AMORE ET HONORE

By: tweety-src-clt9

Hunger and Lust

"Colin, before we get married, there is something important you should know," Penelope said in all seriousness as they made their way towards the Bridgerton's London estate. They were inside the gates now, just walking along the beautifully lush front yard.

He tried his very hardest to not feel slighted, truly he did. It was rather apparent that Penelope was rather hesitant about marrying him. He knew it was his fault though. He was certain he severely wounded her pride, or worse, broke her heart when he uttered that horrid line, I am certainly not going to marry Penelope Featherington. Just the memory of those horrid words he said a year ago made him cringe. If Penelope still had romantic feelings for him last year, he couldn't bear to imagine the pain she must have felt at his unintentional insult. And now that mistake came biting me in the arse, he winced internally but he tried to conceal his thoughts with a cheeky smile.

"Did you kill someone?" he feigned a grave voice.

"What?! Of course, not!" Penelope actually looked affronted and he chuckled. She's so adorable.

"Hmm… Did you steal anything?"

"Colin!"

He leaned closer and whispered against her dainty ear, now tinged a bit pink, "have any secret paramours hidden somewhere then?"

She gasped, "now you're being silly!" and she flushed even further.

"Ah… Well then, you don't need to tell me yet. As far as I'm concerned those three things are the major deal-breakers at this point… Unless – " he gave her a sly grin.

"Unless… what?" she looked at him warily.

"You're not attracted to ladies such as yourself… are you?" he winked.

She huffed. "Now you're just being annoying," she raised her pert nose in the air. Given her tiny height, it made her look like a vexed little girl whose dolls were hidden by her nanny.

He let out a laugh. Penelope was truly a breath of fresh air. He was used to them exchanging barbs at pretentious members of the ton, like that horrid Cressida, but he was just discovering now how entertaining it could be to tease the lady on his arm.

She glared at him and he only retorted, "come along darling. You won't convince me to cancel our engagement… I did come from Prussia to just ask for your hand, you know," he said impishly.

She only rolled her eyes. This was Penelope after all. In as much as she giggled and adorably blushed around him, she also could hold her own in their conversations. "Consider yourself warned then, Mr. Bridgerton," she shook her head in fond exasperation.

"The warning is noted and duly acknowledged, future Mrs. Bridgerton," he wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

"Oh, how I pity your mama with all the witty excuses and sheepish grins you must have subjected her to," she chuckled.

"'Tis a pity, it's true… At least mother will be rid of me, and I'll be bothering you from now on," he said sympathetically.

"Ah, yes! My poor nerves, indeed!" she dramatically touched her free hand to her forehead.

"Oh! Here we are… In as much as this conversation is riveting, darling – " he smirked before adding, "we have to tell Anthony and the rest of the Bridgerton brood that you've been coerced to marry me for pitying my mother's nerves."

"Colin Bridgerton, it seems Prussia has made you… hmmm… wittier?" she mused.

"I do need to step up if I had to match you at some point," he grinned before knocking on the door.

"Master Colin, Miss Penelope," the butler greeted.

"Is Anthony free right now?"

"Viscount Bridgerton is awaiting you in his study, sir."

"Thank you… oh, and please send – "

"The food shall be served in not more than ten minutes, Master Colin," the butler had a knowing glint in his eyes that made him laugh. The Bridgerton staff have long been accustomed to his voracious appetite.

"Capital!" he nodded to the butler who bowed respectfully before walking away.

"Come along, Ms. Penelope," he escorted his fiancée to the lord's study with a spring in his step.

He was delighted that he succeeded in his mission.

"Lord Bridgerton," Penelope curtsied to the viscount. Anthony had always been nice and friendly towards her. In fact, she had a gut feeling that the eldest Bridgerton also convinced Colin into asking for her hand.

"None of that, Penelope… How about a hug as a welcome to the family? You are marrying the most foolish of our lot after all. 'Tis a boon, really. Finally, someone will be minding over Colin's business," Anthony smirked to his brother as he stepped forward to greet them. His arms extended.

Penelope giggled. It was indeed a rare sight for Anthony Bridgerton to be so carefree. He was only like this around family – and now she would really be a part of this family who so cared for her. She shyly stepped closer and Anthony wrapped his arms around her. She felt overwhelmed and loved. She always secretly envied her best friend, Eloise, for her caring and protective brothers. And now, she had brothers too.

