On Today's Episode: The spies find their way back to the Beverly Hills National Sports Center in hopes of cornering Coach and his army of super-athletes and scuttling his scheme for good. But, like all good final showdowns, Coach still has his own trump card to play, and now the final battle also becomes a race against time... to save the Coach from himself?
Episode 3: The Grand Performance
The spies all looked on at the evil Zanzibar Coach.
"Hey, I think mister coach decided to show his ugly mug!" Sam smirked. "I'm not in a mood to go the way of a female boxer – not today, not tomorrow, not ANYDAY!"
"Oh, that actually offends me..." Coach taunted and laughed.
May threw down her anchor, causing the ground to rumble and the coach to fall to the ground.
"Oh, shut up and just tell us where you're hiding so we can end your schemes!" May shouted.
"What she said!" Melissa shouted.
"I don't know why you keep looking for loopholes to boost your athletes' talents, but it's an idiotic way to stardom," Mat remarked. "Jeremy McGrath could take you ANY DAY... even Ricky Carmichael and Chad Reed!"
"You won't be ending this one so easily, spies," Coach sneered after a scoff at Mat's statement.
"What did you do to everyone else that got you this way?!" Alex chastised.
The Coach didn't reply, and Nick took a serious offense to that.
"I believe my girlfriend asked you a question, Coach boy, so out with it!" Nick chastised and fired a shot at him.
The Coach merely dodged it and approached Nick.
"Very well, then. It'll be fun to see you lose to my secret plan. Come and find me at the attached coordinates below. Don't keep me waiting," Coach sneered. "I await to see your final moments..."
"Oh, we'll be there, jerk! I've got half a mind to bean you one for what you did to me!" Alex exclaimed.
Bridget even took a shot at the Coach with one of the gadgets, and missed.
"Get in line, Alex," Clover told Alex. "And you, too, Bridget."
She saw that as a good thing that Bridget missed.
"Believe us, Bridget, you'll get a chance yourself," Nozomi quipped. "Even though Sam, Clover, and Alex definitely get first dibs."
("Scuttle Buttin' by Stevie Ray Vaughan plays)
"Let's get there, guys!" Blaine exclaimed. "I have a bone to pick with that guy, too!"
"And if we want sports careers, we'll pursue them on OUR terms!" Klee exclaimed.
"I'm liking my life as is myself," Mat added.
"I'm gonna second that, Mat," Alex replied in agreement.
"Now, it's time you answer to ALL OF US!" Britney proclaimed.
"Believe it, buddy boy!" Clover growled. "And you're gonna answer to me first after the last time!"
With that, Clover charged at the coach.
"Now you're MINE!" Clover exclaimed.
"Don't start that dance without us, Clover," May quipped.
"Exactly!" Klee added. "Papa and I will make him answer to what he did to mama!"
"You couldn't be more right, Klee!" Nick quipped.
"If you think you can take me, then by all means give it your best shot!" Coach laughed as he snapped his fingers. This caused more brainwashed athletes to emerge from nearby areas and converge on the spies.
"Oh, what, you're just gonna send more mooks after us?" Nick laughed. "I'm disappointed, Coach!"
Three burly athletes attempted to surround Nick and Klee, but they both responded with a double psychic pulse that sent them flying backwards.
"Try again in, oh, about fifty years?!" Klee taunted.
While all this was happening, Clover weaved around the many different brainwashed athletes and approached Coach.
"You've got some nerve brain-bleaching my hubby the way you did," Clover growled. "So I hope you're ready for a major smackdown!"
"You first," Coach laughed before jumping towards Clover, who responded with a flying kick to his chest that sent him tumbling away.
Not one to waste a golden opportunity, Clover charged after Coach and yanked him back to his feet, then grabbed him by the legs and started spinning him around before tossing him into a nearby wall.
However, a more muscle-bound athlete snuck up behind Clover while she was distracted and grabbed her in a full nelson.
"Hey, grabby hands off!" Clover shouted.
"Oh, I don't think so, little missy," the athlete laughed as he revealed another bug.
Before he could insert it into Clover's ear, though, a psychic bolt flew in and destroyed the bug, followed by Nick psychically yanking the athlete away from Clover.
