Author's note: CW for cis teen boy problems, and internalized homophobia. Also this chapter contains post-moon scenes (for new readers that means there will be some gore, blood, and wounds). Also for anyone confused about the first chapter, it was a flashback prologue. All first chapters (prologues) for the SL books will take place before the actual book is set. Sorry for any confusion!
-x-
The first full moon after coming home was rapidly approaching, and Remus was dreading it. Every single morning when he left his bedroom to go upstairs he had to pass by the door to his wolf room, making him sick. When he crossed another day off his calendar, he kept looking at Saturday. The first night. At least this month it would only be three nights locked up inside the tiny room… in August he'd have four.
Wish I was at Hogwarts, he thought on Tuesday morning as he trudged past his wolf room. Sometimes he thought about opening the door, to face the darkness before he was locked in it. But he didn't. He made up reasons for it. There was no point, it'd look no different than the last time he saw it, etc, etc. The truth was he was a little afraid. Afraid of the upcoming moon. Afraid of transforming in the little room.
It had been a long time since he had a 'proper' moon in the room, as over the Easter holidays it rained most of the time, giving him only one night as a wolf and even then not for a full night. As far as he knew, while the weather section of the Daily Prophet called for rain Thursday and Friday night, the couple of days after that were supposed to be crystal clear. Herbologists and Potioneers get ready, it'll be a clear one for all your full moon needs!
There had also been a tiny section warning the residents of Chudley that a possibly feral werewolf had been sighted nearby. There was a photograph of an exhausted looking man who appeared to be in his seventies. Remus had carefully cut this out and put it in a desk drawer where he was collecting articles about werewolves.
After Lyall left and Hope and Remus cleaned up the dishes, the two of them went into her garden out back. It was a fairly large garden, surrounded by a rather high stone wall. A new addition had been made since his Easter holidays: a very small water feature. A tiny little pond surrounded by moss-covered rocks. He sat next to it, a book open in his lap to read as his mother worked.
"Remus?"
"Yes?" He shut his book, assuming she needed help.
"I was thinking…" Hope knelt a few feet away, one gloved hand clutching some shears. "How would you like to see a film?"
"A… film?"
"It's been a long time," she said, going back to her work. "I know we sold our television ages ago but I was thinking it might be nice to go see a film. Two, actually. Would you like that?"
Remus stared at his mother. "In a… cinema?"
Hope giggled. "Of course."
"What kind of film?"
Hope wiped her forehead off, leaving a streak of dirt. "They are playing a few different ones from throughout the years. I thought we could go to two. One for you, one for me. They have a Marilyn Monroe film I've never had a chance to see."
He wasn't sure who Marilyn Monroe was, but his mother seemed excited at the prospect. "Yeah, I'd like that," he said.
She smiled very happily. "Wonderful! It starts this weekend—"
"Mum!" He nearly dropped his book. "We c-can't—"
"I know. Let me finish, darling, please," Hope chided. "It starts this weekend and runs all week so I was thinking next Wednesday. That will give you time to recover. They're playing the one I want to see that day and I think they have a… a science-fiction film playing that day too, for you. You like that, right?" She bent down, digging into the dirt. "Marilyn Monroe was so beautiful. It's been eleven years but it's still such a tragedy."
Remus had no clue what she was talking about, so he said nothing, instead nodding in agreement, opening his book back up.
"I wish I was as beautiful as her," his mother mumbled very softly.
He jerked his chin up. Growing up he rarely heard his mother put her own appearance down, but during the Easter holidays she had been crying about her body, a few days ago she had made a similar comment about her body, and now this?
"You're beautiful, Mummy," he said.
Hope looked more upset than pleased. "I—I forgot how good your hearing is," she said anxiously. "Don't mind me, sweetheart."
The next night Remus brought the conversation up with his father. Lyall needed to make some new potions for around the house and Remus sat on a stool to help him. The last time they were like this was the summer before, and Lyall tried to have The Talk with Remus. He still felt nauseated thinking about that awkward, uncomfortable conversation. In fact, he almost didn't help his dad because he was afraid of another Talk. Thankfully Lyall actually wanted help, and after fifteen minutes, Remus decided to try to talk about his mother.
"Mum has seemed a little… down about her appearance lately," he said, hoping it was the best way to broach the subject.
Lyall peered into his cauldron, carefully stirring. "Mm."
"You think Mum is beautiful, right?"
