Author's Note: As sad as I am that I finished writing this, I'm also happy that I got to indulge myself in a world where my ship is sailing. Anyway, Enjoy!

The Trouble with Wanting

Chapter 3

Yano jumped when his phone suddenly started ringing. She hated the interruption, especially when Pin was just about to give her an answer.

"Who is it?" she said, curious

"No one important" Pin said, as he ignored the call. He looked at the message Shizuru-san left him:

Hey! I just finished work. My colleagues and I are planning to celebrate New Year's at this club. Do you want to come with us?

Damn. He cursed under his breath as he thought about all the beautiful women in scantily clad clothing dancing to the music in that club. And yet—

Yano was still looking at him.

His silence threw her off. Slowly, her anticipation for his answer turned into acceptance as it mirrored into her face Of course. What a silly thing to ask a former teacher… she thought. She gave him a small smile, as if to say he was free to go.

Pin noticed how her shoulders slumped a little as she quickly hid her face from him. He knew he might be too arrogant, but after knowing Yano for years, he had a feeling she was trying so hard to mask what she was truly feeling. He was never particularly bothered with how others felt, but seeing her react like this brought a sense of guilt in him.

"Ah…I think I went out of line for asking you, Pin. I'm sorry" she said, hoping her voice didn't betray her "Anyway, thanks for walking me home."

Yano tried to memorize how he looked for the last time. His hair, his face—the way he was looking at her right now. Then she gave him a wave of goodbye, trying her best to smile her brightest. She knows she'll see him again, even if it would probably take a long time again.

"Goodbye, then" she said

Pin felt insulted. Of course, he could read her face and her tone. This woman was on the verge of tears and he didn't want tonight to end like this. He watched as she fished out the keys from her pocket.

"Wait, let me hold that for you" he said, taking the cake from her hands so she could open her door properly.

"Aren't you leaving?" she said, confused. This was his last chance to back out, all he had to do was walk away.

Pin considered how different his night would turn out if he hung out with people his age at a club tonight. The version of him earlier that night that got stood up would definitely go. In fact, it was screaming at him to go.

Something just seemed to hold him back.

"Ah…I guess not" he said "Didn't you just ask me to celebrate New Year's with you? Or was that just a fake offer so that you would look nice?"

"Idiot! It wasn't a fake offer!"

"Hai, hai" he said, bored "Open the door already! It's freezing out here!"

So, it was a yes. Pin was spending his New Year's with her. Huh.

She tried to blink away her bewilderment, as it started to make her dizzy. She knew asking him was like throwing a shot in the dark, but she never really expected him to say yes. So, it was an understatement when she felt shocked.

When she finally unlocked her apartment door for him, her heart was beating so fast. Here was a fact about her that nobody knew: she never once allowed any boy to come back to her place alone and this late at night. She vowed to herself that studying in Tokyo was her number one priority and her place was for study and rest.

Yet here she was now, inviting him in like it was nothing. She knew the hidden implications of inviting a man inside, but Yano knew that despite Pin's tendency to get sleazy with women, he respected her enough not to try anything, as sad as that sounds.

"C—come in" she hoped he wouldn't notice the tremble in her voice

"Woah! This is a nice place!" he exclaimed as soon as she closed the door behind her. "You are kind of a neat freak, huh? Yano?" He had his hands to his waist as he observed her modest one-bedroom apartment like a fascinated child.

It was a good thing she tidied up. Her books and notes were now neatly stacked at the side of her bed and her desk was clutter-free. She also made the time to vacuum and water her plants. She was thankful she did it right before.

"What's wrong?" He paused to look at her, noticing her nervousness "Why are you being weird and shy?!"

"I'm not!" she said, feeling her face heat up from all his inquisitive stares. "Anyway, make yourself at home. I'm going to go grab a few plates so that we can eat all of these together"

Yano made her way to the kitchen to calm herself. Pin being here wasn't a big deal. They were just two people celebrating the New Year. She repeated this to herself as she grabbed her plates, glasses and silverwares.

