"Believe in your own blood until your heart stops beating."

-Hotel Books

Yoongi

OH. MY. GOD.

I was dying inside. I'm working on a project with Park Jimin. He invited me to his house. I immediately went to text Namjoon being extra sure I selected the right contact because now PARK JIMIN'S NUMBER was in his phone!

Yoongles: Joon! I finally talked to him!

I realized I was still sitting in his biology class and quickly gathered my stuff and headed to myKorean literature class. I walked through the hall with my head down while texting Namjoon. The wave of students parted around me like the red sea. Mostly likely because they were afraid to accidentally touch me. I didn't really mind. I was just glad people left me alone.

Joonie: Huh? Who?

Yoongles: JIMIN! I talked to him. I actually finally talked to him!

Joonie: Oh right. That guy that you are obsessed with. How did I not immediately realize that? You talk about him all the damn time.

I was typing a response when he walked face first into someone and fell back on the floor, my phone skittering away. The hallway froze. The kid, probably just a freshman, looked at me with wide eyes obviously terrified. One of the kids' friends ran forward to help him stand up. Once on his feet, the kid rushed to me.

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't see you." He reached down and grabbed my arm to help me up.

I ripped my arm out of his grasp hissing, "Don't touch me!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry." He picked up my phone and when he realized it was shattered I think I saw his life flash before his eyes. "Oh…no-"

The phone had been shattered for years, so I didn't care. I just snatched it out of his hand horrified at the thought of my conversation with Joon still being on the screen. Thank goodness it wasn't.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me and my heart started to race. "Just stay out of my way." I growled before walking away and praying that everyone would look away and just leave me be.

No one bothered me as I stormed into my literature class and took my seat in the back, but I could feel the whispers following me. I put my head down and pretended to sleep through class.

"Yoongi, can you stay behind for a moment?" Mrs. Heon said as the bell rang and the other students headed to lunch. Several students glanced at me curiously but rushed off to lunch.

"I'm guessing you have the homework for me?" I nodded and pulled it out of my bag. I often waited until the end of class to leave it on her desk because I don't like the looks I got when I walked to the front of the room to turn it in. Mrs. Heon was cool and didn't mind that it was technically late. She knew I always did the work. She took the paper from me and laid it on her desk before turning back with a smile.

"I wanted to talk to you about this last creative writing project. You did really well. I've been really impressed with the work you put into your assignments." I nodded not looking her in the eye. I hated looking people in the eyes.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"You know there's a writing competition that I think you would be great at. I saved some of the details for you." I took the flyer she handed me briefly scanning it.

My head jerked up, "The winner gets a scholarship to study at Seoul University?!"

"I knew you would be interested." She smiled again. " It's extremely competitive as I'm sure you are aware with a prize like that. They aren't looking for a little essay. You would need a real project, something impressive. A novella, thesis paper, poetry collection. It will be hard, but I think you could have a shot. The deadline is near the end of the school year so you have a few months to figure it all out."

I stared at the paper and then back up at her with a real smile on my face, the kind where my cheeks almost hurt and she could see my gums.

"Thank you." I managed to choke out. It had been forever since I felt so determined and inspired.

I skated through the lunch line. It was short because I had missed the initial rush. Today was a good day.

I carried my full lunch tray towards the back of the cafeteria where I could see my only two friends sitting and eating.

"There you are Yoongles, I was afraid you ran out on us." Hoseok said through a mouthful of food.

"Don't call me that." I said as I slid into the seat beside Namjoon.

Once seated, I looked around the cafeteria until my eyes fell on him. Jimin. He was sitting at his usual table with his friends and they were laughing loudly. I loved watching him laugh. He would throw his head back and laugh with whole body. Usually, he would throw himself onto whatever surface or person was closest. His eyes crinkled until they almost disappeared and he looked as though he didn't have a care in the world.

I know it was kinda creepy to watch him from afar, but I had honestly never planned on even talking to Jimin. I mean, I wasn't stalking him. I just noticed when he was in the room. I just liked to watch him but I didn't plan on asking him out or anything. It wasn't like that.

It's just the boy was so… alive. I had noticed him almost as soon as he moved here as a freshman. He always wore bright colors and soft sweaters. He was friendly to pretty much everyone and practically radiated light. Everything about him just made me feel like maybe the world wasn't completely terrible. He was everything I wasn't. Everything I secretly wished I could be.

"Dude." Namjoon interrupted my thoughts, "You're starring again." I shook my head blushing, but I couldn't hide the small smile that had started to form just from looking at him.

Wait…" Hoseok said, "Are you..smiling? I didn't know you could smile." I threw a clump of rice at his face.

"He talked to him today." Namjoon said smugly.

"You can TALK!" Hoseok said with fake shock.

"Shut up!"

"But did you really? I didn;t think you were ever going to talk to him. Did you ask him out? Confess your love?"

"I'm not in love." I said incredulously. Both of my friends scoffed at that. "I didn't plan on talking to him. We got paired up for a science project. We are just working on it after school." I wanted to sink into the floor. They were embarrassing the crap out of me. I hoped no one was close enough to overhear. Everyone gave us a pretty wide berth in the cafeteria so it was unlikely but it still made me uncomfortable.

"You didn't mention that part in your text." Namjoon huffed.

"Let me get this straight." Hoseok said squinting his eyes as if he were thinking really hard and trying to solve a complicated puzzle. "You are going to see him after school today to work on a science project? Alone? Oh my gosh. You're so gonna fall in love. Are you gonna take him to a cute cafe where you can share a strawberry milkshake with two straws?"

"That's very specific. And no, I'm not taking him anywhere. We're just going to his house." I said as if the idea of seeing his home didn't fill me with inexplicable joy.

"You're going to his house!" Namjoon said a bit too loud. A couple students did turn and look at us. I glared at him.

"OOh, you're gonna go to his house and be in his bedroom. And your eyes will meet. And then you will lean in...Ah, my gay heart is dying!" I kicked Hoseok under the table but he just stuck out his tongue and laughed at me. He was one of the only people in this school who wasn't scared of me. Why couldn't I be intimidating when it mattered the most!

I couldn't get the image Hoseok just painted out of my mind. I had thought of going to his house and seeing family pictures and meeting his mom. For some reason my hormonal teenage heart didn't even think of the possibility of going into his bedroom. Just the two of us. Alone.

My heart clenched and I started to sweat. Oh God! Am I dying? I thought. Is this what dying feels like?!