x
"Q!"
Quinn chuckled as she caught Santana in her arms after the younger girl jumped towards her. She wrapped her best friend up in a firm hug as she lifted Santana off her feet. "Hey, S," she murmured as she gently squeezed Santana's waist and closed her eyes.
They had hung out a bit since Quinn had come home for the summer, but Santana would greet her the same way each time; with a fond exuberance and open appreciation for everything that Quinn is, all the while clinging to her like she would disappear at any moment.
It had been difficult to be away from her best friend while at school. No one else knew how to quite put her at ease like Santana did, which was nice seeing as uneasy was the constant state she found herself in since her relationship with Rachel had started.
And ended.
And started again.
Limbo.
A slow exhale escaped from her lips as she thought about her sort of girlfriend. She hated the term; sort of. Hated not knowing what was going on between them or how Rachel truly felt about her, but it was easier to keep her mouth shut than to voice her concerns. A year is a long time, and as difficult as it was knowing that Rachel didn't seem nearly as torn up about their break up as she had been, Quinn knew better than to talk about it.
Honesty and Rachel didn't mix well, especially when something was bothering the younger girl. It was just how things were and Quinn accepted that.
Sort of.
Santana chose that moment to lean back in her arms and grin down at her. "What's good, hermosa?" She asked as Quinn set her down on her feet. Santana's arms slid from Quinn's neck to grip at her shoulders. "I could hear you brooding from a mile away."
Quinn rolled her eyes at the light teasing.
"I'm always brooding, S," Quinn mocked lightly as she rocked back on her heels before running a palm through her hair. "It's part of the aesthetic."
"You always give off more of a prep/jock look, Q-balls." Santana tapped her cheek and looked her over knowingly. "A pink polo and pressed jeans kind of girl."
Quinn flushed as she slipped her hand into her blue jeans and played with the collar of her dress shirt. "Maybe I switched it up for college," she mumbled before pouting slightly, knowing Santana was right.
Santana laughed as she linked their arms together and started to drag her towards her car. "Relax, Quinn. Any look would work for you. You're God's gift to genetics," she stated in a slightly exaggerated accent.
Quinn glanced over at Santana's ride with a chuckle, absently noting that the car probably cost more than their high school teacher's salaries. How people still fell for Santana's Lima Heights Adjacent persona was something she'd never understand.
"I can't wait for the summer to start. California is calling me. The sun, the beaches. The women." A wolfish smile curled Santana's lips. "You'll come with me the next time I go to visit won't you, Q?"
Quinn eyed her best friend warily as they walked. "Not for the women," she noted dryly. "But I'm down for everything else."
Santana rolled her eyes slightly.
"You're no fun. C'mon, Q, I wanted to live vicariously through you!" A teasing smile edged the corner of Santana's mouth as she raised her brow pointedly. "I would have thought that getting some hot college tail would have removed the 'pensive' stick that seems permanently lodged up your ass."
Pursing her lips, Quinn kept pace to make it easier on the younger girl as she pulled her along.
"I already told you that I didn't fuck anyone while I was away at school, Santana," Quinn said as patiently as she could manage, already annoyed with the turn of the conversation. Santana had become ridiculously single minded ever since she discovered Quinn was in a relationship last year, obsessed with Quinn finding someone to pass the time with in an effort to "mend her broken heart."
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, Quinn
"I had blocked out the conversation because it was too depressing." There was a slight hint of sarcasm in Santana's voice at that.
Sighing, Quinn stopped at the side door and leaned against it as she waited for Santana to unlock the car. She watched the younger girl make her way over to the driver side with a narrowed gaze. "Well stop asking if you're not going to listen."
All this conversation did was make her think about how Rachel had encouraged her to screw other girls when she had come to visit. The memory was not a pleasant one.
Quinn glared off to the side. "You know I'm not interested in fucking around."
