I arrived on the roof of an apartment complex, just in time to see the survivors from Left 4 Dead rush up the fire escape. I watched the intro video play out live, and almost had a heart attack when I heard the Tank roar while falling to the ground. I stared at them wide-eyed as they turned to find me on top of the roof.

"Jesus she's just a kid." Zoey murmured softly.

"How did you get up here?" Bill asked me gruffly looking at the make shift tent and barrel fire beside me. I looked at everything around me. Which seemed like a kid's playhouse honestly. Then I turned to the old soldier. "Carefully." I told him in a deadpan. Francis laughed gruffly at that.

"She has a shotgun." Lois said softly pointing behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see a pink and black camouflage shotgun. .410 judging by the size of the barrel. It was built like one of the guns hunters buy for their children to teach them responsibility. "Yeah, I do." I said picking it up. "Who are you?" I asked jacking the pump. This caused all four of them to still.

"Easy kid." Bill said gently. "We're survivors just like you. How are you even alive up here all alone?"

I decided to make up a lie, since I couldn't exactly say I'd been transported in via universal manipulation. "My dad brought us up here." I said looking squarely at him. "He's getting food."

The group looked disturbed by that. "How long has he been gone?" Zoey asked quietly. I bit my lower lip and looked away. (Heh. Shoulda been an actor.) "Three days." I then turned back to them and put on a very fake smile. "But you can stay here till he gets back." I said faux-happily. "I have food and blankets!"

Zoey knelt down next to me and smiled sweety. "We'd love to. I'm Zoey by the way. That's Louis, Francis and Bill what's your name?" She said happily smoothing my hair. "Isn't that right, guys?" She asked sweetly looking over her shoulder at the three grown men. I could see their expressions turn to 'freaked out' as they quickly agreed with the ex-college student. I hid a smile, probably not very well given the chagrinned looks the men sent me, and ushered them into my tent. "I am Jade." I said as the went inside. It was a large thing made of tarpaulin and rope. There was a stack of canned food on one side and a stack of bedding on the other. Louis went straight to the bedding and grabbed a blanket and a pillow before crashing on the floor and passing out from exhaustion. Francis went to the food and looked through what was there before saying. "I HATE peaches." Only to grab a can of peaches and retreat to Louis's side and quietly eat them. I had to smirk at that. I looked up at Zoey who seemed to not know what she should do. Bill however simply went to the roofs edge, lit one of his ever-present cigarettes and stood watch. For some reason I was feeling incredibly drowsy, so I decided to grab some bedding and go to sleep.

P.O.V. shift

Bill sat on the edge of the roof watching the Damned Zombies milling about below. For him things had just gotten a hell of a lot more complicated. First, he had run into those other three as he fought his way through the seemingly never-ending horde of zombies. They seemed capable at least. Now of all things. He finds a little girl, with a shotgun! All by herself on the roof of a zombie infested building, sitting pretty on a stock of food and a safe place to sleep for a few hours. His inner monologue was interrupted by Zoey offering him a can of ravioli.

"He's probably dead, you know that right?" He asked accepting the can. Zoey nodded grimly. Yes, she knew that.

"This doesn't leave us with any good options." Bill continued to speak, whilst opening the can. "We can't leave a little girl up here on a roof to fend for herself. And the idea that we have to fight those damned things while taking care of a little girl is terrifying to me. How can we fight a horde of those things while taking care of a kid?"

Zoey looked at him for a moment then said. "I don't think we have a choice." Bill looked at her sharply. "Don't give me that look Bill." She said stonily. "She's obviously an orphan by now. No way a parent would leave a child for THREE days to find food."

Bill nodded his head in agreement with that statement. It was true after all. And Zoey was even right. They couldn't leave a child to fend for herself. Damnit! "We take her with us when we leave. Hopefully she knows how to use that shotgun. Now go get some sleep I'll wake someone later for watch."

P.O.V. shift OC

I woke up to find Zoey using me as a teddy bear. I will admit that this made me very happy. I will totally be Zoey's Teddy Bear. I had to wriggle away from her though so I could use the bathroom. Well, the improvised bathroom anyway. It was only a bucket and a roll of tp. Once business was taken care of, I made my way to Louis who was on the roof's edge looking down at the infected.

I made sure to make noise as I walked up to him, so that I wouldn't accidently startle him into falling off the edge. "What are they doing?" I asked him softly.

"Just wandering around aimlessly." He said thoughtfully. "It's like they just wander if they don't have something to chase."

