Chapter 3

(August 2007)

Rory's hands shook slightly as she cradled a cup of coffee. Since she'd learned she was pregnant she'd been trying to limit her caffeine intake to one cup per day. She glanced nervously towards the door of the Starbucks. Reaching Logan had been far more difficult than she'd anticipated.

Apparently, he meant what he said about wanting a clean break. He'd blocked her cell phone number. After several hang-ups when she used Anna's cell phone, he changed his number. He didn't respond to emails.

Not that she'd come out and told him the real reason she was trying to contact him. It didn't seem right to email or text the bombshell, "I'm pregnant". That was in the same vein as breaking up on a Post-It note. Incredibly tacky.

Flynn and the gang hadn't been very helpful. Rory could've enlisted her grandparents to speak with the Huntzbergers to get Logan's contact information but that would bring up issues she wasn't prepared to discuss.

Finally, she and Anna had determined Logan's work and home addresses. That was when she'd tried sending a letter. After no response again, she'd tried a registered letter, which he refused to sign for.

All this kept Rory awake nights.

Was he completely done with her? Had he moved on? Was he still hurting from her rejection of his proposal? She was both hurt and annoyed by his childish behavior.

One thing for certain, she was going to have to address him face to face. Being on the press tour and moving from city to city made that difficult. Finally, by mid-August, they were going to be in San Francisco for a few days. It had to be then.

Once she'd made up her mind to tell Logan about the baby, she longed to have it done and just move on. The endless waiting, the limbo of uncertainty, was eating away at her. Regardless of the outcome, with or without Logan in her life, she'd manage. She knew that. She could handle either option, she just needed to get on with her life, whatever it was going to be.

She hoped she'd managed to disguise the dark shadows under her eyes. At least between her nerves and bouts of all-day morning sickness, it wasn't yet obvious that she was four months pregnant.

Once she'd arrived in San Francisco and had taken care of her reporter duties, she'd gone to his town house in the city. It wasn't at all what she expected. Nothing like the house he'd described with the avocado trees in the yard. There was no yard. There was nothing green in sight. It was an older row house crammed between similar houses, in a less than trendy urban neighborhood.

Had he been lying to her?

Feeling foolish, she'd waited on his doorstep for hours, knowing he would simply crumple any note she left. Eventually a neighbor told her that Logan was rarely home. She nearly cried from frustration on the spot. She was hot and sweaty. Her body ached from perching on the stairs all day. She was hungry yet afraid to leave for fear of missing him. Not that she could hold much food down anyway.

Finally, early evening, Logan appeared. Clad in slightly rumpled tan slacks and a crisp baby-blue button-down shirt with a dark blue blazer. It was Logan – looking dapper as always.

She sprang up from her perch on the stairs, getting down to business immediately. "We need to talk."

On closer inspection, there was something different about him. It was still Logan – the wavy blondish hair, the light brown eyes. Yet something was missing. Some vital spark had dimmed.

"Ok."

His tone was flat. He barely looked at her.

The fact that he didn't seem the least bit happy to see her almost started her bawling. She hated these stupid pregnancy hormones! She sniffed, holding back the humiliating tears. Though his coolness shouldn't have been a surprise, given that he'd avoided all of her attempts thus far to communicate with him.

She moved to follow him into his town house, but he blocked the door.

"No. Not here. There's a coffee shop down the street. Go there and I'll meet you in a few minutes."

She nodded, meekly, afraid to push the issue.

Now, after waiting twenty minutes, nursing her second cup of coffee, she was feeling like a fool. Had he brushed her off once again? She sorely wanted to call her mother, but she didn't want any distractions when Logan arrived.

She checked her watch. Four more minutes had passed.

Was he going to stand her up?

What was going on?

She took a bigger sip of her coffee, savoring the flavor. She'd missed coffee. Surely two cups surely wouldn't hurt the baby.

"Rory"

Automatically, her heart leapt in her chest. He was here. "Logan…" she stammered.

He sat at the table. He'd changed into more casual attire, wearing jeans and an emerald-green polo shirt. Same old Logan. Yet in other ways, he seemed different. More lines around his eyes. Was that sadness? Or was he merely tired from working hard?

In an emotionless tone, he said, "So what's so important?" He didn't meet her eyes.

Rory swallowed nervously. She had a plan. A detailed plan. One that she'd mentally rehearsed multiple times. On the bus. In the shower. In bed. She wasn't about to blurt out, "I'm pregnant." Yet after all the obstacles she'd encountered getting to this place, it was tempting.

"I…was wondering…" She took a breath. "If you'd reconsider a…relationship if San Francisco was my home base."

