Mash Burnedead and the Magicless Magic

Mash's brain (also known as Mash) was one of the only muscles he couldn't seem to train as well as the rest of his body. Pectorals? Lifted. Quads? Shredded. Biceps? Ripped. Abs? Toned.

Mind? He could memorize helping guides on all the different muscle groups and the benefits of protein all he likes. But when it came to the more technical aspects of private education or just too much information in general, his brain fizzles out.

Even so, he still tries his best. Giving up on pumping iron, even mental ones, was not an option! This is why he's doing everything in his power to keep from passing out as Raven the Vampire took him and his friends to their medical tent and started to explain how their magic system was totally not magic and was instead a gift from the bastard gods ( Isn't that the same? ) and how the dust they use that controls the elements is also not magic and instead a natural phenomenon caused by… something to do with rocks? Mash doesn't remember.

At the end of her long-winded explanation, Mash could only muster up all his will to say one response; "Okay, what does that have to do with helping my friends?"

Raven was taken aback, "You- I just got done telling you how I could heal them by unlocking their aura!"

"Oh," Mash muttered. "Why didn't you just do that then?"

The Vampire Lady took several deep calming breaths, "Fine, just don't forget the favor you owe me."

"Okie Dokie then."

Raven rolled her eyes and began the healing process, placing her hand on Lance's chest and muttering some words. "For it is in passing that we achieve creampuffs. Through this, we become a creampuff of virtue and creampuff to rise above all creampuffs, infinite in creampuffs, and unbound by creampuffs. I release your creampuff and by my creampuff protect creampuff."

Mash felt his entire body heat up, slowly falling onto a golden bed of creampuffs. The wondrous scent and texture alluring him to stay forever. This truly is heaven…

He looked around and found new additions to his fantasy, Lemon baking his creampuffs, further adding on to this tantalizing cascade of a sweet and nutritious experience. Daut was sitting in a recliner made out of creampuffs, dunking his creampuff in his herbal tea. Strange, but who am I to decline his indulgence. Lance wasn't eating any of the perfect cream-filled balls himself but was instead feeding them to his little sister who is the most important and precious thing in the world and whoever says otherwise can go straight to hell! Lance totally has a sister complex.

And finally, there was his father, good ol' pops. Simply sitting by his side with a proud and content smile on his face that said everything.

Mash sighed, he never wanted to leave…

…

"...ash!"

"Mash, you buffoon! Snap out of it!"

"Huh?"

"Stop drooling and focus!" Raven pointed to his friends, all healthy and no longer spasming.

"Whoopee, thanks Raypire!"

"Don't ever call me that."

"`Kay, now what?"

"Now?" She chuckled. "You put them on your backs and leave. I'm tired of this."

"That's a little mean."

"It's simply the truth. Good luck in… life." After smirking, she just turned around and walked out of the medical tent.

Finally left alone, Mash looked to his downed friends. He could just carry them out of here, but he was kinda hungry. Maybe he could ask for some creampuffs first?

Just then he got an idea, they must be hungry as well! They needed nourishment!

Mash tried slapping them awake, but they remained stubborn in their tight grip of the sleeping dust. Shaking them didn't work either.

"I don't wanna punch them, they might get mad…"

Mash thought long and hard, wondering about what could jolt them awake. Mash then thought about what he would awake to. This then led to Mash thinking about creampuffs, then Mash starting feeling warm and he slowly lowered himself into his pile of crea-

Slap

Shaking himself off, Mash refocused. "If the taste, smell, or even mention of creampuffs is enough to wake me up… what about them?" Remembering the times his Pop's woke him up using his favorite confectionary, back when Mash hadn't gotten used to his strict workout regimen, he came up with an idea.

Clearing his throat, Mash whispered into Lance's ear. "Hey, your sister's here to see you."

With a speed that left even Mash impressed, Lance opened his eyes and literally threw himself off the medical tarp and out of the tent shouting, "Anna, don't be scared! Big brothers here for you!"

Mash felt himself cringe.

He then turned to Daut's unconscious body and said, "Hey Daut, some really hot guy is bragging about how he's better than you."

Daut didn't wake up, he erupted! Exploding out of the tent, he bellowed at the top of his lungs, "WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?! I'LL KILL 'EM THREE-NO, FOUR TIMES!"

Dusting his hands off, Mash nodded to himself for a job well done.

MSHL

Exiting the destroyed medical tent, Mash was greeted to quite a sight. The sight of Lance standing over a Graviolied woman was normal enough, but seeing Daut scream over a pile of soot-covered bandits was different from how he usually saw Daut after a fight.

"Who is this scum that thought she could fight me?"

"WHO'S NEXT HUH!? I'LL KILL ALL YA HANDSOME BASTARDS!"

Mash watched as the bandits all brandished their weapons and prepared to charge. He sighed and cracked his neck; the sound ruminating throughout the entire camp. That caught his friend's attention, momentarily forgetting their 'opponents'.

