From never being seen anywhere near the Avengers HQ, to the point that I hadn't met him in the three months since crashing here, to hanging out almost every single day. I knew why. Everyone knew why. They saw him perched on my desk like the world's biggest, most talkative parrot and overnight everyone's feelings towards me went from cautious wariness to the same fierce protectiveness that James had displayed the night Loki brought me back from Pennsylvania. Nat in particular disliked him immensely, and she made it a point to sit in the chair on the other side of my desk and watch him like a hawk when she could. I had expected her to throw a knife through Loki's hand the first time he reached out to touch my hair in front of her.

I wasn't about to admit to her that it was bothering me less when he did that. Wasn't going to admit it to her, nor to him.

I drew the line when he set his hand down a millimeter away from mine. I had quickly snatched my hand away and went back to coaxing more space out of the server I had come to call Beelzebub, because it was Hell to work with.

The morning after Loki brought me back, I had found my Rabbit parked in front of the bakery, not only returned with keys and purse inside but freshly washed. The interior had smelled like him. I would have been impressed that his scent had managed to soak into the upholstery in the short time he was in the car if it weren't for the fact that I had already discovered how pervasive the ice and peppermint that made up his scent was. I had not been able to wash it off me, and I scrubbed for a long time with a few different soaps and body washes before I gave up. He didn't come to the manor every day but even when he wasn't around my entire workspace smelled like him.

He had succeeded in marking his territory. And in driving me crazy. The worst part was that I found myself liking it. I would inhale deeply when I got into my car and first thing when I arrived at HQ. I had to fight the impulse to roll around in it like a damn cat. It made me feel safer and I was having fewer episodes, something that the others noticed as well. What the Hell was wrong with me? Well, a lot of things...but when it came to him specifically. He was a Trickster. He almost destroyed New York. He'd killed people, a lot of people before Thor had hauled him back to Asgard to face their father's justice. And here I was looking forward to seeing him when he popped up and missing him when he didn't. It was official: I was insane.

I watched the various objects spin in the air and concentrated on making the World's Ugliest Paperweight do a figure eight. The lessons with Stephen were getting better, and he nodded in approval as I sent a spinning ball through a small plastic hoop. I had gone from making one object float to being able to call multiple objects to me, away from me, and move them in various positions. It had been hard work, which I suspected was the reason Stephen was letting me play around now.

He was ready to move on so I set the objects, slowly and gently, back into their places. The World's Ugliest Paperweight I summoned to my hand. It was Easter egg purple with some blue squares dotted by speckles of an indiscernible shade of mud. The shape was best described as hedgehogish, with weird spikes sticking out of the core of...whatever it was supposed to be. I played with it as I waited for whatever Stephen had in mind.

"Not bad, but your focus needs improvement. I noticed that when you tried to move one object, you were having trouble, but as soon as you began to add other objects you were thriving. That's all well and good if you want to show off, but not so good if you have to move something specific, such as a healing implement. Or a weapon."

"I'm not calling any weapons anytime soon. I'm not an Avenger so I don't go on missions with them, and besides I don't like fighting." The only reason I was learning was because everyone insisted on it. Mostly it was a way to become more familiar with my new body, with how strong I now was along with the other changes. It was very slow-going, mostly because my aversion to touch was preventing me from sparring with anyone. No one could just reach out and correct my forms either. It was frustrating for everyone so getting me into the gym was like pulling teeth.

And I just did not like hurting people. It was more than the fact that I could feel their pain. I didn't like to be the cause of that pain.

"Nevertheless, improving focus is vital, especially for you. Your thoughts are scattered all over the place. You never stay still, you stay alert to every sound around you, you," he reached over and grabbed the paperweight out of my hands, "constantly find things to fiddle with. And please don't tell me that you can't help it because you can, you just choose not to because you're afraid if you let your mind go silent then you would have to confront your past."

