Act 3 The Boardroom
Stage directions: the inspector, mrs birling and Anubis walk in to the boardroom, the teams sit silently with their golden pussies gleaming under the harsh light
Inspector: Right teams, I'm back from my marijuana smoke. I've invested my last 50 qwid in the world, you can tell I want this badly. My reputation has been ruined at the police station and I am now known as 'Inspector Coom', so this better be worth it! Let's have Mr Birlings team first.
Mr Birling: While these muff missers were out sucking each other off I got a girl who's as good as gold from my factory! Eva Smith by day and Daisy Renton by night! Might have to pay her 3 shillings a week but it's all worth it, costs low and clunge plundering high!
Inspector: Right right, so what exactly is Eva Smith, just, just break it down for me
Mr Birling: Some girl who moderates my discord server, have a try inspector!
Stage directions: Eric runs in and punts Eva in the head before running back out
Inspector: Ok, Anubis, could you test the waters for me. I want to know if this is really the genuine real thing but I'm a bit of a little girl when it comes to trying something new
Anubis: Of course inspector. If this is the real golden pussy then when I weigh the inspectors nutsack to a feather it should weigh the same!
Stage directions: Anubis pulls out his doggy dick and starts to thrust into Eva Renton
Anubis: AAAA IT BURNS!! MY DICK IT BURNS!!!!!
Mr Birling: Oh yeah, we did fill her up with floor cleaner before this lmfao
Stage directions: Sheila starts crying
Inspector: Cut, cut! How the fuck am I supposed to wank to this?!?
Stage directions: Ryan Reynolds walks in
Ryan Reynolds: Hi guys, I really want to be in this play. I could bring an action edge to it and get Micheal Bay to direct it!
Inspector Goole: Sorry Ryan, this play is more about learning then action so I'll have to say no I'm afraid.
Ryan Reynolds: Fair enough, my films are really shit compared to this and don't have as bigger budget or effort put into them
Leviathan: I love Slugterra
Ra: Guys, I may have the body of a human but I've got the arse of a pigeon! Where's the bathroom?!?
Stage directions: Ryan Reynolds leaves
Inspector Goole: Right Mr Birling, I'm going to punish your fat arse for the first time in your life! You know your son?
Mr. Birling: Eric?
Inspector: No not that terrorist, your son from a one night stand, we were dining with him very recently, your daughter was engaged to him. Your son, Gerald!
Sheila: wtf, I was engaged to my brother?
Mr Birling: Come on sheila, that's perfectly normal in the upper crust!
Inspector: And when your son came out as gay, you shunned him and turned him away, gay people aren't freaks Arthur, they're people!
Mr Birling: I- I, I mean what can I say? Brexit means brexit, the only thing it can mean. Only Theresa Gay can be trusted! You bloody remoaners!
Inspector: Theresa May tried but failed, didn't you sleep with Margaret Thatcher anyway? No wonder your wife divorced you and joined my side! Now Mr Birling, Gerald got so depressed that he drank petrol and that's where I found him on the floor of poundland, the most painful way to go
Mr Birling: Please, I'll have no part in this! If the boy goes to a working class shop like poundland in his free time instead of the middle class waitrose that's his choi-
Stage directions: The elephant man gets up and starts convulsing, his skin starts to peel off, revealing a beautiful golden light that blinded everyone in the boardroom
Ra: My lord, he really IS the elephant man. That sack of flesh on his head dropped off! He has a trunk, a long flowing chestnut mane, two fantastic tusks and skin that gleams a magnificent white! Oh my god it's a miracle, I don't believe it!
Stage directions: A gunshot fires out, the elephant man drops dead
Mr Birling: Sorry, I thought we were on the hunt. I love shooting endangered animals!
Sheila: How could you?! He was a person too! That thing on his head was like a cocoon, he was a butterfly waiting to spread its wings and you killed him you bloody spastic!
Mr Birling: Cocoon? I thought it was more like a melted cake
Inspector Goole: This is what I mean Arthur! You have no sympathy for living things, all you care about is money and when the next marijuana smoke is coming!
Mr Birling: Nope, no regrets. He will look great above my fireplace with the taxidermied bodies of the mothman and the orang pendek I hunted to extinction!
Inspector: Well one mothman is gone, but there are millions and millions of John cryptids and Eva ghosts still left with us, their hopes and fears, their suffering and chance of happiness, all intertwined with our lives! They enjoy a good marijuana smoke as much as you do! We are members of one body. We are responsible for each other. And I tell you what, the time will soon come when, if men do not learn this lesson it will be taught to them in piss and shit. I have a special plan for this world. Good night.
Mr Birling: Wait? I got away with it? Yes lads, get in fuck y-
Stage directions: The inspector draws the excalibur from his cloak and brandished it at the nine heads of leviathan
Ra: No Inspector! Don't try it. Last time this happened I had to stay overtime and rebuild the world, you don't know what you're doing!
Stage directions: The inspector ignored Ra and plunged excalibur into the nine heads of leviathan, severing eight of them which flopped on the floor like a fish. The leviathan bit back with his last head, which made the inspector unable to execute the foul beast…. Until…
Crackbeard: Cap'n inspector! This foul sea creature sank one of me ships, the junkie Rodger! I may be an unreliable junkie now, but revenge still burns in my heart! I will help you push the blade in!
Stage directions: The blade cuts off the last head of Leviathan as his body burns a magnificent purple, and then time stops, the pores on everyone's skin freeze and crack in the cold empty abyss that the earth had been plunged into.