Part Three: Metamorphosis
I got this, after doing this for five years now. I've got this. Well, if everyone shows up and the checks clear. I've got this. One more fundraiser, one more year in operation for my dream. I got this.
"Hey Jenny, where do you want these to go?" A man wheeled over a cart of tablecloths.
"Those go over in the VIP area. Thanks Ray."
"Jenny, where do you want the second bar set up, the drawing they sent over wasn't clear," Asked another man with a clip board.
"Over there in that corner by those lights," I pointed toward the north end of the room. Everything was going smoothly, and I was confident they would be set up and ready to go in time. I walked the room one more time them slipped away to pop home to get ready. The hostess had to look good for her event.
Once home I got dressed quickly between long sips of water. It was going to be a long night. I needed the hydration. A knock on the door pulled me from my makeup and my mirror. At the door I found my friend ready for the night.
"You're late," He said taking one look at me with my make up half done.
"Thanks Jeff, I know. I'm almost ready."
Jeff followed me inside fiddling with his tux then made a beeline to the fridge to find the bottle of top shelf vodka I always kept in the freezer. He poured us both a small drink and passed me one. He looked around and I waited for the inevitable question.
"Where's Julia?"
"Gone. Took her stuff and left while I was at work. Texted me she'd mail me the key."
Jeff shot me a look and I nodded with a frown. "I know, I've already changed the locks."
"How long did she last?"
"Oh what, three months. My longest one yet."
"I can't talk, I get bored after three months," Jeff said with a shrug.
"Don't tease Jeff. You have a great thing with Tony, don't jinx the six years you've been together. That's not nothing."
Jeff grew serious. "Don't give up. I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince."
"Yeah, well I found my princess a long, long time ago, but I never got the chance to kiss her. It's my only regret." One of many regrets if I were to be honest with myself, not that I would confess that to Jeff. He didn't need to know my whole past.
"Who was that again? You told me about her."
I turned away to dig something from my closet and avoid the question. I didn't want to admit to Jeff my greatest flaw in romance. My ultimate weakness of character. I was unable to let go of a love I held dear. A love that tainted anything new I tried to grow, for everyone paled in comparison. I thought time would diminish it, along with distance and silence. None of it worked. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of her, of Kelly.
She never knew of my feelings; I never got the chance. I can only hope that she's happy now, settled down with that nice handsome boy I saw her with that day. She looked so happy with him. I never could have made her that happy.
The pain in my chest started again, and for the billionth time I wondered if this time it was a heart attack. I knew deep down it wasn't, the pain was only there when I thought about her, thought about how much I missed her and how badly I fucked up.
"Jenny? Jenny?"
"I'm sorry Jeff, what did you say?"
"I said it's Julia's loss. You're an amazing woman, any woman would be lucky to have you. For sex or for a relationship. Now come on, you've got to get your hustle on for your foundation."
"I only really need to hit up seven people tonight to make it successful and three of those is to say thank you for the check they've already written."
"So, tell me in the car who the other four are and I'll work on them all night. Maybe they'll throw your foundation some extra cash."
"Why are you never this generous on any other night?"
"Because it's for the gay kiddies, our gay babies need all the help they can get."
"Thank you, Jeff."
"Of course, Jenny, now come on let's go. It's no good for the hostess to be late."
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"Thank you so much Gloria, you are a life saver. I'd already bought the tickets last year as soon as the tickets went on sale."
"Yeah, I remember how bummed you were when last season's fundraiser's tickets were sold out," Gloria replied. "I'm sorry I couldn't hook you up through my job usually my restoration job has better connections, but these Safe Home fundraisers are so popular. The upper management horde the tickets we get."
"Well, thank you again. I could not show up without a date and last year I was in a committed relationship but that was ten months ago. Practically a lifetime," Kelly said bitterly.
"I'm sorry to bring this up again but why did Linda take off again?"
"I told her I loved her, and I thought she should move in. She said she needed her space."
"I still can't believe it every time you tell me. Biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. Shit, that girl strung you along for a couple of years too. So cold."
"Gloria, can we please stop talking about it."
"Sorry."
Kelly checked her make up and dress in the mirror one last time, she was wearing a tight shiny black dress with thin straps with matching heels. She grabbed her purse and her keys and followed Gloria out to her car, her friend of over a decade got behind the wheel in her skintight silver and black dress and drove them to the venue.
"Have you met the director of the foundation before?" Kelly asked.
"No, but I've heard from my coworkers who've gone to the previous fundraisers for Safe Home that she's this really cool, chill lesbian," Gloria replied.
