i will defend and honor thee
"There's no need to fight or run," Historia replied gently.
They stood along the fence line, respectfully distanced from one another. Anyone looking would see the queen with her most trusted soldier. Together, she and Eren watched the children playing in the last light of day. The sun sank behind the stables and the orphanage, casting long shadows.
She could pretend it a perfect moment. If not for the topic.
"If this is the most reliable way to make sure this island lives on then I'll go along with it," she tried. She cast her gaze Eren's way and smiled, trying to summon courage with it. "There was no other way. But… you defended me back then. Everyone acted for my sake. That's enough for me."
Historia looked back to the setting sun, the sky a riot of gold and magenta. Bright and cheerful and a promise of the morning to follow. She tried to will away the lump forming in her throat. Why had it come to this?
He's done all he could possibly have done. They all have. What good will it do, to show fear now?
"Maybe for you," Eren said. "But not for me."
Historia looked at him and found his gaze still locked on the children playing in the fields and the blazing sky beyond. "What?"
"Zeke," he said. "He and I have reached an… understanding of sorts."
"Your half-brother?" Historia asked. She gripped her shawl, tightening the fabric around her shoulders. "But… I thought he still needed me to… to…?"
Eren looked at her a moment. The wind stirred his hair, the air growing cooler with the darkening sky. "He thinks the world would be a better place if Titans weren't in it – if Eldians weren't in it. He wants Paradis, Eldians everywhere, to die out. By sterilizing all of us."
Historia swallowed. "But –"
"Except for you, of course," Eren shared bitterly. "We still need the threat of the Rumbling so we can die out peacefully." He made a disgusted tsking sound. "It's complete shit. So, I'm going to play along. Tell him all the bullshit things he wants to hear. And then I'll move forward with my own plan."
Historia blinked. "Which is?"
"The full Rumbling."
Historia stared at him, dumbfounded. That would result in the destruction of hundreds of millions of innocent people… No… he had been their hope. He could not possibly… "I… I don't understand."
"We won't need to sacrifice anyone else if I bring ruin to the world," he explained. "Who would be left to threaten us then?"
"That's wrong!" Historia bleated. The right thing to say to something so horrible. She reached out to shake him, but she hesitated. "Most of them are like your mother!" she tried. "They're just people killed one day with no idea why it's happening!"
Pale grey eyes swept to her. They looked strangely gold in the light.
"I know," Eren said sadly, and she saw the shadow of regret in his eyes. "But… the only way to put an end to this cycle of revenge and hate is to remove that history from this world and bury it. Civilization and all.
"They want you to give birth to a child whose only purpose in life is to become a sacrifice for this island," he continued. "They want to keep forcing parent and child to eat one another."
"I…." Historia blinked. Words continued to fail her. A strange warmth washed through her chest; a relief so profound it shamed her and her vision blurred hot with unshed tears. Krista would throw herself, her children too, on the pyre. For the lives of millions. Was this not her duty?
"I won't let them," he said.
"Eren," she finally breathed. She should try to dissuade him, shouldn't she? It was what a good queen, a worthy queen, should do. She could see it in his eyes. How very willing he was to fight. Her one-man army… Her voice trembled as she spoke. "If I don't do everythingin my power to stop you, I'll never be able to hold my head high again."
"If it's too much for you to endure, I'll manipulate your memories," he offered. "If you can just stay quiet until then."
"How could I?" Historia cried wretchedly. The price was too high. Much too high for her to accept and it made her stomach churn.
"You can," Eren pressed. His hands flexed, an echo of her own desire to be held. He leaned forward and more softly, more intimately, he added, "Because… you're the girl who saved me that day. You're the worst girl in the world."
Historia stared up into his dear face, into those bright, intense eyes. Eren… Always accepting her as she was, never recoiling, regardless of all her imperfections. That balmy sense of relief only settled more firmly. Girding her as surly as if he put his arms round her. Her protests withered in her throat. He was ready to become the monster they always pushed him to be, metamorphosis near complete. And she…
"What will this entail?" she asked.
