(Billincoln was smiling ear to ear. The Loud sisters are currently sleeping. It is time to put his plan into action.)
Billincoln: Let the Bill Cipher action commence!
(First, he sneaks into Lisa and Lily's room. He carefully grabs Lily's teddy bear out of her crib, quietly rips its head off, places its body back in Lily's crib, pulls out one of Lucy's poems and places it on the floor next to the crib. He then pulls out Lynn's hockey puck, places it on the floor, pulls out a huge bag, puts Lisa's lab equipment in the bag one by one, quietly makes his way to the front yard while carrying the bag, puts down the bag and quietly smashes the equipment with Lynn's hockey stick. Luckily for him, no one has woken up from this.)
Billincoln: Better hurry it up before they wake up!
(He sneaks back inside the house as he quietly makes his way to Lynn and Lucy's room while carrying the bag of Lisa's broken lab equipment. He puts the bag and the head of Lily's teddy bear under Lucy's bed. He pulls out a sharp thread needle, poke holes in Lynn's sport balls one by one causing them to deflate, pulls out a photo of Lori's boyfriend Bobbie Santiago and places it on the floor. He grabs Lucy's vampire bust, Edwin, quietly breaks it into pieces, places the pieces on Lucy's nightstand, pulls out Luna's guitar pick and places it on the floor. He moonwalks into Luna and Luan's room. He grabs Luna's electric guitar, quietly breaks it in two, puts one piece down, pulls out one of Lola's princess tiaras and places it next to the broken guitar. He grabs Luan's puppet, Mr. Coconuts, quietly rips off its right arm and left leg, rips off its jaw and eye, places Mr. Coconuts on the nightstand, pulls out Lily's baby rattle and places it on the floor. He slithered like a snake into Lana and Lola's room. He puts on piece of Luna's guitar under Lana's bed. He quietly approaches to Lana's frog tank, sees Lana's pet frog, Hops, fast asleep, pulls out a half empty beaker of Lisa's chemicals, takes out a small amount with an eye dropper, puts a drop in Hops's mouth as he was snoring and puts the beaker down on the floor, purposely spilling it.
Billincoln: Almost done with this evil plan. I can't wait to see the results!
(Billincoln grabs a bunch of Lola's beauty pageant sashes, quietly tears them to shreds, pulls out Leni's sunglasses and places it on the floor. He crawls on the walls like a spider into Lori and Leni's room. He finds a fashion dummy wearing one of Leni's latest fashion design, pulls out different colors of paints, smudge the paints all over her design, pulls out Luan's whoopie cushion and places it next to the dummy. He carefully grabs Lori's phone, breaks it in one grip, puts it back down, pulls out Lana's plunger and places it on the floor. Billincoln quietly walks out of their room all confident. As he was walking back to his room, he was chuckling evilly with a devious grin on his face. In the next morning, Billincoln was sound asleep, till he was woken up by loud screams made the girls.)
Billincoln: The start of a new day begins!
(In Lori and Leni's room.)
Lori: (holding her broken phone, panicking) My phone is broken! This can't be happening! This literally cannot be happening!
Leni: (holding her fashion design, devastated) My latest outfit, ruined! Who would do such a thing!
(In Luna and Luan's room.)
Luna: (holding her broken guitar, devastated) Why, Dude! Why did it have to be my wicked axe!
Luan: (holding what's left of Mr. Coconuts, devastated) Mr. Coconuts, speak to me! (in Mr. Coconuts's voice) Luan? Is that you? (cough, cough) I see nothing but a bright light. (in normal voice) No! Get away from the light, Mr. Coconuts! Stay away from the light!
(Lynn and Lucy's room.)
Lynn: (livid) My balls! Who the heck popped all my Balls!
Lucy: (holding what's left of Edwin, devastated) Oh, Edwin! My precious soulmate! I swear I will avenge your death and curse those who took you away from me!
(Lana and Lola's room.)
Lana: (holding Hops, panicking) Hops! Hops! Are you okay! Say something, please!
Hops: (looking all pale and extremely ill) rrriiib- (cough! cough! cough!) -bbiiit.
Lola: (livid) MY BEAUTY PAGEANT SASHES! DESTROYED! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO EARN THESE!?
(In Lisa and Lily's room, Lily was in her crib crying as she holds a headless teddy bear.)
