I know it probably wasn't easy what with everything that happened." Dr. Connors began gently.
Bobby gave Buck a warm smile while the younger man nodded with a sigh.
" I almost didn't but I just... I wanna start to try and fix things." Buck said quietly, rubbing at his thighs.
" Well there's always a first step and this is pretty good one. Bobby here had told me a lot about his side of what happened between you two, so if it is okay with you I would like to get your side Buck." Dr. Connors said with a reassuring look.
Buck seemed to mull it over for a moment before he let out a small, humorless huff and shrugged.
" Where do I even start Dr. Connors?" He asked lightly.
" Wherever you want Buck." Dr. Connors answered without missing a beat.
Taking a deep breath and getting a reassuring nod from Bobby too, Buck began to speak. He started with the event that was the main catalyst for everything.
The firetruck that literally fell on him. Buck recounted how Bobby had been the one to stop Freddie Costas' rampage and then the rest of his team had tended to him and tried to get the damn truck off him. Buck did get a little teary eyed when he recounted how it had been the citizens of LA who had come running to his aid, everyone banding together to lift an entire fire truck off of him. From there Buck was a bit hazy since he'd passed out almost immediately after they had gotten the truck off of him. His next memory had been waking up after pulling through emergency surgery to find Carla standing over him, but his team absent. Buck admitted that while having Carla, and then Maddie and Ali had been good, he would have also liked to have seen his team, his family there too. It was the first hurt that lingered still.
Bobby sat appalled at his and the others' collective misstep at not being there and then being totally oblivious. Buck carried on, explaining how once he started rehab besides the sporadic phone calls and visits, and Eddie sometimes dropping him off to rehab when Maddie couldn't make it, he had felt lonely, isolated. It was one of the reasons why he had pushed himself to get better quicker, to chase away the loneliness and get back to the people and the job he loved most.
Buck talked about breaking his own records when he was re-certifying and how he felt like he was on top of the world at his surprise welcome back party... only for it to all come crashing down in literal bloody fashion with the pulmonary embolism.
" When Bobby came to see me at the hospital and I asked him about my job, this is when he lied to me, when he made it look like it was the department that wasn't ready for me to come back when it really was him. He's the one who told them I wasn't ready." Buck said dully before he sighed and shook his head.
He then recounted how he had been caught in a tsunami with Christopher, how he had lost him only for the boy to miraculously show up when all hope seemed lost and then how it had inspired him to keep fighting and become a Fire Marshall. Buck then went on to tell Dr. Connors about the fateful fire drill at the office building where his path first crossed with one Chase Mackey, and how the lawyer had tried to get into his head. Then came the disastrous dinner at Bobby and Athena's where Buck had learned the truth about Bobby's interference.
" Like Chief Williams said, even though I was so mad at you for lying to me I still wouldn't have sued you Bobby, but the higher up got wind of Mackey's interest in me and asked me to go along with their whole operation of a fake lawsuit to keep Mackey busy while they gathered evidence." Buck said with a sigh.
" You had to act like you were serious about the lawsuit, you took ever single jab and insult we threw your way, and you never once disobeyed your orders from the higher ups and revealed the truth." Bobby said sadly.
Buck just hung his head and said nothing.
Dr. Connors looked between the two men sitting across from him before he spoke.
" It's clear that there is a whole lot of hurt and feelings of betrayal between you two. Bobby you are wracked with guilt over how you handled this whole situation and you've been constantly kicking yourself for your misjudgements and you Buck, you were already dealing with multiple traumatic events that would've broken even the strongest of people, but you kept going and even made the impossible choice to be part of some undercover operation with the LAFD to help protect your team from someone who was gunning for them. Yes, there is a lot of bad between you, but their is buckets of love too, you both wouldn't be here now if you didn't want things to be good between you again." Dr. Connors said kindly, watching with a smile as Buck and Bobby finally looked at each other with a million unsaid things passing between them before they both turned to look at him and nodded in agreement.
" Bobby, please turned to Buck and explain to him why you did what you did." Dr. Connors said.
Bobby turned and looked at Buck's pain-filled eyes. He took a deep breath and then spoke.
" Buck... Evan, the main reason why I told them you weren't ready was because I was scared. After everything you went through, I was so scared of losing you to some other disaster that I thought by telling the department you weren't ready I was keeping you safe. At the time I thought it was for your own good but now that Chief Williams ripped me and the others a new one and I have had to sit at him and really think over everything that's come to light, I get that me interfering was a disservice to us both. All I ended up doing was betraying the trust you had in me, the trust I took for granted. I told you once that the 118 wasn't a family but we became one despite that. I love you like a son Evan but even if you were actually my kid, I am still your captain and I should've been objective. I just let my love and guilt take over and make decisions for you when you're a grown man." Bobby croaked out, his breath hitching.
