A/N - KJAX! hey stranger! So glad you're around still! We have way too much fun with chapter titles...
Chapter 3 - Pining Summers
Alyssa was pretty sure that this was her favorite kind of podcast — the kind where it was just her and James talking about the latest obstacles the X-Men were facing. It was the real story from the heroes fighting and even James' stripped down retelling was exciting when she had seen him and his friends and family on television. It was the kind of interviews that the national news networks should have been tripping over themselves to nail down. And still, it was hard to keep her game face on when she was sitting with her boyfriend with all that meaning hanging over their heads while they were really just… chatting. Sure, it was an interview format, but it managed to remain conversational.
"So, uh, we got to see the whole team back together recently. And I know Cyclops and Wolverine explained it, but I have to ask, because you're on the team — how's the shift? I mean, now that both of the junior team leaders heal. That's got to help with the Superior Rising missions, right?"
"It really hasn't changed much," James answered — though he was doing a better job of keeping it professional than she was. "They still want to treat Chance Summers like he's less, which is their problem, since he's always held his own regardless of how overpowered his opponent has been."
"Yeah, I wouldn't expect powers to change extremist views," Alyssa said. "I just meant… is it easier when they're targeting him when you know he can survive it better? As… callous as that sounds…"
"No. The plan is still the same — avoid injury on both sides," James said. "I think getting the people we're fighting to pull their heads out is more painful on their side, though."
Alyssa smirked at that. "Oh yeah. That's a long process."
"We're still hopeful it's curable. Stupidity, that is."
"Let me know if you find the cure," Alyssa said, still smirking at him. She straightened up a bit and then pushed her hair back. "Okay, so… we got a lot of questions from the viewership, but here's some of the most popular…" She frowned and shook her head lightly. "Maybe we can skip the 'are you single' one…" She added, her cheeks tinged with pink.
"Yeah, I'm definitely spoken for," he replied, smirking crookedly.
She flushed a bit more before she got to the next question. "Okay. This one's pretty straightforward. What is your favorite part of being an X-Man?"
He thought about it for just a moment and shook his head lightly. "The part after the mission when we find out more about the people we help."
Alyssa smiled; she loved it when he gave her answers like that. "Do you have a favorite story? You don't have to give names."
"Not one in particular. There have been too many of them with little kids or people our age that have been in bad situations where it's good to see them get away from what's torturing them."
"So it's always a relief to see them out of danger," Alyssa said with a nod.
"It's a relief to see them relax when they realize that the cycle is broken and that they have a shot at making a life for themselves."
"Is it harder for the kids — and even adults — who have been on the, well, for lack of a better term, 'market'?" Alyssa asked.
"Yeah, it really is," James said. "And those that have been in a slavery situation longer have it rougher, of course."
She nodded at that. "We get to see a lot of the rescuing on cell phone footage and on the news, but the recovery is different. What's that like?"
"Individual and different for everyone," he said with a little smirk. "Unfortunately."
"But that's your favorite part — not the missions but the new life."
"The missions can be tough, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that part too," James admitted. "But its what happens after that makes the missions not seem like an act of futility."
Alyssa nodded at that and then turned back to her computer. "Here's a related one: do you have a favorite mission story?" She smiled over at him. "You did say they could be enjoyable."
"Giving Superior Rising the finger on their own stage was kinda fun," he said with a troublemaking smile. "But that probably just makes me sound like a troublemaker."
"Nothing wrong with that," Alyssa said, unconsciously leaning his way with a smile before she quickly cleared her throat and looked back at the list. "Ooh, this is an interesting one. Can you tell us about Krissy? She's not out with the team, and it looks like her fans are sad about it."
"She's got other interests right now," James said with a little smile. "As I'm sure they already know."
"Well, yes, but other girls on the team came back not too long after their time off for maternity leave," Alyssa pointed out.
"Everyone's free to choose their level of involvement, including if and when they come back to work," James said. "No one is pressuring them to do anything they don't want to."