Lisa: (livid) I cannot believe someone had the nerve to steal all of my research! Who is responsible for this mischief!
(Then everyone in their rooms notice something on their floors. Lori picks up Lana's plunger. Leni picks up Luan's whoopie cushion. Luna picks up Lola's tiara. Luan picks up Lily's baby rattle. Lynn picks up Lori's photo of Bobby. Lucy picks up Luna's guitar pick. Lana picks up Lisa's nearly empty beaker. Lola picks up Leni's sunglasses. Lisa picks up Lynn's hockey puck. Lily still in her crib, reach and barely grabs Lucy's poem. From that moment, everyone's blood started to boil and their faces turning bright. Out of anger, everyone stormed out of their rooms and slammed the doors wide open.)
Lori: (extremely livid) LANA!
Leni: (extremely livid) LUAN!
Luna: (extremely livid) LOLA!
Luan: (extremely livid) LILY!
Lynn: (extremely livid) LORI!
Lucy: (extremely livid) LUNA!
Lana: (extremely livid) LISA!
Lola: (extremely livid) LENI!
Lisa: (extremely livid) LYNN!
(They all approach each other to the center of hallway and started arguing with each other. Billincoln opened his door and peeked his out watching the chaos, chuckling.)
Lori: (livid) I am going pulverize you, Lana!
Lana: What did I do!?
Lori: You literally destroyed my phone!
Lana: It wasn't me!
Lori: I found your plunger in my room! Who else would be dumb enough to leave evidence behind!?
Lola: You should ask Leni! She's dumb enough to leave behind her sunglasses after she shredded my beauty pageant sashes.
Luna: You should talk, dude! I found your tiara next to my broken guitar which you broke!
Lola: I didn't break your stupid guitar!
Leni: And I didn't break your sashes, Lola! But I bet it was Luan!
Luan: What, Why me!?
Leni: Cause you ruined my latest fashion design and left behind your whoopie cushion!
Luan: I don't know how my whoopie cushion got into your room! What I want know is why did Lily attacked Mr. Coconuts!?
Lisa: I find that statement to be very illogical, given the fact that Lily is incapable of getting out of her crib without any assistance.
Luan: Oh really! Then who else would it be!?
(Lily glares at Lucy and points at her)
Lucy: Me!? Why would you blame me!?
(Lily holds up her headless teddy bear in one hand and Lucy's poem in the other. Everyone gasped in shock. Lily blows raspberries at Lucy.)
Lucy: It wasn't me who harmed your friend and how did you get one of my poems!?
Lisa: My guess is because of Lynn.
Lynn: WHAT!?
Lisa: You're the only one who's roommates with Lucy. Therefore, you can easily grab one of her poems and leaving it in my facility after slaughtering the teddy bear like a mindless primitive savage. Such as you being mindless enough to come and all of my lab research and leave behind your hockey puck!
Lana: Says you!
Lisa: Pardon?
Lana: (holding her sick frog, Hops) Look what you did to Hops!
Lisa: I am not the one responsible for this crime!
Lana: Then how come I found your beaker in my room, little Ms. I Know Everything!?
Lynn: Yeah, and what makes you think that Lori didn't do it!?
Lori: Excuse you!?
Lynn: Yeah! Just like how you popped all of my balls!
Lori: I literally don't know what you're talking about!?
Lynn: (holding up Lori's photo of Bobby) Care to explain this then!?
Lori: What are you doing with my photo of my boyfriend!?
Lynn: Well what is your photo of your boyfriend doing in my room!?
Lucy: I bet Luna is responsible for these dark deeds!
Luna: What the heck, brah!? Why are you suddenly giving me the cold shoulder!?
Lucy: You're the one who's cold! You brutally attacked my Edwin and don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about because I found this! (holds up Luna's guitar pick)
Luna: My pick!
Lucy: Take responsibility for your sins!
Luna: You gotta believe me! I didn't do it!
(The sisters continued arguing with each other, till Lola said something.)
Lola: Wait a minute! Where's Lincoln!?
Billincoln: (comes out pretending he doesn't know what's happening) You call, Princess!? Wow, you guys look like your bad days are catching up!
Lucy: That's because one of our most valuable possessions have been violated.
Luna: Do you who could be responsible for this, bro?
Billincoln: (fake thinking) Hmmmmm... nope, no idea.