"When a lady says no, you listen," Nick proclaimed, throwing the athlete into another group of athletes and knocking them all down.
"STRIKE!" Blaine exclaimed as he jump-kicked another athlete away from him.
Two more athletes ran by Bridget, but she shifted into Sonic Mode and out-sped them easily. As she dodged the athletes, however, Bridget got a wicked idea and began to run circles around the athletes.
With the wind kicking up around them thanks to Bridget, the athletes eventually sneezed out the bugs that were controlling them, which Klee then destroyed with a few psychic bolts.
Meanwhile, Melissa and Dawn were flying over a bunch of athletes thanks to Melissa's Helicopter Hand Fan, while Dawn continually fired her Cyclone Blast Hairdryer to keep any athletes from sneaking up on them.
"Still love this combo!" Dawn laughed.
During the frenzy, Coach again attempted to slip away while the spies were distracted fighting his team, only to be stopped by a very angry-looking Alex and Klee.
"And just where do you think you're going?" Alex proclaimed.
"We owe you some lumps for what you did to mama," Klee stated. "So don't try running away now, got it?"
Three bulky athletes all bum-rushed Klee at the same time, but she surrounded herself with a psychic bubble to deflect their attacks, then popped it to send the athletes flying. When they landed on the ground, they coughed hard enough to send the bugs flying out.
Alex took a few steps forward to slug Coach in the face with a wicked right hook punch, sending him stumbling backwards.
"Nice one, mama," Klee giggled. "Bad guys back home fear the 'Alex Right Hook'!"
"Really?" Alex laughed.
Before Coach could recover, both Sam and Mat were on him, both of them rushing to opposite sides of Coach before lashing out at the same time, attacking Coach from both sides in perfect sync.
Together, Sam and Mat landed at least four different punches before kicking Coach into the air with dual leg lifts, then they jumped after him to drive both of their fists into Coach's stomach with enough force to send him crashing back to the ground.
"Suck on that one, jerk-face," Sam proclaimed.
Before long, all of the athletes Coach had summoned had been dealt with, their bugs forced out and destroyed. Naturally, Coach began to back away from the approaching group of spies.
"It's over, buddy," Nick stated, his right hand glowing a bright green. "All your bugs are toast, and you're out of 'recruits' for your team. So just surrender peacefully and we won't have to rough you up any more than we already have."
Coach's mind continued to race as he thought of something, anything, that he could use to escape his fate...
...and then he felt something rattling around in his coat pocket.
Coach took one more step backwards before flashing a wicked grin.
"We're not finished yet, you wretches," Coach laughed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a jar containing four more bugs.
Nozomi just scoffed in response. "You honestly think we're going to let you brainwash any more of us?" Nozomi taunted. "I think we're beyond that little step in your plans."
"...who said they were for you?" Coach chuckled.
"...the implication being?" Blaine wondered.
Before anyone could make a move to stop him, Coach tossed the jar into the ground, smashing the glass and allowing the bugs to start moving. To the spies' surprise, all four bugs started crawling up Coach's body and into his ears.
"Wh-what is he...?!" Alex gasped.
"Oh, I'm gonna turbo -barf," Nick responded.
It didn't take long for Coach's body to start growing with insane muscles and strength.
"Guys, girls, he's hulking out!" May shouted.
"Now I have the power to crush you accursed meddlers!" Coach bellowed in a rather deep and growly voice that reminded Nick a little too much of a certain mad scientist. "So I hope you're ready to get crushed!"
Coach bum-rushed Clover to attack her with an overhead slam, and though Clover was able to roll out of the way, Coach's hulked-out fists left a large crater in the ground where they struck.
"Ooh, this isn't good," Klee quipped.
"You really think hulking out is gonna stop us?!" Nick challenged, his aura flaring to life around him. "We've dealt with that crap before, and you're no different! So stop flexing your dumb, bulging muscles and let's get it on!"
"Oh, gosh," Alex gagged. "I got shades of Ulrich Wernerstein here..."
"Don't you mean 'Mr. All Buff No Brains', Alex?" Clover quipped.
"Yeah, him," Alex remarked.
