Sometime later, when Billie was up and the food was ready, the eight adults and three kids sat down to eat. Olivia sat at the head of the table, with Noah to her left and Amanda to her right, with Billie in Noah's old high chair between them. To Amanda's right sat Jesse, then Carisi, Kat, Fin, Melinda, Munch and Cragen next to Noah. Amanda served Jesse, and Olivia served Noah, then both of them helped cut up smaller bits of food to put on Billie's tray. The toddler was still trying to get the hang of utensils, and mostly preferred to use her fingers.
Olivia had truly outdone herself and provided enough delicious food to feed, if not an army, then at least a battalion. Everyone ate, drank, chatted and laughed with one another.
To an outsider, the two women looked like a couple. Cragen watched as Olivia helped Billie scoop some peas with a plastic spoon, and Amanda stood up to pour Noah some more juice, ruffling the boy's curls with a loving smile before sitting back down and dropping a quick kiss to the top of Jesse's head, engaging Olivia in conversation once more. He may be retired but his observation skills were as sharp as ever. He saw the way they leaned into one another as they talked, how, when one wasn't looking, the other watched their movements.
Cragen knew that Olivia had often struggled to open herself up to love, and on the few occasions she had, she had gotten hurt. Looking at her and Amanda together, with the kids, he thought they looked like a family. He had never seen Rollins look so comfortable, and he had never seen Olivia look so happy. It warmed his heart to think that after all this time, the woman he looked upon as a daughter, had found someone.
After Olivia's dinner, and Amanda's wonderful pie had received sufficient praise, Carisi and Kat volunteered to clean up. While Liv supervised the packing away of leftovers, the rest of the party moved to the den where they sat, groaning with full bellies on the large new 'L' shaped sofa.
Everybody, except for Amanda, that is, who sat on the floor at the coffee table helping Billie to complete a jigsaw puzzle, while the two older kids entertained themselves on Noah's Nintendo Switch.
The two older men called it a day not too long after dinner, and as they made their rounds saying their goodbyes, Cragen enveloped Olivia in a hug and whispered, "be happy, Liv," before pulling back and giving her a meaningful look.
She gave him a brief smile, and nodded.
When they had finished cleaning up, Carisi and Kat had to split, both of them having other plans with their families for the evening. They thanked Liv for dinner and she in turn thanked them for cleaning up and entertaining the kids earlier in the day.
After their entertainers left, the kids wanted to watch a movie, so Liv set them up in the den with a pillow and blanket fort, with Finding Dory playing on the big screen TV.
The remaining adults sat around the dining table with cups of coffee, Liv and Amanda on one side of the table, Fin and Melinda sat opposite them, their hands clasped together on the polished surface. Amanda listened as they began reminiscing about the old days of SVU. She found herself staring at Liv as she talked animatedly, the perfect line of her jaw, the sparkle of humour in her eyes, her full soft lips stretched in a wide laughing grin over pearly white teeth.
The temptation to imitate the couple opposite them, and reach out to take Olivia's hand in her own from where it rested on the table beside her cup was overwhelming. Amanda had to sit on her hands in order to resist.
Shaking her head slightly, she refocused her attention on the words coming from Olivia's lips as the brunette told a story of her most embarrassing interrogation ever.
"…and then Liv gets all up in this dude's face, dead serious, and yells, 'I'm not the one who stabbed the captain with a pickle!' it was hilarious!" Fin guffawed. Melinda and Amanda fell about laughing too.
"Oh yeah, it was great until I passed out a few seconds later," Liv pouted, but then laughed despite herself. "I woke up in the hospital hours later and I thought my head was gonna explode, it hurt so bad. I haven't been able to even look at a mushroom since!"
It was getting late, so Fin and Melinda said their goodbyes, Fin promising to see them at work on Monday. When Amanda and Olivia returned to the den, they found all three kids had fallen asleep, snuggled together in the nest of blankets in front of the large sofa, Billie nestled safely between the two older children. Noah had his arm draped protectively around Billie's tiny shoulders, and Jesse curled in close to her sister's other side.
Amanda and Olivia stood side by side, watching as Jesse stirred slightly, an adorable little crease forming between her fair eyebrows. Liv recognised with fondness, the expression as one Amanda often had when she was focusing on a case. Jesse's face relaxed after a couple of seconds and she snuggled closer to the others, moving one little hand to cover Billie's belly.
"I should get them home to bed," Amanda whispered, not wanting to wake them, or break the spell of content silence that surrounded the five of them.
"Seems a shame to wake them," Liv countered. "Why don't I give you a tour of the rest of the house while these guys are otherwise occupied?"
Amanda hesitated, it wasn't that she was afraid to be, for all intents and purposes, alone with Olivia. Rather, she was worried that her reckless nature would take over, and she would do something that they would both regret. Tearing her gaze away from the three sleeping children, however, she saw the hopeful expression on Liv's face, and found herself unable to refuse.
Olivia led Amanda into the foyer and they began to climb the grand, sweeping staircase. Amanda could definitely see Olivia's style throughout the place, mostly light and airy, with tasteful embellishments here and there. The first floor housed two guest bedrooms, a large bathroom with jacuzzi tub and steam shower, and a library/office.
There were boxes of books still waiting to be unpacked in there, but the bookshelf reserved for Noah was already fully stocked.
There were a few photos around the place, mostly of Noah, or Noah and Olivia together. There were some of the squad, past and present, the changing line up, and Olivia's changing hairstyle indicating the passage of time. She also recognised a photo of Olivia with her mother taken over twenty years ago. Amanda had seen that one before, on her captain's desk.