Lana: Hang on. Did anything happen to you last night?
Billincoln: Now that you mentioned it.
(Billincoln opened his bedroom door revealing his room. Lincoln's stuff animal, Bun-Bun was headless, missing an ear and eye and a bunch of puncture needles punctured into it's body. Lincoln's Ace Savvy comic book collection was covered in mud and all of his clothes are bedazzled in sequins.)
Billincoln: I was wondering if I always had a headless stuff rabbit with multiple needles punctured into it's body, a collection of Ace Savvy comics completely covered in mud and bedazzled clothing. Something tells me I didn't.
Leni: Oh my gosh, Linky! Who did this to you!?
Billincoln: I honestly don't... (changes the subject) Oh look, trails!
(Everyone looks down to the floor and see three different types of trails. One trail was traces of mud, which leads to Lana and Lola's room. The other trail was traces of toy stuffing, which leads to Lynn and Lucy's room. The last trail was traces of sequins, which leads to Lori and Leni's room. At that moment, everyone gasps in shock.)
Lynn: Wait? How did we not notice these trails?
Lola: Ah ha! I knew it! It was Leni who shredded my sashes! Just like she violated Lincoln's clothes!
Lori: So not only did Lana broke my phone, but she literally also ruined Lincoln's comics!
Lily: (babbling angrily, pointing at Lucy.)
Leni: (nervously) Wait, you guys!
Lucy: (nervously) This is not what it seems!
Lana: (nervously) We didn't do this!
Billincoln: Hey, Lola! What's that under Lana's bed?
(Then everyone went towards Lana and Lola's room. Lola went and checks under Lana's bed. She gasps as she pulls out a piece Luna's guitar. Everyone gasps as well.)
Luna: (devastated) My axe! (livid) Dude, you're the one who broke my axe!? Not cool Lana, not cool!
Lola: (extremely livid) LANA! YOU WERE TRYING TO FRAME ME!?
Lana: (very confused) But... No... I...
Lynn: Hang on a sec.
(Lynn runs off to her room. She goes towards Lucy's bed and checks under it. She gasps.)
Lynn: Guys! Over here!
(Everyone in Lana and Lola's room heard Lynn's call and rush towards Lynn and Lucy's room. Once they arrive, they see Lynn pulling out a big bag and the missing head of Lily's teddy bear.)
Lynn: Look what I found under Lucy's bed! (empties out the bag revealing Lisa's demolished lab equipment)
(Everyone gasps at the sight. Lily started to cry after seeing the head of her teddy bear.)
Lisa: (extremely livid) My research! My valuable lab researches! (to Lucy) You dare destroy one of my life's greatest work!
Lynn: (to Lucy) I bet it was you who popped all my balls!
Luan: Now that I think about it, I bet it was you who iced Mr. Coconuts and tried to put the blame on Lily!
(Everyone except Billincoln started to rant at Leni, Lucy, and Lana.)
Leni: Guys, please! You must believe us! We had nothing to do with any of this!
Lucy: You believe us right, brother.
(Billincoln stood there silent with his head down.)
Lana: Lincoln?
(Billincoln holds out his hand to stop Lana where she is and slowly lift his head.)
Billincoln: Okay. Just to be clear, I ain't mad.
Sisters: (except Leni, Lucy, and Lana) WHAT!?
Billincoln: (turns around) But! I can't say that I'm not disappointed, hurt, violated, and overall betrayed. (looks up and puts his backhand on his forehead, devastated) And what's worse, it had to come from what I've been told my "kindest sisters out of the bunch."
Lola: They're the kindest out of the bunch!? Who told you that!?
Billincoln: (looks back at his sisters, points at Leni, Lucy, and Lana) They did. (turns back around, looks back up and puts his backhand back to his forehead.)
Leni, Lucy, and Lana: What!?
Lana: Now wait just a minute! We never-
Billincoln: (devastated) Lana! Don't bother try lying to us, or better yet don't bother try lying to yourselves! Haven't you three done enough damage already!
Leni: (starts tearing up) Lincoln... please...
Billincoln: (holds out his hand to the side) Nope! I am so hurt right now that I can't even at you three! (puts down his hand and head) Now excuse me, I'll be in room drowning in my own misery. (walks towards room with his hand over his face and sniveling on the way)
(Billincoln enters his room and slammed his door, Leni, Lucy, and Lana's sisters glared at them.)