Santana snorted as she opened her door and got in, with Quinn following suit soon after. "That's probably why you're so tense." Santana placed the key in the ignition and started the car before turning to pantomime a blow job at Quinn. "Regular orgasms would probably help with your dour mood."
A sharp laugh escaped Quinn; the irritation from before left her as quickly as it had come. She shook her head as she regarded her best friend fondly. "You're so gross," Quinn said with an affectionate smile as she strapped herself in. "How does B put up with you?"
Brown eyes softened at the mention of Santana's girlfriend of a month and a half. Quinn was glad they had finally gotten their shit together, even if it was at the last minute. Though she was a bit sad that it took so long for Santana to get to a point where she was comfortable enough to finally admit her feelings for Brittany to the world. Santana's grandmother disowning her had set her back further than Quinn would have liked.
"Regular orgasms, Q. Regular orgasms."
They shared a laugh as they talked idly about their plans for the summer. Santana pulled up to an empty lot and parked on the far off corner before unbuckling her seatbelt to turn to face Quinn with a raised brow.
"Seriously though, Quinn. You haven't been with anyone since you and that girl broke up. What gives?"
Quinn's nose wrinkled at the reminder of her little breakdown from last year. She didn't like to think about it. She had been so lost, so caught up in the swell of her emotions and how good it felt to have Rachel's attention. How good Rachel made her feel about herself. How desperate she was to keep her sister at the cost of everything else in her life. Quinn looked away with knitted brows.
"You used to at least make out with girls at parties before her, Q," Santana continued, her dark eyes trailing over Quinn's length appreciatively. "I know it's not from a lack of offers. You're way hot. The girls at Dartmouth are pretty dope too." She crossed her arms as she leaned back in her seat and leveled Quinn with a pointed stare. "Are you still holding out for your ex?"
Quinn closed her eyes as she contemplated how she wanted to answer. It wasn't like she could tell Santana the truth. That would only open a can of worms that she wasn't ready to deal with.
Though it would be nice to talk to someone about what was going on with her and Rachel. The only other person that knew about them was Jesse and there was no way she was going to talk to her ex-girlfriend's best friend about this.
Then again, she had no idea how Santana would react to knowing that Quinn was involved with her 'baby sister.' Maybe it would be best to keep that secret close to her chest and leave well enough alone.
"Maybe I joined the celibacy club." Quinn's brows rose in a playful manner as her lips curled into a crooked smirk. She leaned closer so she could place her hand on the back of Santana's headrest and raise her brow teasingly. "Maybe I've finally found myself in Christ. Fully. Honestly, it could be anything, S."
She bit her lip to keep from laughing at Santana's bewildered expression. The fact that it looked like Santana was seriously considering her glib remarks was ridiculous. Quinn sat back in her seat and set her ankle on her knee as she waited for the other girl to speak.
Santana's eyes narrowed after a moment. "You have changed," she noted plainly.
Quinn's brow rose at that, but she said nothing to refute the comment. She didn't feel particularly different, but she supposed that college had played a part in how she approached things now.
One day at a time.
"If you say so," Quinn stated in an even tone before she turned to look out the window. "C'mon, let's take a walk by the docks."
They both got out and made their way to the walkway next to the river. Santana was uncharacteristically silent and Quinn didn't feel compelled to fill the dead air.
They simply walked.
Eventually, Santana spoke up.
"How are things going with Rachel and the parentals?" she asked quietly.
Quinn shrugged. "Fine, I guess," she mumbled as she reached into her pocket to pull out a quarter. "Mom and Daddy are visiting Mark." She tossed a coin up in the air and attempted to catch it in her palm.
Santana nodded even as her brows furrowed slightly. "What's the little one doing right now?"
"Do I look like my sister's keeper, S?"
Quinn was jerked to a sudden stop when Santana grabbed her by the back of her shirt. She cursed when the coin fell to the ground and rolled off.
"What the fuck, San—" She blinked when Santana pointed a finger close to her face.