"Mash, buddy! There ya are, don't worry I've got these jerks!"

"Hmph, after we're finished you got some explaining to do."

Lance heard a slight whoosh of the wind and by the time he turned his head the pointed tip of a blade was pointed directly at his head. The only thing keeping him alive was Mash's tight grip on the blade itself. Eyes widening, his concentration slipped and his attacker below his feet suddenly slipped away from his dissipated Gravioli. He jumped back as her own wrist blades swung towards his face.

"You piece of shit! You think you can just mess with the Branwen Tribe!?" His attacker accused him. Personally, she attacked him first when he had awoken. Everything after was simply self-defense.

"I was simply defending myself from you and your psychopathic ways."

She barked out a laugh, "Oh, really! That's rich coming from you! What kind of psycho just crushes someone like that!?"

"It's rather effective, is it not?"

"Why you little shit."

Lance's opponent twitched before pointing her weapons at him. He assumed she would come charging at him again, but instead her blades opened up and started firing tiny and extremely quick projectiles. While Lance was certainly surprised, that didn't stop him from conjuring one of his lesser-used spells. "Graviaegis."

A purple magic circle appeared in front of him, her projectiles came to a complete stop as they neared him. "Feh, cool semblance I guess."

Cocking his head, Lance reversed the gravity of the metal casings fired at him, allowing him to launch the casings back at her. Rippling through the air, the metal cylinders exploded towards their original user.

The tribeswoman effortlessly dodged his attack and continued rushing his location. Firing more of those things at him. Lance was on high alert, keeping his protective spell in the direction of her relentless onslaught.

Lance knew the longer this went on, his shield would fail. He's never been in a fight like this, against an opponent as fast and as ruthless as her. Even Mash had held back against him, so did he.

Meanwhile, his attacker was still running circles around him, Making Lance feel like he was going dizzy. Thinking on the spot, he sprayed all the metal he collected from her in a sphere of devastation, forcing her to stop firing and disengage. Mentally smirking, Lance pointed his wand to the earth. "Gravioli Torture Pillar."

Rising out of the earth like an obelisk of power, Lance's Torture Pillar towered over both Lance and the tribeswoman, casting a shadow over them. A crystalline pillar with a magic ball standing on top, it pulled everything into itself. Since he created it himself with his gravity magic, The Torture Pillar had its own gravitational pull.

To her credit, she was able to resist the pull until Lance simply upped its power. She yelled in outrage as her body was stuck to the side of the pillar unable to even move. "You gotta be kidding me!"

Lance walked up to her, confident in his every step. "I assure you, I am not."

"You can't keep this up forever! Once you run out of aura I'll put a bullet right between your eyes!" She screamed in defiance, yet gravity's hold on her was absolute.

"I'm assuming you surrender?" He ignored her growl. "Very well then, would you mind telling me how you fought like that?" In fact, now that he can get a good look at her he can see that she does not have a mark. Looking around, he can see every other person besides his friends having no marks of their own.

If they're anything like Mash, then they must be formidable opponents to anyone other than him.

"Seriously? Fuck off!"

Mentally slapping himself, Lance realized his mistake. "Ah, apologies. I've been rude. My name is Lance Crown, a pleasure to meet you." He then bowed in greeting.

During her struggles, she let out a surprised laugh. "You've gotta be kidding me… right?"

"I, again, assure you that I am not."

"Ugh, fine… names Vernal! Remember it as the name of the badass that'll kick your ass once I get out of here!"

He nodded in thanks, "I see, well Miss Vernal I'd like to ask you a question."

If she could still move, she would've slapped her face. "Oh for god's sake!"

"Since you don't have a mark, am I correct in assuming you don't have magic?"

"Wha…? Of course, I don't have magic ya dumbass!"

"In that case, it would be logical if your entire tribe suffered the same fate, am I correct?"

"Stop playing dumb! Nobody in this damn world has any magic!"

This world, huh? Curious. "It seems we are not of this world, thank you for informing me." He once again bowed in thanks.

His captive sighed tiredly, "Please tell me you're kidding…" She almost pleaded.

"...no."

Lance then went deep into his thinking pose. If this world has no magic, then that means we are either in the past, which is unlikely given those strange contraptions she fought me with, or we are on a completely different world with different cultures and customs, due to magic not existing.

Lance assumed that this should be an extreme shock to him, stuck in a different world, away from his goals, away from Anna… why was he so calm? Perhaps the extreme conditions and adrenaline have prevented him from fully processing the situation. Lance nods to himself, he'll have a panic attack later.

"Oi!" Lance is broken out of his intense thinking and crisis management by Vernal calling out to him. "Can I get down now?"

"That depends, do you promise to not attack me?"

"Not a chance, bub!"

"Then it seems we're at an impasse."

"Oh, I'll impasse you all right."

Lance sighed, this was going to be a long day, He wonders how the others are doing.