"Well, give her everyone's love next time you see her."
He smiled a little at that. "I think you just did."
Alyssa smiled wider before she found the next question. "This one is actually pretty popular… how come you're so much taller than your parents?" she said, her eyes dancing with laughter.
He smiled crookedly. "Ah … that's probably more complicated than I can get into with the time we have left. But … genetics are hilarious sometimes."
"It's definitely interesting seeing Wolverine - but six feet tall," she had to tease.
"Yeah, in looks only," James replied, though he was clearly entertained.
"Well, that's another question we can bring up: what's it like having Wolverine as a dad? And followup: what's it like growing up with the X-Men, just in general?"
"Can't imagine anyone else for parents," James said. "So that's kind of hard to answer. And growing up with the team — they're all just part of the family."
"You have to give more detail than that," she laughed. "No one really knows what that's like."
He had to smile wider at her for that. "I don't really know what it's like for anyone else, though," he pointed out. "That's my normal. You'll have to be more specific."
"Well, what was it like growing up with a family that could get called out to a mission any second — or who could get attacked any minute?" Alyssa asked. "I mean, it's not like we don't know the institute has been leveled before."
He tipped his head to the side slightly. "Most of the time, it wasn't really a concern, believe it or not. And when it was, they had everything organized in a way that the kids were well cushioned from it. So … there may have been a few sudden temporary trips with aunts and uncles, but it didn't feel like we were under constant attack."
"That would probably make you a closer family, then, if you were dropping in on the other X-Men and family members all the time as kids," Alyssa said.
He nodded his head at that. "Not just the X-Men," James clarified. "There were trips to the Avengers, and once or twice, I remember going to see the Hudsons for a weekend. And the extended family, too."
"I can't imagine what that's like ."
"Like going to visit your aunt and uncle," James said. "They're always glad to see you — and spoil you rotten while you're there."
"I bet being spoiled by people like Captain America is … unique," Alyssa said, shaking her head in awe.
He just smiled back at her. "Can't spill on anyone that hasn't been given a solid head's up."
"It's just… your normal is everyone else's 'wow'."
"It all depends on your point of view," James said. "I always had a lot of fun when we'd get to see Leslie Ann's parents. Her dad was always great with every one of us. Not that her mom wasn't; he was just a better jungle gym."
"Oh, that's a mental picture," Alyssa giggled.
"He was a better state trooper than the State of New York deserved," James said.
"And now he's on the staff at the Chicago Institute," Alyssa said. "Must be fun when you go to visit to catch up with family."
"Always," James agreed.
Alyssa grinned at that. "I think that's my favorite part of having you on. You make being an X-Man sound so… warm."
"If it was nothing but fighting and dealing with people spewing hate, no one would want to stay on the team," James pointed out.
"But that does happen too," Alyssa pointed out. "What do you do when it gets hard? You and the others?"
"I try to keep in mind the way my parents raised me," James said. "And do everything I can to be better than that kind of mindset if at all possible."
"Well, when you're being raised by superheroes, you've got a certain standard of behavior."
James shifted the way he was seated, leaning toward her slightly. "Take a look at all the stories you can find about the rescues and the personal experiences. The team — all of them — have always done everything they could to help and be good people. Aside from the scope, how is that any different than what most people are taught?"
"Well, when you put it that way…" Alyssa smiled at him and couldn't help but squeeze his knee. "Everyone with sense can be a hero."
"That's the idea," James agreed with a nod.
"And that's pretty much why the X-Men are so inspiring to so many people," Alyssa said. "It's about fighting injustice — in all forms. You have to be proud of your family and your team."
"Hard not to be."
She couldn't stop smiling at him before she straightened her shoulders. "Alright. One more question," she said. "What can you tell people who are teased for their mutations — or lack thereof? That's not exactly something you can call the X-Men to fix, but it's a very common problem."
