wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed on my first two chapters! your words were so kind and i loved reading them. i hope u guys are enjoying the story and if u are, feel free to leave a review below! also if u have any questions feel free to ask and i will try to answer them. thanks for reading!

xxx

"Dad?"

The sudden call pulled him from his trance. He was nearly asleep, lost deep in his own train of thought. He began merely wondering about what they needed to pack for their trip to Tulsa, when they were leaving, where they were stopping; but quiet thoughts quickly morphed into a reflection of his own fears. He silently wondered if his sons considered him a coward for returning to his hometown sixteen years later for no good reason. He wondered if he was making the right decision by bringing his sons back and forcing them to witness him relive the memories of his past. He wondered if Alice was the one who had given Keith Matthews his address, for he knew he had never given anyone from his past any ideas of his whereabouts. For all they knew, he had disappeared off the face of the earth.

He let out a tired groan as he flipped over on his side and stretched to turn on the lamp resting on his bedside table. The dim light illuminated his master bedroom and reminded him just how empty the other side of the bed was. He found it somewhat funny that even after Alice had departed, he still slept on his designated side of their bed. Maybe it was out of respect for her, he couldn't tell, but whatever it was, it prompted Daniel to make jokes about the whole situation. While he knew that was his oldest son's coping mechanism for most things, he didn't always appreciate the snarky comments from the peanut gallery.

"Hey, kid," he greeted, somewhat disoriented, his voice hoarse from lack of speech. James stood in the open doorway, his hair a tousled mess indicating a sleepless night full of tossing and turning in his lone twin bed. In his arms, he clutched his ragged and worn stuffed elephant. Even at eight, James was still the baby of the family and everybody treated him as such. Steve and Alice had always absentmindedly spoiled him, which was why he constantly acted younger or around his age while Daniel and Chance acted years older. His coworker, Mike, always referred to it as youngest-child-syndrome, but Steve referred to it as feeling sympathetic for his son when Daniel and Chance would always ditch the kid for their friends. "Did you have another nightmare?" He questioned, trying to tame his own unruly hair as James stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. The boy merely shook his head.

"Are we gonna leave Texas now that Mom is gone?" He mumbled quietly under his breath, his tone replete with worry. Steve heaved a sigh and sat up further against his headboard, motioning for James to get into the bed. The boy didn't hesitate and immediately climbed into the queen-sized bed, crawling under the tangled bed sheet and pulling the soft comforter up to his chin. Steve ran a comforting hand through his youngest son's hair, trying to soothe his irrational fears.

"What gave you that idea, buddy?" He questioned sincerely as James burrowed even further into the bed, still clutching his stuffed elephant. After his mother had left, James had become significantly more clingy and as his brothers grew up around him and spent more time with each other and their friends, James stuck to Steve like glue. Even if Steve was just going to the store, he would request to go too and never stray far from Steve at all. While he did tend to worry about his son's self-sufficiency, he didn't mind it at all; he was the only parent the kid had and he would never fully understand why his mother just up and left him one day, so Steve just encouraged it even if he knew he shouldn't.

"Cause, Chance and Danny said we were goin' back to where you were born and they said you probably wanted to move back or somethin'." The boy elaborated, sniffling slightly as he spoke. Steve sighed and wiped a tear rolling down the boy's cheek with his thumb. He knew that even talking about Tulsa was some sort of bad omen and he wished he could just take back anything he had said at dinner that evening.

"I promise you we're not moving anywhere, especially not back there," he comforted, stifling a yawn. He stole a glance over to his clock, restraining a sigh. 2:17 AM. He had to be up for work in less than three hours and he had barely gotten a wink of sleep that night. "Besides, your brothers were just tryin' to scare you like they always do, so don't worry about it, okay?" He continued, feeling James nod under the hand he was still combing through his hair. The boy's eyelids slowly began to droop and he moved closer to Steve, pressing his face up against Steve's side. Steve somewhat envied his son's ability to fall asleep so easily. His only doubt in the world was put to rest and as soon as he realized everything was fine, he fell back asleep with ease. It was almost as if he was still a baby and all Steve had to do was rock him for a few minutes before he could fall back asleep. He wouldn't admit it, but he often missed the days when he could just hold one of his sons, keeping them close by. Now, they were maturing at a faster than average rate, growing up and making plans, and while it was inspiring to know they could still hope, it was also a little heartbreaking. However, he simply brushed it off as something all fathers went through at some point in time. He longed to know if Alice felt that way, wherever she was in the country. He longed to know if she missed her kids and what strength it must have taken to just give up all responsibility in a heartbeat. He longed to know what made her think that was okay.

He knew he thought about Alice too much. He knew what she did was wrong and he should just move on. But, he couldn't, which was what scared him the most.

xxx

Steve decided they would leave on Tuesday.