I nodded at this. That was how you came up on them if you were quiet. Not the specials of course but the standard infected. Yeah, they were docile without sensory input. "Then as long as they don't know we're up here we are safe?" I asked thoughtfully.

"It seems that way." He acknowledged. That was when we heard a loud voice over a speaker. I noticed that the other three were making their way over, just in time to see a helicopter fly by blaring 'Evac from Mercy Hospital!"

"You know." Louis started after the Helicopter passed by us. "It wouldn't be too hard to get to the Hospital if we went through the subway."

"Sounds like a plan." Bill said blowing a puff of smoke into the air. "We need to move now gather all the supplies that you can easily carry."

"Bags!" I said pointing at the large backpack/duffles that the military use. "Dad said we needed supplies! We should take them with us."

Zoey looked at the two bags. "If we take turns, it shouldn't be too much of a problem." She said looking around my tent. "We should take all the food and at least a few of the blankets, and possibly the, umm...why are there pull-ups here?"

This stumped me. I honestly had no idea why there would be Pull-ups in this put together bunker. Then I got a message from the imp.

You pissed me off. So, whenever you are in the Zombie worlds I.e. Resident Evil, Zombieland, H.O.T.D., L4D You will have no bladder control. And since you chose a form that's small enough to wear them, I've provided Pull-ups for you. Don't worry you'll like them they have Disney princesses on them! HAHAHAHAHA! That'll teach you to piss me off!

I was about to ignore this and tell them that I had no idea, however I got another notification.

If you try to ignore this 'gift' from me you WILL piss yourself. I PROMISE YOU.

"They're mine." I ground out with flushed cheeks. This brought the survivors up short. The three men turned away embarrassed, but Zoey just smiled softly and asked gently. "Are you wearing one now? Or do you only have to wear them at night?"

I was about to tell her only at night, but I received another notification.

I SWEAR to you I will make you piss yourself every chance I get if you don't say all the time.

With a defeated sigh, because I knew that mother fucking IMP would follow through with his fucking threat. I spoke. "I have to wear them al l the time. There's something wrong with my bladder."

You do realize that you always bad-mouthing me is why this happened to you right?

"Well then let's get you dressed properly, then we can leave." Zoey said grabbing a pull-up that did in fact have a cute print of Ariel from the little mermaid on it. She turned to the men. "I'll take her and get her dressed. You three get the supplies and bag them up." Then she led me into the 'tent'. She held up the Pull-up in an open fashion like she would for a LITTLE girl, and I being the broken spirited fanboy that I had been, stepped into the thing. I then took off the 'night shirt' I had been wearing, and grabbed the outfit sitting beside the bedding. It was the outfit that Jade Chan wears in Jackie Chan Adventures. So here I was. A formerly thirty-year-old man six feet one inch tall, dad bod and all. In the body of a prepubescent girl wearing a fucking Pull-up! The saddest thing was if things had gone differently as a child, I would have been in this situation in my real life. I had to have surgery to fix my messed-up bladder three times before I was five years old. And that's probably why The Imp did it in the first place.

Oh well at least its only in the dungeons. Sadly, the dungeons that I'd probably spend the most time in. I hate that IMP! Zoey dragged me out of the tent to find the men waiting around. "Did you get the supplies?" She asked Bill.

Bill gave her a deadpan look. "You took the kid into the tent, where the supplies are."

Zoey frowned then sighed. If I wasn't so mortified by the fact that I was basically wearing a diaper during the Zombie Apocalypse. I picked up the shotgun, a Mossberg 510 youth mini super bantem .410 pump action. According to the Pop up. I also noticed the box of shells it was full a hundred round box. Huh, that almost made up for the fact I was basically in a diaper... well almost.