"I know it's a little more sensitive than other things — like kids with glasses or asthma. Whatever it is, you can't change who you are, so you might as well embrace it. Anyone giving you crap … like your parents and teachers have said since Kindergarten ... it's a reflection on them. Not you, as sad as that is."
Alyssa nodded. "And that's good to remember — but you know, it's also okay to be upset when someone says something mean. I mean, you have to move past it, but it does hurt."
"It's been my experience that the people that do things like that — on both sides of the fence — are very small-minded people. Ignore it if you can. If you can't, get backup. Bullies can't take a fair fight."
"Truer words," Alyssa couldn't help but chuckle. "Any last words before we sign off?"
He shook his head lightly, smiling crookedly again. "I came to answer questions, that's all."
She couldn't stop her smile as she nodded at that and did her signoff — just waiting until the equipment was off before she leaned over to kiss him soundly. "This is so fun."
"You're a cheap date, you know that?"
"Yeah, but fun."
"Always fun," he agreed before he pulled her over for a longer, more involved kiss. "Go ahead. Get to editing or whatever. I know you're antsy to, and I'm not going anywhere."
"I mean, I am, but I also like this," she said without moving.
"Do you see me complaining?"
"You better not be," she laughed before she stole a long kiss again.
"Not my style and you know it."
"And I enjoy it so much," she agreed, grinning to herself.
"So what's the 'after party' this time around? Stargazing or a movie?" James asked.
"Well, it's pretty cold out," she said. "So… stargazing and snuggling?"
"Sounds perfect." He gestured openly. "On your mark."
"You're going to shrivel up and die when the babies stop," K said to Kurt as he snuggled up with his little fluffy white granddaughter. Ariel was eating it up, and Krissy and Sying were just taking a moment to say goodbye before they headed out for their anniversary festivities. The rest of the smallest kids were in the next room over. Chance and James were doing their best to keep them occupied so the adults could talk, though the kids had made a point to try to drag James to the ground entirely.
But as for Kurt, he was more than happy to play babysitter for his daughter. "I hate to tell you, K, but the babies are having babies now," he said. "I'll be perfectly fine."
"Yes, but … what about when they move away?" she asked, one eyebrow arched high as Logan simply grinned at the two of them.
Kurt shook his head. "That," he said, "is never going to happen." He turned his attention to Ariel as she tried to capture his tail in her pudgy hands. "Isn't that right, Prinzessin?"
"If you're fine, maybe we should finally pack up an' go," Logan said.
"Nonsense," Kurt said, pausing his play to reach over and poke Logan in the chest with his tail. "I need my best friend around. As ever."
"Yeah, you just said you were good waitin' on more grandbabies."
"I did not," Kurt said, looking perfectly insulted. "I simply said I was not going to die."
"Same thing," Logan defended.
Kurt was shaking his head at the two of them as Kate came in with the champagne to toast Sying and Krissy. "For the ones that can't drink yet," she said, putting aside some sparkling cider for Krissy and Sying.
As she passed out the glasses, K shook her head and held up one hand. "No thanks."
Kate blinked at her. "Since when?"
"Since I said no," K replied, holding her gaze with a perfectly straight face.
"And since when are you saying 'no'?" Kate said, one hand on her hip.
"What's with the third degree?" K asked. "I'm allowed."
"Or are you not allowed?" Kurt said with a smirk, catching on and already looking pleased.
"Same difference," K said with a light shrug.
Kate let out a delighted laugh and then all but threw herself at K to wrap her up in a hug. "This is perfect! You'll have a little one to play with my grandbaby!"
"You're terrible," K said. "I'm just making good on a promise."
"Either way, it's perfect," Kate insisted. "All Wagners need Howletts. It's a rule."
"I'm not really very interested in rules," Logan pointed out.
"It's a rule of the universe. Sorry, but I don't make them," Kate said, grinning his way even as Kurt made his way over to wrap Logan up in a hug.