They would be a few days early for the wedding, which wasn't ideal but had to do. He was forced to take his first break from work that year, making the risky decision to place Sammy in charge of the garage for the six days he would be gone. On the contrary, his sons were quite ecstatic about missing school. All of Sunday and Monday, all they would talk about was how they would miss some sort of test or not have to participate in some class activity. While he was somewhat pleased they were so excited about the trip, he couldn't keep down the uncertainty and the nerves that always came back to him at odd times during the day. He wished he could forestall the inevitable and prevent Tuesday forever. He didn't want to make the five-hour drive to Tulsa with three boys, he didn't want to ever see any inch of Oklahoma ever again, and he certainly didn't care about Keith Matthews' stupid marriage which would last for all of three weeks.

Monday night, he didn't sleep. He didn't expect himself to either. He tossed and turned, trying to push any thoughts of Tulsa, Oklahoma from his mind. However, every time he closed his eyes he couldn't stop the distress and anxiety from rising, preventing him from sleeping. He couldn't believe himself; he was terrified of a town, of his memories, of people he used to call his friends. When he was young, he wasn't afraid of anything and he prided himself on that. He would face anyone in a fight just to back up a guy he barely knew. He drank himself stupid nearly every night with kids he called his best friends. He covered up all the sorrow and the loneliness with alcohol and parties and fighting and expected it never to catch up with him. However, the sadness certainly caught up soon enough, causing him to leave. He still couldn't believe it, he was going back with his hypothetical tail tucked between his legs.

Tuesday morning was about five times worse than the night prior. They were supposed to leave at 8 AM sharp, so of course, they ended up leaving at 10. The whirlwind of chaos that took place in his house that morning acted as a clear indication that he should have just dropped the three boys off at school and gone to work, abandoning any plans to go to Oklahoma. First, James couldn't find the rented tuxedo for the wedding which cost them thirty minutes, (it was on the floor of his closet in a heap). Then, Daniel slipped carrying his coffee, sending the mug and the scalding hot liquid flying everywhere which cost them a good ten minutes. After that, Chance and James got into an all-out brawl over who would take shotgun first which cost them five minutes but technically ten if Steve counted the five minutes he had to take to calm down James after Chance shoved him. Not to mention the fact that Steve thought he lost his suitcase because he had made the genius decision to put it in the trunk of his car the night prior.

As Steve settled into the front seat of the car, he pulled his cheap pair of sunglasses over his eyes, allowing himself a brief rest from the chaos of the house. The moment of repose was interrupted almost instantly, however, as all three slid into the car simultaneously, Chance and James still fighting over some nonsense, and Daniel begging him to let him drive for the first hour.

"Please, Dad! Let me drive, just for a little bit! Nothing'll happen, I swear!" He pleaded somewhat pathetically. After about ten minutes on the road, Steve gave in. He didn't actually feel at ease letting Daniel drive his beloved car with two hyperactive kids yelling and bickering in the backseat. However, he wasn't in the mood to hear Daniel's begging any longer and he parallel parked, switching places with his oldest son. Daniel shot him a nervous grin as he placed his hands on the wheel. Just as he was about to get back onto the road and get out of the parallel park, he moved forward an inch too much and promptly rear-ended the car in front of them, leaving minuscule dents in both the front of Steve's car and the back of the other car.

"Wanna trade?" Daniel smirked tentatively, trying to avoid Steve's glare from behind his sunglasses.

"Get out," Steve sighed immediately, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. Daniel didn't hesitate to slide out of the driver's seat, switching places with Steve who could hear both Chance and James trying to stifle their laughter in the backseat. As soon as they were back on the road, Steve turned to his oldest son who was staring glumly out the window. "You're not driving for the rest of this trip. Maybe the rest of your life, I'm not sure." He informed Daniel who gave Steve a slight smile.

"Understood." He replied.

xxx

"What's so special 'bout this place anyway?"

They had just entered Oklahoma. They had just entered hour three of their five-hour drive. Steve had just about entered the brink of insanity. Fortunately, around hour two, they had pulled over and gotten enough food to feed a hoard of buffalo at some greasy diner in Lewisville, and the boys fell asleep almost instantly after that. For two peaceful hours, he was all alone with nothing but his thoughts and the car radio which kept cutting in and out. Eventually, he decided that he didn't exactly prefer being alone in a car with his thoughts and "accidentally" woke them up.

"What place, kid?" Steve questioned with a groan as he hit a pothole right in the center of the road. He eyed James, who had asked the question, through the rearview mirror, taking into account his tousled hair and the way he squirmed in his seat uncomfortably, indicating he had to use the restroom. Steve hoped they would come across a rest stop soon.

"Um, the town where we're going," he explained hesitantly, avoiding Steve's gaze. "The place you were born, I just forgot the name. I know it starts with a T..." His voice trailed off with uncertainty and he looked to his brother for an answer.

"It's Tulsa, stupid." Chance shot back, rolling his eyes irritably. Always the know-it-all, Chance couldn't stand watching anybody struggle for answers. While his teachers always told Steve he was sharp for his age, they constantly complained about his denouncing other kids in the middle of class. Steve found it hilarious, the rest of the parents did not. That was one of the aspects of his life that isolated him from the parents of his son's friends; they all thought he was some sort of failure because he was a single father and his thirteen-year-old son thought he knew everything in the world. He didn't tell Chance what the boy's English teacher told him, which was that she wished Chance would stay quiet in class for a change rather than 'bullying' other students because of their lack of information. It took a lot to shake Steve, calling his son a bully would be at the top of that list. While he agreed that Chance could tone down the arrogance at times, it wasn't like he was beating up kids after class. The kid was steadfast and liked by everyone, so why did all the adults in his life decide to turn against him? Because he didn't have two parents?