Once she returned to her living room, she noticed that Pin already set the food down her coffee table. He was busy looking at her shelf, the one where she had her photographs and memorabilia displayed. They were mostly memories about her family, and pictures about her high school like the entire class's group photo on a field trip, candid shots of her friends Chizu and Sawako in different events like school festivals and shrine visits.

Then she watched as Pin picked up a particular photo. He turned to her with a curious face

"What—?"

Yano peered at the picture he was holding. It was during that last shrine visit before graduation. Their entire class decided to go together and Pin, who was misled by Chizu by baiting him to come for the promised sexy women, came with.

This was a picture of only her and Pin side by side, faces flushed from the cold—although hers was mostly from standing too close to him. She totally forgot this was on her shelf.

At once, she felt her face heat up from the embarrassment.

"AHHHHH!" she yelled, immediately grabbing it from him and hiding it behind her. "Don't just go around snooping!"

Pin also felt his face heat up as well. He didn't think such a photo exists. "Idiot! You're the one who's putting it everywhere where people can find it!"

"Just forget what you saw, okay?" she said, feeling the heat creep up to her neck. She felt like she could die from embarrassment. "This…this isn't really a big deal. I mean, I put up all photos I have with me because I want to remember them. So… don't think about it too much"

He smirked at her "Sure"

Pin-san? I didn't get a reply. I assume you're not coming, then?

Pin looked at his phone to see that Shizuru has texted him again.

I'm sorry. I can't make it. Something important came up. Happy New Year, Shizuru-san. He replied.

"Hey, Pin" Yano said and he looked up at her from his phone "Are you going to eat that last piece of chicken?"

They sat across each other with her circular coffee table between them. Somehow, this set up was oddly reminiscent to that time he invited her in to his apartment before she confessed to him.

It was a few minutes before the clock would strike twelve. Yano was excited and her energy was bustling. She let out her portable karaoke machine and attached it to her tv so that she and Pin could take turns singing.

She was definitely having fun with him. If any by stander would see, they would just think of two people enjoying, and not a former student and teacher hanging out alone together. It was somehow normal for her now, seeing him sitting here.

It felt natural, like he genuinely belonged. It also didn't feel weird that she was drinking with him. He had been quite hesitant to give her alcohol, but after telling him she was perfectly legal to drink, he poured her a generous amount.

"Eat up!" he said, pushing the chicken bucket to her. "So that you'll have more energy to study next semester"

Pin had quite an idea how different tonight would have been if he agreed to go to the club with Shizuru-san. He might've had the chance to sit next to pretty ladies and converse with them. He might even get to know Shizuru better. Yet after seeing Yano, he just didn't feel like going.

He wondered how Toru and Kyou would think about him being here with her.

Eh? You got to spend the night with a girl? They'd definitely say, with knowing glints in their eyes as if they knew the specific adult activity that transpired.

Pin nearly choked on his beer, as he thought about it now. It's definitely much more innocent than that! He can never do such a thing to this girl right here. It was a disservice to even think about things like that in her place.

He watched as Yano took a big bite out of the chicken leg. There was a remnant of oil and crumbs at the side of her chin and he had an urge to wipe it away.

"What?" she asked, noticing that Pin was looking at her with an unreadable expression. She suddenly felt self-conscious "Is there something on my face?"

He sat up and extended an arm towards her face. "Here, let me—"

Yano's heart skipped a beat when Pin's thumb connected with her face. He was wiping something off, his eyes concentrated on that area. "There's oil from the chicken. You should try to eat more carefully or it can stain your clothes next time"

Pin looked at her when she didn't say a word. She was frozen, shocked at what he did. It took him a moment to realize that what he did might be inappropriate. He sat back down, withdrawing his hand.

"I—" he said, flustered. He brought a hand to scratch the back of his head in annoyance for his own actions "I'm sorry, it was…because of the oil and the crumbs… you—err, looked funny. Don't read too much into it—!"

"I wasn't!"