"But either way, that's his undoing," Mat replied. "This guy should take a lesson in 'busting your ass 24/7' like Carmichael did in 2001!"
"We hear ya, Mat," Nozomi remarked, knowing full well what Mat was talking about.
"And we're gonna give you an answer you'll NEVER forget!" Sam proclaimed to the Zanzibar Coach.
"Oh, will you...?" the Coach sneered again.
"We certainly will!" Clover exclaimed as she leaped into the air, then landed a powerful snap kick that, even if it didn't do any visible damage, did push Coach back.
"Maybe add in some of the Ariel vibes, too, Alex," Sam stated. (A/N: Remember S2's W.O.W.?)
"Can't forget about her, Sammy," Alex quipped.
The spies charged forward after Clover's maneuver.
"Good move, Clover," May quipped. "My turn!"
She used her trusty anchor on the Coach. May whipped it around like a lasso and threw her anchor his way. It grazed him, but was VERY close to hitting the Coach. The coach was about to laugh and taunt them until...
"GOTCHA!" Dawn exclaimed, aiming the Wind Tunnel 9000 at him.
Bridget, Britney, and Melissa all joined in with Dawn, using their own Wind Tunnel 9000s. Clover even brought out a Cyclone Blast Hairdryer alongside both Nick and Klee firing off a Final Shine Attack. The combined blasts were more than enough to blast Coach backwards.
"Yeah, suck on that!" Nozomi exclaimed.
Some more of the Coach's henchmen came after the spies, but Blaine and Sam were quick to notice this before they could even think about a surprise attack.
"Not today, guys!" Sam exclaimed as she and Blaine used a Laser Lipstick and Laser Chapstick respectively to stop the Coach's henchmen in their tracks.
"We're not going your routes," Sam and Blaine exclaimed simultaneously as they gave a double kick at the henchmen.
The Coach caught that out of the corner of his eye and just scoffed.
"No matter," Coach stated, and then reached behind his back.
This put the spies on alert in case it was a sneak attack.
"I'm going to get you on sports careers, no matter what!" the Coach emphasized.
With that, he held a wacky remote control and aimed it at Alex... and then to Sam and Blaine together.
Before anybody could say anything, robotic arms came out of nowhere and threw Sam in a boxing ring nearby, Blaine on a volleyball court, and Alex into a nearby pool.
"What the heck?!" Britney exclaimed.
"You spies will abide by my terms now!" the Coach exclaimed. "You surrender now, or these three deal with their ideal challengers... and I deal with the one in the pool."
"You what?!" Klee exclaimed.
"I'm not taking no as an answer at all, so you fakers have no say in the matter..." the Coach sneered and looked at Sam, Blaine, then Alex.
Sam was surrounded by two muscular boxers, Blaine was taking on three volleyball players, and Alex dealt with an extra swimmer plus the Coach.
"Either you all surrender, or my henchmen and I take out your three scrubs!" the Coach demanded.
"I'm only gonna warn you once, you washed-up reject," Nick growled, taking a step forward. "Let my friends go, or there's going to be consequences."
"Didn't I already tell you that you little punks have absolutely no say in the matter?!" Coach shot back. "This isn't up for discussion, boy, so I'd just back away slowly and accept that your girlfriend isn't going to want to be your girlfriend any longer once she's a part of my team."
"Ooh, buddy, you should not have said that," Klee quipped.
"Oh, and why is that?" Coach taunted.
Klee just pointed at Nick, who clenched his fists and let his psychic aura explode outwards, the sheer intensity of the aura actually making Coach take a step away.
"Because you made Nick mad," Nozomi stated.
"You shouldn'ta did that," Haruka giggled.
Whatever witty retort Coach had planned was silenced when a ring of light passed underneath him along the floor and he suddenly started floating helplessly. He looked down to see Nick with his right palm on the floor and glaring intensely at him.
"All right, bitch, I freakin' warned you!" Nick shouted as he flew upwards to slug Coach in the face and send him crashing into a nearby wall.