That felt like a slap in the face. Stephen was nothing if not blunt. "I thought you wanted me to gain control. Thinking about all of...that ends with me in a very dark place. I'm not in control there."

"Repressing all of that trauma is not the answer. I know opening up is difficult after being violated like that..."

"You don't know," I snarled at him. "You have no idea what they did to me."

"I saw your mind. I know exactly what they did to you. I know the only reason you are at all functional is the fact that you are no longer mortal."

"We don't know that for sure."

"You survived a seven-mile drop. You require no food or water and you heal at an accelerated rate. I may not be entirely certain of what you are exactly, but I am quite sure whatever it is isn't mortal." He didn't add that even though I had gone over the hump that was age 30 at the time I was abducted, I actually looked like I was in my early 20s. The little creases around my eyes had gone away along with the eyebags and sunspots.

"Fine. Then I have all the time in the world, so maybe you need to back off!" I slammed my hand down on the table and ended up smashing a glass ball into pieces. The shards of glass cut into my hand. The slices bled for moments before they healed over, and some of the wounds closed over the damn glass.

Wonderful, I was going to have to dig the glass out. Healing fast didn't mean it didn't hurt either. I hopped around a few times in the steps to the universal "Holy fuck me that hurts" dance while holding my bloody hand as I whistled through my teeth. The glass sliced again as I tried to flex the hand. Ow. Slice. Ow. Slice. Ow.

"You're cleaning that up." Stephen sighed "After we take care of your hand. Sit down."

It took him awhile to clean my hand and help me get all the glass out. After I cleaned up the rest of the glass, I found myself in the Lotus position on a large cushion trying to meditate. Stephen claimed it was a "reward" for today. I think he just wanted me to be quiet for a bit.

"Start at your toes," his voice slid over me in the dark broken only by the flickering of a few candles. At least he had stopped burning the incense. We had learned very quickly that the stuff was an irritant for me. "Feel them relax and then picture that ball of relaxation traveling up your legs, over your torso, your chest, spitting to travel down your arms, then traveling back up to complete its journey over your neck to the very top of your head. Take as much time as you need." He was barely whispering, and since he wasn't feeling anything at the moment but focused concentration, I found it easy to obey. My muscles became languid, my spine was liquid, and my breathing evened out as my heart slowed.

"Clear your mind, and your emotions."

That was the tough part. When I stopped thinking...

There, the labyrinth, that twisting path that offered a hiding place from all the bad things. The darkness there could be scary but it was also calming and was my only safe place from...

That was the last place my mind needed to be going. The struggle to direct it somewhere else was hard, but I managed. I breathed deeply. Shit, with all the other things I had to focus on today I had forgotten all about the scent. Now my brain grabbed onto it, that enticing, intoxicating, wonderful ice with a kiss of peppermint smell that sent my pulse racing. I felt warmth in my core. Nope, this would not do, especially in front of Stephen. I tried to focus on his burnt coffee and newspaper containing a very faint note of apple scent, but no dice. My mind kept going back to...

Clear my emotions, he said. I was sure I knew how to do that.

I visualized the trash can and began to dump my thoughts into it. My present worries, my past worries, my grief. The last one did not go in easy. It didn't take Freud to figure out why. I tried to shove it into the can anyway.

Then I grabbed the box I had labeled "lust" and tried to dump it.

Tried to dump it.

Tried to dump it.

Oh, come on!

I cringed internally. Damn it, my mind was supposed to be clearing, and here I was with my brain being overruled by my hormones. Wait, did I even have hormones anymore? If I didn't, how come I was fighting not to fidget and squirm like a fucking cat in heat?

I mentally growled and then slammed the lust-box down, putting some real oomph into it. I felt a wave of something push out, then my mind was a little quieter.

I was feeling proud of myself, and working on clearing my mind more, when Stephen's voice cut in with all the delicacy of a sledgehammer. "What did you do?"

I opened my eyes and blinked at him. "Huh? Nothing. I'm sitting here clearing my mind."