"Then stop looking at me and eat your chicken!" he grumbled

Suddenly, flashes of color reflected on the glass door near her balcony. They both turned to look at the fireworks illuminated against the Tokyo sky: red, gold, green and silver.

It was finally a New Year, and with it was a new beginning.

She closed her eyes for a second and wished that this new year would bring her good luck. When she opened them, Pin was already looking at her with that same unreadable expression on his face

"Happy New Year, Pin" she said gently. "I'm glad we got to spend it together"

He smiled back, "Yeah. I wish you success in your studies this year. Study well, okay?"

When the clock ticked one o'clock, she offered him coffee to help him sober up before he went back to the place he was staying at. She set the steaming mugs down and joined him, reminded again of the time they were like this in his apartment.

"Drink up" she told him, feeling the heat of the cup against her palms.

"I'm not that drunk" he said, assuring her "Besides, I can just get a taxi"

"I know, but I think it's a good idea for you to drink something warm before going out in the cold again"

Pin set his mug down, not knowing what to say. Hearing her look out for him surprised him a little.

"What?" she asked, confused "Why are you quiet?"

He scoffed "I just never thought you'd care about things like that. I was just caught off guard"

"Of course, I do!"

He leveled her with a look, and she turned away. For the first time, the air felt heavy around them, as if there was an anticipation for unspoken things to be let out into the open.

"Pin, how do you think things would turn out seven years from now?" she asked him

He placed a hand under his chin in contemplation "Probably…you becoming a successful career woman. And me, well back home still teaching kids baseball"

Her heart sank.

She liked that he placed so much faith in her, thinking she'd be successful. Their individual futures may sound alright to another person, but to her it felt like they were never seeing each other again, thus the chance of them becoming a couple turning zero.

"I think that 10 years from now, you'll still be single"

"WHAT! How bleak!" he exclaimed, his fist propping on the table beside his mug. "Give me some credit! I think I'd like to settle down by that time"

The future was so far away, but Yano knew if she let the time pass them by, another path would be laid out for the both of them and they'd walk into it separately. She was sure it would be one of her biggest regrets if she allowed him to walk away again without her saying anything.

Pin watched as her eyebrows creased with worry. He wanted to say something to ease her mind. He didn't know what she was thinking, but whatever it was he was sure he could make her feel better.

"What do you think about me now?" she suddenly asked "Do you think you could ever look at me as a woman?"

Pin's mug froze midway towards his mouth. As he set it down, he realized he didn't know how to answer her. She wasn't crying, but he can see that her hands were trembling as she tried to hide it underneath the table.

"I—" he started, then faltered.

She watched him struggle. The look on his face was the same when she confessed to him years ago: gentle and patient but unyielding. She had a feeling that what he was going to say next wasn't going to be good at all.

"I can't…" he said quietly "I'm too old for you"

"Is it really just about age?" she asked in disbelief "If I was your age will you think about me differently then?"

"Yano—"

"What you're asking…I can't control it" she said, shaking her head "I can't change my age"

Pin watched as she got up and collected their coffee mugs in silence, the look of hurt evident on her face. She was heading towards the kitchen, but he got up to follow her as well.

"Yano, look at me" he said

She was so stupid for asking him. She was deluded into thinking that she changed, that she can handle her feelings for him like a respectable adult. It was clearly not the case, and she felt the firsthand embarrassment as Pin got to witness her act like a stupid high schooler again.

She froze when she felt his hand on her arm. "Oy, Yano"

She turned to face him as she tried—yet failed to put on a brave face. "I'm sorry" she said with a small smile "I put you in an uncomfortable position by asking something stupid"

"It's not stupid"

He walked towards her, closing the space between them. Yano stepped back, her hips hitting the kitchen counter. What was happening?

"Listen to me," Pin said, as he gripped her arm tighter "You're young. Can't you see that, Yano? You have your whole life in front of you. There's a good career waiting for you… and your future will be bright if you allow it to be"

He pulled her closer now as he towered over her, his forehead etching his frustration. He watched as tears pooled at the corner of her eyes. It pained him to see her like this, especially when he was the one who caused it. But he can't not say anything either.