"Hmmm?" Lyall looked up, annoyed. "Of course I do! What sort of question is that?"
Remus swung his feet, bouncing his heels off the rung of the stool. "I don't know. Sorry."
Lyall began adding some more ingredients. "Did she say anything about me?"
"No."
His father let out a sigh. "What did she say?"
"That she wished she looked like Marilyn Monroe."
Lyall closed his eyes. "Marilyn Monroe," he muttered, shaking his head. "Is that all she said?" Remus nodded. "Remus, sometimes women say they want to look like someone else, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. All right? I'm sure you'll understand when you—" He stopped, falling silent.
"When I what?" Remus couldn't help press, knowing exactly what his father almost said. When you start dating. Which he never could.
Lyall cleared his throat. "Go get me the bottle of bundimun ooze, and be careful. It's dangerous."
-x-
Dear Sirius, 12/7/73
Arthur has seemed rather improved the past couple of days so I thought I'd send a letter, though I don't know how quickly he will get it to you. I really hate to ask but the next time you send a letter to Peter could you send the one attached to him as well? I don't want Arthur going too far and he's so far north.
Pembrokeshire is indeed on the southwest coast, but not anywhere near where I live. What does that matter anyway? Speaking of Andromeda, how is she doing? And… I can't remember the daughter's name, I'm sorry. Nymph-something? Have they found out yet why her hair color continues to alter itself? I stand by what I said. She's most likely a metamorphmagus which is very fascinating since you said nobody in your family is one, and her paternal family are all Muggle.
Do you honestly believe yourself to be sneaky? I notice you said you'll do your homework 'before classes' begin and NOT 'before summer ends' which means you're going to start your assignments on September first, aren't you? Or the second, since that will be a Sunday. If you do your assignments now I can help you with them, you know. I am willing.
Also are you really getting headaches or was that merely a joke? Because you were having headaches now and again before school ended, weren't you? If you are still having them you really should see someone about them. You should not be having constant headaches in that manner at your age without cause. There is probably an underlying reason which should be checked out. I'm worried about you. Please see someone?
Things here are going about the same as my last letter. Boring, boring, and boring. It's started raining so I won't even be able to go outside tomorrow. Unfortunately the rain is supposed to let up before the weekend. Although next week my mother is taking me to see some Muggle films which should be fun! She is after me to come with her to her knitting club though which I most certainly do NOT want to go to. Older Muggle ladies tend to fuss over me and say how 'small' and 'cute' I am which is very irritating. I AM NOT THAT SMALL! And not a word from you on that matter. You're abnormally tall and shouldn't be allowed.
Your bored as well friend, Remus.
PS: please do your assignments please don't put them off until last minute please Sirius I am begging you
Dear Peter 12/7/73
First of all my deepest apologies for being unable to reply to your letter sooner. Cocoa arrived mere minutes before my mother came into my room so I had to send him off without a letter in response. I don't know when this will get to you. Arthur isn't doing too well and I am sending this letter via Sirius. Hopefully Filibuster is able to deliver it without issue. I was just a little worried about Arthur taking a trip all the way up to your place.
I am so sorry you had to stay with your cousin. I know you don't like him. I hope it went well for you, as I am assuming that this is over and done with. If your cousin was too pratty just let us know. I'm sure the Marauders could come up with some retaliation! James is coming your way, he would probably find it quite fun to figure something out. Really, setting James on him would be a horribly terrific thing to do. Personally I would be more than happy to put a little bulbadox powder in an envelope and have it sent to your cousin however I am lacking an owl with the health to do so. As Sirius would say, you're a Marauder so that instantly makes you a thousand times more cooler than him. Cooler than your cousin, I mean. If that wasn't obvious.
All right the Charms essay is fairly simple. You need to choose two different spells and explain the similarities and differences between them. You will need to choose two different spells that are similar enough and different enough; for instance a very SIMPLE example (as in do not do this) is the lumos and nox spells. Similarities: they are both light-based spells, they both have etymology in Latin, both are learned in the first year, both were invented by Levina Monkstanley etc, etc. Differences: lumos is classified as a charm while nox is classified as a counter-charm. Lumos casts light, nox extinguishes light. Lumos can be used as a defensive spell against some dark creatures, nox is purely used for one purpose only. There are multiple varieties of the lumos spell, there is only one version of nox. You will need to go into depth about both sides, making it clear the comparisons and the contrasts. After writing the essay feel free to send it to me and I can help you polish it up.