Inwardly she cringed. She was making so many assumptions here. Was he even interested in her anymore? There had to be a reason he'd been avoiding her calls. Had he already moved on? For all she knew, he asked to meet her here so he wouldn't have to explain anything to his live-in girlfriend.

"Unless…there's someone else." She nervously added.

"No. Definitely not."

Rory's eyes filled with those blasted tears that she furiously blinked away.

Logan quickly added. 'Nobody else, that is. What do you mean by home base?"

Putting aside her coffee cup, she explained. "You know, like I'm on a press tour now but when it's over, I go back. Home." She took another breath. This was assuming a lot, but she had to put it out there. "I might travel for assignments, but I'd always come back. Here. To you."

Logan frowned. "How is that any different than where we were? That's why we broke up. After England, I didn't want to do long distance anymore. I wanted us to start our lives, together."

More intently, Rory said, "It was never that I didn't love you that I turned you down. You know that, right? I just…I've spent so much time working towards my career that I wanted to have the freedom to explore my options."

"Yeah. What's changed?" He intently studied the laminate covering the tabletop.

This should be the moment to tell him about the baby, but she needed to know that he wanted to be together despite this.

"On the road talking with other reporters I realized there were ways to do this. That it would take effort but being a couple and living my dreams could work. I wouldn't take a job where I'd be gone a year. But we could handle me traveling several weeks a year, right?"

"Like the job you have now." He didn't even try to disguise his sarcastic tone.

"I miss you, Logan," Rory said. She hadn't allowed herself to think about him but now with Logan right in front of her, her feelings were overwhelming.

She cautiously met his eyes. They connected for an instant and his features softened. Her heart beat faster. Then his expression became guarded once again.

"What is it?" Rory asked.

"Come with me." Logan abruptly rose and started walking briskly, barely looking back to see if she was following.

Abandoning her coffee and grabbing her bag, she rushed to catch up with him. "Where are we going?"

He ignored her, focusing on the crowded sidewalk ahead of him, edging his way past pedestrians. He was walking so quickly that she was trailing behind.

Within minutes, they were back at his town house. Logan flung open the door, stood aside and gestured for her to enter.

The lower level of the unit was shared with a single stall garage. The dark narrow room Rory entered was relatively empty, with only few stacked cardboards boxes. A musty odor permeated the room.

"Keep going back towards the stairs."

She did as he instructed, climbing the narrow staircase that was covered with dull tan carpeting that had seen better days. Several stairs squeaked loudly as she stepped on them.

The next level of the town house had an open floor plan with a combination kitchen, living room and small eating area. A brand-new chocolate brown leather couch and a large wall screen TV were in the living room. Otherwise, there was no other furniture. Dingy yellow paint covered the walls. The windows, with several cracked panes provided a view of the city street, choked with pedestrians and cars that were barely moving.

Dirty dishes sat in the kitchen sink and several empty Scotch bottles sat on the counter. The linoleum covering the floor and counters was an older green and tan combination with some stains and tears and the avocado-colored appliances were also on the older side.

She thought back to Logan's college apartment with the massive rooms with high ceilings, slick top-of-the-line appliances, granite countertops and fully stocked pantry. The expensive art displayed on the walls. The high-tech stereo system and pool table.

Confused, she looked towards Logan.

"Well?" he said, standing in the middle of the living room. The room was so empty there was a slight echo.

"Well, what?"

"Just say it. Look at this dump! Rory, you remember that my dad cut me off, right?"

She nodded.

"I have access to some of my trust fund but otherwise, that's it. I'm making decent money at my job. But the Bay area is expensive. This is the best I can do."

He could barely look at her.

Now she understood. He wasn't mad at her. It had never been about her. He'd been avoiding her because he was ashamed. Rory's heart went out to him. It would be a rude awakening to go from seemingly limitless funds to living on a budget.

Feeling exhausted, she sank to the couch. It felt good to rest her feet. Then she continued examining the apartment, seeing cracks in the plaster, a stain on the ceiling near the windows, peeling paint in the corner by the laminate counter. The town house wasn't great, but it wasn't any worse than the apartment she'd shared in New Haven with Paris, or Lane and Zach's place in Stars Hollow.

"It's not that bad."

Becoming more agitated, Logan said. "Don't you get it? I can't provide the lifestyle I promised you when I proposed. We can't fly off to Paris at a moment's notice. I can't buy you orchids or caviar whenever I feel like it or rent a horse drawn carriage. I can hardly afford a Happy Meal."

"Logan, when I was little, my mom and I lived in a potting shed. She made all my clothes or found stuff at Good Will. Sookie used to sneak us left-overs from the inn."