This gave Nick the opportunity to fly over and attack the athletes one by one, even taking out the volleyball players by knocking their volleyballs back into them. Once Sam, Alex and Blaine were clear, Nick enveloped them all in his psychic hold so he could safely ferry them back to the rest of the group.
"You made a big mistake in insulting my girlfriend, coach," Nick proclaimed. "And in case you didn't hear through the 'villain grapevine', bad things have happened to villains who actually manage to make me angry. So I hope you're ready for a lesson in pain, you son of a bitch!"
Not waiting for a response, Nick rushed forward and began to battle Coach, trading blow after blow with the hulking trainer.
"This is uber-surreal," Bridget quipped. "Those muscles just look so... wrong."
"Would it be weird if I said I'm actually a little worried for the coach right now?" Alex asked, all eyes now on her. "You all saw how many bugs he used on himself, right? Even three bugs was far more than someone could handle without getting seriously ill."
"So, he's basically risking his own health just to fight us?" May quipped. "That's nuts!"
"Which means, unless we want this fight to turn into a casualty, we need to get those bugs out of him lickety-split," Bridget proclaimed.
"I think I can patch that through to papa," Klee stated. Hey, papa, can you hear me?
Loud and crystal clear, Klee, Nick thought. What's the situation?
Well, we all agreed that we need to get those bugs out of Coach real quick-like, since he could be putting his health at risk by using so many at once. I just wanted to let you know that so you don't prolong his ass-whooping any further than necessary.
Acknowledged.
"You can stop talking to your imaginary friends any day now!" Coach laughed as he leaped through the air in an attempt to pounce on Nick.
Nick responded by cutting a flip, then planting both of his feet into Coach's chest, sending him both flying backwards and coughing up one of the bugs he'd used. Klee quickly vaporized it with a quick psychic bolt.
"I'd start using better lines if I were you," Nick laughed.
"Before or after you get crushed like a pancake?" Coach chuckled as he threw a double punch towards Nick, only for him to cover himself with a psychic bubble. Coach continued to pound on the bubble to no avail until Nick decided he'd had enough and snapped his fingers to pop the bubble, the blast throwing Coach into a ball rack and forcing him to cough up another bug that Klee quickly destroyed.
"Nice one, papa!" Klee giggled.
"I learned it from you, Klee," Nick replied.
"I'm not finished with you yet!" Coach exclaimed, picking himself up and galloping forward, leaping over Nick and attempting to snatch up Alex again. "You're gonna be on my sports team whether you like it or not!"
"Sorry, coach-y, the lady said no!" May shouted as she swung her anchor hard enough to bean Coach in the chest and make him cough up yet another bug that Klee vaporized easily.
Deciding that he needed to end this quickly before Coach could pull any more tricks out of his proverbial hat, Nick flew into the air and came back down with one final knee to Coach's chest, causing him to finally cough up the last bug so that Klee could destroy it as well.
It took a few seconds, but Coach's excess muscles slowly regressed until he was back to his normal self and looking up at Nick, realizing that his plans had just been officially foiled.
"From that look in your eyes, it seems like you understand that you've lost," Nick quipped as Sam, Alex, Clover, Britney, Mat and May approached. "And now..."
The others didn't wait for Nick before leaping forward to dogpile on Coach. About ten seconds later, they dispersed to leave Coach unconscious on the ground, allowing Nick to raise his hand and encase Coach in a psychic bubble.
"Game over, coach," Nick proclaimed. "Go and ruminate on your loss in your cell. And don't ever insult my girlfriend again."
And with that, Nick flicked his hand upwards to send Coach off to containment.
"Well, thank goodness that's over," Sam quipped as Mat moved to hug her. "I'm definitely not cut out to be a boxer, that's for sure."
"And if I ever wanna join a swim team, it's gonna be on my terms!" Alex proclaimed. "No pushy coach tells me what I can or can't do."
"Well, everybody, what say we head back to W.O.O.H.P. so that we can finally close this case?" May asked.
"Oh, I'm definitely down for that," Blaine stated.
6:02 P.M. – W.O.O.H.P. Headquarters, Jerry's Office
"Another excellent job, spies," Jerry commended as he looked at the viewscreen to see the Coach in his cell.
"Thanks, Jer," Haruka replied.