"Congratulations," he said, grinning widely. "When are you due?"
"Late spring."
"Wunderbar," Kurt said.
"Should be interesting," K said from where Kate was still giggling and squeezing her. "Logan's naming this one. Which you'll hear about later."
"I'm sure it'll be perfect," Kate beamed.
The next room over, James had just gotten done tickling the living daylights out of little Lily and Chelsea while Chance was playing with John. "What's wrong with your face?" James asked, looking over at Chance. "Outside of the usual, of course."
"This is just the way my face is," Chance defended almost automatically, though he was sitting at the door and watching the celebrations as Kate and Kurt congratulated the Howletts.
"Yeah, but you look like you didn't know or something," James said, then stopped, narrowed his eyes at him, and let out a loud 'oh'.
"Ummm. Yeah. I know the new healing powers are confusing, but I didn't get all of the mutation. No heightened senses, strength, or claws, either," Chance said. "Not like I could smell the shift to know — and not like I'd know what it was to identify it if I could."
"Oh, you're hilarious," James said. "I just figured Elin would have tipped you off, but … I guess not."
"Yeah, I think all things considered…" Chance absently tickled John until he got a little laugh. "I just can't believe I'll be getting a new brother- or sister-in-law before a son or daughter. Little bit weird."
"You heard 'em: the consideration to leave is on the table," James said.
"Geez, I have one moment of contemplation and now my entire existence as part of the family is being threatened. Tone down the drama, James. I'm not in the mood."
"I'm not being dramatic, but you are moody," he said as he crouched behind Chelsea and aimed her at Chance, whispering over her shoulder to tackle him.
Of course, Chelsea was more than happy to do so, and Chance made sure to go down hard — once John was safely on the couch — as she climbed onto his stomach and then sat on his chest to stick her finger in his face.
"No bein' Sad Summers," she informed him.
"You've been listening to Elin," he had to laugh — which only got a serious nod and a crooked grin.
James was doing the same thing with Lily — lining her up to tackle him and whispering in her ear. But she was giggling as her big brother kept shifting where she was squared up, entirely to get her to giggle, of course. As soon as Chelsea stepped halfway out of the way, she launched herself at him.
"NO! We've been list'nin' to my James!" Lily shouted.
"He's turned you against me," Chance said, acting the part of the utterly defeated opponent as he lay back. "The fiend."
She giggled harder at that and took his face in both of her hands. "No. He's just like that." She leaned forward and whispered a lot quieter than usual. "But you better stop the grumpy face or he'll tackle you too."
Chance leaned forward with a small smirk. "I've been telling him for years this is just how my face is, but he never seems to listen. Do you think he needs his ears cleaned?"
"No-o-o-o," Lily said, shaking her head. "He hears really, really good." She started to giggle and covered her mouth with one hand. "But Mom says he doesn't always listen."
He grinned at that and nodded. "Hearing and listening are different things," he told her. "Think he knows that?"
"Uh-huh," she said, laughing before she turned around and bounded off for Chelsea, squealing and giggling the whole way.
"So. Are you done being creeped out or do I need to pounce on you? Little bit bigger hit than the two little girls," James said. "Good thing you can take it now."
"Let's get one thing straight. I'm not creeped out," Chance said, rolling his eyes at James.
"Psyched out. Worked up. Whatever. Call it what you want."
"Disappointed," Chance said. "Kinda hoped to be making that announcement next."
James let out a breath as he picked up John and sat down next to Chance. "You know, they have an edge no one else has and they use it when they make a decision like that. You two just got started."
"I know," Chance said. "And I'm going to love the new brother or sister — you know I will. But come on, James, I'm allowed to want one too."
"I know," he said, nodding. "And she said yes, right?" James asked a lot quieter.
"Yeah, couple months ago. I know it's not gonna happen right away, but…" Chance shrugged. "Hard not to be excited."