He began to pace about the room. "That's not the point. I know you'd be okay living like this. But I stink at it. I hate this! And how do you know that you love me and not the lifestyle? C'mon, be honest. How can you separate the two? You deserve that house in Palo Alto with the avocado tree. I couldn't afford to keep it. You deserve so much better than this."

Did the money make a difference?

She was offended. She wasn't shallow. Luxuries were nice, but she'd lived without them.

Yet to be fair, she didn't know this version of Logan. All of her memories of him had been in that rich, privileged world. The car with the driver, the elaborate Life and Death Brigade functions, trips to England, Logan renting the coffee cart for an entire day, and surprising her with food from the finest restaurants on the roof of his apartment building.

Was the lifestyle part of his appeal?

Would he be able to adapt to his circumstances or would he become bitter?

Only time would tell.

Could he change?

Then again, didn't he deserve the chance to show her that he could?

Cautiously, she stood and a took a step to bridge the gap between them. "I'm willing to give us another try. But not if you're going to complain all the time about how poor we are or mope around feeling sorry for yourself. I will not tolerate that. You'd have to put your best foot forward."

"I don't know if I can do that, Ace. You've always been the one with scrappy can-do-attitude, not me. I don't want to let you down."

"I'm not saying it will be easy. But as long as we're both working together and you're trying your best to live within our means, that's what matters. I can handle that."

She looked about the room. "Are you open to suggestions?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, cautiously.

"I've lived on a tight budget most of my life. How about when I make two suggestions regarding our living expenses, you choose which one to do?"

He considered it. "Make it three. And what did you have in mind?"

"Hmm…" She rubbed her chin. "How about instead of buying high-end brand-new furniture-" She caressed the leather couch. "You could find an inexpensive kitchen table and chairs."

"Yeah right, cheap crap that's terribly made. What's the point?"

"It wouldn't have to last forever. We could use it until we could afford better quality stuff. It would be nice to have a place to sit down to eat."

"Maybe."

He didn't seem sold on that one.

"Do you really need a car?"

Became more defensive, he replied. "Of course I do. You don't know what it's like in California. I can take public transportation to work, which is rare around here but otherwise, everything's so far apart. I can't do much of anything without a car."

Knowing Logan, she smiled. "Let me guess, you're leasing a BMW or a Jaguar."

"Maybe."

"You could save a lot of money buying an inexpensive used car. Or we could bring my car out here." From his appalled expression, she could see how much the idea horrified him.

"Next." He'd already dismissed that option.

Examining the walls, Rory said, "My final suggestion is getting some paint to spruce up these walls and create a better living environment."

Begrudgingly, he sighed. "You mean paint it, ourselves? This place would still suck."

"Logan! You're not even trying!"

"Alright. I suppose I could try one of those suggestions."

She wanted to ask which one and when he'd have it done but sensed this wasn't the right moment.

"Are you interested? In making our relationship work?" She leaned towards him as Logan took the final step, closing the gap. He grasped her hands, covering them with his.

"I'm interested. Definitely interested." Squeezing her hands, he really looked at her for the first time. He noticed the faint dark circles beneath her eyes. The stray hairs coming out of her ponytail. Her pale coloring.

Gently, he caressed her cheek. "You're not looking so hot. Is all this about me?"

"No. There's more."

This was it.

"I'm pregnant."

He recoiled, pulling back his hands as if he were burned.

"What? Are you kidding? Was wanting to get back together all just a ploy to get me to help with finances?"

"No! I needed to know you wanted to be with me, regardless of the baby. I didn't want you to feel trapped or obligated. In fact, if this is too much for you, I'll understand. I'm perfectly willing to do this completely on my own."

He resumed his pacing. "This is a lot, Rory. A helluva lot. I…I don't know about this. Making a life juggling our careers and finances was going to be challenging enough. Now you're adding a baby into the picture? I've only been working on my own for a little more than year. This is huge. Getting married is a reach. Now a baby?"

He started breathing rapidly. "I don't know about this. I don't know if I can handle this."

She moved towards him. "Logan"

He strode towards the top of the stairs and started descending, taking two steps at a time. "I need air."

"Logan!" She shouted as she ran down the stairs. "I have to be on a bus at eight am tomorrow morning!"

Half-way across the lower level, he stopped in his tracks.

"Are you kidding? You're dumping all this on me and then you're just gonna leave? Again? Is this some kind of joke? I'm outta here."

He opened the front door.

"Logan!"

"I can't do this."

The door slammed shut.

XXX

"Maybe I should've waited around." Rory said. She was buried under blankets in her hotel room, with the air conditioning blasting. Her cocoon felt warm and safe.

