Living in a house with vampires would always be strange, Jacob feared as he phased back into human form and padded his way across the clearing to the Cullen's house. And it especially felt weird without Nessie beside him. Truthfully the only reason he was there today was because he had nowhere else to go. He knew Renesmee would be with Bella and Edward. They had taken a small weekend getaway up to Alaska to visit the other coven of vegetarian vamps. Nevertheless, this was home now, Jake shrugged as he slid open the glass door.
He had expected his nostrils to be assaulted by the sickeningly sweet scent of bloodsucker, like usual, but today the pungent smell was not nearly as overpowering. And the house for once was quiet, eerily quiet. Had they all taken the trip to Alaska? Had his invitation gotten lost in the mail or something? Jacob rolled his eyes, stepping into the home looking for any sign of the living undead. He laughed quietly at his own joke before peering around a few corners and up the first flight of stairs. Nope. No one was home.
Jake quickly turned to head back out the sliding glass door when he heard a rustling in the kitchen. Mrs. Fang was coming in the garage door, gracefully carrying three bags of dirt and at least two dozen new flowers. She looked so dwarfed by the hefty bags of soil, despite her effortless movements. He didn't want to offend her, by assuming she needed any assistance, as she was a fairly independent woman. But, at the same, the young man had always been taught to lend a hand whenever necessary.
"Can I help you with anything?" Jacob finally decided to ask.
A startled Esme jumped, dropped the bags, but managed to save the tumbling blooms. Jake's eye went wide now feeling rather guilty. Had she not heard him? Or smelled him?
"Jacob!" the mother vampire, set the unpotted plants on the countertop, and placed a hand over her unbeating heart, "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone to be in the house today!"
"No, it's my fault," the wolf replied, beginning to lift the dirt off the floor, "I'm the one who's breaking an entering. I didn't mean to scare you, I assumed you could smell me before you even walked in."
"No, no, don't apologize, dear," she sighed, her eyes fixed on the petals below, "I'm just not myself today. You'll have to forgive me."
Jacob cocked his head, trying to study her purposefully hidden face, "Are you alright?"
Esme inhaled deeply before she met the young man's concerned gaze, "Yes, I'm fine," she tried to smile, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. Had she been crying? Could vampires cry?
"Listen," Jake bit his lip, almost unsure of what to say, "I'll believe that you're fine because you told me you're fine, and I'm not a professional…or Jasper, but you don't seem fine."
The coven matriarch let a small chuckle, "Is it that obvious?"
"A bit," the alpha adjusted his weight from one foot to the other, "Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to call Dr. Fan…Cullen or Blondie?"
A soft, genuine smile spread across her face, "No, dear. I…I asked them to leave me here today. I've just been feeling sad. That's all. This time of year, it's…hard for me."
"I get that," his tone became somber, "Believe me I do."
There was a long moment of silence between them before Esme's quiet voice decided to break it, "Jacob, are you alright? Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked, her face looking damned concerned despite her own hurt. It was that same face she made when she handed him that food. The one that reminded him of his mother.
Jake's lip quivered, as he tried not to cry, "Ya, I'm ok. It's just…just the anniversary of my mom's accident," hot warm tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes, "And I just didn't want to be with anyone who knew, today. I didn't want to hear anyone apologize like they do every year. Because no matter how much the say sorry, it doesn't bring her back. It doesn't get better. I still hurt. I'm just waiting for it to get easier."
The vampire mother's shoulders shook, as she let out a tearless cry, "I don't think it ever does. Greif, it lingers even after nearly a hundred years."
The young man wiped at his eyes, confused by her statement.
"And you believe you should feel grateful because of all the good life has brought you. But, something is always pulling at your heart, reminding you that even though you're happy, they will never see it. The joy you experienced when they were alive, you can never have that again," her hands clasped over mouth, as if she were saying something utterly taboo.
"Mrs…Mrs. Cullen…" the pack alpha's voice cracked as he tried to speak through his sobs.
"I'm sorry," she inhaled sharply with her unneeded apology, "You see, today is also they day that I lost my baby, shortly after he was born. Two days from the anniversary of when I jumped. Five from when I woke as a vampire," her lips pressed into a straight line, "I should be grateful, but selfishly I want him here."
