Author's note: I got excited with the reviews and decided to post another chapter right now! I really hope you like it. And thank you for each review, it makes me so happy. Also, let me ask: do you enjoy the chapters with sex? I like writing them but I know it gets out of the plot. Anyways let me know! Love u 3

Chapter three – We pretend that we just don't care (but we care)

When you dream with a fever

Bet you wish you could touch our rush

"You know, you're not as quiet as you think you are, Princess." she felt her body become tense at the sudden physical contact and she shivered to the word of her long gone pet name. Almost immediately, though, she succumbed to the good feeling of the embrace of someone she missed, drifting off to sleep again.

Duncan gently stroked his thumb against her arm until he fell asleep himself. It's not that he wasn't worried about what happened, what it meant, but he sure knew how to ignore his worries. His "Leave it to the future Duncan, it's his problem" attitude was reckless, but nonetheless helped him to fall asleep.

In his dream, he pictured some moments he had locked in a hidden box in his brain, in order not to get hurt by the memories of Courtney. Turns out she was the one who held the keys to that box, and as soon as she unlocked it, his dream was filled with those memories. At that moment he didn't remember at all their fights or how toxic the relationship was. He could only picture their great moments.

A particular memory was the star of Duncan's dream that morning.

They were about three months into their relationship and Courtney was extremely busy with college applications that week. She had yelled at him for no reason whatsoever then apologized for being insane quite a few times, so he decided that he should do something nice for her to relax.

Duncan's idea for "doing something nice for his girlfriend" is, to put it one way, fairly odd. He wasn't a gooey romantic, and neither was his girlfriend. So he was, at first, a little bit lost, not knowing what to do – he couldn't kidnap her for a concert, and any of his signature dishes would make her lactose intolerant stomach filled with stress give her the worst stomach ache ever. Then, he realized what she actually needed.

Courtney lived in a loud house. She had younger brothers who ran around all the time and a hearing impaired grandmother who came for dinner almost everyday and put the TV on the loudest volume possible. It made concentrating a much harder task. That Friday night he called her up to his place. His older brothers had already moved out and his parents had traveled, visiting some friends in another city, so he had the place to himself.

Courtney went straight from school to Duncan's, and she couldn't find him anywhere in the house.

"Duncan?" she called. The brunette set her backpack on a chair in the living room and noticed a note on the table.

"Princess,

I know you've been stressed out lately, and the college applications are due soon. I would never be able to concentrate in a house as loud as yours. I want you to be happy and achieve all your goals.

I'm out with the boys, I won't be home until late. Work on your applications tonight. Order some takeout and do your best.

Relax. I believe in you, you have so much potential. The house is yours for tonight, and it's ours for the weekend if you want to stay.

I love you,

Your neanderthal."

Courtney had tears in her eyes. That was the night she made the application that got her into her top college choice. She stayed there the whole weekend and for the first time in months she actually felt well-rested and calm. And she felt lucky to have him.

He dreamt it so vividly he could barely tell it was a memory, rather than the actual moment.

(But what will we do when we're sober?)

These are the games of the weekend

We pretend that we just don't care

When Duncan woke up, Courtney was laying her head on his chest, breathing slowly, still sound asleep. He looked at her and tried his best not to move. It was nice to see her like that. He loved an angry, competitive Courtney, but having her in his arms, calm, quiet, vulnerable, was rare, and he cherished that moment.

But that moment he left for "future Duncan" was finally close. He would have to deal with those feelings. And he didn't know how it was going to go. He could picture it going well, with her waking up and kissing him tenderly, making love to him and keeping him around for lunch, and he could picture her yelling at him and making him leave as soon as she woke up. And everything in between.

He was so nervous and his heart was beating so fast he didn't know how she didn't wake up from having her head to his chest.

Why isn't Duncan the one who's mad? She left him without saying why and never contacted him again. He shouldn't be the worried one.

It all escalated too quickly last night. If we're being honest, he has not thought it through at all. But he loved her. Everything he did screamed love. And he could keep his stupid pride as long as he wanted and shove those feelings down his throat, as they were for a good part of the last three years, but he didn't want to do that anymore. He loved being free from the cage of his own feelings, even if it was only for a night.