"You did something. I felt it."

"I didn't do anything!"

"You did something. We need to find out what bef-" We both heard the honking. He was faster than me, and he was out of the room before I could uncross my legs. I was sure I didn't do anything. I heard nothing break, smelled nothing burning. My hair wasn't standing on end, just slightly frizzy as usual. I jogged out of the room and followed Stephen's scent to where he stood staring out a window.

The sounds became clearer. Besides honking and people swearing, I also heard the click of cellphones and... caterwauling?

Sure enough, I smelled cats and I stopped beside Stephen, joining him in staring out the window.

Cats. Lots of cats. Some of them blocking the street, hence the honking cars. Cats rolling around on the sidewalks and the middle of the pavement. More cats in the process of bumping uglies.

I blinked, weighed what I was feeling from Stephen, which was best described as...well, "mixed" would have been the polite term for it... against what I'd been doing before he ran out, and stifled a groan.

I had been trying to lock away my growing lustful feelings for Loki. That last time I had smashed down on the mental box, while thinking about cats. No wonder my brain had cleared up. I hadn't stamped the lustful feelings down. I had shoved them out at the same time the cat thing popped into my head.

And now every cat in this area was in heat.

Oops.

I kept my eyes fixed on the street. I dared not look at Stephen. I. Did. Not. Dare.

I gave the stuffed cat taking up my chair a baleful glare. It was two feet tall, bright pink with plastic yellow eyes, and was wearing a big red bow on the back of its neck. The gossip mill worked fast. The cat incident was only an hour ago. It hadn't taken Stephen long to set things to rights, and he had said goodbye with a "request" to come back to his home the next day so we could work on some better techniques for clearing my head. I had been amazed that he could still talk with his jaw clenched like that, and his door had closed just a wee bit too hard behind my back.

I heard someone come in and then pause when they stepped away from the front door enough to see my desk. Silence for a few moments. I refused to turn around.

"That was you?" asked Loki as he stepped up closer behind me. "Do I want to know what you were trying to do that resulted in that instead?"

"No, you don't. Wait...this isn't you?" He shook his head as I gestured at the cat. I frowned and stepped to my chair, leaning in to inhale close to the Pepto Bismo cat.

Freshly mown grass and metal with a bite of citrus. Bubblegum. And butterscotch.

Huh. I would never have expected either of the first two to do something like this. The third I would expect to do to friends, which we weren't. He probably got dragged along for the ride. "Everyone here is a fucking comedian," I growled, picking up the cat and tossing it into Natasha's chair. The damn thing squeaked. I did not want to know how they had found and delivered that in record time. Did they have nothing else better to do?

Loki took his perch on the edge of my desk beside me as I sank into my chair. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. When I was learning magic, I made many, many errors. Although, I must say, none of them were as-"

"One more word, and I'll tell the others to toss you out on your ass like they've been wanting to do since you began hanging around like a ghoul." That was doubtful. The only individuals here who might be able to manage it were Thor and Hulk, and they were the only ones who didn't want to. Stephen would probably manage it as well, but he had already made it clear that Loki was their problem and he would have no part of it unless the Trickster began to present himself as a threat again.

"Someday soon," Loki breathed as he glowered at me, "I shall provide a much better use for that mouth of yours."

"You're entitled to your fantasies," I retorted as I pulled up my email, to discover that I had been signed up for every "daily cat" meme or video email list that existed. A simple trace revealed the culprit was one Tony Stark. How the hell did he find out? These men really did have nothing better to do. I shut my computer off and rubbed my hands over my face. "I will never live this afternoon down..."

"Might I suggest you get out for a bit? Come, let's take a walk." Loki stood up and held out his hand. I looked at him, feeling weary and grumpy. "Come," he coaxed again.

A walk did sound good, but I wasn't going to admit that. I rose and ignored the outstretched hand, heading to the door and feeling Loki's smug smile at my back.