Jacob gasped, try to catch his breath as he walked towards Mrs. Cullen, arms outstretched like little child. Esme turned to him, graciously accepting the wolf's embrace, while enveloping him in her own. Jake was nearly a foot taller than the coven's matriarch, but his head rested almost instinctually on top of hers. His nose was ablaze with the stench of vampire, yet his tears wetted her caramel curls. 'How did cold marble feel so maternal?' he mused, as he tried his best to console her too. Her hand rubbed comforting circles on his back, while the rest of her body convulsed, for the tears she could never shed for her boy.
They were both marred by the same day. He, a son who lost his mother. She, a mother who lost her son. And somehow, despite the nature of their beings, the universe had brought them to together to grieve a loss that only the other could comprehend. And for a while, Jacob and Esme just cried because for once they could feel the agony, which they both carried. Jake didn't know how much time had passed, but eventually their cries became quiet and pain subdued itself to its usual dull ache, but they continued to hug.
"Listen," the alpha spoke first this time, "I can leave if you want. I know you wanted to be alone today, and I don't…"
"Jacob dear," the vampire mother interrupted, "Would you like to help me in my garden? I always plant flowers for him on this day. I didn't know if you'd like to plant some for your mother too."
Jake sniffled, "Of course, Mrs. Cullen. I think she'd really like that."
That dimpled stone smile appeared on Esme's face as she released Jacob and picked up her plants. The young man followed closely behind her, with the soil slung over his shoulder. Once outside she dawned her sun hat and apron full of tools. The garden was beautiful, and as they passed each flower the matriarch told him their names and why she had planted them. Roses for Rosalie. Daisies for Ness. Red Carnations for Carlisle. Snapdragons for Jacob, he found that fitting. And white lilacs for her little boy. Her hands grazed each delicate blossom but lingered on the last. Finally, they stopped at a relatively empty patch.
Esme handed him a trowel and welcomed him to pick any combination of flowers he felt best represented his mother. While Jacob didn't know the names of the plants, he did make sure to choose one of every color.
"My mother was a very bright person," the young man smiled, as he dug into the earth, "She was very kind and very happy. I don't ever remember her being sad."
"The perfect flower for her then," Esme noted, "A chrysanthemum. They represent joy and optimism," she crooned her neck to see his other choices, "Marigolds, for positive emotions and good energy."
Jacob sighed proudly, "That sounds like mom. I think she would have really liked you. You know, despite the whole vampire thing."
The matriarch giggled, "I would hope so."
"Do you ever think about how your son would have been when he grew up?" the werewolf asked.
"Oh yes," she wistfully looked off into the distance, "He would have been musical, like Edward because he was always so alert when I sang. And empathic like Jasper because he knew how devastated I would be when he passed. I'd hope he'd be as lighthearted as Emmett because that is such an endearing quality. And he'd have Carlisle's determination and goodness. Seth's honest nature. And of course, your strong sense of self. I admire that in you. You know who you are, and not a soul will change that."
Jacob smirked, turning to look at the vampire mother, "Dr. Cullen is right. Everyone really does need an Esme. Thank you, for today."
Mrs. Cullen paused for a moment, shaking her head, before looking back at him, "Perhaps. But I know that I am very lucky to have a Jacob. Thank you."
"Not a problem," the young man chuckled, "So are you ever going to tell me which flower is yours? I mean you've got the entire family out here, pack included."
"Oh, I've never picked one for myself," she scoffed, "I couldn't. That would be too proud."
For the rest of the afternoon they planted until the doctor came home. Esme offered to make Jacob dinner, but he insisted on going back to Billy. He had spent the entire day away and felt he should check in with his family who would also be grieving. However, on his way home the werewolf had to make one stop.
The next morning, the Cullen's house was once again bursting with life, as everyone had returned home. Carlisle and Esme had stayed in their room until late morning, while the rest of the coven members settled back into their routine. As the couple descended the stairs to their usual chaos, the mother couldn't help but notice a beautiful purple plant centered on the coffee table.
"Jake dropped that off," Bella gave her mother-in-law a lopsided grin, "He said it was for you."
Esme reached for the flower and caught sight of a piece of paper nestled within the blooms. She unfolded it and silently read the message Jacob had scrawled along the top.
A violet.
They symbolize, wisdom, faithfulness, and humility.
Plus, they're purple.
I thought your garden could use a little you, you know.
An Esme flower.
Thank you again. I'll be by this afternoon if you need help planting.
Wordlessly, she tucked the beautiful note into her pocket and placed the violet back on the table.
"Aren't you going to plant that now?" Emmett asked.
"Do you need a hand?" Edward kindly offered.
"Not yet," Esme smiled, "I'm going to wait until this afternoon."