Lori: Oh, way to go you three. You just broke our only brother.
Lynn: Yeah, and just when he regretted that outburst he made!
Lola: You boneheads better fix this!
(All except Leni, Lucy, and Lana went downstairs. The three of them started to tear up, ran to their rooms and started sobbing on their beds. In Billincoln's room, he was sitting on his bed still sniveling with his hand over his face. His sniveling turns into chuckles. He moves his hand away from his face revealing a devious expression. His chuckles changed into evil laughter.)
Billincoln: Oh, man! (gets off the bed) That was incredible! Who knew having such a big family could be so much fun!? Especially the part where I can easily turn them against each other and have them at each other's throats! I can't believe Snowflake didn't take advantage of this! Speaking of whom, I wonder how he's doing.
(Billincoln leans against the walls with his arms crossed. As he closes his eyes, the camera zooms into his head. Inside, Bill appears.)
Bill: Hey, Snowflake! How are you holding- Whoa!
(Lincoln was furious. He was moving like crazy trying to break free from the chains.)
Lincoln: (absolutely livid) RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Bill: Geez, looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the chains!
Lincoln: YOU MONSTER! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO MY SISTERS! LENI, LUCY, AND LANA DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS PUNISHMENT! I SWEAR I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS, BILL CIPHER!
Bill: Is that so!? Well, then how about I tighten those chains for you!
(Bill grips both his hands making the chains tighter. As the chains were squeezing Lincoln, he was screaming in pain. Then there was a sound coming from the outside.)
Clyde: (from a walkie-talkie) Clyde to Lincoln, do you copy? Over. Lincoln, are you there? Over.
Bill: Well, well, well. Looks like a certain someone wants to play!
Lincoln: No! Don't you dare my hurt my best friend!
Bill: Oh no, are you going to throw another tantrum!? Oh, whatever will I- How about THIS!
(Bill shoots a laser out of his finger to the chains to electrocuted Lincoln, making scream in pain. Bill keeps shocking Lincoln until he finally passes out.)
Bill: There! (cracks his fingers) Now that he's kept quiet, it's showtime! (snaps his fingers and disappears)
(The camera zooms out back to Lincoln's room where Billincoln is still leaning against the wall. Billincoln opened his eyes and looks around the room trying to find the walkie-talkie.)
Billincoln: (finds and grabs the walkie-talkie) This is Lincoln Loud, come in Nosebleed.
Clyde: (annoyed) Ugh! Again with the nickname?
Billincoln: Get used to it, Nosebleed. You'll be hearing that a lot. Anyway, so what do I owe the pleasure for this call?
Clyde: Well, I was wondering if you were feeling okay after that fire incident. Who do you think caused it anyway?
Billincoln: Your guess is good as mine. I, on the other hand, am feeling A-Okay! My sisters, not so much.
Clyde: Really? Wow, I didn't think the fire would get to your-
Billincoln: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't about the fire.
Clyde: What do mean?
Billincoln: Do you remember one of my sisters, Blondie, Goth Girl, and Grease Monkey?
Clyde: You mean Leni, Lucy, and Lana?
Billincoln: Yeah, sure whatever. Anyway, turns out those three have gone rogue last night.
Clyde: Really!? What did they do!?
Billincoln: Well, not only did they demolish some of my things, but my other sister's stuff as well. Lola's beauty stuff, Lynn's sports stuff, Lori's phone, and so on and so on.
Clyde: Oh, that's rough. Lori must be devastated not being able to use her phone. My poor sweet angel.
Billincoln: Especially when she won't be able to talk to her precious boyfriend. You remember him right, Nosebleed? Bobby Santiago, tall guy, has multiple jobs, now lives in downtown, and is constantly called Bobby Boo-Boo Bear.
Clyde: (annoyed) Don't remind me.
Billincoln: Yeah, good for them.
Clyde: It would be even greater if Lori and I were together.
Billincoln: You and Lori!? Ha! Fat cha- (he stopped and thought of something and slowly makes a devious grin) On second thought, you are right.
Clyde: Really!?
Billincoln: Of course, if anyone gets a shot with Lori, it's you. In fact, I say now is a good time to make your move.
Clyde: Are you sure? Isn't Lori a little on edge?