"Okay, yeah, no. That is what I meant when I said you're different." Santana started to poke her in the chest as if to really get her words across. "Since when are you so dismissive, especially of Rachel?"
Quinn's nose wrinkled as she batted Santana's hand away before sliding her palms into her jean pockets. "I don't know what you're talking about. What Rachel does isn't any of my business," she said as evenly as she could manage.
"Quinn, need I remind you that you got in trouble multiple times because you couldn't stay out of Rachel's business?" Santana looked at her like she was crazy. "Who exactly are you trying to fool?"
An embarrassed blush spread along Quinn's cheeks at the pointed reminder of her past behavior. "Yeah, well, that was different." She sniffed as she palmed the back of her neck and glanced off to the side. "Rachel doesn't need me anymore."
"Quinn." Santana straightened as her expression morphed into one of concern. "Babe, what is going on with you?"
Quinn shifted uneasily. "I'm just being honest, S. Rachel has all these hobbies and school and..." Her shoulders slumped a bit. "She's barely had any time for me since I've been back. Which is fine, I don't blame her. It's not like I told her I was coming home early."
"Rachel may be busy now, but she's always going to need you, Quinn."
"Yeah, okay." Quinn snorted. She didn't believe that for a second.
"No, Quinn. I'm serious." Santana's hand was suddenly on her arm as she moved to stand in front of her. "Rachel was super bummy when you were gone." Santana frowned slightly. "Me, the pretty boy, gigantor, and the gay wonder twins did our best to keep her occupied, but she would always go on about how she "wished Quinn was here."
Quinn pursed her lips as she considered Santana's words. "If that's true then—I mean, Rachel only visited me once, S." She sighed. "And it didn't exactly end well."
"You two got into a fight?" Dark brows rose in surprise before Santana released a scoff and crossed her arms. "Well, I can probably guess what happened since the same thing happened to me when I came to visit." She gestured towards Quinn vaguely. "You had a bunch of hot ass hanging off of you and instead of reacting like a normal person, the little one got possessive." Brown eyes rolled. "I swear, you two are so weird when it comes to each other."
"Don't call her weird," was Quinn's automatic reply. "And she wasn't possessive." Quinn chewed on her bottom lip before releasing it with a sigh. "She actually told me I should sleep around." She gritted her teeth then. "Like I'm some kind of—of asshole who only cares about getting my dick wet." Quinn huffed as she crossed her arms. "Like getting laid matters more to me than being with the person I love."
Santana grew quiet at her words as she gazed at Quinn contemplatively. "Were you ever going to tell me that you're in love with Rachel?" she asked in a low voice.
Quinn looked over at her in shock before standing up straight, her arms falling to her side. "Santana..."
"Yeah, Q. I know." Santana sighed. "I've known for a while."
Quinn swallowed around the knot in her throat. "How…?"
"You two aren't exactly subtle. I've known you both for years now. I've known you, Quinn. You're more obvious about it than you'd think."
Quinn clenched her jaw at Santana's words.
"Is she the reason why you've been acting like a freak lately?" Santana's brows furrowed. "Did something happen between you two?"
Quinn looked away instead of answering. That was a loaded question. What hadn't happened between them?
Santana shook her head a little before moving closer to Quinn. "Listen, Quinn, I love you. Always. I've got you for life and I want you to be happy, especially if it's with Rachel." Santana gave her a teasing smile. "You two are hot together." A serious look entered her eyes then. "And she's in love with you."
"How can you be sure?" Quinn asked quietly, her voice broken and soft. She hadn't intended for the words to come out, but now that they had, it's like she couldn't stop. "We broke up before I left, S. That's why I was so messed up back then. It was—" She took a shaky breath. "It was bad. And yeah we made up, but I've had all these doubts since then and with everything that happened when she came to visit… How can you be sure she actually feels the same?"
Santana sighed as she bumped her shoulders into Quinns before wrapping an arm around her. "That girl is infatuated with you, Q." She narrowed her eyes playfully. "Do you know how many gay ass ballads I've had to listen since you left?"
