Steph didn't even start walking towards Degrassi.
She had tried in the days before to stop skipping. Nothing really came of it when she did, except for a mini interrogation at the beggining of the next day from the twins. Still, it was better if she did go.
It was one of the things that were obvious and yet seemed really hard to do. That going to school was the better option. But how could she go there and sit through Mr Garcia, or whatever his name was, talking about some stupid thing she was supposed to remember for some reason, day after day with no end to it whatsover?
She needed it all to stop.
She could sit on top of the washing machine. That was close enough to the shower's curtain's rod for the curtain's rope to reach easily and have enough to make a knot around her neck.
It was strong, she knew that. As a child she used to hang from it like it was a monkey bar. It was drilled into the wall from both sides, made of strong metal, a couple of centimetres down the ceiling, two and a half meters from the floor.
The fact that she could make such a plan was proof enough that her mother couldn't care less if it happened or not.
But for now she just skipped. A one day break from hell didn't sound as nice as infinity, but it was better than nothing.
Wheels sat on the seesaw. He clearly had no problem skipping all the time. Since the beginning of school there had been more unanswered roll calls than days with him there.
Stephanie wasn't sure why he cose to sit on the seesaw. It was crouched under his teenager body, so low it forced him in some sort of fetal position. She didn't let her mind stay in that thought forever though.
Her swing was free and she took advantage of it. After all, it was his choice to leave it.
Every now and then Wheels would look at her, but they didn't say anything.
Until, just like the last time, Wheels got up.
«I'm going to the malt shop» he announced.
The wind almost swallowed the words, but she still heard them. They weren't an invitation, just a statement, but something propelled her to follow him as he left.
Wheels bought himself a soda and got out of the shop. He knew Stephanie was there, but barely acknowledged her.
They both seemed to share an agreement that were on their own in the same place, not together. It was the most refreshing thing in a while honestly.
It would have been so easy for Wheels to remind her of her old self, and everything she got wrong. After all, he was one of those things. Or at least he used to be.
He always used to be shy, but this was a different quiet. Actually, it was a different Wheels altogether. And for some reason, Stephanie felt like he wouldn't fake worry like the rest. Like she could feel whatever around him.
The Farrells were discussing some bowling event that was coming up next to Stephanie. They didn't try to bring her into the conversation, thankfully, but they still tried to pretend they were friends.
Not far from her desk, Wheels was being subject to a similar kind of torture: Snake and BLT, with shining preppy Alexa hanging from his arm, were also conversing close enough to him to consider themselves good people for including him.
Erica coughed to get Steph's attention. «So you're going to be on our team? It's for charity, remember»
«I'll think about it» Steph grunted.
Heather side-eyed her sister. «It's going to be fun, really»
She couldn't care less about what she found fun. «Again, I'll think about it» she said, even more annoyed.
«Yeah» Erica dropped the topic. «Garcia will be here in no time, we better go to our desks»
«I agree» Steph said, watching them leave.
She looked back at the white polished wood of the desk. The long, shapeless sleeves of her shirt where basically the same colour. They covered ideas, not actions, in case someone wanted to pretend to be worried. But still, persistent ideas, leaving ghost stains, to the point she could barely stand to look at them.
She turned towards Wheels.
BLT and Alexa were about to go sit, and he quickly closed the conversation. «So you'll be there?»
Wheels's head jerked up. «I have to go to that…» he stopped himself, hiding an insult. «Counsellor»
They left and Stephanie couldn't stop herself from making her perspective on counselling. «It's not like it helps»
Wheels looked at her, the vaguest hint of a smile on his face.
«Thank you, then» Mrs Kaye got off then phone as Stephanie got into the room.
«Steph! I heard there's a bowl-a-thon at your school coming up?» She asked as soon as she saw her daughter.
The guesses to who was on the phone quickly reduced to two possibilities, and the surname and name meaning was the same for both. «Who told you that?»
«Just the mother of a classmate of yours, she passed by store earlier»
Her mother was a terrible liar.
«I'm not sure whether I'm going» Steph said. Why did everyone go to such lengths for the pretence of being worried for her?
«It's for charity I heard»
Why was it so important that she had to go to every stupid school thing?
«I know» she muttered, getting increasingly more annoyed.
Her mother sighed once or twice, in the way that makes it clear to everyone you're about to say something. «I was thinking, you're fifteen, you could start helping out at the store»
«Don't you need a degree in medicine or something?»
«Just as a clerk. Just as a change of scenery a bit» her mother let escape the reason why.
Did she really think a job would help her get better? It was just one more thing to dread lying awake at night.
Still, to make sure she didn't bother her mother too much, she had to say yes.
«I don't see why not» she said and in her tone she made sure that her mother would know the why nots where actually plenty.