"I'm just not real big on hospitals, the smell, people being wheeled by, tubes sticking outta them, y'know?"

Season 1.10- Forgiveness and Stuff

1974

William shoved his key in the door and strode inside. It'd been a long, uneventful day. Apparently, nobody needed hardware anymore. He must've missed the memo on that. Anyway, he was home now.

"Dad!" Liz shouted, jumping up into his arms.

"Hey, Lizzie girl!" William called back, tickling her until she squealed. Lottie stuck her head around the door, the phone on her ear and her finger on her lips, shushing them aggressively.

"Ok, and what does that mean?" she asked the person on the phone.

William put Liz down quietly and stood next to her. "What's going on?" he whispered.

Lottie shushed him again. "Right. Oh, tomorrow? As early as that? Well, ok, I suppose we can make it but... No, I understand. The sooner the better. Of course. Well alright, thanks for letting me know." She hung up the phone and pressed her hand to her temple.

"Who was that?" asked Liz, tugging on her mother's blouse.

"Hey, Liz, give us a minute, go play with your brother," William said, patting her back and pushing her along.

"What's going on, Lottie?" he asked, as soon as their daughter had left.

"I have to go to the hospital tomorrow."

"What? Why?"

"I found a lump. I went to the doctor and they referred me to another doctor who referred me to the hospital and they want me to go for a scan."

"Wha... when was all this happening?"

"Over the past few weeks."

"Why didn't I know about it?"

"We're not big talkers, Will, we've always been like that. I like it like that. Besides, you were busy. And I've told you now."

William stepped back a second, hands on his hips. This was a lot to take in. She was right, they weren't big talkers. They didn't feel the need to communicate every little thing to each other. But the big things... the big things he thought they shared. And this was a big thing.

"A lump in your..." he murmured.

"In my breast, William, yes."

"And the scan is..."

"Tomorrow. It's not ideal, I know, but if you could take the kids with you to the store then..."

William blinked, shocked. "What? No, I'm coming with you. I'll bring the kids. You're not going to this alone."

"It's fine, I don't..."

"Not a negotiation, Lottie."

"Ok."

The family of four sat in the waiting room in height order. William was first, leaning against the wall and going through invoices on his knee. There was paper spilling over everywhere. William kept every piece of paperwork that had ever come his way plus two copies. He was sure it'd come in useful one day. Lottie was next, twiddling her scarf and desperately pretending she wasn't nervous while telling herself there was nothing to be frightened of.

Luke was third, bored out of his mind and trying to solve his Rubiks cube. He didn't get why they were all here. Dad never came to any of his checkups, and neither did Liz. His checkups were also never in a big hospital like this. It seemed weird to him but he brushed it off. Liz was last, curled up on the waiting room chair like a cat and scribbling and coloring furiously. Luke had already stopped her hand twice because she was getting ink on the pillow.

"Charlotte Danes?" a nurse called out. Lottie stood up, drawing in a deep breath. "We're ready for you."

Lottie nodded and picked up her purse, turning to her little family. The children ignored her, but William raised his head from his papers for a moment and smiled.

"Love you, Lots." he said. It was their little joke, a play on words. 'Lots' short for Lottie, but he loved her lots, too.

She smiled back at him, and blew him a quick kiss, before following the nurse into the examination room. Later, William would look back on that little moment as the last time their lives were perfectly peacefully normal.

William shuffled in his chair. He walked a lap around the room. He filed and re-filed his papers. He read the information pamphlet the nurses had given Lottie eight times, cover to cover. He got coffee. He solved Luke's Rubik's cube. He played tic tac toe with Liz so many times that he could feel his brain cells curling up and dying and somehow, only forty-five minutes had passed. He heaved out a sigh and turned to his son.

"I'm going to the bathroom. I'll just be a minute. Watch your sister, ok? And if your mom gets out, come find me."

Luke nodded absently, engrossed in his fishing manuals. Well, not his fishing manuals, his father's fishing manuals which he had stolen and read in their entirety at least three times.

He reached the end of the chapter on correct bait and set the book down. Liz was lying on her stomach on the floor, legs in the air swinging back and forth, and Barbie dolls in her hands, engaged in deep conversation.

"Hey Liz, you think there's something wrong with mom?" Luke asked.

"What do you mean?" Liz replied, not looking up from her dolls.

"We're at the doctor's."

"Yeah, for a checkup."

"But... why are we all here? And why are we in a hospital?"

Liz put her dolls down and sat up, sitting cross-legged. "Dad said we were here for Mom's checkup."

"I know... but maybe he wasn't telling the truth."

Liz furrowed her brow, trying to understand. "Why would he do that?" she asked.

"I don't know. Maybe Mom's really, really sick."

Liz shot up to her feet, powered by anger, her face bright red. "Take that back!" she yelled at him. Really yelled. The whole waiting room turned to look at them. Luke was shocked. Liz was loud, but she never yelled.

He blushed, embarrassed, and stood up too. "Shhh, Liz, don't shout."

"Take it back, take it back right now!" Liz shouted again, thumping her brother in the chest. Luke staggered backward. He hadn't expected that.