Duncan's deep sleep cured him of any possible hangover, but he eventually had to get up to pee. If only he wasn't on the wall side of the bed he could get up without waking Courtney up, but that way he had to go over her and it would definitely wake her up.

He tried to sneak quietly, but it didn't work. Courtney woke up, opening her eyes slowly.

"Good morning," she said, mid-yawn. That caught Duncan off-guard, making him fall on top of her and roll to the floor. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry," she yawned again and sat up, offering him her hand to pull him up. They awkwardly stared at each other for a moment.

"Uhm, I really have to pee."

"Oh, it's that door over there." she pointed to the right.

Duncan went to the bathroom and Courtney stood up and stretched. Her brain wasn't fully functional yet, as she had just woken up, but she did realize how things would be complicated in the next few minutes. She decided she couldn't deal with this without a cup of coffee and headed to the kitchen.

While she boiled the water she mumbled to herself "Ugh, why does he have to be so hot?" she rubbed her eyes impatiently. "What the fuck am I going to do?"

She looked up to the kitchen clock – it marked 2 p.m. sharp. She giggled, thinking that was the first time in forever she had woken up so late. Her sleep schedule was going to be so messed up that week.

When Duncan entered the kitchen, wearing the same pants from the previous night and no shirt, she looked at him and decided it would be best for both of them for her to keep her initial strategy and pretend it wasn't a big deal.

They sat there quietly drinking coffee for what it seemed like forever, until both of them decided to break the silence at the same time

"I have some work to do–"

"We have to talk." Duncan said, firmly. "It's Sunday. I know you, and I know this is either an excuse for not wanting to talk or you're actually going to find some work to do so you can avoid this."

"I just don't see why we need to talk." She lied. Duncan maintained his expression and his words firm, but he was hurt by that. "It didn't mean anything." He felt like his heart had been crushed by a huge rock.

"Well Princess, if you really think that, it means you're a pretty good actress."

"First, don't call me that. Second, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" she had woken up for less than 20 minutes and was already angry at him. That is exactly why they didn't work. Why they'd never work.

"It means that you're either lying to my face right now and you know it meant something or that you're just that good of an actress because of the way we fucked last night. You know that kind of shit isn't one night stand material. And I might've been drunk but I know that the way you looked at me last night isn't normal."

"And how do you know that?" She challenged him.

"Because you're the only one I've ever given this look to."

She was utterly shocked by that response. She knew the overly sincere Duncan, but she also knew the scared-of-feelings-full-of-pride Duncan, who would rather be kicked in the nuts to admit his feelings first. Her jaw dropped and she didn't know how to answer.

"But if you tell me that the spark in your eyes, the way our fingers interlocked and the smiles in between our kisses didn't mean anything, that you do that with every jerk you screw and that there were no feelings whatsoever involved, then I should just leave. Because you're either a great actress and put on a show last night, or you're lying to me right now. And those are two very good reasons for me to simply walk away and regret this night."

Tears were brought into her eyes. She'd never seen him be so raw, vulnerable and sincere with his feelings. He approached her.

He sighed. "You broke my heart three years ago. It took everything in me to try to get over you, and clearly, there's still something here. At least for me there is. I had to shove all those feelings into a tiny box inside my head and pretend they didn't exist. I did that for three years and it sucked. I won't risk getting my heart broken by you again. I'm done. So if you still think it meant nothing, if you're still putting up this stupid show, I'm leaving. And I'll leave with a clear conscience, knowing I tried to love you with all my heart."

A single tear streamed down her face, and she looked up trying to make it stop. She was almost out of breath. That intensity, those raw feelings, that rush that she knew he only felt when he was around, it all came back. Having him there in front of her saying all those things added more flavor to her life than the whole three years they were apart all together.

But we care

He turned around and started walking towards the door. She swallowed before reaching forward and grabbing him by the wrist "Duncan," she said with a shaky voice "You're right."

Duncan's eyes widened at those words. He knew how much she hated admitting someone else was right.

"I shouldn't have said that. You're right, with us there's no such thing as it doesn't mean anything. There will never be." he turned back to her and listened. "And I wasn't acting. Our relationship may have been confusing and really hard but I did love you. A lot. And I wasn't faking last night either." she started crying.

Courtney didn't sob, her voice didn't fail and her nose wasn't red. She was great at controlling her emotions, even when tears streamed down her face.