It was the only way for her to realize that she shouldn't be wasting her precious time on someone like him.

"I can't get in the way of that. I won't allow myself to be the person who will hold you back from all the amazing things you will be doing in the future! I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I do that to you!"

"What makes you think you'll be holding me back?" she argued, tears now visibly streaming down her cheeks "Haven't you thought for a second that maybe…just maybe—we can do both?"

He was rendered speechless. What a daring woman!

"What makes you think you can underestimate me?" she said, raising her voice. "It may be true that I am working for my future, but I still want you to be a part of it!"

He couldn't resist. He brought a hand to wipe the tear running down her right cheek, feeling tremendous guilt for making her cry on a new year.

"This idiot" he whispered to her with a small smile "Stop crying for me, idiot Yano"

Yano was trembling from all the crying. But she was also embarrassed by their closeness. He was regarding her with such a tender look that she had never seen him wear before.

"I still don't understand why you would waste your youth on me" he continued, "I don't deserve this kind of attention from you. There are so many other guys out there who—"

"You're so stupid!" she cut him off angrily "Why are you so stupid? Aren't you a teacher?!"

"Hey, stop that!" he said, gripping her arm tighter "Let's not talk about this anymore, Yano."

He can't stand this confrontation anymore. He firmly believed there were things that were better left unsaid. It made living in this world so much easier.

"You're such a coward, Pin!" she continued, ignoring his request. She tried to shake off his grip on her but was unable to "You'd rather not talk about your feelings than face them like a man! You still treat me like a child, when all along the one who's being childish here is you!"

Yano felt him stiffen. He was still towering over her, his hand warm against her skin.

"What?!" he said, flaring up. "What sort of thing are you saying? I answered you, didn't I? I told you we can't—"

"You can't even tell me how you really feel about me!"

Ayane Yano just called him a coward. He can't believe it. She was riling him up. The worse part was, he was considering that what she said might be true.

He might be a coward after all.

"I'm in love with you!" she declared, ignoring the pain on her hips as the kitchen counter dug into it deeper. "It's been three years but I'm still in love with you! I avoid going home often so that I won't see you, because it would hurt. But even then, you always stay in my thoughts and I hate it!"

"Yano" he said, his face sombering "Let's not talk about this anymore"

This exasperated Yano even further. She broke free from his grasp and placed both her fist against his chest to give him a clue.

"I'm not an idiot, you know. I know you think that these feelings will fade because I'm still growing and meeting many people, but—there's just no one else. I tried, Pin. You have to believe me. I tried so hard to forget you but I just can't…"

Pin didn't know what to say anymore. Everything he told her came from his own convictions. Tonight, his beliefs were challenged by this girl and he felt himself faltering.

Back then, she may know him as a teacher at first, but they slowly became friends. He was the only one who believed in her when she herself didn't. He encouraged her to fail so that she could learn from it. And he taught her something about herself: that she can do anything she set her mind into.

Pin meanwhile, tried very hard not to cross a line. And thinking back, he admits his intentions weren't all pure. There were times when he favored her above others, and he went out of his way to be there for her, unlike any other teacher.

He quickly understood her feelings a long time ago, but he was so convinced that it was merely something that would fade away as soon as her high school ended. After all, she was young. She would meet lots of people in Tokyo and would forget about him.

Clearly, he thought, assessing her swollen eyes and red nose, I thought wrong.

Standing here now with her, just the two of them in her small Tokyo apartment, proved to him that maybe it was something more than a silly crush.

To cross that line to reach her, it was something new to him. But what the hell was that line anyway? If he really thought about it, it was erased a long time ago, after her graduation.

The more he thought about it, the more it made perfect sense. Of course, he liked her. She was beautiful, smart and kind. They have fun throwing banters at each other and she looked out for him in her own way, just like how he did for her many times. They had seen each other's vulnerable side and they shared things with each other not many people knew.