"Chance..." He warned, raising an eyebrow over the top of his sunglasses. One thing his middle son didn't quite grasp was the fact that James didn't catch on as quick as the other two. He often had trouble remembering simple things, which was why Steve never flat out gave him the answers. He wanted his son to grow rather than be handed whatever he needed.

"Yeah, so what's so great about Tulsa?" James questioned again, sitting up taller in his seat so he could meet his father's gaze in the mirror. "How long did you live there?" He asked, suddenly spinning an interview on Steve.

"Um, 'til I was about twenty-one." He provided, pretending to contemplate his answer. 'About' was bullshit, he could recall the exact time he drove out of Tulsa on the exact day in the exact car, (4:46 PM, November 17th, 1970, 1965 Pontiac GTO)

"What kind of shit did you pull there, huh, Dad?" Daniel chimed in with a mischievous smirk, causing Steve to roll his eyes.

"Language," he chided, scouring the sides of the streets for rest stops as he tried to recall one of his more wild stories from Tulsa. He had a few, but they usually ended in somebody getting arrested or hurt, which wasn't exactly the greatest influence for any of his kids. Finally, he decided on one of the cleaner ones. "There was this kid I knew back then, Tim Shepard. He had this kid brother, Curly, and we all used to hang around sometimes even though they belonged to a different ga-um, group," he began, reprimanding himself silently for nearly saying gang. Even though the groups they stuck to were hardly gangs, he still didn't want to put the image in his sons' minds that he was some kind of criminal when he was their age. "Anyway, we were at this...place one day and Tim runs in, yelling and hollering at me and one of my friends. He tells us that our stupid friend had 'really done it this time' and we needed to help him home." He elaborated, masking the real identity of Buck's, a local bar run by a guy who didn't care if there were thirteen-year-olds swiping booze. His sons definitely didn't need to know about his underage drinking habits, even though he knew for a fact that Daniel was well aware of where to get alcohol for a party with his crazy friends.

"What did the guy do?" James asked, enticed by Steve's somewhat vague and censored story.

"Well, me and this friend walk outside with Tim and we see our friend, Keith, standing in the middle of the road with blood pouring out of his nose," smirking slightly as Chance pulled a disgusted face, a clear indication he was listening too. "So, my friend asks Tim, 'what happened?' and Tim tells us Keith mistook Tim's kid sister, Angela, for a prostitute while drunk and tried to, y'know..." His voice trailed off as Daniel started laughing at James' utterly confused face and Steve quickly remembered his son had no idea what a prostitute was. "Anyway, we walked Keith home, and let's just say he was never allowed near Angela Shepard again." He finished, also amused by his youngest son's confusion. Chance, however, still wasn't satisfied and pried further with an intimidating stare.

"Why haven't you ever told us any other stories, Dad?" He pressed and Steve bit his lower lip, trying to ignore the boy's comment. He knew his son saw right through him at times, always wanting more to every story than placating excuses. He wasn't wrong either, Steve rarely told them anything about Tulsa. Now, he was dragging his sons on a five-hour-long road trip to a place they had only heard about in whispered bits of conversation. They knew nothing, and Steve intended to keep it that way forever. So, of course, Chance wanted a better explanation than a wedding for a reason to leave everything for six days.

"Just don't like talking about it, I guess." He offered concisely, trying to eliminate the tension that had consumed the car. Finally, he spotted a gas station down the road and began to pick up his driving pace.

"So why are we going there anyway?" He continued, Steve choosing to ignore the arrogance in his son's tone. Chance wasn't aware of anything that had gone down in Tulsa, and he was barely aware of anything in Steve's life before Texas. He was the only kid who wasn't so easily placated by Alice's childhood stories, he was the only kid who didn't believe a word Steve had said seven months prior when he told them the reasons why their mom had left, and he was the only kid Steve knew he would have trouble with. He always got what he wanted, and now he wanted an explanation for Steve's returning to Tulsa after sixteen long years. However, Steve couldn't provide an answer he didn't know.

"Just shut it, jerk." Daniel snapped at the backseat, saving Steve from another tension-filled moment as he pulled into the dusty carport of a dilapidated-looking Chevron station and removed the keys from his car. As they clambered out of the car, stretching and feeling the late afternoon sunset warm their skin, he could feel Chance's prying eyes boring into his as Steve placed a hand on James' back, leading him towards the front doors, eager to find a bathroom.

"What's a prostitute?" James suddenly asked, breaking away any remnants of uncomfortable silences. Steve laughed and patted his youngest son on the shoulder.

"You'll probably see when we get to Tulsa." He joked, allowing the rejuvenating rays of the sun and his sons' laughter to settle over the dust of his past.

xxx