Central Park was not far at all and there were surprisingly few people out and about. It was a peaceful stroll down one of the many paths. I breathed in the smell of grass, elm, and other trees, caught the scents of squirrels and chipmunks going about their business. There was a hot dog stand I couldn't see but I could smell, and the odor made me wonder how the hell I ever ate one of those things. A horse had been by recently. Birdsong was nowhere near as painful as other noises in the city, nor was the sound of the breeze rustling the leaves, their whispers clear as bells.

"There now. Going straight from your home, to work, to that s-" I quirked a brow at Loki and he changed what he was about to say fast. "sorcerer's home, that cannot be helping your focus. I learned that it is important to let your mind rest. Tell me, how is your sleep?"

"Nonexistent." He gave me a look and I rolled my eyes. "Oh, for fuck's sake. I already have Stephen on my ass about it. I don't need another wannabe dad."

Loki stopped walking and fixed with me his gaze. His eyes glittered as he crooned, "Pet, there are many, many plans I have for you. Not one of them is at all fatherly."

He was making me tingle again. He needed to stop that. I shrugged, acting casual. I was not going to allow him to know how much he was getting to me. "I don't need to sleep, so I don't. I see no point."

"You will sleep when I finally get my hands on you." Loki's eyes glittered more. I could not look away. We stood there for a few moments gazing into each other's eyes. "I still say I should be the one teaching you."

"My answer is still no." He had offered a few times so far, but the idea made me nervous. I didn't need another teacher. In fact, I would have preferred no teacher at all. I didn't want to hone my abilities. I didn't want to have magic, or be magic. I wanted to be normal again. I wanted my powers gone. I hadn't chosen them; they'd been forced on me against my will. It was another violation in a series of them. My body wasn't my own. I could feel a stranger running through my veins, making up my bones and muscles. It was alien, unfamiliar. The only reason I agreed to the lessons with Stephen was that they were a condition of me being allowed to roam around free rather than be under lock and key.

"That sorcerer is teaching you as though you are still human. You are not human. You do not just use magic. You are magic. It's no wonder you aren't getting a lot from his lessons." We had started walking again.

"And your method would be any different? Your magic doesn't seem like it's all that different from Stephen's."

"My magic is nothing like his."

"Uh-huh."

"It's better."

I shook my head. "I refuse to get into the middle of whatever pissing contest you two have going on with each other. Besides, I thought you wanted to get into my pants, not be my mentor."

"Who says I cannot do both? And if you still believe I desire only the physical as far as you are concerned, then you have not been paying attention."

"Don't go there." Now I was really squirming. I'd been okay as long as I was able to pretend that Loki's interest was purely physical.

"You need to stop fighting it. Come on, you know there is much more between us."

"There is no us."

"Really?" Loki stepped in front of me. "Tell me you don't feel it. Why are you here with me now? You could tell me to bugger off at any time, yet you have not."

"Now who hasn't been paying attention?"

"No, that has been you trying to hide your fear of what's been building between us. If you really wanted me gone, you would have told me outright."

"Would you listen?"

"Yes. I would be devastated, but I would respect your wishes, if it were indeed your wish that I go. But it's not." He reached up and rubbed a few strands of my hair between his thumb and fingers.

"I have a hard time believing you would be devastated by anything, especially something as silly as a woman rejecting you. I've read your stories. You have no trouble getting lovers."

He tugged on my hair, and I gasped. "Careful, pet. You're coming close to crossing a line," he growled. "There is nothing silly about you, or us. It is true: I am awaiting the day when I can touch you with baited breath, although I know that day will be a long time coming. It will be a long time because when you do begin to lose your aversion to physical contact, you will need gentle caring at first. I know that, and I also know this: I will not be able to be gentle with you."