And also, he found it extremely aggravating when he sees her being hit on by unworthy men and her being agreeable to them. She'd told him that maybe because she was easy.

He hated that. He hated how she put herself down. She needed to have more confidence in herself and appreciate her value.

"You are so stupid for falling in love with someone like me" he shook his head, "I did tell you before that you were ten years too early. And I did see you as a troublesome kid—"

She felt outraged. "I told you! I'm not a kid—!"

"You're not" he said quietly "I don't see you as a kid. Not anymore, anyway"

For once, she felt dumb-founded.

"You've put me in such a difficult position, tonight" He brought a hand to her cheek and met her eyes. "Everything I fought for, everything I believed in, you made me rethink all of it."

"And?"

"And you're not a kid" he sighed "I see you as a woman. An equal. In more ways than one"

"Huh?"

"It's means that I like you" he said, looking away. He can't believe he was saying this to her now. He has clearly thrown away his own convictions and with it, his sanity.

"WHA—?!"

What a pain. he thought. This woman will be the death of him.

"What the hell does that even mean?!" she yelled, taken aback. She was sure she didn't hear right. She might have gone momentarily deaf.

"Why the hell do I have to repeat it?!" he said, "Didn't you hear me the first time—?! You were right. I was being a coward. I like you, okay? There, I said it again"

Yano clearly wasn't listening. She was already hugging him tightly.

Pin was caught off guard as she buried her tear-streaked face against his sweater, her grip on his back firm. He blinked, still not believing that she even dared hug him. Slowly, he placed both his arms around her, resting his cheek against the top of her head.

For a moment, he had mini heart attack as he expected police offers to come knocking down the door and arresting him for being in a compromising position with a minor. Then he remembered: Yano was free to do whatever she wanted because she was now an adult.

He sighed in relief

"What?" she said, voice muffled against his chest

"Nothing" He smirked when he noticed their height difference "Heh. You're short—Oof!"

She had kicked his foot.

"Let me enjoy this victory" she said quietly, still hugging him "I still can't believe that you do like me"

"Hmp" he said, hating how his own cheeks were heating up. He was 30 for god's sake! What high school nonsense emotion was this?!

"I like you, but it's not something we should act on. As I said, you have your future to worry about. I'd hate it if you don't go for your dreams just for an old man like me. Do you understand that, Yano?"

She broke free from him, her once crying face has now turned smug. "Then let's not put a label on it yet"

"How daring!" He gasped, unable to grip the idea of modern dating "How does that even work?"

"I like you and you like me. Let's start there and see where it takes us" she said, reaching out to hold his hand. He let her. Her hand was small and soft as his palm entirely covered hers.

He liked holding her hand like this.

"Come on, old man. Let's head back to the living room—oh, before I forget—"

Pin was horrified as she crossed the distance between them again. This time, she stood on her tiptoes—slowly snaking her arms around his neck—and kissed him.

He felt something wet and warm against his lips, as his hands immediately shot up to support her back. The feel of Yano in his arms was new yet inviting. She was everywhere. Her overpowering scent, her warmth. A few of her hair strands tickled the sides of his face.

Yano's face meanwhile, felt hot. They were kissing! Her pulse was so loud against her ears that she can't hear anything else. Having his warm hand on her cheek has made the blood in her veins thrum in delight as he pulled her closer, closer, closer.

When they broke free, she laughed when she saw that Pin's face was just as red as hers probably felt.

"YOU SNEAK!" He yelled, hiding his face on his arm. "How are you this daring at your age? Should I be worried?!"

She laughed again "You liked it"

He scowled. Damn it, he did.

For the first time that she was in Tokyo, it felt like her happiness could fill the entire city. Her heart was swelling with so much love, it felt like it would burst.

Pin watched her. She looked so happy and content. He suddenly thought that he wanted to be the man who could make her always look like this, age be damned.

"Let's go and eat more cake" she took his hand and led him back to the living room, thinking that this new year could be the start of something real.