"Let's hope that Coach won't ever get out again," Clover quipped.
"You and me both," Alex stated in agreement. "As I said earlier, I'll go for a swim team on MY terms!"
"And I'm certainly not cut out to be a boxer," Sam repeated, too.
"You spies deserve a vacation since we understand you were going to do some sports yourselves," RiCO replied as she materialized in Jerry's office.
"That's right," May remarked.
"Well, we'll send you off then," Jerry stated as Kana came to Mat and Sam.
With that, Jerry sent the spies out of his office. All of them were sent out with screams of their own.
6:10 P.M. – Malibu University, Sports Complex
"Well, time for our v-ball game," Clover quipped.
"Definitely!" Nick exclaimed. "And be prepared for a schooling, guys!"
May and Nozomi came out ready to go and took Nick's side; Bridget came out and went to Clover and Blaine.
"This is gonna be good," Nozomi grinned.
"Prepare for a beatdown, girl," Bridget teased to Nozomi.
"You sure about that?" May sneered.
"Try positive," Blaine added, getting in the spirit, too since it was just for fun.
"I know papa can take it to ya!" Klee exclaimed, coming into view herself.
"All right, peeps and cronies, what the heck are we waiting for?" May proclaimed. "Let's do this thing!"
Clover served the ball first by bumping it towards Bridget so she could knock it towards the other side, which Nozomi was all too happy to counter with a flying strike that Blaine couldn't react to in time.
"YES! First point goes to the master!" Nozomi shouted.
"Oh, are you sure about that?" Bridget responded as the ball came back to her. She bumped it upwards, then jumped after it and, feeling like adding some pizzazz, did a quick spin before knocking the ball back to the other side. Nozomi dove towards it, only to come up just short.
"Always look before you leap," Bridget laughed.
"Here it comes, Nick!" May exclaimed. "What do you say we show them what we're made of?"
"Oh, you know it," Nick quipped.
Nick and May relayed the ball between then for a few seconds, hoping to catch Clover's team off guard.
"Any day now!" Clover teased.
"Careful what you wish for, Clover!" May exclaimed as both her and Nick spiked the ball at the same time, the extra force sending the ball flying past Clover.
In the meantime, the other spies and Kana were heading to the pool area of the sports complex.
"Last one in's a rotten spy!" Alex playfully taunted.
Mat was in the pool after Alex with Sam right behind him. Kana was right behind Sam; Haruka, Melissa, Dawn, and Britney followed in that order. All the girls wore two-pieces, except for Kana, who wore a yellow one-piece suit.
"Now this is what I call unwinding from everything," Melissa stated.
"You and me both," Haruka replied. "Advice for heroes, number ten: it's IMPORTANT to have time off!"
Kana appeared behind Sam, and that gave her a smile in her heart to feel her own future daughter riding her like a dolphin.
"Happy family in the future," Mat quipped to Sam and they shared a kiss.
"Don't leave me out," Britney giggled, coming up behind Mat.
"At least we can breathe easy soon with the semester coming to a close soon," Dawn told the others.
"Tell me about it," Alex remarked.
"I'm already looking forward to next year's Supercross season after how the U.S. Open went," Mat added in.
"That oughta be good," Alex commented.
"If Mat's really as confident as he is to say he's 'not worried', maybe that means a title for Chad Reed," Dawn deduced.
"I sure hope so," Mat remarked.
After a bit, the rest of the spies returned for a dip in the pool themselves.
"How'd it go?" Mat asked them.
"It was a close call, but our team stands victorious!" May proclaimed.
"I even got to play, too," Klee told them. "Bridget let me fill in for her."
"That must have been interesting," Sam laughed. "You didn't use your powers, did you?"
"I was honestly tempted, just for the heck of it," Klee giggled. "But I think it's safe to say that I'm the reason our game got as close as it was."
"Told ya I was the master," Nozomi proclaimed.
"You should have seen Klee out there once she subbed in," Clover quipped. "The way she was moving, slapping that ball around like it was nothing? I legit believed we had a chance until Nick and May busted out their special attack..."
"Gotta love combinations, even in the midst of a heated volleyball match, huh?" May laughed.