Billincoln: Exactly, and what better way to make her feel better than taking her out on a date and giving her a good time!
Clyde: Hey, yeah, you're right!
Billincoln: As always. In the meantime, you start putting on one of your most snazzy attire, come up with a date plan and meet me at my house.
Clyde: On it! See you in a few! (hangs up)
Billincoln: (puts down the walkie-talkie) While Lover Boy gets ready for his big day, I'll take the pleasure of provoking his date. (chuckles evilly)
(Sometime later, Lori is in her room, lying on her bed feeling very irritated)
Lori: (holding and looking at her broken phone) Why, that little troll! The nerve of her breaking my phone! I am literally missing out on a lot of valuable texting time! Now I'm one device short of reaching out to my Bobby Boo-Boo Bear. (sighs)
(Billincoln enters the scene.)
Billincoln: (knocks on Lori's door) Knock, knock, knock! Guess who!?
Lori: (frustrated) What do you want, Lincoln?
Billincoln: I just want to come by and see how my eldest sister holding up.
Lori: Isn't it obvious!? I'm in a crisis! Thanks to Lana, I literally have no connection to my precious boyfriend!
Billincoln: Oh, you poor thing. I don't know who is suffering more, you or Bobby.
Lori: Bobby?
Billincoln: Of course! Think about it. Bobby is probably trying to call you as we speak but has no idea that your phone is busted. He tries calling you, but still gets no answer. Then he'll start freaking out and say, (doing a Bobby impression) "Why isn't Babe answering? She always answers. Does she not love anymore?".
Lori: That does sound like Bobby and I do always answer.
Billincoln: Eventually he'll get the wrong idea of you not being interested in him anymore and the next thing you know he has a new girlfriend!
Lori: (gasps) Bobby would never do that to me!
Billincoln: Well knowing Bobby, he's the type of guy who can't go one day without seeing you or in this case at least hearing voice. Heck, you can't go one day without talking to him. Plus, let's be honest he's very fragile when it comes to being neglected and there's a limit on how much neglect he can take.
Lori: (feeling devastated) But... We're soulmates.
Billincoln: Well, thanks to Lana, not for long. Wow, not only did Lana destroy your phone but also potentially destroyed your relationship.
Lori: (getting angry and growls) Lana.
Billincoln: You know I'm right. If I were you, I would probably make Leni, Lucy, and Lana do all the house chores for a while until they paid off the damages they made!
Lori: (calms down) I'll keep that in mind.
Billincoln: Honestly, you make a good point getting mad about this whole fiasco. Since you can't contact your lover, that means I might not able to see my precious Ronalda Santiago. Granted, they are still living here, and I still see them at school, but if they decided to move somewhere far away, that would mean we can't talk to them for a long time. And I would truly miss the Santiagos.
Lori: Oh, you poor thing. (she scoops up Billincoln and hugs him) I'm sorry that Lana, Lucy, and Leni demolished your room and the others. You didn't deserve this.
Billincoln: Hey, what can I say? It seems like payback for my violent blowout after I messed up the dinner. Truly, I can't believe those three girls would betray me. They are only nice to me so that they can be my favorite sisters of the family.
Lori: (shocked) Is that true?
Billincoln: Afraid so.
(Lori gets furious)
Billincoln: You know, it would really make up for me and the rest of the sisters if you made some changes for the house. I know we have our parents around, but in case they don't interfere, you can possibly kick Leni out of your room, making her sleep on the couch. For Lana, strip her from keeping animals and being dirty. I know for a fact she hates being clean like her twin. I bet Princess would like it if Lana no longer becomes dirty for a while. And as for Lucy, I honestly don't know. She is quite a mystery. The only things I know that she doesn't like are pink and being less… her.
Lori: (through clenched teeth) Count me in to make those happen.
(Billincoln hears the doorbell from downstairs and steps out of Lori's room)
Billincoln: I'll get it! Glad we had this talk, sis. Gotta go. (closes her door but reopens it) Oh, one more thing. In case that happens. It could be worse. You might end up dating Clyde or Bobby would end up dating your worst enemy, Carol Pingrey. You remember her, right? She's the same chick who stole your title homecoming queen.
Lori: (notices and gets angry again) GGRRRRAAAAAAAAHH! (throws her broken phone at the wall)
Billincoln: Okay, bye bye! (closes her door again)