Anthony pulled back and gently held her arms as he said, "I am truly happy that you would be joining our family, Penelope."

"Thank you," she said in earnest.

"Pish posh! That's what brothers are for. Besides, welcoming you into the Bridgerton brood will help earn points from Kate… Goodness knows how much I need them with that menace of a woman," as he said the name of his wife, there was a certain softness in his eyes that made Penelope smile. Anthony Bridgerton was so in love with her friend, Kate Sharma. If only Colin would look at me like that… and then, the sarcastic side of her brain countered, be grateful you now have a family that actually cares for you.

"Well then, sister, take my hand for I have something to show you," Anthony held out his hand which she shyly took.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Colin joked with a boyish pout on his face.

"Well, I like Pen more than you. If we can keep her and throw you out, all the better," the viscount retorted.

"See what sort of suffering I go through in this family, Pen," Colin feigned affront. Penelope giggled once again, I'm so glad to be part of this family.

Anthony led her to one of the two chairs in front of his desk. The first thing she noticed was a large wooden box of sorts engraved with the Bridgerton coat of arms.

"Now my dear sister, in as much as I love Sophie and Edwina, I do believe you shall be my favorite… I mean, you have suffered Eloise for so long, and now Colin, truly – you are an angel," Anthony said, and Colin snorted.

"Because of that, I offer you the chance to pick any of the rings from the family's collection of jewels that you keep as a token of your engagement to this fool," and with that, the viscount opened the box.

Penelope gasped. She knew the Bridgertons were one of the wealthiest families of the ton, but this was truly unexpected. They always were an unassuming and friendly family. And so, it was easy to overlook their wealth and status because they were all so nice – especially to her. But now, with the array of rings of the most precious jewels – rubies, emeralds, sapphires, and diamonds – she couldn't help but feel intimidated.

When she recovered from the shock, she turned to Colin with a smile before addressing his eldest brother. "I am truly honored, Lord Bridgerton. Truly… However, Colin already got me a ring," she blushed.

"Oh… Is that so?" Anthony threw a sly glance at Colin.

"I bought it as soon as I got your letter," Colin avoided his brother's penetrating gaze. Fascinating, Penelope thought.

"Very well then… You can keep any ring though, if you so wish," Anthony offered.

"Oh, you are too kind – "

"Anthony," the viscount insisted.

"Anthony," she said sheepishly before continuing, "but I'm afraid I would have to pass on another ring. It is too much. Besides, I know that there will be a need for more rings, with your sons and then of Benedict's and so on," she explained.

"If you don't mind, may I see what my brother has given you," the viscount extended his hand.

Penelope raised her left hand for Anthony to expect the ring.

"Hmm… Emerald – excellent choice. A symbol of friendship, balance, loyalty, protection, and domestic bliss… Is that what you're trying to imply here, brother?" Anthony released her hand before turning to Colin once again.

"What – I – the jeweler said it was a good choice, clarity, cut, and whatnot. Also, Pen likes green and – "

Penelope could only look at Colin with curiosity as if she was trying to understand why he's acting this way. She's never seen him look so out of sorts that he's rambling over his words. She would have given it much more thought but then, the door suddenly opened, and Eloise walked in.

"Oh, Penelope! 'Tis so good to see you! Am I to understand that you are to marry Colin? You will marry him, right? Truly, you must. I cannot bear – " Eloise was holding on to her shoulders with such intensity that Penelope just had to stand so she could reassure her friend.

"Yes, I am marrying Colin," she smiled at her dearest friend.

"Oh, thank the heavens!" Eloise exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around her. Since Eloise was taller than her, her nose collided with her friend's collarbone since the embrace was rather tight.

When Eloise pulled away, she grabbed her hand. "Come along, Pen, we're off to chat and discuss your impending marriage to my brother… There are certain things about Colin that you must know, truly, you should be prepared for his bottomless stomach and – "

"Oi!" Colin exclaimed and Anthony chuckled.

"You'll have Pen to yourself for the rest of your days. Do allow me some indulgence to spend time with her," Eloise glared at Colin who only sighed in acquiescence before dragging Penelope away.

After the family dinner on that same day, it was the last time Penelope saw Colin in person as she was dragged off to a series of fittings, last-minute wedding preparations, and whatnot right after. While she was truly happy that the Bridgertons eagerly welcomed her into their family, she couldn't wait for the day of the wedding because it allowed her to finally leave the Featherington estate.