"Really? I thought she was married to what's his name, Fred Winthrop."
"That guy? He's like ninety! No, he was her benefactor so she could get the foundation up and going. It was her idea and drive, his money."
"Ah, okay. I should ask her for help. I need to boost the funding for the school if I want to do those special programs that incorporate the neighborhood kids. The building is left empty all summer long, it's a waste of resources. Change is slow going but happening."
"No one said being the youngest Director of New York Middle School of Arts was going to be easy Kelly, but you can do it. There hasn't been a project, yet you haven't been able to get off the ground. I wish I had that luck and drive. I have some of it just not as much."
"Gloria don't sell yourself short. You've done amazing and we're still young yet so there's time."
"Thanks Kelly."
They reached the event, and Gloria left her car with the parking attendant. Inside they were greeted with drinks and trays of appetizers. Kelly grabbed a drink and a shrimp eggroll strolling over to the far wall where the most colorful art was located. Every Safe Home fundraiser was an art extravaganza, wild rotating themes to bring in unique pieces and unique artist from all over the nation and all over the world. Kelly was always impressed when she saw the pictures online later, she wanted to see some of it in person. Now that she was here—it really was that beautiful.
Kelly wandered from piece-to-piece sipping on her drink enjoying it and quietly navigating the people. She had not noticed Gloria slipping away a while back as the beauty in front of her with the wild art pieces, hypnotized her and made her mind dance with joy.
Snapping her from her moment alone in the crowd, were high heeled footsteps approaching her.
"Kelly, you'll never guess who I ran into! It was the founder of Safe Home. Turns out we know them," Gloria said with a huge smile.
"What? What are you talking about?" Kelly asked turning around too quickly and smacking her hand into the waiter's tray knocking into a row of full champagne glasses. The light on his toe's waiter kept the drink in the glass and the flues on the tray as he continued his way with a small glare at Kelly. She grimaced.
"Wow, eight years later and some things don't change," said a familiar voice Kelly thought she'd never hear again.
Turning around Kelly gasped. She found herself an arm's length away from the woman who haunted her dreams and her heart. Kelly stammered like a fish gasping for air, her eyes drinking in the sight of Jennifer Stone. The years apart had done her well in every aspect, it left Kelly speechless.
"Jennifer?"
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I couldn't stop staring at her. She was more beautiful than I remembered.
When I saw Gloria, I couldn't believe it. It was as if I had stepped back in time, so many years have passed yet she looked the same in the face. The same big bright eyes and big smile. Only thing to dispel the notion of it being a memory was Gloria wearing a lovely evening dress instead of fatigues. She looked great.
It was the first time I had run into anything or anyone from my past that didn't instantly bring pain or anguish. I had a lot of baggage, true. But the therapy was working and worthy every penny. It had taken two years and going through nine therapists to find the right one that actually was a good fit and actually helped but once I found the one, therapy helped. A lot.
Seeing Gloria and being happy to see her proved it.
"I can't believe I ran into you. It's like an itch wanting to call you captain Stone even though that was so long ago, and you look so different. You look great out of uniform Stone." Gloria said with enthusiasm.
"It's just Jenny now. I left that all behind me not long after I left Washington Military Academy but never mind all that. What brings you here tonight?" I asked desperate to change the subject.
"I've been dying to come to these for a while, but my mangers always scoop up the tickets. I work in restoration. This time I lucked out. Kelly got tickets and her original date had to cancel so I was able to swoop in. I'm so glad I did, this has been an amazing night so far. I'm so happy I ran into you Jenny. You look amazing."
"Thank you, Gloria so do you. I'm sorry, did you say Kelly? Do I know them?" I asked.
It can't be the same Kelly, right? It couldn't be.
"Of course, you do Jenny. Kelly Collins, you know her don't you. You were her friend too weren't you. I came as her date tonight."
"Oh, how nice. All these years and you two are still friends."
I tried to smile but I was seeing black spots on everything and the world was spinning away from me. I tried to smile again a wave of dizziness washed through me weaking my legs. Jeff was suddenly at my side grabbing hold of my waist.
"Hey, are you alright, you look flush?"
"I'm fine. Jeff, this is an old friend of mine from school, Gloria. Gloria this is Jeff my date this evening." I held on to Jeff, until the dizziness passed. Once the black spots disappeared from my vison, I had to stop myself from running around the room in search of her. I didn't realize Jeff and Gloria had been chatting about all sorts of things.