She had always liked that picture. Olivia had only been in her twenties when it was taken, she was fresh-faced, as yet untainted by a couple of decades working to catch the scum of the earth and picking up the pieces of hundreds of lives that had been torn apart. Not to mention the countless traumatic situations Olivia had found herself in over the years.
Amanda couldn't help but admire Olivia's strength as she considered everything the brunette had endured throughout her life. A lesser human would have given up years ago, but not Olivia. She had not only survived, but thrived in the wake of her traumas. Amanda swallowed against the lump in her throat as she followed Olivia's curvy figure up the next set of stairs, knowing she would never be good enough, never deserve to be with someone as good, as beautiful, as amazing as Olivia Benson.
The first door they came to on the next floor was Noah's room, which he had been allowed to choose the décor for himself. He had gone with a space theme, complete with rocket ship decals and glow in the dark stars across the ceiling, Liv rolled her eyes as she pointed the latter out to the blonde, making Amanda laugh.
Olivia closed the door, and moved on to the next one, but Amanda sensed a hesitance in the older woman's step. "You okay, Liv?" she asked with concern colouring her tone.
"Yeah," Liv paused, her smile looking distinctly nervous. "Just… Don't think I'm weird okay?"
Confusion added to Amanda's concern now, she frowned, "O…kay? Why would I think you are weird?"
Liv stood with her hand on the doorknob of the next room, not yet opening it. "So, you know how we sometimes end up having sleepovers, and the kids end up squished together in one room?"
Amanda nodded slowly, "uh-huh…"
"Well I figured, since I have the space now, that the girls could have a room of their own…" She twisted the knob, letting the door fall open and flicked the light on, allowing Amanda to enter the room ahead of her.
The walls were a pale grey, with pink, purple, white and green leaf patterns all over it. Two low, white, wooden framed twin beds stood at opposite sides of the room, one, pink and white with a small throw pillow that read 'Jesse' in cursive font. The other was purple, with a pillow emblazoned with 'Billie'.
There was a white wooden bookcase against the far wall, stacked with books that Noah had grown too old to appreciate. A small toybox beside it held a few toys and games that the girls had left at Olivia's place over the months they had spent hanging out there. A large grey shaggy rug covered the majority of the pale hardwood floor.
Amanda stood speechless in the centre of the room, turning slowly on the spot, taking it all in. as she completed her spin her eyes came to rest on a framed picture on top of a white wooden dresser near the door. Tears sprang to her eyes as she recognised it from Billie's christening. Olivia in her blue patterned dress, held her newest goddaughter, while Amanda in long sleeved cream dress, balanced a then three-year-old Jesse on her hip. Both women had a hand on one of Noah's shoulders, where he stood between them in his blue-grey trousers and suspenders with a dark red shirt. Huge smiles adorned all their faces, even Billie's, because Liv had blown a raspberry against the six-month-old's neck seconds before Carisi had snapped the picture.
"Liv I…" Amanda croaked as she turned to face her captain, who hovered in the doorway, her teeth worrying at her lower lip as she waited anxiously for Amanda's reaction. "I can't believe you did all this. It's beautiful," Amanda managed in a hoarse whisper, "but you didn't have to do this."
Amanda had always felt alone. Other. Like she didn't quite fit in anywhere. Her family only ever wanted to know her if they needed something from her, usually money, and she hadn't heard from any of them in over a year.
When she had moved to New York, she didn't know anybody, so she had been alone then. She had instantly felt drawn to Olivia, introducing herself like an eager fangirl to the older woman. Later, she had berated herself for acting so ridiculously childish around the woman she had admired from afar for so long.
As she settled in, she had still kept people at arm's length, still reeling from her assault in Atlanta. She had tried to protect herself by keeping her distance, especially from Olivia, because she had feared letting the brunette too close would somehow lead to Liv discovering her secret. It was a lonely existence, but it had kept her safe and mostly sane. She had gone off the rails a few times over the years, but Liv had always helped her to get back on track.
Since having the kids, she had forced herself to get out more for their sake. She had finally given in to Olivia's pleading, and sought professional help to deal with her traumatic past. She had begun to come to terms with it properly and was learning to move past it, learning to believe it wasn't her fault and that she mattered.
This, that Olivia was doing now, for her and her family, made her feel that she was worth something, at least to one person. Liv had a way of making a person feel valued, even if you didn't value yourself. And for the first time in a very long time, Amanda felt truly cared for, even loved. She thought over Fin's words to her earlier that day, 'she wouldn't do that if she didn't care about you'.
"I wanted to do it," Olivia replied shyly, "I love… when you guys stay over, and so does Noah." She moved further into the room now, closer to the blonde, dark eyes locked onto light ones. "There's a room for you too. I was going to give the girls a room each, but I thought Billie might not want to be alone in a strange house. Maybe when she's older-"
The older woman's words were cut short as Amanda stepped up to her and pressed her lips to Liv's, cupping her face softly between her slender hands. Amanda watched as Olivia's eyelids fluttered closed in surprise, a slight crease appeared between her perfectly sculpted eyebrows, but she did not pull away. The kiss lasted about four seconds, before Amanda retreated slightly. She did not let go of the brunette's cheeks, but stared intently, her eyes meeting those intense chocolate orbs once more, her breath caught in her throat, trying to gauge Olivia's response.