Realization

Alone at his lamp-lit desk in his room, Satoru's thoughts were a storm of self-reproach over his selfishness. Even though he was an adult, when he didn't try to swim upstream Satoru found himself unconsciously aligning with his younger self like bygone muscle memory. He fell back into his 1992 mannerisms and thoughts, which was natural – albeit strange. Hell, his mother could still read him like a book, especially after he had asked to move to Hinazuki's town.

He didn't– the last thing he wanted to do was erase the happiness Hinazuki had found. He did want to be with her though, and his heart still pounded excitedly when he got to. Whether as a friend, a significant other, or even a senpai, he wanted to know her bluntness and quiet wit for just a little longer.

Furthermore, Satoru felt like he had to erase the 15 years his mother had spent alone just keeping his body alive. Sachiko had told him how hard it was to wait for him to wake up and, reluctantly, she also explained that Kayo had visited his bedside every day for over a year until she transferred her son to Chiba to force Kayo to move on with her youth. Satoru truly was grateful for their selfless love, but he couldn't forgive Yashiro and his own mistakes for wasting so much of their lives. Kenya too had become a lawyer because his friend was attacked and his darkest fears confirmed. Even if his closest ally would lead a different life without that strong motivation, Satoru didn't think it was right to let Kenya's life be defined by trauma brought on by his blunder.

He knew that Hinazuki hadn't started dating Hirumi until after she graduated high school, so maybe... maybe three years together with the friend always just out of his reach wouldn't be too much to ask. And maybe… that would be enough for him. He had sworn that this would be his last revival before he moved forward into his uncharted future, so he had to live the way he wanted to here and now.

Satoru tried to pour all of these feelings into a colored pencil sketch of Kayo. His fear black as night, his loneliness swallowing his warmth like a pale snowstorm, and his longing, nagging at him from the depths of his heart – brimming full and barren all at once from his fragmented lifetime.

To Satoru's great relief they were seated in class 1-C together on the first day of school. He knew he would never have been able to concentrate with Hinazuki so near but just out of his sight. He honestly didn't feel possessive of her, but he certainly did feel paranoid after learning the sinister truth of his childhood and desperately fighting fate to keep her alive.

While tiredly eating lunch together on the rooftop, Satoru became sentimental when he saw that Kayo had a bento to match his and wasn't acting as if it was unusual. Of course he knew Hinazuki-chan was taking better care of her now, but seeing her like this… was a lot.

Kayo herself had crossed her arms and leaned forward over the lunch on her lap, looking at the ground. The conversation lulled as she stopped replying for a minute before speaking up. "Your letters meant a lot. When I came here I didn't know anyone except my grandmother and people caught on quickly that I didn't belong. It wasn't like before but... middle-schoolers can be cruel."

He saw it now. He hadn't yesterday, but now he could see that she was still pretending to be stoic and unaffected just like when he first met her. People were difficult for her just as before – especially placing her frayed trust in them. That trust would take time to mend. It hurt him to learn she was still suffering, but, more than anything, he knew now that his task wasn't done. Even if he had inadvertently separated Hinazuki from their friends by stopping Yashiro before he became a serial killer, his place was here helping her to grow past her mother. Even if he couldn't save the first victim as a child, even if he could only be her penpal during middle school, Satoru swore he would fix everything he could with this revival.

He laid his hand atop her own, surprising her. "They meant a lot to me too. I... well, I got so excited when I received one of your letters that I read it right away and sent a reply the next day. Maybe I'm saying too much again... but it made me happy to hear from you."

Kayo blushed but didn't wince and instead found an uncontainable smile widening across her face as she chuckled. "You… dummy."

Satoru laughed and said, "I honestly think that was what convinced my mom to move up into the mountains. It was the best when we were all together back in Tomakomai, wasn't it? I think we should try to make other friends here too."

"Yeah maybe. It's just– hard pretending to like people."

"Maybe you could just try talking with a lot of our classmates until you meet someone you actually like? That way, your friendship wouldn't be fake."

"What do you think I have you for? You're my big, dumb best friend, Satoru!" she said in oversentimental sarcasm.

"W-Well, yeah but– In any case you've got time, this is only your first day." Satoru was quickly remembering just how difficult Hinazuki could be when she wanted to be. He didn't have the heart to tell her that he didn't actually understand revival and his unstable consciousness might get yanked forward or backward anytime. In the worst case at least his younger self would remain here with her, but if his consciousness had never lived through this life in Furano… who would be living it for him? He hadn't had any revivals since returning to his childhood again, so maybe he was safe. Either way, telling her his doubts would only cause her undue stress.

"Yeah, I guess so... Umm there's going to be a hanami festival at Shikisai no Oka gardens in Biei next month and I wanted to ask you... Do you want to go together...?" Kayo asked as though she was being forced.

"Of– Of course!" Satoru yelped higher than even his teenage voice. "I'm sure a lot of other kids will be going too."

He bet a lot of couples would be going and it would be hella awkward.

"I'm glad," she said. "I haven't been to a real festival before. Well, besides 'Christmas...' "

Satoru felt his cheeks flush along with hers. Yep, awkward.