"Don't get too down; you'll freak her out," James said. "And I want to see you two happy. It's taken forever to get even this far."
"Yeah, I know. She's still freaked out," Chance admitted. "I told her if she hates it, we'll adopt the next one. I'm not trying to be pushy. Getting the green light was a big deal."
"She's not really looking forward to time off the team, either," James said in that same quiet tone. "She's watched Mom be miserable on the sidelines enough to be wary."
"Yeah, I know," Chance said. "I've heard all of that — from you and from my mom especially."
"Yeah, because you missed it somehow," James laughed in a teasing tone. "You don't know how the girls in my family are when they get quiet and withdrawn. They need to be able to do their thing."
"James, I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but I think I do have some inkling of how this family works, considering I married in and grew up with you guys."
James turned to John, who was facing him on his knees where the three of them were seated on the floor. "Do you think he gets it?" James said to John before James started to slowly shake his head, and John, of course, followed suit. "Know-it-all Summerses. Can't see help when it's ready to hit him upside the head."
"James, shut up," Chance said, rolling his eyes.
James shifted how he was seated so he could drape an arm around Chance's shoulders and pull him over. "I just want you to see why she's anxious before she's in that spot. And more anxious."
"James, I know," Chance said with a sigh. "I've seen it, I've heard it, I know. I don't need the same lecture from whoever's in the room every time I say I want kids. It's not a bad thing."
"Fine. I don't want to get lumped in with everyone else. I won't try to help you, then," James said in a brisk tone. "You're missing the point, and you're not going to see it until you're in the middle and feeling like crap. That's fine."
Chance shot him a glare for that one. "Thanks, James, for the pick-me-up. Because when I told you I was disappointed and that I felt down, what I really wanted was to be told I didn't understand my wife and that I was going to hurt her."
"No, what I did was sic a few kids on you. I didn't say you … Jeez, you just jump right to the worst, don't you?"
"And you assume I don't understand things just because I wasn't born a feral," Chance said.
"That has nothing … to do with ... seriously. Forget it. I was trying to cheer you up a little bit. I tried to point out that they waited to even start trying until they were sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid, but I figured that part was implied. And the fact they didn't follow the same routine everyone else does. Because they can cheat a little. But no. Make it into I'm trying to stomp on you."
"James, you didn't say any of that — except the cheating part. You need to work on your delivery," Chance said, tipping his head back to rest against the couch.
"And you need to stop acting like every time I open my mouth it's gonna be exclusionary."
Chance shook his head. "I appreciate that you're trying to help. I really do. And I don't want you to stop. But in this case?" He picked his head up. "Literally all I've heard from anyone when I say I want kids is 'well Elin's anxious'. I get it. I do. I see it. I back off so fast when she panics. But it would be nice if someone said 'that's great' or 'hope it happens soon' or 'you'll be a great dad' or something that isn't 'here are the five reasons why you should temper that'."
"It will happen soon," James said, shaking his head. "Just don't compare it to what anyone else is doing. You'll just be miserable that way."
"I'm not—" Chance shook his head. "It just caught me off guard, and I had a down moment, alright?"
"And there might be more than one reason she didn't say anything to you," James pointed out. "You think she doesn't know how much you're looking forward to it? It's a family default to try to protect you tenderhearted little things from yourself."
Chance rolled his eyes at that. "Thanks, little brother."
"I'm not wrong."
"Yeah, I know," Chance said. "But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed." He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "Like I said, it caught me off guard. By the time Elin gets back from seeing Krissy off with those new dresses she got her, I'll have a better handle on the whole… shock aspect of it."
James tipped his head toward the staircase before he got to his feet. "Liar."
Chance just responded by putting a hand over his face and lying back on the couch, totally done with the whole situation — and partly overdramatizing it just so that Chelsea would climb back up on him to start telling him off for being Sad Summers, because that part really had entertained him.