Her mother had been starving her with the sick idea that a bride should not look so plump in her wedding trousseau. Because of that, she was only given water for the entire week. The only time she could eat something was when she was in the presence of the dowager Lady Bridgerton, Eloise, and the new Lady Bridgerton – Kate. So, she tried to eat as much biscuit as she could during tea with the Bridgerton ladies, well, as much as her mother's glare would allow.

At this rate, if the wedding would be set at a later date, she would die of hunger.

Truly, she could never understand why her family was so cruel to her.

Her mother constantly ranted about the fact that while she's lucky enough to bag a Bridgerton, she still should not be entirely confident until the wedding vows were said. So, in her mother's twisted mind, she must drastically lose as much weight as possible in time for her wedding night. It hurt really, that her mother always made her feel like the most useless and most unattractive girl in the world.

Because of this, in the nights, she started researching divorce and annulments.

After all, Colin may care about her, but he wasn't in love with her.

Maybe, just maybe, she could set Colin free in the future.

That way, he could find his one true love.

And she would be happy and content in the memories of being his wife for a few years.

Colin saving her from the lustful attentions of that lecher of a duke through offering his hand, was the pinnacle of romance for a wallflower such as Penelope Featherington.

And so, she would never begrudge Colin of the chance to find a true romance with a woman who made him feel like the way she felt for him.

Since nobody actually knew how intelligent she was, it was rather easy to sneak into the library and read law books at night to discover things she needed to know about.

And then she found her answer...

She must be prepared right at the very start.

First thing's first – the marriage should not be consummated. Whatever consummating actually means, she thought. Her mama poorly explained the details of the wedding night, saying that she only needed to lay on the bed and think of England so her husband can do all the work.

With that being said, she now knew what not to do. She would never lay in bed with her future husband.

Sounds easy enough, she thought. Colin wasn't attracted to her anyway.

This should make things easier for when they could settle with an annulment maybe in four years. By then, Colin would still be at a prime age to find the woman of his dreams.

Meanwhile, Penelope could only hope that there were more tea times with the Bridgerton ladies until the day of the wedding. She truly could not survive on just water alone.

"Are you in love with Penelope by chance?"

Colin Bridgerton stared at the ceiling as he laid in bed thinking about Anthony's question for what seemed to be the thousandth time. He had not seen Penelope in nearly a week, ever since Eloise dragged her off after his proposal and then their dinner with the family. Also, his mother told him it was unlucky for the groom to see the bride and so, he wasn't allowed to call on her either.

Am I in love with Penelope?

Now he was second-guessing himself.

He indeed picked an emerald ring for a reason. According to the jeweler, an emerald engagement ring is a symbol of hope – it was a symbol of hoping for a supportive, unwavering, peaceful commitment for the rest of the couple's days. Also, it meant friendship and loyalty. It reminded him of Penelope too because she was partial to the color green.

If he were being honest, he was hopeful in this match. He wanted to fall in love with Penelope. He was hopeful of their future together. That's why he picked the emerald ring.

Does this mean I am in love with her though?

"Stupid Anthony," he muttered as he blamed his brother for his inability to sleep. It was his wedding tomorrow and he was not resting at all.

Penelope Featherington.

He had known her for a long time.

She was Eloise's dearest friend.

And his closest friend too.

He closed his eyes as he thought about Penelope's bright smiles, how her smile always warmed his heart. He thought about her long curly red hair and how it would look like sprawled on his bed. When he felt a certain stirring in his loins, he cursed.

"Now I'm no better than that bastard lusting after Pen," he grumbled to himself as he plonked his face against a pillow. He refused to debase Penelope like this by touching himself with carnal thoughts of her.

At least the wedding is tomorrow, he thought. But then, after the ceremony comes the wedding night.

Oh boy.

"You're better than this, Bridgerton," he murmured as he refused to act on his desires like a horny schoolboy.

Daybreak couldn't come soon enough, he mused as he tried to think about anything else to distract himself from thoughts of Penelope and wedding nights and what happens in between the sheets.

A/N: The explanation of the significance of Emerald engagement rings is all fact.

Anyway, what did you think of this chapter?

I'm excited to hear your thoughts.

I'm truly happy to be writing in this fandom since the readers are generally warm and nice.

P.S. I have to move the rating to M for now. Maybe make it an E later (*giggles*).