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r/relationships ∙ Posted by u/theREALjokerTM 4 hours ago
I (26 M) think my boyfriend (25 M) and my brother (28 M) should also get together so I set them up on a date and now they won't talk to each other?
∙Relationships
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So. My darling and I have been together for some time already. Ever since he moved back to town we've been IN-SEP-A-RA-BLE! It's great. Really. We're UBER-happy! There is only this one, teensy, pesky lil detail.
My brother. Let's call him… JERRY!
When I was dead, for a bit (I got better! Don't worry!) that ungrateful, treacherous weasel slithered his way into my beautiful's life. Fiiiiiiine. I know my precious is THAT irresistible. Have a bite, why not. But. Now that I'm very much NOT dead, and my darling is mine and MINE alone, Jerry has become… a problem.
See, me and broski? We don't get along. At all. Too much bad blood, murder attempts, blah blah BLAH. Whatever. Point is, sticking us into the same room won't end too well. But my darling? For some ungodly (HA!) reason, he actually LIKES spending time with Jerry. Can't imagine why. Dear ol' Jer-Jer Binks's more boring than commish Jimbo Gordon before coffee. Alas! My precious is fond of the bastard and so who am I to deny him, hmmm? Just a simple clown, that's who!
So.
The plan was simple in its brilliance, really. Tip Jerry I have to run out of town ASAP and won't make it to date night with my beautiful. Ask him to pass the news instead. Watch all of his pathetic pining for MY lover catch fire as he scrambles to dress up as me (he's done that before. And well. Cut off face or not, we're twins. It's not like it's HARD!) And MOLTO BENE! Mission accomplished!
They went on a date, had a good time (I have sources, ya know) and I came back expecting some kinda "J baby we need to talk" shtick. Because lemme tell yall, there is absolutely NO WAY my baby wouldn't catch on it wasn't ME in that diner. Take THAT Jerry-poo!
So I'm waiting. And waiting. And I'm a patient man, I am, but that's a whole bunch of NOTHING for my trouble. My darling haven't mentioned it in passing. Broski isn't gloating to my face (and he LOOOOOVES to gloat. It's gross.)
Dunno what I did wrong. Maybe I should just have them hypnotized next time. For good measure!
Now. Before you come at me with "But why even bother, J?!" My darling is. He's the only person who's ever loved me, alright? The best person I know. I would kill for him. No no no no. I would DIE for him. I came back for him. And. If sharing a lil' bit of that with my bastard of a brother will make him happy(~er), I can't stand in the way.
TL;RD same as title you scoundrels!
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61 Comments:
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∙HopaCao 8 hours ago
Question One: why do you write like a pretentious tumblr poet?
∙n_i_g_h_t 4 hours ago
Lemme guess. You didn't actually tell them any of this, just went straight to plotting.
∙∙theREALjokerTM 4 hours ago
Well DUH. Talking's no fun
∙∙∙n_i_g_h_t 3 hours ago
You should, tho? Like? You can't just trick people into dating? I'll bet you 20$ that your boyfriend doesn't even realize having both of you is an option and is struggling with his feelings to choose. That is, if they even do have feelings for each other, because I don't think anything you wrote actually indicates that? Just that you think they do.
∙∙∙∙theREALjokerTM 3 hours ago
HUH
∙∙∙∙wildcat06 3 hours ago
Well said. This is the most cringe I've seen in a while.
∙∙∙∙theREALjokerTM 3 hours ago
No no I'm SURE Jerry's ready to sail that ship. He's been obsessed with my darling since day one they've met
∙∙∙∙∙n_i_g_h_t 2 hours ago
What about your boyfriend? Because he's the one you're focused on, right? Whatever they are, your brother's feelings should be inconsequential.
∙∙∙∙∙∙vanillachesnut 2 hours ago
Damn u/n_i_g_h_t reddit should pay you therapy hours. This shit is hilarious :D
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙purris 1 hour ago
Yes, laugh at his pain why don't you
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙3 more replies
∙∙∙∙∙∙theREALjokerTM 2 hours ago
Weeeeeeell… I know SOMETHING filthy was going on when yours truly was busy pushing up daisies
BUT! I know my darling. He gets all broody when icky emotions are involved. And he's been. REAL broody
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙Jokier 1 hour ago
I agree. You should just talk to him first. Even if there are some lingering feelings on his part, getting together with your brother isn't the only option, you know? He might not even want that. Or he might. But you won't know that until you ask.
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙XimenuiX 1 hour ago
Also, and I don't want to be the one to say this but. You might want to be prepared that if you do start the conversation, your partner will choose your brother over you.
I mean, you said nothing about the nature of your relationship, so maybe that's not the case, but. It might be. Just saying.
∙LiarsParadise 3 hours ago
This sounds incredibly toxic to me. You say you'd die for him? Kill? Is this an euphemism or would you really because that is not healthy.
∙∙i-love-rats99 3 hours ago
Pretty sure OP is either a thug or a rogue so that ain't the problem here :)
∙∙∙33AlyCats 2 hours ago
Okay. But that's worse. You do get how that's worse, right?
∙somebody-once-told-me 2 hours ago
||When I was dead, for a bit (I got better! Don't worry!)
r/OnlyInGotham
∙King-of-the-Andals 2 hours ago
I think you're misguided. Trying to set up your SO with another person, let alone a family member, is deeply messed up. Are you sure you even want this relationship if you're this quick to dismiss it?
∙∙MurderDove 2 hours ago
I think you misunderstand OP's intentions here bruh. He don't want his boy to go, he want 'im to get more action.
∙∙∙juice-boxx 2 hours ago
THAT is a gross oversimplification. Methinks what u/theREALjokerTM is doing is pretty sweet actually. Selflessly trying to accommodate his beloved is Goals not a Crime and it's not his fault he goes about it ass-backwards.
∙∙∙∙theREALjokerTM 2 hours ago
MY BELOVED
I like that
∙KAzekage 1 hour ago
Just got for it op. You already made a mess, what's the worst that can happen?
∙∙theREALjokerTM 1 hour ago
Maybe I just will
∙36 more replies HAH