Once we loaded up everything, we left the roof. Bill took point with Francis and Louis on his left and right. Me and Zoey were in the back bringing up the rear. We made our way through the building and killed Zombies all the way to the bottom, only for our first adventure with a special zombie. Bill had just walked out of the building into the back alley only to be pounced on by a hunter. Thankfully Francis was right beside him, and unlike my shotgun, Francis was using a 12 gauge. The hunter's head was destroyed in a shower of gore. It was really cool to watch. Unfortunately, the screech of the hunter caused the zombies to take notice, and the shotgun blast caused them to swarm. We all took off running for the subway entrance and safe house. Zoey was blasting away with her pistol, Louis with his Uzi. Francis tossed a Molotov down the alley behind us as the incoming horde were closing in from all sides. Bill and I were blasting everything that came down the side alley as we moved. Honestly a .410 wasn't a gun I'd normally bring to a Zombie apocalypse, but in tight quarters like an alley it was fairly easy to get a headshot. And baby shotgun or not a headshot with a .410 slug is just as effective as a sniper round. I had loaded down my pockets full of shells, and that turned out to be a smart move as the gun could only hold five rounds. So, I was having to reload a lot. But I wasn't nearly as terrified as a normal child would have been so I was making my shots count. Everything was going well, until we heard a woman crying in the stairs leading down to the safe house. Bill froze at the entrance to the Subway looking straight down at the anorexic zombie in worry. The rest of us just took our places and covered the doorway, while he tried to think of how to do this without having to fight the bitch. Not that it would matter in the end.

Bill looked at the crying zombie, before saying. "I'm going to try to sneak behind her and blow her fucking head off." Keep quiet and don't point a light at her please." He eased his way forward, only to hiss in surprise when a smoker appeared beside the with and wrap him up in its tongue pulling him forward, down the stairs and directly into the witch knocking her over. All was silence for a second lost in crystalline clarity before the witch Streaked and leaped at Bill. Francis and I both shot down the stairs shotguns blasting. Him at the witch and me at the Smoker. I could hear Zoey yelling that we needed to move, and the ratatatatat of Louis's Uzi as they backed down the stairs shooting at another swarm incoming. I didn't plan on wasting time arguing. Francis had Bill up and moving towards the door. I followed jacking in another shell as Zoey and Louis barreled in after us. Francis and bill were barricading the door behind us, and I rushed over to the med cabinet and opened it. It was full of medical supplies and I almost cried in frustration. Because of course there weren't going to be the practically magic med-kits that healed anything. I grabbed a spray bottle of Peroxide, a sealed gauze pad, some triple antibiotic ointment, and a roll of stretch bandages before rushing over to Bill who had a gash in his side. He had his shirt up looking at the gash in his side in consternation, until I rushed over. He looked over the supplies in my hands and nodded in satisfaction. "Good girl." He said patting my head. "Spray all around the area with the peroxide, there's no telling what kind of shit we've run around out there." Francis looked around in disgust before he started looking for anything useful, while muttering 'I HATE subways.' Louis was stuffing all the medical supplies into the duffel bag. And Zoey was walking over with a gun. A lever action rifle. A Mossberg ZMB 30-30 tactical lever action. She smiles at me and ruffled my hair when I was done bandaging Bill up. He gruffly thanked me before lighting up a cigarette. I looked longingly at the cancer stick before plopping down beside Zoey.

"Five minutes people." Bill said military sharp. "We have to get moving if we want to reach mercy hospital." there were grunts of agreement from the others. I just decided to load my shotgun and wait.

Louis came over with a compact pistol. It was a pink SCCY 9mm subcompact. He handed it to Zoey and motioned to me. I looked at the gun with a slight frown. It was in a tactical holster with two spare magazines on the belt. Something told me that the whole pink guns thing was going to become a thing. I stood up and let Zoey belt it to my waist. I looked up at her as she smiled warmly down at me and I had to frown thoughtfully. I believe I have become Zoey's pet. I pulled the gun out and checked the feel of it. It fit in my hand really well. Which I suppose was a good thing. I holstered the pistol and unslung the shotgun. I looked at Zoey and nodded grimly. The serious mood was shattered when she ran her hand to my ass. I looked at her startled. "Just checking to see if you had an accident." She said soothingly with a smile. "It's ok your fine." And just like that I was depressed. REALLY?! Why did she have to bring that up?! She seemed to see my discomfort at this situation, and knelt before me to give me a hug. She rubbed my back soothingly. "It's ok sweetie it isn't your fault." This was not how I pictured getting close to ZOEY!

2

2

2

We left the safe house and entered the tunnel to the Subway. It was full of zombies. Each area cleared led to more infected. However, it wasn't until we got the large open area with to wrecked trains that problems arose. The first problem was that there was a loud crying sound coming from the train. We obviously had to go forward. As we made our way carefully closer. Only to hear the gurgling belch of a Boomer, and the deep rumbling breathing of a tank as well. This stopped all of us cold. A witch and a boomer were bad enough. But a fucking tank?! This could very well be a nightmare. I decided that there was only one thing to do. I summoned the Shadowkhan from my shadows and had them distract the Zombies. We all jumped in shock (yes even me) when the Tank bellows, the boomer explodes, and the witch shrieks. We expected to die, only to realize that the Zombies seemed to be attacking Each other. We all watched in silence as the Horde swarmed the witch and the tank.