Please take James Muggle hiking. I know it would be a rather unhappy event for you to endure but just imagine: James. Potter. Muggle. Hiking. He won't last. Take pictures. Please.
Missing you too, Remus
-x-
Remus woke up with a start sometime during Friday night. At first he wasn't sure what happened. He hadn't had a nightmare, though his dreams had been awkward. He was fairly sure Sirius was there and there had been a lot of… well, he wasn't sure what was going on. Hugging. Hands on his body. Something horrible that he shouldn't have been dreaming about.
Groaning, he started to flop back to go back to sleep when he felt something warm and damp in his pajama bottoms along with a very specific smell. No. He sat back up, pushing his blanket aside to peek into the trousers. Oh, oh no. Humiliation and sickness overwhelmed him and he wanted to cry. Thank Merlin nobody was around.
He got out of bed, stripping down and throwing the dirtied clothes on the floor, followed by his sheet which had… emission smeared on it too. He wiped himself clean, put on clean pants and pajamas, and then hauled everything upstairs to the washer. Burning hot, he jammed everything into the machine, dumped cleaning potion in, and turned it on. He looked at the dark doorway, hoping this wouldn't wake his parents.
He crept back downstairs to make his bed with new sheets and read until the washer was done. Every single little sound he heard set him on edge, terrified his mother would appear to ask him why he was washing clothes at two in the morning. He planned on saying he had gotten sick, if she asked. But by the time the washer was done, his parents were still asleep.
He dragged the wet clothes downstairs where he hung everything up over the rod that held the curtain around the lavatory area. He used some drying spells to get rid of most of the sopping wetness before crawling back into bed.
Bloody hell. He curled into a little ball, hugging himself. He knew that was going to happen sooner or later. He knew there wasn't anything wrong with what happened. It was natural. Absolutely natural. However he couldn't help but hate himself because he was worried that the dreams that had caused it involved—
No.
He clenched his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut, determined to pretend nothing ever happened.
-x-
Too soon it was Saturday. When it was time to wake up, he slithered out of bed, falling onto the floor with a grunt. Every bone in his body ached and his muscles felt like they were too weak. Slowly, he pushed himself into a kneeling position and used the edge of his bed to get to his feet. Part of him considered going back to bed and he probably would have if he wasn't so hungry.
He shuffled over to his little bathroom area to take care of things, and as he brushed his teeth he peered at his reflection. His normally pallid and pale complexion was worse than usual, the dark circles that lived permanently under his golden-amber eyes looked like violent bruises, and his tawny hair was very dull, hanging limp around his face.
It took longer than usual to get up the stairs. As soon as he opened the door he heard his mother exclaiming over his appearance, telling him he could have stayed in bed—she'd have brought him breakfast. He shook his head, mumbling arguments as he fell into his usual seat at the table. He refused to let the curse get the better of him, refused to give in to the exhaustion.
It took longer than he'd like to eat breakfast. Every time he brought a forkful of food to his mouth it felt heavy and difficult, like he was lifting huge boulders instead of small bits of sausage or egg. Hope encouraged him to eat everything but he couldn't, and soon returned to his bedroom.
Hope brought him supper in bed, not letting him come upstairs, insisting he get a little more rest. She had cooked some of his favorite foods to try to get him to eat plenty. He managed more than he had at lunch but couldn't finish it all.
"At least you got some in you," she said, taking the partially finished plate back upstairs. Remus fell back asleep until it was time to be locked up in the darkness.
-x-
We can't call the Ministry! He's been BITTEN! They'll KILL HIM!
I'll take care of it!
It bit him, it bit him!
Move!
He's going to become one of them!
You're scaring him!
You don't understand he was BIT!
Remus jolted awake with a scream. "PLEASE! PLEASE!" he cried out, covering his face. The movement hurt and he hissed out in pain, lowering his bandaged hands back down. One had come loose and was unraveling, blood oozing out onto his blanket. The first night of this stretch of moon hadn't gone too well, though certainly better than the full moon in June. At least he woke up with all his body parts, even if his arms had been sliced into shreds.
There was a thud from somewhere above him then Hope hurried down the stairs. "Baby?" She flung open the door. "I heard you shouting—oh!"