Quinn rolled her eyes. "San."
"Rachel practically has a neon sign over her head that says 'This ass belongs to Quinn Fabray.'"
Quinn felt a headache coming on. She rubbed her temples as she eyed her best friend warily. "Santana..."
"Shh." Santana placed a finger to Quinn's mouth as she nodded sagely "Let Auntie Snix impart some Lima Heights knowledge on you."
"Santana, you're from the suburbs," Quinn noted dryly, the ache in her chest easing a bit at the younger girl's antics.
"These hands transcend the class divide, Quinn," Santana told her with a serious expression."
"Dude, you are absolutely ridiculous."
"And you are absolutely in love with your adopted little sister."
The words threw her for a loop; she was still having a hard time wrapping her head around the idea that Santana knew about them and didn't care that they were together. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she looked down, a steady fondness curling up her stomach.
"And guess what, Quinn?" Santana's head lowered so she could meet Quinn's eye. "She loves you just as much as you love her." She regarded Quinn carefully "And listen, I don't know what happened between you two, but trust me when I say she's crazy about you. And just crazy, in general." Santana shrugged as she gave Quinn a small smirk. "Especially if she told you to go fuck other girls. Doesn't she know that your dick only gets hard for her?"
Quinn jerked back at that, cheeks flushing bright red. "Jesus, Santana, really?" she mumbled in embarrassment before she turned to walk away, needing this conversation to be over immediately. How did Santana even know that?
"What, Q?!" Santana followed closely behind her. "You're like a bitch in heat with the way you pant after her. Keep the drool in your mouth next time if you don't want me commenting."
"Fuck off, dude." Quinn laughed as she pushed Santana away, her heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time
Santana chuckled as they started to make their way around the dock once more. "I mean, if it makes you feel better, the little one acts like she wants to mount you anytime you walk in the room."
Quinn closed her eyes as an exasperated sigh escaped her. "Santana, please stop talking," she begged.
"I'm just keeping it real, Q. Also, you so owe me for going ballistic that one time I implied you were doing her." Santana slapped Quinn's shoulder playfully before pointing to her own forehead. "Never doubt the psychic mexican third eye."
"I wasn't—I wasn't sleeping with her back then!"
"Whatever, Quinn. I accept apologies in the form of bling."
It was late by the time Quinn returned home. She was still reeling from her conversation with Santana. Quinn wondered if she should bring it up to Rachel, but something made her hesitate. Maybe it was how drained she felt in general. Despite Santana's reassurances, she still had a hard time believing Rachel actually felt that way about her. It was like her emotions were in a constant state of flux.
Sighing, Quinn made her way up the stairs and stopped in the room she was staying in in order to grab some clothes so she could take a quick shower.
Feeling suitably refreshed, Quinn made her way to Rachel's room so she could see if she had gotten home.
Brows rising, Quinn took in the sight of her sister lounging on her bed and reading a magazine. She looked behind her before stepping inside and slowly closing the door. Rachel glanced up and favored her a sweet smile as she said, "Hi, baby."
The tension in Quinn's body melted at the soft adoration she could see on Rachel's face. Sometimes that was enough to make the doubts go away. She wondered if maybe she was overreacting, but it was difficult to be sure when Rachel tended to be hot and cold with her.
She returned the smile shyly. "Hey, Rae." Quinn walked over to the bed and took Rachel's hand when the younger girl reached out to her. She settled down and grinned when Rachel brushed a strand of her hair out of her eyes.
"Did you have a nice time with Santana?"
Quinn's brows furrowed at the mention of her best friend and she chewed on her bottom lip. "Yeah, it was... interesting." She didn't bother to elaborate, though she could tell Rachel was curious from her response.
Rachel hummed instead as she moved the magazine out of the way and rolled over so that she was resting on top of Quinn. "Well, I'm glad you had fun." She snuggled into her. "If you're not too busy tomorrow, I was wondering if you were available to go on a date."