Over the phone, Lorelai responded. "You did what you had to do. He knows about the baby and that you're interested in getting back together. The ball is in his court. He has your number. He gets to make the next move."

"But I didn't tell him when the baby is due."

"Honey, he's smart enough to be able to figure that out. He has your number."

Finally, Rory let those tears fall. "It's not fair. I was fine until I saw him. I felt strong. Like I could handle anything. I was perfectly fine until the idea of getting back together with him became a real possibility. Then it all hit me. I miss him, Mom."

Gently, Lorelai said, "I know. Think he wants to get back together?"

"Part of him does. He's terrified of the responsibility. And he's having trouble adjusting to having less money."

"That's hard for rich people. They can't tell the differences between wants and needs. Look at my mother. God forbid they run out her favorite wine or the caterer puts the cheese in the wrong bag. Or the thread count on the sheets isn't high enough. It's a catastrophe."

"Mom," Rory warned, knowing this could be a prolonged rant.

"You know what I mean. They've always been able to get exactly what they wanted at the snap of their fingers. It's a huge adjustment. Do you really want to deal with that?"

Rory sighed. "I think we can manage. I just don't want to become the nagging shrew, yelling at him every time he blows the budget."

"That would be tough. Let me know when you hear from him. Go get something to eat. The baby needs food. You need to take good care of yourself too."

Rory glanced at a piece of cold pizza on the nightstand that Anna had left for her. Despite her rumbling stomach, it was still unappetizing.

"Speaking of the baby, how is our little Brittany? Or Bambi? Or Tawney?" Lorelai teased.

"Mom, I'm not giving my daughter a stripper name. No one will take her seriously."

"Just kidding! Any time to think of names? Going to continue the time-honored Lorelai tradition?"

"Between work and trying to find Logan, I haven't had a chance to think about it."

"How about Mildred? Or Gertrude? Be a real trend setter."

Rory refused to respond.

"Get some sleep, honey. Hopefully, you'll hear from Logan soon. And you know, you're going to be okay- "

"Either way. Yeah, I know. Thanks for always being there, Mom."

XXXX

A loud banging jarred Rory awake. The room was pitch-black, and it felt like the middle of the night. A quick glance at the digital clock confirmed it was only five am.

Maybe it was a car backfiring?

Or had she imagined it?

She started to drift back to sleep when the banging resumed.

Anna's bed was closest to the door, so she staggered out from under the blankets to look out the peep hole.

Turning on the room lights, she said, "I think this is for you."

Still groggy, Rory stumbled towards the door, clad in her flannel pajama pants and tank top. She opened it. Logan was there with a large bouquet of red roses.

She immediately started to point out how expensive those flowers were when he stated. "This is what credit cards are for." Handing her the flowers he said, "Look, I'm sorry. I panicked. You gave me a lot to process. But I miss you too. And being with you has to be better than being alone."

"How did you find me?"

"You're not the only reporter here."

Kneeling on the floor, he presented her with a ring. Her ring - covered with diamonds. The one he'd offered her several months before.

In the background, Anna quietly took photos with her phone.

Pleased, Rory said, "You kept it."

"Not sure why. But it all worked out. Damn, this proposal isn't very impressive but…will you marry me?"

"Logan, we don't have to get married. Like you said, we're going through so many changes. We can take it one day at a time and see how things work out."

"No, Ace, I always say go big or go home. We're either doing this right or we're not doing it all. Especially if a kid is involved."

"Okay, I do."

He put the ring on her finger, and they kissed. She wasn't awake enough for a passionate kiss but it felt wonderful to be in his arms again.

"There's just a matter of this press tour-" he said.

"I want to work until a few weeks before the baby is born. Maybe mid-December."

"That's four months from now! Don't you think we'll need time to get used to being us before becoming parents? Don't you want to start our lives together?"

"Ideally, yes. But we've lived together before. We know we work that way. I know, those were different circumstances. But I don't have a job in San Francisco and being so far along with the baby, I wouldn't be finding one. Let me gain a few more months experience, make more contacts and earn some money for us. I'll give my notice so I can move in at the end of December."

"December first." Logan insisted. He looked towards Anna, trying to enlist her assistance. "Don't you think that's a good idea?"

Anna agreed. "That might be a better idea. You've got a lot to coordinate and you're not going have a lot of energy at that point. Give yourself some time to get settled and find a local doctor. And babies don't always pay attention to due dates. What if you're two weeks early?"

Rory considered it. "Good point. We'll see what's going on with the job. And the baby."

"Got time for breakfast before you leave, ladies?" Logan asked the girls.

For the first time in ages, food was sounding appealing to Rory.

(A/N I was tempted to break this chapter up into two chapters but decided not to. 😊)