As soon as Elin was in the room a few moments later, James handed her John and took a few steps back, waiting for the little ones to clear, because obviously, Chance hadn't taken his threat seriously. And he kinda wanted to hit him anyhow. It was a perfect fit, really. "What's the story here?" Elin asked quietly, though she waved the little girls over to her.
"Nothing," James said, still backing up slowly, squared up perfectly with Chance. "Just … keep the girls back." He waited until Chance looked up at him — and gave him a very dry, highly unamused look.
"You're not going to tackle me," Chance said, as he started to get up, but as soon as he was halfway to his feet, Elin grabbed a hold of Chelsea and pulled her back — keeping distance as Chance gave her a disbelieving look.
"You really need to not try and direct him," Elin teased.
As soon as Chance was halfway away from the girls, James darted forward as quickly as he was able and tackled Chance around the middle, sure to wrap him halfway up so their momentum made them tumble head over heels across the room and out into the hall, Calvin and Hobbes style.
Chance couldn't help but laugh in sheer disbelief as he tried to extricate himself from James when they finally came to a stop. "You going for rushing yards on that one?" he had to tease.
"I think it counts," James laughed.
"Long as your knee didn't touch the ground, right?" Chance said, smirking to himself.
"Not a once," James swore. "Though … that had to be a little harder hit than you're used to. Oops."
Chance looked down at himself and shook his head. "Nothing broken, I'm pretty sure."
"I was very careful to handle your delicate, breakable self gently." James tipped his head to the side as he pulled Chance up. "Relatively speaking."
"Packing peanuts instead of bubble wrap?" Chance said with one eyebrow raised.
"Newspaper over bubblewrap," James decided with a little smile before he pulled him into a bear hug and squeezed the crap out of him to quietly tell him, "I'll nail you again whenever you need a distraction."
Chance let out a little breath but returned the hug in spades. "Thanks, little brother," he said just as quietly. "I mean it. I'm sorry I'm a headcase. So really, thank you."
"Yeah? Go get her."
At that, Chance couldn't help but laugh again before he gave James one last squeeze and headed over to find Elin with the three giggling kids — all of whom were clearly entertained by the tackle. And all of whom fell apart in giggles when Chance grabbed Elin to kiss her hard right in the middle of the room.
"I've got 'em," James said, plucking John from her and directing the girls over to the couch.
But Elin and Chance had barely gotten away from the crowd and back to their room before Elin was watching him carefully. "Are you okay?" she had to ask.
"Hey, I've got you," he pointed out, smiling at her and holding her hand still from walking up the stairs together.
"Yeah, that's not an answer," she said. "At least not to that question."
"Well, I'm always okay when I've got you," he said, leaning over to steal a kiss.
"Mr. Summers, I'm trying to check in on you here. And I know there is a solid chance that you're more than a little crestfallen. So please, cut the crap and tell me the damn truth."
He let his shoulders drop a bit and then shook his head. "It's alright. Just me being ridiculous with my need to be first," he said with a small smile.
"You do know that my dad is every bit as competitive as yours, right?"
"I do, yeah," he said, pulling her down to sit with him on their bed before he stole a kiss. "I'll get over it. Kind of excited to be a big brother all over again."
"Sweetheart, it's a passing excitement after a while. Especially when you know that even if they take breaks … come on."
"Yeah, kind of a constant, huh?" he said with a little grin as he rubbed the back of his neck before he simply flopped back on the bed.
She turned and crawled over to snuggle up to him. "Don't …so, listen. They took the fast route, okay?"
"I know," he said. "And I'm not trying to pressure you into speeding into anything, okay? I'll be excited whenever it happens. I know it's a big decision for you, and I want you to be okay, so I'm not trying to guilt or pressure you into going any faster than you want, okay?"
"I didn't say you were," she replied with her nose scrunched up and already feeling defensive.
"Well, that makes you the only one," he joked, tipping his head back to look up at the ceiling.
She propped herself up on one elbow and narrowed her eyes his way. "Who's saying what?"