Quinn looked down at the girl in surprise. "A date?" she asked wondrously.
Rachel nodded against Quinn's chest. "Mhm." She brushed her fingers against the exposed skin of Quinn's collarbone before pressing a kiss there. "I want to take you out, Q-bear. I know I've been busy lately, but I miss you and want to spend time with you."
Quinn felt her heart flutter at the soft confession. "I—yeah, okay. That sounds good." She held Rachel closer to her before burying her face in chestnut hair and inhaling deeply. Rachel's body lotion was sweet under her nose. Her sister always smelt so good. Like strawberries and cream. A heady feeling overtook her as the love she's always felt for Rachel warmed her to her core.
After a few moments of silence, Quinn lifted her head to hesitantly look Rachel over. "Hey, are you doing okay?" She wasn't used to Rachel being so quiet
Rachel's smile was fleeting as she met her eyes. The look was so familiar that Quinn mentally braced herself to be lied to, used to the soft dismissals after a year of them.
"Not really," Rachel said instead; the honesty of the statement took Quinn aback and her brows rose in surprise.
"Not really…?"
Rachel stroked her neck gently with gentle fingers, the touch delicate and fleeting. "I've been thinking a lot about us and it's left me feeling a bit—frazzled. Stressed, really."
"Oh," Quinn breathed as her brows furrowed in concern. "Well, I mean, is there anything I can do to help?" She asked hesitantly, unsure how to approach the situation. This was new territory for her.
Rachel bit her lip as she shook her head slowly. "Can you just hold me for now?" She asked before closing her eyes and burrowing into Quinn's form. "I would rather talk about it all tomorrow, if that's okay?"
Quinn blinked a few times at the answer, genuinely baffled at the turn of events. Rachel wasn't usually so forthcoming with her emotions. Her stomach twisted as unease swirled through her and she tightened her arms around her sort-of girlfriend in an attempt to help stave off the feeling.
"Okay, baby. Whatever you want."
"Thank you, Quinn," Rachel murmured as she lifted her head to smile at Quinn softly. "You're so good to me."
Quinn just nodded as she watched Rachel lower her head back to her chest. She stared up at the ceiling blankly as her mind raced, wondering what tomorrow would bring.
Rachel was nervous.
Understatement of the century.
The date had gone off without a hitch and she was happy to note that Quinn appeared to be enjoying herself. They had driven to Columbus so that they could get the chance to act like a normal couple. That included holding hands, hugs that lingered for a bit too long, light kisses. Things they wished they could do when they were at home, but were unable to with the circumstances they found themselves in. It helped that Columbus was close enough to get to by car, but still far away enough that it was unlikely that they'd run into someone who knew them.
They had stopped by the museum that Rachel knew Quinn liked along with passing through an street art exhibit that she had seen on a flyer near the OSU campus when she had ridden with Kurt and Finn to visit the school Finn would be attending for the next few years. It was nice to be away from it all. While it wasn't necessarily her scene, it was worth it for the way Quinn's face lit up at the various pieces lining the street.
She reached into her dress pocket to lightly grip at the velvet box that she had been carrying for the last few hours. Jesse had picked her up early in the morning and they had gone to pick up the jewelry she had custom made for Quinn. The store had charged an additional $100 for the last minute request, but it was worth it in the end.
Rachel's attention was drawn forward when she felt a slight tug on her other hand and looked up to smile at Quinn. "You finished, baby?" she asked as she stepped into Quinn's space and cupped her cheek lightly.
Quinn grinned as she nodded and gently squeezed her palm. "Yeah, babe. This was awesome, thank you." The excitement in Quinn's voice was something she hadn't heard in months and Rachel felt her chest tighten at the unexpected way it affected her. The guilt from earlier returned and she pulled Quinn closer.
"I'm glad," she murmured as she stood on her tippy toes to press a soft kiss to Quinn's mouth. She didn't allow herself to linger, falling back onto the soles of her feet so she could turn and begin to drag Quinn to a bench near them.