That was a lot to handle for both of them. And it didn't help that they drank a lot the previous night – their senses were all weird.

"I don't really know what to say right now. I just woke up, we had a lot to drink last night and I'm just so confused. It's a lot to take in for less than 12 hours. But you were right about everything you said."

Noticing her hand was still on his wrist, Duncan slowly pulled away and put his hands one on each side of her face, wiping her tears with his thumbs. He bent down and kissed her eyelids. The caring and loving touch made Courtney's silent tears turn into a sob. He kissed her forehead and pulled her in for a hug.

They held each other for what seemed like ages. Her arms were curled against his chest and his were around her shoulders, stroking her back, occasionally coming up to touch her hair.

"Why did you leave?" he asked, fighting the tears that were coming to his own eyes. She cried harder, not answering, but holding on tighter to him. "Why did you leave like that, Princess? I missed you so much." one single tear streamed down his face, falling on her head, where he rested his chin.

Once she stopped shivering and sobbing, she pulled away.

"Look, I know I owe you a lot of explaining and apologies." said Courtney, in between sighs. "But my feelings are all over the place right now and my mind is racing and I think I seriously might have a panic attack."

"You seriously need to calm down." Duncan said.

"Don't say that to me. You know it never works."

"Courtney." he said, calmly.

"And on top of that things are totally crazy at work and I have a deadline for Friday–"

"Courtney." he said, now firmly.

"Of course I have dinner with my mom in three days and she's going to judge everything I do because I'm never enough–"

"COURTNEY!" he screamed. She stopped talking and stared at him. "You're not like that. You're organized and capable. You know that. Don't let those emotions cloud your mind. Those are all minor things you wouldn't even be worrying about if you just managed to calm the fuck down."

Courtney should've gotten angry with him for talking to her like that. But once again he was right. And the familiarity of their arguing made her heart beat faster – and it wasn't anxiety. She was turned on by that.

She took a few deep breaths.

"Duncan, do you want to spend the rest of the day here?" his eyes went open wide with shock. "We can like, enjoy each other's company and leave the confusing talk to another time. I don't see how talking about our feelings before we actually understand them will help with anything."

"Yeah, your hangover left you all weird and shit." he smirked

"Oh come on, I'm trying to be nice, don't ruin it." she put her hands on her hips.

"You're right, I shouldn't ruin such a rare moment," he said. She looked at him angrily. "I'm kidding, Princess. I'd really like that." he laughed, with a genuine smile on his face. Oh how she missed that smile.

She smiled and leaned in for a hug. He surprised her, tilting her chin up, and kissed her on the lips.

"Especially if it means I get to make you scream my name in pleasure again today" he whispered in her ear while gripping her waist. She felt shivers up and down her body.

"Jerk!" she slapped his arm. "I'm going to take a shower."

"I'll join you" he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Um, how about no." she said, rolling her eyes. That dynamic could feel exhausting to any other couple, but it made both of them hot. They had a lethal glare towards each other.

Ah, when you dream with a fever

Bet you wish you could touch our rush

(But what will we do when we're sober?)

That spark. It was some kind of chemistry that would never go away. It had always been like that, but now they had three years of repressed feelings added to that equation.

It was too much. The longing for each other, the unspoken words and the confused feelings. The soreness didn't help. But the sexual tension, oh it was making him ache. Why does she have to be so hot?

Duncan pulled Courtney in by her shirt, glueing her body to his, and if it wasn't for his strong grip, she would've fallen down. He kept one hand on her ass and the other on the side of her neck and slowly kissed her collarbones, her shoulder, working his way up to her neck, biting her earlobe.

"Duncan, stop." she said with a husky voice. Her hands held onto his arms, and she was so aroused she was about to give in. Her body betrayed her words.

Why did they have to break up? Why couldn't they stick together all this time? Why was he so charming and why did they have to sort out feelings when all she wanted was to beg him to fuck her?

"Duncan..." she said, actually wanting to say please keep doing that.

Duncan noticed her body was sending a different message. He smirked, leaned in until their lips were only a few millimeters from touching and whispered "Make me".

She couldn't resist him and was about to close the distance between them.

But then, they heard a ringing.