I swallowed hard. He was telling the truth. I would have been able to see it in the burn of his eyes if I weren't able to feel it. Loki would not be a gentle lover. He would not be easy in bed. He would possess, would not be satiated until he had wrung everything he could out of his lover, leaving her a quivering satisfied mess whom he might allow to rest for a little bit before taking her again. As though he heard my thoughts, Loki continued. "I will use everything in my arsenal...my mouth, my hands, my whole body to taste, lick, explore every inch of you. I will make you fall apart again and again, drinking in every moan, every scream, pushing you over that bright edge repeatedly until you are sobbing and begging me to stop. But I won't, not unless I am absolutely certain you cannot take anymore, and not a moment sooner."

His grip on my hair tightened. I heard his heartbeat pick up and smelled his arousal. He was staring into my eyes, fighting against the impulse to grab me and throw me to the ground. But he had enough brains still present to know that would be a very, very bad idea so he slowly backed away from the edge. I could tell it was hard for him, especially when his arousal spiked as his eyes scanned my body. I was pressing my thighs together and I knew my nipples were as hard as diamonds.

"There are no other lovers. It is you or nothing," he finished and slowly let my hair go and stepped back. He had to make a real effort to do that. So did I. "And you do need a different mentor. Strange's magic is that of the mystics of Kamar Taj. And while they are...adequate, they are human. Some of them are better attuned to the unseen forces that surround us than other humans naturally, some of them had to train harder for it, but all of them are human." He sat on a bench after we walked a little bit. No doubt it was uncomfortable for him to walk at that moment. "Their style does not fit you."

"I realize you're a god, and maybe you are closer to being a better fit for me than Stephen, although it's still up in the air as to exactly what I am." Not human, more than human, but not divine either. Not even in the same galaxy as divine. I had power but I was not a Power. Not like Thor nor the man beside me. "But it's either check in with Stephen regularly or be locked away in Kamar Taj. I'm too dangerous to be allowed to run around unchecked. I'm batshit crazy."

"Stop that. You're just as sane as I am."

"That's not saying a lot. Thor's told me about some of your most recent exploits. What the hell was up with that play?"

"My brother has a big mouth," he grumbled. "And I do not approve of you being treated like a child who's been naughty."

"I almost ripped Steve to pieces when I first came here. I have been naughty."

"He has himself admitted that he deserved that. Just grabbing for you like he did..."

"That's not the point. And give them a break, I'm not 'grounded'. I have my own place, I'm free to come and go to Avengers HQ and the Sanctum..."

"A gilded cage is still a cage."

Damn him, he had me there.

"Just consider my offer. I will teach you the way I was taught. My mentor," he took a breath. "was not just a mentor to me either."

I snapped my face towards him, feeling the sorrow and grief pouring from him. "Who was your mentor?" I asked quietly.

He stared at the grass, his eyes swimming. "My mother. The woman who raised me...she was not my real mother, but...no, that's not right, she was..." he whispered, voice trembling slightly.

I reached for him without thinking, and didn't realize my hand was on the side of his face and in his hair until he sighed and closed his eyes. I froze.

"Don't stop," Loki whispered. "Please."

I waited for the panic attack to come, but it didn't. I didn't breathe as the dark silk of his tresses flowed through my fingers like the waters of a river. His skin was cool and he kept his eyes closed as my hand moved slowly over the skin of his cheek, my fingers lightly caressing his closed eyelids with butterfly touches. He stayed absolutely still, though his body quivered with want. He wanted to lean into my touch or reciprocate in some way, but instead he treated me like a wild animal he wanted to tame, staying passive so he wouldn't scare me off.

Loki was not a passive individual, so saying it was hard for him was an understatement.

My thumb brushed the corner of his mouth and he opened his eyes to gaze into mine.

"I... I should get back, and then go home for the night." I lowered my hand and pulled it back very slowly.

He walked me back to HQ, where I retrieved my stuff, then escorted me to my car. He was silent as he held the door open for me. I slid into the driver's seat and waited for him to close the door.

He brushed my hair, opened his mouth, paused, then changed his mind and gently shut the door. I trembled all the way home.