"Let's sit for a moment. I want to talk to you about that thing I mentioned yesterday."
When Rachel looked back over at Quinn, her sister was eyeing her warily before that mask she had grown familiar with slipped into place. Rachel's heart ached at the closed off expression and it took everything in her to keep her mouth shut until they got to the bench.
They sat for a few minutes while Rachel played with Quinn's fingers as she attempted to put her thoughts into order. There was a lot she wanted to say, but she had no idea how she wanted to go about it now that she was actually here. Rachel's head rose when Quinn released a strained chuckle beside her.
"So, uh." Quinn licked her lips before giving Rachel a slight smile. "You're not dumping me again, are you?"
The words, though said in jest, made Rachel's heart clench. She squeezed her eyes shut in response.
"Please stop doing that."
Rachel felt Quinn shift next to her before the older girl drew her hand away and into her own lap.
"Doing what?" Quinn asked quietly as she looked down.
Feeling the loss keenly, Rachel gripped Quinn's knee and leaned into her sister so that she could carefully draw Quinn's attention back to her. She stroked Quinn's cheek slowly as she stared into hesitant pools of gold.
"Stop making a joke about what happened between us," Rachel whispered, swallowing around the knot in her throat as she attempted to keep the tears at bay. She would not cry. She refused to make this about herself. "I don't want you to make light of how much I hurt you."
Pale brows knitted together as Quinn gazed down at Rachel vacantly before casting her gaze to the side. "It's not like I hated college, Rachel."
It's a non answer. Nothing is addressed. Nothing is given away.
Rachel's stomach tightened as she lowered her head in turn. "I never should have gone behind your back."
"No, you shouldn't have." Quinn's response was swift, but dull. Resigned. She ran a hand through her hair before placing it on top of her other one. "But I don't blame you. I was the loser who decided to skip out on college to stay with her girlfriend."
"You're not a loser, Quinn," Rachel countered softly as she shook her head and reached over to rest her palm on top of Quinn's clenched hands. "It was wrong of me to call you that."
"It's fine, Rachel." Quinn untangled her hands so she could twine her fingers with Rachel's and squeeze down carefully. She lifted her gaze to hold her sisters and smiled tremulously. "I said some things I shouldn't have too." She grimaced slightly as she recalled all the times she had attempted to push Rachel away. That familiar shame curled uneasily in her stomach. "I was a jerk."
"You only ever lashed out in response to my goading."
"Not always," Quinn was quick to point out. "A lot of it was unwarranted."
Rachel sighed a little as she ran her thumb along the top of Quinn's hands and shook her head. "Let's just agree that we both could have handled things better."
She paused for a moment before moving to stand, encouraging Quinn to follow her as she did.
Rachel's brows came together as she thought about all the things that had happened between them throughout the last year. "You once told me that—that keeping yourself away from me was the worst thing you could've done. That instead of selfishly deciding what's best for me, you should have considered my feelings about our relationship."
"Rachel—"
"Please, Quinn. Let me finish." Rachel waited for Quinn to close her mouth and squeezed the older girl's hands in thanks when she nodded slightly.
Rachel licked her lips and continued, "You've been so open and honest with me. Considerate, even when I didn't deserve it."
Quinn clenched her jaw at that; it was obvious she wanted to protest, but she refrained out of respect for Rachel's wishes.
"I have made—" The corners of Rachel's lips curled down and she bit her lip to keep from crying. "I have made so many mistakes, Quinn."
Quinn's breath hitched as her mouth parted, but Rachel didn't allow her a moment to speak.
"I pushed you away because I was selfish and I was scared and I'm sorry, Quinn. I'm sorry that I lied to you—"
"Rachel, wait—"
"I never even stopped to consider your feelings about everything." Rachel shook her head as tears began to sting the corner of her eyes. "I never should have broken up with you the way I did."