He looked away. "Do you really want to know?" His lips turned up in a sad little smile. "Plausible deniability and all that?"
She bit her lip and nodded firmly. "I am your ally, Eren. I… I won't let you do this alone."
He drew a breath and she saw the relief wash over him and soften his eyes. "We leave soon, for Marley, and… I don't know when I'll be back. There are things I still need to see. A chance, maybe, to find another way."
"Really?"
He shrugged. Hoping one thing while clearly believing another. "Dunno. Maybe. I… see what happens but I'm not entirely sure how we get there. Yet."
"And the Survey Corps? Mikasa and Armin?"
He shook his head.
"Does anyone else know what you're planning?"
"Just Floch," Eren said. "He understands this needs to be done."
"Eren…"
"I know," he said. "I won't act until I'm certain."
Historia swallowed again. Insubordination. Death in combat or termination in custody all possible consequences for his actions. Her heart felt heavy. How many times had she tried to love? Her mother. Her sister. Ymir… Unrequited or denied and all dead before their time. Promises broken and abandoned. All save Eren. He put his heart into this and yet he would leave her too. Sooner or later.
But not by choice.
"Well. Eren…" she said. "What would you think… about me having a child?"
Eren blinked, his mouth dropping open and his carefully constructed stoicism slipping with it. "Huh?"
"I want a child," she clarified.
"You do?" he stammered.
She nodded and stepped closer to him. "Don't you?"
"Me?"
A little laugh bubbled out of her. "Of course! Who else, Eren?"
"I… but…" His whole face darkened with warmth. "I shouldn't!"
"Why not? You just said you won't let them be sacrificed. What other reason is there to stop us?"
"Would it be fair to you?" he asked, eyes gleaming in the fading light. "To leave you like that? You're only 18. Wouldn't you rather… I dunno. Wait? When this is all over you'll still have plenty of time to-"
Find someone else. Start over. She could not miss the implication just lurking beneath his words.
"Wait for what, Eren?" she pressed. She bit her lip against the renewed sting in her eyes. Give me something to remember you by, she wanted to shout. Someone to love when you're gone. "We're running out of time!"
He looked stricken, swallowing any other argument he may have been preparing.
"Eren." She took one final step, bringing her close enough feel the warmth of him, smell the familiar, dear scent of his skin. "I thought you liked stupidly honest?"
"It's the thing I love most about you," he admitted miserably.
"I know I'm being selfish," she confessed, blushing. She smiled up at him as her voice cracked under her plain confession. "I really am the worst girl in the world!"
A smile finally broke across his handsome face and Eren laughed. Running his hand through his hair, eyes shimmering, clearly bemused and off-balance. He shook his head. "You really are!"
She laughed with him, even as the tears slipped down her cheeks.
"I've been testing it, you know?" Eren scratched the back of his head, in that nervous, boyish way. "Trying to change things. See if I can make a different choice and alter stuff I think I've seen before…" he stuffed his hands in his pockets and sniffed. "But… I think this leads to one of the things I want to see."
"And?"
"I…." He swallowed. Shook his head with a shrug. "This isn't something I want to gamble with."
She smiled through her tears. "I hope that means 'yes'."
A shy little smile teased at the corner of Eren's lips. "You're sure," he asked again. Watching her carefully.
She nodded and, in a rare moment of abandon, he drew her in. Tipped her chin upward even as he bent to her, prying eyes be damned. Licked the salt off her cheeks with tender, open-mouthed kisses before finding the plush of her lips.
"You'll be free," he whispered, lips dragging against her own. Eren kissed her again and again. Speaking on little sips of air. "I won't stop fighting. Until all our enemies are dead. I won't stop."
A strange mix of emotions flooded her veins. Desire and shame and relief so intertwined and the whole world about to pay the price for her safety that some soft sound between a moan and a sob passed her lips.
Is this why you let go, Ymir? Did you know, somehow, just how far he'd go?