"I c-can fix it—"
Hope ignored him getting into the dresser drawer that held all his medical supplies. She got out a fresh roll of bandages and undid the loose ones off his arm, tossing the bloodied fabric into the rubbish bin. Then gently she rewrapped his arm, a tear rolling down her cheek as she saw the deep marks cutting through his muscle.
"Mum?"
"Yes, darling?"
He stared at her thin hands fastening the end of the bandage, at her short nails that she constantly bit down anytime they tried to grow. He vaguely remembered that hand touching his forehead as she sang You Are My Sunshine until she broke down into tears.
"Can I ask you something?"
Hope smiled, starting to reach out for his hair then stopping when she realized there was blood streaked on her hand. "You can ask me anything."
He didn't dare look at her. "Did—when—when I was bit—" he could feel her entire body stiffening at those words, "—did—did Dad—did—did Dad—"
"I don't think we should talk about that night, especially not during a full moon," she said, leaning in to kiss the side of his forehead.
Finally he looked up. "You said I could ask you anything—"
"Are you hungry?" She got to her feet, hurrying over to his sink to scrub her hands off. "I could fix some fried fish, if you like, or if you'd rather have ice cream we still have some left over."
"Dad wanted to heal me, didn't he?" Remus asked, staring now at her back.
Hope didn't say anything for three seconds that felt like three years. "Of course he wanted to heal you," she said, turning around, wiping her hands off on her skirt. "What makes you think he didn't?"
He wasn't sure how to explain to her about his nightmares, or the hazy maybe-memories that had been dredged up by seeing a werewolf. "Can you tell me about that night?"
Hope met his gaze then turned towards the door. "I'll get you that ice cream."
Remus settled back, giving up for the time being but determined that he'd find out the details before summer ended.
-x-
The next two nights went about the same as the first, with Remus slashing himself up. While he absolutely hated being locked up in the tiny room, there were two good things about summer moons: the long daylight hours between transformations and no class to worry about getting to the day after his final night.
Though all in all, he'd rather be in his house in Hogsmeade instead of the teensy room. At least he transformed every single night. The nights he didn't transform—the nights he was stuck as a tired, naked boy all night in that small, pitch black room—were hellish. In Hogsmeade he had space, furniture, and blankets. And light.
He thought about his favorite blanket. One magicked not to tear, not even under his werewolf claws. Peter had given it to him for Christmas and it had held up beautifully. Unfortunately, since he wasn't allowed to have friends, he had to leave his blanket in Hogsmeade along with Sirius's Christmas present: a metal box he couldn't destroy as a werewolf. James's Christmas present, on the other hand, was tiny enough to bring home. Earplugs that helped block out sound, which he was often tempted to use but didn't dare bring them out of their hiding spot. Though he might try using them when his mother took him to the cinema. He didn't know a lot about Muggle cinemas however one thing he did know was that they could be loud.
He dithered about it all day Tuesday, and when Wednesday arrived—film day!—he decided to wear them. His shaggy hair was a complete mess and the likelihood of his mother seeing them under his hair was slim. If she did manage to notice them, he could possibly pretend he had made them himself.
"You two look excited," Lyall noted at breakfast.
"We're going to the cinema today," Remus said brightly.
Lyall managed to turn his snort into a cough. "Right, the—the Muggle thing. Er. Films. What ones are you seeing?"
"Er…" Hope looked at Remus.
"2001: A Space Odyssey," he replied, remembering the one he had picked out from the list. He was very excited. It sounded very cool.
"And Some Like It Hot, for me," Hope finished.
"And… we can afford it?" Lyall asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hope lifted her chin. "Yes, darling, I've done bargain shopping and have saved enough for this trip, for Remus and I. I think it would be a nice mother-son bonding day." She picked up her fork hesitantly. "Which is something I think we need. Plus I think it is very important that he embraces his Muggle side."
Hope rarely spoke in such a tone to Lyall and Remus ducked his head, deciding to stay out of this. Luckily Lyall decided it wasn't an argument worth pursuing, returning to his paper.
A couple of hours later, Hope and Remus were in the same town she went to for her knitting club. There was a cinema on main street, advertising its run of older films as well as new features. Today's 'through the ages' features were Casablanca, Some Like It Hot, Goldfinger, and 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Remus's eyes were huge as they went into the cinema. The only films he ever saw were on the television set they used to own, forever ago. He reached out, taking his mother's hand without thinking, feeling extremely nervous. Almost like he shouldn't be there. Like he didn't belong. Like somehow they'd know he wasn't a Muggle. He grew worried about his clothes even though he knew they were Muggle, and was absolutely terrified that somehow someone would know there was a wand tucked deep in one of his pockets.