It took a few seconds for Quinn to respond to all of that. She was floored. All the emotion she had been holding swelled inside of her. "You—you have no idea how hard it was for me to be away from you, Rachel." Quinn sniffled as her bottom lip quivered before she sucked it in. "I-I hated it. I hated it so much. I was sad and I missed you, but I was trying, you know?" Quinn lifted her free hand to wipe at her nose agitatedly. "So when you told me you didn't care if I slept with other girls, I was—that hurt me, Rachel. Do you understand that?"
Dark eyes darkened in regret. "I do," Rachel whispered before she shifted her gaze away; she hated herself a little for allowing her insecurities to get the better of her. For putting Quinn in that position at all.
"It felt like—like a slap in the face," Quinn continued softly. "You know I had wanted to stay here, but I didn't because you asked me not to." She looked away even as her brows furrowed in thought. "And even though that's what you said you wanted, it still felt like you were punishing me for leaving."
Rachel's chest grew tight at the admission. Shame coiled in her stomach like a snake in the grass and she started to loosen her grip on Quinn's hand. She had no idea that Quinn felt that way about what she had done. She really had made a mess of things. Rachel attempted to move back in order to give Quinn space but hesitated when Quinn's hold on her tightened.
Quinn released a heavy sigh. "With all that being said, I don't think you made a mistake in telling me to go, Rachel. You weren't wrong. Staying here wouldn't have been good for me."
Rachel lowered her eyes slightly. "So you don't resent me?" she asked in a small voice.
Quinn's gaze softened as she shook her head. "Of course not. How could I? Going to school helped me grow up a little. I could never resent you for that."
The words were like a balm to her heart. Rachel stepped forward eagerly. "I-I'm sorry I told you to sleep with those other girls," she began in a ramble. "I didn't mean it. I don't want you sleeping with anyone else. Call it temporary insanity on my part, clearly I must have hit my head on the plane ride there—"
"Rae," Quinn interrupted with a fond smile as she brushed her thumb along the underside of Rachel's eye so she could catch her tears. "Just breathe, baby. It's okay."
Rachel inhaled shakily before slowly letting it out. There was just so much she wanted to say. It was all spilling out of her. Like a dam had busted open.
"You don't have to worry about that stuff," Quinn said as she set her palm on Rachel's waist and drew her closer. "There's no one else, Rachel."
"I know," Rachel whispered as she released a watery laugh. "I know that. I was just insecure." She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. "And jealous, you know? I was so jealous, Quinn. I hated seeing all those stupid girls vying for your attention. I hated that they could see you anytime they wanted while I had to settle for a holiday visit." Her eyes fluttered shut as she lowered her head to Quinn's chest. "I hated that I only got parts of you."
"You get all the parts that matter, Rae," Quinn pointed out quietly. "And I don't want anyone but you."
"Good." Something resolute entered her voice as Rachel leaned back to meet Quinn's searching gaze. "They can't have you, Quinn," she mumbled petulantly as she dug her fingers into Quinn's back. "You're mine."
"Yeah." A charming little smile quirked the edges of Quinn's mouth as she nodded along in a placating manner. "I'm yours, baby."
Rachel swallowed at the term of endearment and closed her eyes tight for a moment before stepping out of Quinn's arms so she could reach into her pocket. Quinn frowned as she watched Rachel pull out a velvet box and felt heat spread along her cheeks when she realized what it was.
"I don't have a speech," Rachel said as she mirrored Quinn's posture from before and slowly opened the box. "It's just me and you. Us."
Quinn felt something expand and settle warmly in her chest as the corners of her eyes welled up once more the longer she looked down at the box.
In it sat a ring, one that matched the ring she had gotten Rachel a year prior. The same ring Rachel was now taking off the silver chain from around her neck to slip onto her own finger.
"You gave me your heart a year ago." Rachel smiled up at her shyly. "I want you to know that you've always had mine."