"Liz, please, be quiet, everyone's looking at us."

"She's not sick! She's not!" she cried, punching Luke in the stomach, again and again, her arms flailing wildly. Luke caught her hands to stop her but she spat in his face. Luke blinked, shocked, and grabbed her wrists hard, harder than he needed to to stop her from hurting him, and forced her arms down, using all his power. Liz froze for a moment, her jaw dropped open. Luke let go of her and stepped back. There was a deafening silence, then Liz began to scream.

She screamed and screamed. Luke thought it would never end. For the rest of his life, he could hear that scream. It made him shudder because he knew that he was the one that caused that.

William sprinted back into the waiting room. He knew instinctively that it was his child that was crying. He spotted Liz and rushed straight over to her. She had her arm stuck out straight in front of her and her wrist was puffy and swollen.

"What the hell is going on? What happened?" William asked. Liz just pointed to her brother. Luke didn't even try to deny it, he just blushed and dropped his head.

William scooped up Liz, still screaming, and held her tight. "What, in the name of God, were you thinking?" he hissed at his son. "Of all the days, you decided to pull this crap today? Geez, Luke, you're supposed to protect your little sister, not hurt her."

Luke's face got redder and hotter. He could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. He dropped his head further, hoping he could fold himself away into his own body.

"I'm disappointed in you," William said.

Luke felt like a weight had crashed down on him. He had never wished harder that he could turn back time. He vowed to himself, right at that moment, that he would never ever again hurt his sister. That he would spend the rest of his life doing his absolute best to protect her.

William looked around desperately, shushing Liz. "Listen, baby girl, you picked the right place to get hurt. We're just gonna rush you down somewhere where they can help you."

A nurse, who had watched this whole thing go down, caught his eye, and pointed to the sign that said 'Pediatrics'. William nodded his thanks, then motioned to his son, trying to ask if she would watch him. The nurse nodded and William rushed off down the hall, his still crying daughter in his arms.

William sat down heavily in the pediatric unit. They'd taken Liz in for an x-ray, just be on the safe side. He'd been here a handful of times before. Mostly for Liz. She always seemed to somehow get injured, even in the safest of places.

Across from him was a nervous-looking man shuffling papers and filing them into a briefcase. He was wearing a very expensive suit. Nice tie William noted. He hadn't meant to stare but he must've been by accident because the man made eye contact with him. He smiled at William.

"So, what are you in for?" the man asked playfully.

William thought for a moment. 'Multiple reasons' was the real answer, but telling this stranger about his wife's health issues felt like the wrong conversation to have. Besides, he was specifically in this ward for another reason.

"I'm here for my girl. She, uh, sprained her wrist, I think. Playfighting with her brother, of course." Ok, maybe playfighting may have been a slight white lie.

"Of course," the man chuckled.

The conversation fell silent for a moment. William felt the need to pick it up, somehow.

"What about you, what are you, uh, in for?" he asked.

The man took a deep breath in and sat up tall. "My daughter," he announced, in his deep voice. "has an ear infection. First one in years, she used to get them chronically and I thought we were past that delightful stage of childhood but alas, here we are. She has been screaming blue murder for the past three days and nights so we thought we'd see if they could give her anything for the pain."

"How old?" asked William.

"Six."

"Ah. My Lizzie's eight."

"Does it get any easier?"

"Not at all."

The man laughed and William smiled. He generally hated people, but a conversation every once in a while could be nice.

"Well, good luck with all that, man," he said.

"Thank you."

Behind them, a door swung open and a woman's voice could be heard out in the hallway. The man lifted his head.

"That's my wife," he said, standing up. "It's been nice meeting you, uh..."

"William." William filled in.

"William. It's been a pleasure. Oh, I'm Richard, by the way," the man said.

"Richard!" came the shrill voice from the hallway.

"Sorry, I must get going. Good luck with your daughter."

"Thanks, and you with yours," he said, but Richard had already rushed off down the hall, following the owner of the voice who was carrying a small girl on her hip.

I hope she's alright William thought to himself briefly, before returning to the pamphlet to read it for the ninth time.

Luke was on his own when his mother finally stepped out into the waiting room. She looked around for William but saw only her ten-year-old son, knees pulled up to his chest, in the waiting room.

"Luke?" she asked. "Where's dad?"

"With Liz," Luke mumbled.

"They want someone to be there with me to speak to the doctor," she said, her voice trembling. Luke remembered looking up at her at that moment and seeing something he hadn't seen on his mother's face before. Later, he realized it was fear. But he didn't know that then. All he knew was that he should stand up, take her hand, and walk into the office with her.

Luke didn't remember what was said in that office. The memory was blurry. All he remembered was that his mother's face was grey, and she was crying. Lottie rarely cried. The last time she'd shed tears was at Liz's birth. But she cried and cried. And she looked different to him then. She had the same expression lots of the other people in the ward had. Luke knew then that hospitals were places where bad things happened. And he hated them.

Sorry I know this was a long one but I had a lot I wanted to get in. If you could leave a review it would be very very much appreciated. Thank you, thank you! x