All in all, it was a wonderful day for the spies as the term neared its end.
What they didn't know was that, far away from Malibu University, Corvus watched from the top of a high-rise building in downtown Beverly Hills, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer now before his plans could come to fruition.
"Please get your memories back soon, little Klee," Corvus cackled. "I look forward to crushing you and your pack of wretches at your best, after all. Because once this world is under my control, you will rue the day you ever got in my way."
With that, Corvus waved his cloak and vanished in a burst of darkness.
Totally Spies: Sam-zibar Bound
~The End~
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Final Author's Notes from Mat49324: And with that, we've completed Sam-zibar Bound! Wow, we're close to the S3 ending, it almost doesn't seem real! I wondered why the TS series never gave Coach an actual name when I first saw S2's It's How you Play the Game. I even wondered why he and some other villains only were one-time villains, but one guy I'm GLAD was a one-time only villain is Kyle Katz (reference S4's The Suavest Spy). Some others that come to mind are Lester Crawley, the Great Kandinsky, and even Nikita from S1's Queen for a Day. And since I'm on the subject of that, I'll go ahead and say that MY next project (after Nick's authored our upcoming one, Stay Frosty) will involve our only actual queen from the entire series – Queen Tassara – but that's for another time. For now, here's The Blue Time Ranger with anything he'd like to say.
Final Author's Notes from The Blue Time Ranger: And that's another one down the tube! It felt fun to write for mister Coach again, even if he still doesn't seem to have an actual name beyond just "Coach", and yes, that is going to keep bugging me for as long as Totally Spies exists.
And since I have a promise to keep, here's me telling all of y'all about our upcoming movie project, Totally Spies the Movie: Rift Apart! It's going to be a massive adventure through multiple different dimensions inspired by Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time and the upcoming Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart (WHY CAN I STILL NOT FIND A FLIP-TRUCKIN' PLAYSTATION 5 DAMN IT ALL). Like I said at the beginning, I wanted to do a movie project that wasn't just a remake of an old project, and I got inspiration after a playthrough of Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition. I'll be posting this movie when we get to it, which will be a bit after the season three finale (we have three more episodes left after this one), which also means that Mat will be posting the premiere episode of season four, whenever that comes down the pipeline!
And finally, let's talk about the upcoming episode of Totally Spies: The New Adventures! It's wintertime, and the spies are gonna enjoy a really ritzy resort for their winter vacation needs, but an old enemy, long thought to be dead by avalanche, rises from his "grave" to ruin the spies' day. Who could it possibly be? You'll have to wait until Stay Frosty to find out, which will be posted by me. So, until next time, have a fantastic day, don't listen to the screeching morons, enjoy this preview of Stay Frosty, and we'll see you next mission!
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As he continued to pace around his lair, monitoring everything that he'd been working on recently, he couldn't help but chuckle at his good fortune.
Not a single person from that wretched W.O.O.H.P. had come looking for him for the longest time, due to believing that he had died in the avalanche at that ski resort.
Well, so sorry for them, but they should have checked for the body.
Doctor Gelee typed in a few commands on the main console to periodically check on his latest creation before returning to the machine that formed the core of his newest scheme.
"Those three little wretches won't know what hit them this time," Gelee laughed. "This world will be a world of ice and snow before long, and nature will once again reign supreme without the blight of humanity to ruin it."
Knowing that the spies would most likely discover his plans sooner rather than later, Gelee began to make preparations to deal with that eventuality.
"But... a good king needs a queen to reign alongside him," Gelee stated, looking over the profiles of the spies and the many new additions to their team since the last time they'd scrapped. If Clover wouldn't play ball, he'd find someone else who would.
Eventually, Gelee stopped on two particular spies as his targets.
"Well, my dears, I hope you're all prepared to reign by my side in an endless winter," Gelee laughed. "Because once I'm finished... well, I think you know what will happen."
Gelee began to laugh manically, his laughter echoing throughout his lair, before he had to cough a few times from laughing too hard.
"Wow. Maybe I am a lunatic," Gelee quipped. "Eh, that just makes it more fun for me, honestly."
To be continued in Totally Spies: Stay Frosty...