Swallowing thickly, Quinn watched with wide eyes as Rachel slowly pulled the ring from the box and carefully slid it onto Quinn's finger. Rachel then took in a shaky breath as she clasped their palms and threaded their fingers together.
"There will never be anyone but you, Quinn," Rachel murmured as she moved closer. "I'm yours."
All the insecurities and concerns Quinn had felt over the last year eased as Rachel's words flowed over her. Her heart fluttered as tears slowly started to fall. "I-I want things to be different this time, Rachel," Quinn noted with just a hint of melancholy to her voice. "I want us to be honest with each other. I don't want to have to worry about whether or not you love me anymore."
"Yeah," Rachel breathed as she nodded slowly. "I get that."
"Good." Quinn flushed as she palmed the back of her neck nervously. "But even if you didnt love me—"
"I do."
"Even if you didn't," Quinn continued, undeterred, though the reassurance was enough to make her smile. "Just being close to you like this—it's everything, Rachel."
The softly spoken words were enough to make her heart ache. Rachel reached up to brush her fingers along Quinn's jaw. "I never stopped loving you, you know?" Her eyes softened as she regarded Quinn fondly. "Never. Not for a single second. You're everything I could have ever wanted and more."
Quinn's heart pounded as she grinned, open and honest. "You really mean that?"
"Yes, Quinn."
"God, Rachel." Quinn pulled Rachel into a tight hug and nuzzled into her neck. "I love you so much. Please don't ever leave me again. My heart won't be able to take it a second time."
"I love you too." Rachel swallowed as she nodded against Quinn's shoulder and held her close. "And I promise, Quinn. No more running."
They stayed pressed together for several long minutes before Quinn cleared her throat. "Uh, in an effort to be more honest, there is something I need to tell you."
Rachel leaned back a little to frown up at Quinn. She narrowed her gaze skeptically. "What is it?"
Quinn released a nervous chuckle as she palmed the back of her neck. "Santana knows about us."
Rachel's eyes widened. "She does?" she asked in a small voice before her eyes lowered demurely. "Oh."
Quinn nodded jerkily. "Yeah, but—but she's okay with it, Rachel." Her lips quirked up into a soft smile. "She actually supports us."
"That's good." Rachel chewed on her bottom lip before releasing it with a wrinkle to her nose. "I guess this is probably a good time to tell you that Ali knows about us too."
"Wait, what?!"
Rachel winced slightly at the shrill quality of Quinn's voice. "Babe—"
"Since when?"
"Since the wedding?" Rachel fidgeted against Quinn's frozen form. "But it's—it's okay. She, ah, she's getting used to the idea," she stated as tactfully as she could manage.
Quinn groaned as she released Rachel from her arms and palmed her face in exhaustion. "Baby, how could you conveniently forget to mention that our older sister knows that we're together?"
"I'm sorry," Rachel mumbled as she fiddled with her ring. "Are you mad at me?"
Signing, Quinn slid her palm along her face before dropping it to her side. "No, it's—" she paused as she looked over at Rachel hesitantly. "She's really okay with it?"
Rachel shrugged slightly. "She loves us, Quinn. Plus she hasn't told mama or daddy yet so that has to mean something, right?" She felt compelled to point out.
"That's true." Quinn ran a hand back through her hair before wrapping her arm around Rachel's shoulders. "God, no wonder she's always glaring at me," she whispered to herself before gazing down at Rachel critically. "No more secrets, babe."
Rachel relaxed in Quinn's hold, nodding quickly as she reached up to lace their fingers together. "That was the last one, I promise."
"Good." Quinn smiled a little before pulling Rachel closer to her and pressing a sweet kiss to the younger girl's forehead. "Let's go home, Rae."
"Wait, Q-bear. I just wanted to..." Rachel stopped them again so she could meet Quinn's eyes. "I was wondering if, you know, if you wanted to be my girlfriend again?" she asked nervously.
"Yeah." Hazel eyes softened. "Now and forever if you'd let me."
"Forever it is then."
x