2001 was playing first, alongside Casablanca. Hope bought the tickets then took Remus to the counter where they were selling snacks. Delicious smells wafted through the air, and Remus was shocked when Hope handed some more money over for two drinks and some popcorn.
"Can't go to the cinema without getting popcorn," she explained as she took him into the room where they'd see the film. It was large, full of seats, some of which had people in them. Muggles. Remus began to grow nervous again, staying close to his mother as they found a nice place to sit. "I remember the last time I was at the cinema," Hope whispered as she put the bag of popcorn in Remus's lap. "1957, with your father. I used to love going to see films. I went all the time with my friends."
Until I was married seemed to be left hanging silently in the air. Remus took a bite of popcorn, melting at the delicious buttery, salty taste.
When the film started it was even louder than Remus expected and he had to sneakily reach up to adjust the amount of sound blocked by his earplugs. He turned it almost all the way up, then sat back to enjoy the film.
Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't what he saw. It took a little while to get going and Remus wasn't entirely sure, at first, what was with the whole ape thing but then the film went into space and boy was that neat! It was absolutely fascinating seeing what Muggles could do with their technology, and this was a few years old! He wondered what films were like now! Whenever he saw angles of the characters walking up walls or upside down he was curious how Muggles managed that sort of thing.
At one point, though, there was a very high-pitched whining sort of sound emitting from the monolith and Remus yelped, covering his ears. A few people turned to glance his way and his mother put her arm around him, asking if they needed to leave. Soon the high-pitched sound stopped and the movie went on.
The other awkward point was one of the male characters in nothing except his pants, laying back. Remus covered his mouth at the sight, very familiar and very unwanted hot, tingly feelings shooting through his body. It had been some time since he felt like that—though all things considered, it had been a while since he was around anyone besides his parents.
Not good, he thought as the scene continued. Why would they even do that? What was the point? Put him in clothes! He sank a little in his seat, hoping his mother wouldn't notice how hot and uncomfortable he was getting. Ugh, it didn't even make sense for him to feel this way. He hated it. Why did it happen to him?
The rest of the movie, at least, was very good and interesting. When Poole was drifting through space, Remus clutched his stomach, unable to take his eyes off the screen. His head pulsed every time it showed that small body spinning through the vast, starry expanse. There was something familiar about it. Not the action itself, but the feeling… utter helplessness and loneliness.
Remus knew throughout the movie that his mother was angry and once it ended he wasn't surprised she immediately began complaining. "What an utter waste of money! What in Christ's name was that even supposed to be? What a bizarre ending! I don't understand! That—that was a waste of money! Remus, I'm sorry it wasn't better—"
"No, it was good, Mum!" he promised as they got out of their seats.
Hope stared at him in utter disbelief. "Good!"
"Yes! It was very interesting. I mean, the best bits were on board the ship with the Hal thing going on, and the beginning bits with the apes were a little odd though it made sense in the end—"
"Made sense? Nothing in that entire waste of—" Hope looked at her watch, "two and a half hours of utter rubbish."
"I liked it," he mumbled. "It was weird b—"
"What was that ending even—that didn't make sense. That made no sense whatsoever."
He decided not to offer anymore opinions, and remained quiet as they went out for a late (cheap) lunch. Hope talked about how films when she was younger made sense, complaining bitterly about nonsensical and strange endings. While she chattered on, Remus thought about his paltry collection of Muggle science-fiction, wanting to immerse himself into one of them as soon as he got home.
After they were done eating it was time to go back to the cinema for his mother's choice. It was quite a difference from Remus's choice, and at first he wasn't very interested. The two men dressing as women was rather funny, though. And when Marilyn Monroe made her appearance Remus studied her. His mother had stated how beautiful she was, and by the way the actors in the film were reacting it was obvious she was supposed to be very attractive. He just wasn't really sure… why. He could tell she was beautiful in a… not-tingly way. Like Lily.
I should be having hot, tingly feelings for her, not—not what happened earlier, he thought, watching the screen. Or from this, he thought as Sugar began wandering around in what seemed to be knickers. Actually there were a lot of girls in nothing but their knickers and Hope gave a slight gasp, covering Remus's eyes quickly.