"Fuck," Duncan said. "That's my mom's ringtone." He took it out of his back pocket and answered it. "Hey Ma, just a second. Courtney, I'll take this in the living room, okay?"

"Of course. I'll get in the shower."

Duncan walked to the living room and put the phone in his ear again.

"Courtney?" his mom asked.

"Oh… yes, mom. Courtney. It was Geoff's girlfriend's birthday last night. We were both there."

"And you talked?"

"Not exactly."

"Alright, I don't need to hear about this. Duncan, I thought you were done with this. Don't you remember what she did to you?"

"Yes, mom."

"And do you remember how you felt. For weeks, months even?"

"Yes, mom."

"I call my son to remind him of our dinner tonight and find out he is actively trying to be miserable. How fun."

"Exactly the opposite, Ma." He sighed. "I know I was a mess when she left me but I'd hate myself if I didn't listen to her. We've been having a nice day, it's a little weird but I want to see how this goes."

"Okay, dear." He could hear the worried tone in her mother's voice. "Just… be careful, alright? I don't want her turning you into a huge mess. Again."

"Okay, mom. Also, can we reschedule dinner? I have some things to sort out here and I don't want to rush through them."

"Of course. Bye Duncan, let me know how it goes."

"Okay, bye mom." With that, he hung up and sat on the couch waiting for Courtney. He figured he needed a shower too, but he didn't have any clothes. He would have to go home and do that.

He rubbed his eyes hard and decided to get a glass of water while waiting for Courtney to step out of the shower.

Meanwhile, Courtney was trembling under the warm water. She was terrified of today. She hated feeling vulnerable and Duncan brought out that side of her. Her shower took forever because she kept drifting off to thoughts – what if he leaves while I'm here? What if he doesn't? How could she possibly deal with this?

She hated getting anxious like that. It took years of trying to be a calmer person so whenever this would happen it was simply frustrating. She turned off the shower, dried herself and moisturized. She looked at the moisturizer bottle and smiled remembering why she kept buying it – the first bottle she got was a Christmas gift from Duncan's mom. It smelled like vanilla and she clinged to it.

Even though Courtney tried to get rid of everything that reminded her of Duncan, it was just too hard. Once a person is that big in your life, it's hard to let go of everything. She inhaled deeply, sinking in the memory of that Christmas lunch she spent with his family.

As usual, she spent Christmas morning with her family and exchanged gifts. She saw her little brothers run around with their new toys and sat near the fireplace, drinking a cappuccino and reading the first chapter of every book she got, trying to decide which one to start first.

It was the first time she was going to spend such a big moment with Duncan's family and she was so anxious. She had gotten Duncan concert tickets for them to attend together and chocolates for his entire family.

She was really happy to see his family got her a gift as well – the moisturizer that she never got rid of.

Courtney shook her head and exited the memory, reminding herself that Duncan was still waiting for her. She put a floral dress on and brushed her still wet hair. Going into the bedroom, she remembered that on the bottom drawer of her closet, behind her scarves so she could pretend it wasn't there, a change of clothes Duncan left at her house. Another thing she was never able to get rid of. She got the clothes out of the drawer – they were dusty and didn't smell great, obviously.

Tears were brought into her eyes. Everything was so intense. She missed him so much.

So much.

Too much.

At that moment she realized she was being an idiot – she was missing someone that was literally one room away. She was one room and one awkward conversation away from a possible new beginning.

She smiled and went to meet him.

"Hey, Duncan?" He turned his head to her and saw her holding a neatly folded pile of clothes. "You left these three years ago here and I never had the courage to get rid of them. I'll put them in the wash if you want to take a shower here."

He smiled and ran to her for a tight hug, making her drop everything in her hands.

"Duncan, let go, I dropped everything." she said, laughing and squeezing him tight.

"Fuck no."

"What?" she said, confused.

Duncan thought about all the times he had thought she left because she didn't love him anymore. About all the times he felt lost and wondered what he did wrong. About the days he spent playing their memories in his head like a movie. He wouldn't let that happen again.

"I'm not fucking letting you go again." he said, burying his face in her neck. The vanilla smell was so familiar he didn't even think twice. "Get used to it because I love you."

Courtney squeezed him as tight as she could before answering. "I love you too." She pulled apart just enough to give him a passionate kiss. "We'll make it work."