From where he sat Buck looked no less devastated.
" I love you too Bobby, and you and Athena actually give more of a damn about me than my actual mom and dad. You remember, they didn't even bother to show up after I got crushed by the fire truck, or the tsunami, or even during my graduation ceremony when I was done being a probie. I get that you wanted to protect me but what about after I came back? Everyone made my life a living hell, including you, for months. You guys are all sorry now that the truth about the lawsuit has come out but you believed it all before and the way you all behaved I just... part of me wonders what you'll do if something like this goes down again, or something new comes up. You've let Chim, Eddie, and Hen all off the hook despite what Chim went through, and the rules that both Hen and Eddie broke. I might not have said anything but I was there, I noticed and always wondered why? Why did you treat me so different. You don't even know how many times I had to bite my tongue even before the whole lawsuit charade I had to put up with. You're one of the most important people in my life, and I couldn't turn to you for help." Buck said sadly.
" I am so sorry Buck. I am so sorry, but I promise to do better from now on, even if I am not your captain." Bobby croaked out, Buck instantly growing alert with wide eyes.
" What do you mean by that Bobby?" He asked in alarm.
" I mean that I... After everything Chief Williams said and looking back on my actions I seriously considered resigning from the LAFD all together because I wasn't competent, I wasn't objective and you all deserved better than that." Bobby explained with a sniffle.
" But you're not actually leaving right?" Buck asked immediately.
" No Buck, no I am not leaving, I am not going to run from this, this major screw up on my part. I made a promise not just to all of you but to myself to be a better captain. The LAFD was well within their rights to fire me but they didn't and that is all thanks to you, and what you said in your reports on the whole Mackey incident. Chief Williams came to see me a few days ago and shared what you had to say, how me and the others were worth the risk, worth fighting so hard for. I am not going to promise you that I will be some perfect Captain from now on, all I can promise you is that I am going to be better, that I am going to treat you equally to the others and respect you for the amazing firefighter and more importantly, the amazing man that you are Evan Buckley." Bobby said with conviction.
Buck looked absolutely wrecked where he sat, most of him wanted nothing more than to do flying out of his seat and hug Bobby with all his might, but he refrained not only because Dr. Connors was there but also because part of him wasn't ready yet. A few words weren't going to be enough to erase the months of harshness from Bobby himself. With a sigh Buck nodded and spoke.
" Thank you for saying that Bobby, it really means a lot and I am also really glad that you aren't going anywhere. Even then, I am still really, really hurt by how you treated me these last you months. I get that you were all mad about the lawsuit and you didn't know it was fake, but you took teaching me a lesson way too far and everyone else followed your lead. Stuff happened that you don't even know about Bobby." Buck said as his eyes filled with tears.
" What other things happened? Tell me please Buck." Bobby asked in concern, feeling his heart already pounding hard against his sternum.
Dr. Connors too sat in anticipation, wondering what Buck would reveal. Letting out a shaky breath and blinking back the tears Buck finally spoke.
What came out of Buck's mouth had Bobby losing all color in seemingly his entire body as Buck recounted that on top of being shunned by his immediate team, he had been forced to endure countless instances of cruelty from other fire fighters. One B-shift firefighter told him to his face that it would've been better if he had actually not survived the fire truck crushing his leg, another purposely tracking mud into the bathroom after he had just finished mopping the floors, and yet another incident where someone had taped over his name with the word "Back-stabber". That one somehow hurt even worse than Bobby's own faux pas of letting Bosko tape over his name. Of course there was the constant looks of disdain, the whispering behind his back, the brazenly cruel words to his face, the exclusion, and those he could usually count on not coming to his aid.
" Oh Buck, I am so sorry I made you feel like you couldn't come to me. I am so sorry, but why didn't you say anything to Captain Myers on B-shift?" Bobby asked, horrendous guilt coursing through him.
" Didn't think he would believe me and I just... I knew I could handle it because sooner or later the department and internal affairs would come through and bring down Mackey. But yeah, it was all just really shitty Bobby." Buck said quietly as a few tears finally broke free and carved glistening trails down his own paled cheeks.
There was a moment of charged silence before with a hitched breath, Bobby finally reached out to Buck, his movements slow and telegraphed to give Buck every chance to oppose the oncoming touch. Buck made no move to pull away as Bobby wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him across into a slightly awkward but no less comforting hug. After a moments hesitation, Buck's whole body seemed to sigh as he sunk into Bobby's arms and raised is own to hug the older man back.
" It's gonna be ok Buck, I promise you we'll be better someday." Bobby said with his own tears streaming.
" I believe you Bobby." Buck said softly.
From where he sat watching the start of Bobby and Buck's reconciliation, Dr. Connor himself couldn't help but be fervently hopeful too.
A couple of weeks later at Bobby and Athena's house...