"Mum!" He tried to push her hand away. "It's fine, I don't care!" How did he explain that seeing women in their knickers didn't do anything to him? "I want to see the movie."
He did, actually; it was a lot funnier than he anticipated and he thought the scenario of all the girls climbing up into 'Daphne's' bunk for a party was terrific. It made him think of something his friends would do.
Then things changed very quickly once the band arrived in Florida, or more specifically when a man started heavily flirting with 'Daphne'. Remus raised his eyebrows at the ankle tickling, then bit his lip when Osgood's arms went around Daphne in the elevator. That's a man though. Naturally the character didn't know, but it was strange to think the actors knew and were still performing like that. Of course, it was just acting.
That's a good friend , he thought, when Jerry agreed to go on a date with the man so Joe could… well, lie to Sugar some more which he wasn't much of a fan of. Except then the part on the boat, when Joe was (lying) to Sugar about 'not feeling anything' in order to manipulate her into snogging, Remus wondered if that was something that existed. Not feeling anything.
Though he certainly felt something seeing Daphne and Osgood tango-ing, the rose moving from 'her' mouth to his, and how close their faces were—how close to kissing it was. He squirmed in his seat, feeling very strange. It was… comedy. A man pretending to be a woman and dancing like that with another man, it was funny.
But all Remus could think of was the fact it was two men dancing like that! He wondered how the actors felt. Disgusted? How much were they paid to do that? Probably a lot, right? You'd have to be paid a lot for—for something like that since it was—it was—
"What happened?"
"I'm engaged."
"Congratulations, who's the lucky girl?"
"I am!"
Remus began biting his nails, eyes going huge at those lines. "Do you think he's too old for me?" What did that mean? Why would—what did—?
"Why would a guy want to marry a guy?" Joe demanded. Remus gave a slight nod. Yes, exactly, that—why would—
"I keep getting those alimony checks every month!" All right, so Jerry was doing it for the money, not—
Not…
Remus could barely pay attention to the mobster part of the plot, his head swarming with the whole Daphne-Osgood plot. Not a whole lot registered in his head until Joe—as Josephine—kissed Sugar which was a little startling. Then the ending was upon them, with Joe, Jerry, Osgood, and Sugar getting away in the motorboat and a rather disgusting confession of love between Joe and Sugar. He expected that to be it but…
Osgood started talking about the wedding, and Jerry-as-Daphne began to give excuses as to why 'she' couldn't marry him. Osgood didn't care at all about any of the excuses.
Then Jerry ripped his wig off.
"I'm a man!"
Remus held his breath as Osgood looked at Jerry's reveal that he was a man.
"Well," Osgood said with a smile, "nobody's perfect."
Then it was over just like that.
The ending music began playing and Remus stared at the black screen, head pounding.
What?
What?!
What did he just see?!
The scene replayed in his head, somehow in slow motion and super high speed simultaneously.
I'm a man. Well, nobody's perfect.
A smile from Osgood, and a vague look of 'huh' from Jerry.
"Oh that was such a good movie!" Hope's words burst through Remus's fog, and he jumped a little. "She was so beautiful! And those dresses! Thank you for watching it with me, dear. It was so nice seeing a film again. Perhaps… next summer we can see another, or—or maybe over your Christmas holidays, as a Christmas present. Maybe I can convince your father to come with us…"
Nobody's perfect.
Remus slowly got to his feet, following his mother out without seeing anything around him. The fears from earlier of not being Muggle had completely melted away from that movie ending.
Nobody's perfect.
Osgood… still… intended to marry… Jerry…?
As a man?
He didn't care?
Hope was humming I Want To Be Loved By You as they went to the car, Remus stumbling along, hardly able to see anything. He got into the passenger side, staring out the window.
He didn't understand.
Couldn't understand.
He knew it was simply a film, and it was intended to be humorous. A big joke. Ha-ha! A funny ending for a funny film!
But…
Nobody's perfect.
Remus swallowed and looked down at his lap, pressing his shaky hands against his thighs, the world tilting in circles around him.
But two men together wasn't supposed to be funny-funny, it was supposed to be disgusting and wrong and reviled! An ending to make more sense would have been—been Osgood jumping out into the ocean or something. Or Jerry, when Osgood said it was okay. Not—
Nobody's perfect.
It felt like a heavy weight pressing down into Remus's chest, and he curled up against the door, staring blankly at the scenery going by, unable to think of anything else for the entire trip home.