They parted ways then. She to her quarters and he to tend his horse. The queen dismissed her staff. Sent her loyal servants scattering like rats. They could not report what they did not see.
He came to her in the dark, by the glow of lantern light and she let him in without a word.
They went upstairs. Undressed one another in a comfortable certainty, savoring even the simple slide of fabric across skin. Eren laid her out, draping her legs around his hips. Eased his cock inside her, eyes locked all the while. Fingers laced and bodies pressed close, they shared something profound and sacred. The consummation of this clandestine pact. He would be her shield, her crimson arrow. And she…
Historia tightened her hold on Eren's hands, heartened by the virile weight of him. Breathed deep the thick warm scents. She would be his shelter. His home. Historia closed her eyes and made every kiss a prayer and a promise.
Eren sighed her name between kisses and shuddering breaths. Whispering soft words and praise, slim hips cradled and rocking against her. He gripped her thigh and shifted their position, her knee hooked over his elbow. He sank deeper with a groan.
"Look at me," he managed. The strain in his voice nearly unraveled her, but she opened her eyes. Stared up into his handsome face. Those sea-grey eyes so darkened and delirious with affection, all as she watched him, felt him, moving in time to the shared beat of their pulse and her throat grew tight. Historia's heart filled to bursting and her vision suddenly blurred.
"Eren," she moaned. Her voice too wrecked for anything more. Instead, she dug her nails into his skin until he hissed and his thrusts grew needy and desperate. Closer, she needed him closer. "Eren…"
Historia waited in the shade of the front porch, watching the pair of scouts in their hunter-green cloaks with veiled contempt. They stood out in the sunny paddock, watering their horses, and saddling Eren's bay. Every few minutes, they would glance to the house in anticipation.
Eren walked out the door, pack slung over his shoulder. Dressed once more in his regiment uniform.
"All set?" Historia asked.
He looked at her. "Yeah."
Historia nodded, blinking away tears. The scouts started leading the horses over and the queen swallowed down her rising frustration.
She had worked so hard to keep him from thinking about the end of his term. Encouraged him to be a little more in the moment with her and savor understated joys. Turned his duty into a desire and gave him a taste of what he fought so hard to protect. Simply living.
They had fallen into a sweet routine over the course of his leave. Sharing meals together and getting through the day. Watching sun sets and counting stars together. And then, at night, they consumed each other with a steady appetite. Made love at dusk and dawn, unfolding themselves to one another until everything was laid bare. Falling deeper and praying all the while that his seed would take.
"Hey," Eren said, catching her attention. He could no longer take her into his arms, but he tilted his head, leaned in closer, smelling of shaving soap and cedar. "I know," he said in the same low tone he used in the warm afterglow. Soft as a caress. "I'll see this through."
She looked him in the eye and her heart quailed, wishing he could stay. Historia schooled her features into a mask of platonic friendliness as the scouts came within earshot. She forced a smile.
"Thank you for all your help, Eren," she said, instead. "It's always nice to see an old friend."
"Sir, we'd better get going if we want to reach Trost before dark," one of the scouts said.
"Yeah," Eren agreed absently, still looking at Historia. He placed his fist over his heart and bowed low. Playing at loyal soldier and nothing more. "Your Majesty."
It hurt, not giving him the send-off he so deserved for fear of discovery, and she wished, oh she wished they had been free to love. Honestly. Openly. Eren moved off the porch then, away from her. Historia watched as he secured his bag to the saddle, her eyes sweeping along his broad shoulders, down the sturdy length of him. The proud stance and spacing between his boots. Every movement unhurried yet certain. Eren hauled himself up into the saddle with an easy sort of grace and her throat tightened painfully. He looked at her, one last time, fisting the reins. The leather creaked and the horses snorted, pawing at the gravel.
"Take care," Eren said. His eyes gleamed in the afternoon light, contradicting the composure of his tone.
Historia gathered her shawl more tightly around her showers. "You too, Eren."