" I am really glad you guys could come to dinner tonight." Bobby said as he watched Buck enthusiastically cheer on both Harry and Chris as the two boys raced each other in the video game the three of them were totally engrossed in.
" Yeah, we've really missed you and your cooking Cap." Eddie Diaz said with a sight from where he was sitting across the dining table from Bobby.
Unlike the epic disaster of the last time Buck had come over for dinner at the Grant-Nash house, tonight had been absolutely wonderful, with Buck getting to eat as much of Athena's famous collard greens as he wanted since he was finally off the blood thinners for a whole month now. Eddie himself had been doing much better in these two weeks that he had been back to work after his own suspension. Captain Mills had been made fully aware of the situation of each suspended member of the 118 and the moment Eddie had stepped foot back at the 118 he hadn't even had a chance to talk to Buck before the interim captain was bearing down on him with a hard look and sending him off to take over all the more unsavory and unpleasant chores from Hen.
On top of chores, he was also the man behind and Captain Mills seemed to make it his mission to keep him as far away from Buck as he could while they were on duty. It hurt a lot, but it was no less than he deserved for how he had hurt his best friend. Buck may have been spending many nights with him and Chris at the Diaz house but the blue eyed man was still very much guarded around him. Eddie himself hadn't felt it right to try and talk things out yet even when they were in the same house together.
Now though, they had tentatively started talking again with each man careful not too push too hard. Eddie had had to face his fair share of ridicule upon his return especially since Chief Williams had revealed his ill-advised pass-time in street fighting. There were many who had disdainfully called him "Ultimate Fighter" to his face and behind his back but when Captain Mills and Captain Myers from B-Shift had called every single member of personnel together and then singled out several people to be disciplined for bullying Buck over the past few months when the truth about the lawsuit had not been reveals, the teasing and whispering stopped. Several people even apologized to him like they had to Buck and even made suggestions for MMA gyms and even yoga classes he could attend to help him out with his anger. Eddie had kept his stoicism but the gestures were profoundly touching.
Things were more mended than wrecked now. While he and Buck were slowly getting back in the grove of being friends again, Chim and Maddie had finally made up and grown inseparable again, although Maddie still gave them all a hard look every now and then when she saw them. Karen and Hen were back to some place good, no doubt Buck actually reaching out and talking to Karen about what happened helping her and her wife reconcile Hen's part in the whole debacle. Athena and Bobby were in a better place themselves. When the police sergeant had found just why nearly the entire team had so much time on their hands, to say that she had been pissed and disappointed would've been the biggest understatement. She had literally sent Bobby out of the house for a whole week, who ended up staying with Chim who was in a similar situation with Maddie staying at her place. About a week after Buck himself had returned to work, Athena had invited Buck to dinner where she had apologized on behalf of her husband and then proceeded to shower the young man with some much needed mothering. Buck had soaked it all up like a sponge that had dried out completely.
Athena would drop by the station specifically for Buck, giving Hen, Chim, and Eddie the cold shoulder upon their respective returns but now she had thawed and even cooked lunch at the station on one of her days off. She and Captain Mills had this mutual respect towards each other that really helped ease some of the ongoing tension.
Things were better now, Bobby and Athena holding dinners individually since Buck wasn't ready for everyone gathered all at once just yet. They had had Chim and Hen over already with their respective partners, so now it was Eddie and Buck's turn and it had been wonderful so far. It gladdened everyone to see Buck with his voracious appetite restored.
" How are you and Buck doing Eddie?" Athena asked as she too a seat next to Bobby and took of sip of wine from her glass.
" Better, that's the best way to describe it. We're talking more and he can actually stand my presence but we aren't... there's still tension because I know I hurt him the worst. I just let my anger cloud everything and it was all for nothing, he didn't even actually sue us and thinking back on everything Mackey said, it really was information that the department already knew about. It was just so on par with Buck being impulsive that none of us could see through the act." Eddie said with a sigh as he looked to where Buck was now sitting with a controller in his hand racing Harry with Chris and now May cheering them on.
" It'll work out between you Eddie, it's Buck and it's you plus you got a not so secret weapon with you." Bobby said as he flicked his eyes to Christopher and then quirked his brow at Eddie, earning a throaty chuckle from the adorable boy's father.
Eddie nodded before he turned his own eyes to the blue eyed man who was currently giggling alongside his son and letting Harry win the race, his entire face alight with a truly happy smile. It was a smile Eddie knew would dim a little if Buck caught sight of him, a sign of the hurt that still lingered between them. As he sat there and simply took in the sight of the man he had nearly chased away from his and Christopher's lives with his own foolishness, Eddie made a silent promise to himself that he would fix the jaggedly broken parts of their relationship that persisted still.
The question was how, but Eddie would figure that out for himself.