"Really, Jenny as a hard ass commander driving all the girls in her squad? I can see it. I can totally see it. I bet you some of those girls ate it up too!" Jeff said laughing and giving me a squeeze that snapped me back to reality.
"Some were terrified, some mesmerized. I saw their faces as she walked through every day. She was a legend among the girls' classes. If I remember correctly there was only one girl she couldn't intimidate," Gloria said snickering from the memory.
I blushed pulling away. Memories of my time at Washington Military began to rush my mind. Some okay, most were bad then I was flooded with memories of Kelly. It was an onslaught I wasn't prepared for.
"Who are you here with Gloria?"
"My friend Kelly, she somewhere drooling all over the art."
"What does she look like, point her out to me?" Jeff asked.
I knew why he was asking; he had been trying to pinpoint for years where I picked up my taste from. My taste? Short blue-eyed blondes with megawatt smiles. I had a type, and I would never confess of woman to which it originated from, who I always compared my lovers to. No. I kept that close to my heart afraid to even say the name out loud, was to let it escape. I was terrified its absence would leave me completely empty.
But now?
Now, she was here. In the same building. She was here.
"Kelly's blonde with a black dress and black heels but you know looking around I don't think that's going to help you in this crowd. Plus, she's short so…"
"Wait, she's blonde and short?" Jeff asked his eyes on me. I looked away knowing exactly where this was going and refused to feed into it.
"Tell me Gloria, is Kelly short with big blue eyes with golden blonde hair and a big bright smile that just lights up the room?" Jeff asked taking Gloria's arm. The raven-haired woman brightened at the description of our friend.
"That's her! How did you know?"
"I had a feeling."
"Jeff, will you take over for me so I can go say hello to my old friend?"
"I would be delighted to play hostess for you Jenny. Take your time."
"That's great! I'll help you find her Jenny." Gloria took my hand and pulled me into the crowd to search for Kelly.
Kelly.
My head was spinning and being so friendly with Gloria was a little disorienting but nice. Yet, all of it was a slight delay to the inevitable. I was going to see her again. Before I was ready. Gloria spotted her.
"There she is!"
My mouth went dry, my hands turned clammy the moment I spotted her blonde hair through the crowd. Gloria tugged on my arm denying me a coward's exit and I followed along swallowing my nerves with each breath only to have my heart beat them back into place. The closer we walked to the blonde woman, the more I recognized the figure studying the art on the wall. My hope that I would forget, I wouldn't recognize her vanished. I had to accept I would recognize her anywhere. Those legs, those firm calves, that confident posture and that golden blonde hair that captured the light even in a dark room. I didn't need to see her face; I didn't need to hear her voice, yet I was certain.
"Kelly, you'll never guess who I ran into! It was the founder of Safe Home. Turns out we know them," Gloria said with a huge smile winking at me and confirming my suspicions.
"What?" Kelly asked still facing the art piece on the wall.
Eight years since I last saw her, eight years since I last heard her laugh or heard the sound of her voice. You would think eight years is a long time, enough to find distance, or at least practice in how to respond to things you're not prepared for. I'm not prepared for this. Eight years and I'm instantly a puddle of nerves, instantly in my head with my heart in my throat pounding so hard and loud it's both deafening and suffocating.
"What are you talking about?" Kelly asked as she turned around too quickly causing a chain reaction I had not witnessed in an exceptionally long time. Kelly turned to fast and too far hitting her hand into the waiter's almost causing him to drop his full tray of champagne. The waiter was pissed and Kelly instantly apologetic as always. It was a familiar funny scene that hurt my heart in several ways at once.
"Wow, eight years later and some things don't change," I said unable to help myself or the smile on my face. If I'm being tested, I've failed, just standing close to her again. Fuck. It feels good. Why does it feel good? Why am I smiling? Why the hell am I smiling?
Kelly turned around and caught my eyes. She gasped and made my heart briefly pause. I had not felt her eyes on me in so many years, feeling those blue eyes on me again was electric. A shiver ran up and down my spine, I licked my lips looking away for a moment and only a moment. I was helpless against Kelly's draw and was compelled to return gazing upon her. The years had been beyond kind to her, she had grown into a confident gorgeous woman. Much to my relief and continued delight, the spark I saw in Kelly's eyes all those years ago in was still there as she met my gaze with ease. Her blues eyes seemingly searching my own for something.
"You look amazing Kelly. I wasn't expecting to see you tonight," I said truthfully. My smile dimming as memories rose to the surface to suck away the joy, I was getting from this surprise moment.