"Time to go." Bill said picking me up and rushing past the mutated zombies. Francis, Louis, and Zoey were caught flat footed at this but followed quickly. We burst through the safe house door, Bill threw me to Zoey and he Francis and Louis began shoving everything in front of the door. We listened as the two super zombies battled the seemingly never-ending horde. The Tank's roars of roid rage and the witch's shrieks of anguish seemed to continuously draw more zombies to the melee.

Bill lit a cigarette and drew in a shaky breath. "We need to keep moving. The more zombies those two attract and destroy the fewer we have to face." Everyone was nodding with agreement and grabbing supplies. I really wanted to ignore the problem and just keep going. Unfortunately for this little rush, there was no way in hell that I was going ANYWHERE wearing a wet pull-up. With a sigh I walked over to Zoey and tugged on her sleeve. She turned to me and smiled sweetly.

"I scrunched up my face and whispered. "I had an accident." The absolute shame in my voice was clear for all to hear. This brought them all up short. Zoey gave me a conciliatory smile before saying. "Don't worry sweety we'll get you changed before we move on."

3

3

3

We were able to rush through the sewers, and the hospital due to the tank and the witch drawing the horde in. It was when we got to the roof that things got dangerous again. The helicopter was on the way and so were the Zombies. We bunkered down in the roof room and prepared. I loaded my shotgun and placed it against the wall. I checked the two pistols strapped to my thighs; Francis having found me an Identical second. (Fucking Imp!) Louis now carried an Ak-47, (Kalashnikov for the win!) Bill had his favorite weapon, an M-16, and Francis had TWO 12-gauge pump shotguns. Zoey was still using the Mossberg ZMB. I looked at the four of them and had to grin. Even with the really awkward problem of the damned pull-ups I was running around with the Left 4 Dead crew! This is awesome!

"Everyone! Get ready here comes the Horde!" Bill says around his cig. He quickly kicked open the door and began to shoot up zombies. I rushed out beside Zoey, firing the twin SCCY pistols. The 9mm rounds blasting out tearing through the heads of regular zombies. Zoey was firing slowly, surely, and precisely. Each shell she levered into the chamber killed another zombie. Francis was blasting away And Louis was burning through ammo destroying waves of zombies.

Everything was going good until Louis screamed. I turned to see what was wrong, only to see him being dragged away by a smoker. I started firing at the special, only to hear an explosion, followed by Bill screaming angrily. I ignored the old man and continued to shoot the smoker, until it expired in a puff of noxious smoke. I head a screech and Francis yelling. I holstered the SCCYs and pulled the shotgun. I pulled the barrel of the shotgun into the face of the Hunter and fired. The 410 slug destroyed the Hunter's head. Zoey and Bill were fighting back-to-back against the horde, boomer bile dripped from Bill's body. I began firing the shotgun into the heads of the furthest Zombies. Unfortunately, being in the body of an eight-year-old child puts a strain on the size of the weapons I could wield. So, after four more shots I had to fall back and reload. I decided to leave one of the SCCYs and began to fight with the single one. I made sure to check each bullet. The was no spray and pray. I was fighting with accuracy and deadly skills. Each shot was a head shot. I didn't waste my time trying to make flashy shots or to snipe the zombies that were far away. I merely walked forward shooting the Zombies. Everything seemed to slow down allowing me to walk forward capping zombies without problem. I killed enough zombies for the others to have time to reload and regroup. I made my way back to the others only to notice the wide eyed looks they were giving me.

"What?" I asked uncertainly. Zoey looked at the three men uncomfortably before looking at me.

"Sweety how were you moving so fast?" She asked trying not to freak out and scare me. This puzzled me. I hadn't realized I was going fast. I had been walking, moving slow to keep from throwing off my aim.

"I wasn't." I told her with a frown. "I was moving slowly." They all looked at each other trying to find out what to do, when we heard the roar. We could hear the tank. We all rushed into the room to reload our mags and grab fresh shells. I was also summoning the Shadowkhan in the shadows. It was my deepest regret that I was only able to summon ONE. The ninja demon dropped to one knee before me. "Prepare to run interference against the enemy." I told the shadow demon. It bowed lower before sinking into the shadows. I then turned to see Zoey looking at me with wide eyes.