He paused and sat up a little better, matching her position with one elbow underneath him. "You know ... temper the enthusiasm and don't spook the wife. Which, I hope you've noticed, I haven't been pressuring you because I do not want this to be horrible for you, okay?"
"Why would it be horrible?" She frowned at him. "Are you planning to do something awful?"
"Well, James pointed out that your mom hates the whole… not being allowed on the team or not doing anything dangerous and—"
"Let's get something straight right now — and I'll sit your father down and let him know how it is if I have to — when this happens, I'm still going to be running the team. Got it?"
Chance couldn't help but grin at her as he nodded. "Oh, absolutely. The tandem leadership is great. I just meant the part where, you know, being in the field is a no-no."
"There's some debate there, too," she said. "Front line is a no-no. Nothing says I can't stay close with the jet. Someone needs to patch everyone up, after all."
"Hey, I'd have no problem with that," Chance agreed quickly. "You're my favorite nursemaid," he had to tease, just to get a smirk out of her.
She shook her head at him with a dry look. "Too bad you don't need me for that anymore," she had to point out. Though after she kissed him again, she had to ask. "Who else is giving you the 'don't freak her out' thing — or is it only my brother?"
"Well, I've got half the senior squad — you know, the ones that aren't on your godfather's side of 'never touch her ever'? — that don't want me to blow it by scaring you off, I think is how Kate put it."
"What. The hell. Is wrong with them?"
Chance looked surprised as he sat up to look at her better. "Um, they want to help?" he said.
"Do they think that you coerced me into this?" She looked borderline ticked off the more she thought about it. "I'm the one that said it was fine, wasn't I? Or did I forget something key?"
"No, I'm the one that had the memory problem," he joked, trying to defuse her with a small smile. "El, it's okay. You were freaked out when it first came up, so I'm fine just letting it happen."
"Because I was a freakin' teenager," she pointed out. "Any teenager would be a little freaked out. It's scary!"
"Yeah, and that's totally fair and fine and I just — we're still young too, so it doesn't have to be an immediate thing."
"It does if it's making you this miserable," she said with the tiniest hint of a growl.
"El, I'm fine," he said, reaching over to grab her hand.
"Don't lie to me," she said. "I thought you knew better than that!"
He blinked at her for a moment and then dropped his shoulders and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I am, though. Not right now, but generally — I'll get over the rest."
"Chance, I don't want you to have to get over anything. I don't want you miserable."
"And I don't want you to feel like you have to — I mean, it's only been a few months—"
She stared at him open-mouthed for a moment as if he'd totally lost his mind, since seeing him mope did feel like a lot more pressure than he realized, and now, she wasn't honestly sure what he was thinking. "Do you want to keep your green light or not?"
"Yes. Very much yes," he said quickly.
"Then stop... ," she said. "Just … stop acting like anyone's opinion matters outside of ours."
Chance blinked at her for a second and then nodded, giving her a small sort of crooked smile. "No one can make you do anything you don't want to do, El. I love that about you."
"That's what I'm telling you," she said. "I'm not my mother. And I am not trying to break her hundred-and-whatever-it-was-odd years of not being a mom, okay?"
Chance nodded at that as he rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. "You're going to be amazing at it, Elin," he said honestly.
"You can't know that for sure," she said. "But if it's all the same to you, and it puts a stop to this … stupidity, I guess we can step it up a little bit. Especially if the general consensus of idiocy floating around is that you're going to spook me."
Chance looked surprised for a moment before he broke into a little smile and then leaned over to kiss her. "I'll run with whatever you want to do."
"Let's just run with practice makes perfect, okay? We'll worry about the rest if things don't work out on their own."
He nodded and then kissed her again. "I'm fine with that," he promised. "That's the fun part anyway," he had to tease as he pulled her into a tight hug, which meant he missed the expression of doubt she was wearing while he was holding her tightly.