"I bought my tickets as soon as they came available. I wasn't going to miss it again. I love the art you curate for each one. Although I have to admit, I had no idea you were the founder and director," Kelly said with a shy shrug.
My heart soared at the comment then when I thought about it my heart crashed into the floor and was trampled on by the people walking by around us. What did she mean by that last thing?
"Oh, is that Carl over there. I'll be right back guys. I've got to say hello, or it'll be awkward at work. Jenny I'm going to start hitting you up directly for tickets from now on, so I don't stress about having to fight for them at work." Gloria winked at me, then waved to some men across the room and walked away.
I took a deep breath and sipped on my drink. It was almost empty. I looked up to find Kelly studying me with a thoughtful expression that pushed my curiosity button hard and repeatedly.
"Thank you for coming tonight," I said not knowing what else to say to her but desperate to start a real conversation while also terrified to have one.
"The artwork you curated is stunning. You have a real eye for it." Kelly said stepping forward. I could smell her now. It was the soft scent of her soap. It distracted me to the point I forgot everything.
"I'm sorry what were we talking about?" I asked hoping she doesn't take offence.
"Your amazing eyes. I knew you were talented in so many ways when we first got to know each other all those years ago but this…you surprise me, Jennifer."
I had to swallow the lump in my throat to speak, my hands were beyond clammy now. I subtly took turns drying my palms on the back of my dress. I glanced in her directions and found her studying me again. My heart clenched. Words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them.
"I'm happy you're enjoying the artwork so much. If I may confess a small secret, I always have you in mind when I chose the themes and pieces."
"In what way?" Kelly asked. A waiter came by to take our empty glasses and to give us full ones. We both gratefully accepted.
"I try to imagine what would bring you joy. When I focus on that I always come up with winning ideas. What can I say Kelly? You inspire me to great things." The last of my confidence as well as the remnants of my charming smile disappeared in a breath.
I couldn't believe I admitted that part out loud while leaving the rest unspoken. The shame I felt for driving away, not getting out of the car was too much, yet my feet keep me in place.
"I inspire you? Really? I never would have thought, considering how things were left." Kelly voice was so soft, barely a whisper. The party around us almost drowned out her words. I stepped closer to hear her. She turned her face away, yet I still saw her deep frown and the prickling of tears.
Kelly took a deep breath looked up and took a step back. She was leaving. She was leaving and I was losing my last chance.
It was now or never. If I let her slip through my fingers without making set plans to see her again, I'll never forgive myself. Never.
"Kelly, I'm sorry about what happened in the past."
"What?" Kelly looked up at me with total shock. I had not seen that face since we were kids. That brought back memories. I almost laughed, I bit it down. It would have broken the moment, and this was serious.
"I'm sorry Kelly for what happened all those years ago, there's stuff you don't know. A lot of stuff you don't know. Stuff that happened before during and after that sort of affected my behavior and situation. It doesn't excuse it, but I wanted you to know. Stuff I would like to tell you about if you're willing. Would you be willing to meet me tomorrow? For drinks? For food? For whatever? You should know what happened. You're important to me Kelly, you deserve an explanation," I said in one long rush. Once it was out, I felt lighter and lightheaded.
Kelly looked stunned. "I always suspected it was something, but I didn't want to push you. I was afraid you would run away. Then you did. I hated it. I hated you for it." Kelly's eyes darted to the floor between us, and she pressed her lips together taking a large breath through her nose.
I was struck, it would be no different if she had taken a knife and plunged it my chest. Her words did the same damage. A heavy silence fell between us, I tried to speak only my lips trembled so hard they stole my words. Afraid they would turn into tears I remained silent. All I could hear was our combined breath mixing until I finally mustered, the simple question.
"Do you really hate me?"
Kelly looked up; she saw something in my eyes that startled her. She stepped forward reaching out to grab hold of my arm to pull close. She replied softly, "No. I wanted to Jennifer. You left so suddenly. You said you were coming by then you never did. I waited for you. I waited. I wanted to hate you, but I never could. I couldn't because I was worried. I knew it had to be something bad. What I hated was that you didn't trust me to tell me what was going on. I hated that you couldn't come to me for help. I hated that you felt it was best to cut me out."
Kelly turned away with tears in her eyes. I reached for her and she bolted. I blinked, stunned. I forgot how fast Kelly was. Those short little legs are all muscle.
I found Jeff and told him he would have to play hostess a little longer, then I checked in with my staff to make sure everything was running smoothly. Thankfully, it was, relieved I went back in search of Kelly.
I was desperate to find her.