"What are you?" She asked in a hushed whisper. I looked into her wide eyes and sighed. I looked down at the ground before looking back up and saying. "What do you know about Japanese mythology?"

This brought her up short. "Not much." She admitted with a frown. I sighed before pulling her into a small closet and grabbing the bag of supplies. "I need a change." I called to the men to cover our disappearance.

"Well, you'd better be quick about it!" Bill said manning the M134 on the window. I quickly began to strip the guns off then the pants. Zoey looked at me confused. "I really do need a change." I said with a sigh. I began to talk as I changed the ONCE AGAIN, (Fucking IMP) wet pull-up. "In Japanese Mythology there are a race of Demons called ONI. These aren't demons that turned on God. These are plainer beings that are basically darker gods. Note the little 'g' there. In the Asian myths Dark doesn't mean evil, without darkness there would be no light. Now that is to explain this. I made a deal with an entity that allows me to 'Hop dimensions.' In one dimension I basically became the daughter of an Oni general."

Zoey looked at me for a few moments then sighed. "This is too much." She muttered as I began to get redressed. "Do you have something to do with the zombies?" She whispered harshly.

"No." I said firmly. "I was sent here to get 'survival training'" I said with an apologetic smile. "I honestly didn't know it would be this world I would go to. All I knew was that I was being sent to fight Zombies."

"Why would an eight-year-old girl be out in the world hunting Zombies by herself?!" Zoey asked in a whisper shout.

"I wasn't eight-years-old a week ago. I was twenty-nine." I told her with a beleaguered sigh.

"Then why do you need diapers?" She whispered harshly. I hung my head despondently. "Because I pissed off a fifth dimensional being and he thinks it's funny." Again, she came up short. "I give up." She said waving her hands. I looked at her sadly, and spoke. "I promise that I didn't make the zombies, I'm not here to hurt anyone, and the accidents are real. The damned imp made me incontinent because he thought it was funny."

Zoey snorted at this. "So, you're not perving from me changing your diapers?"

I turned baby shit green and began to gag at this. "I'd rather be forced to watch two girls one cup again." I said sickly. She grimaced at that. "Look I don't mind the pull-ups." I told her with a frown. "If he had given me a choice, I'd have worn them for his amusement. They really are comfortable, but the fact that I have no control over my bladder pisses me off and embarrasses the hell out of me."

"So, what now?" Zoey asked thoughtfully. But we were interrupted by a much closer roar. "Now we have to kill a tank." I deadpanned. "Now we have to kill a tank." I deadpanned. Zoey and I rushed out of the closet and joined the fray. Bill was firing for all he was worth. Francis was blasting away at the legs of the tank. Louis was standing behind a wall looking for an opening to throw a Molotov cocktail. I began to fire at the Tank with one of my SCCYs. It wasn't doing much and we were all getting kind of worried when the wounded tank began to rip up a chunk of roof. That was when my shadowkhan appeared in the Tanks shadow. We all watched startled as the Shadowkhan hamstringed the Tank before being bank handed out of existence in a puff of smoke. However, with the quick spinning motion and the cut Ham strings, the Tank toppled like a Jenga tower. We all rushed forward and began blasting the creature. It didn't take nearly as long as we thought. Unfortunately, that was when the world went to shit. The sound of various specials was heard coming from all around us. We all had a moment of fearful understanding, then we rushed towards the landing pad for the helicopter. We stood in a ring facing outwards, as far from the center of the landing pad as we could get and still be on the lading platform.

Francis blasted an incoming Hunter right in the face. Louis was firing at the edge of the building only to hear a Boomer explode. Bill was watching a small area until he got an opening, then he fired a single shot killing a smoker. Zoey and I were both shooting zombies as they rushed through the door of the stairs. This division of labour continued until we heard the 'whoopwhoopwhoop of an incoming helicopter. We kept the zombies away as best we could until the Helicopter was hovering beside us.

"Zoey get the kid onto the chopper!" Bil said stepping up and firing rapidly. Francis and Louis stepped forward and began blasting away beside him. Zoey and I got into the chopper and began cover the others. It took more than a few minutes to get everyone on board, then the pilot took off. As the helicopter began to gain altitude the world began to fade to black. The last thing I saw was a pop-up message.

(CONGRATULATIONS! No Mercy Complete! New Lvls available No Mercy speed run, and Death Toll!)

'Huh.' I thought as I blacked out. 'Well, that's cool.'