7th October 2020

"Did you see the news?" Jenny asked, plopping down next to me at my desk.

I scooped up a forkful of pasta salad and didn't look away from the very lengthy email I was reading from an angry customer. A woman called Brenda was apparently very upset to discover that the lip-gloss she had ordered from the Candy-Cane Kiss range was actually peppermint flavoured and complained (at length) that it was making her lips tingle.

I did so love the days when Customer Services were understaffed and needed help going through the complaints.

"You're going to have to be a little less vague than that, Jen. Are we talking today, or like, ever?"

"Today you cheeky bitch," she replied dryly, and I finally dragged my eyes away from Brenda's minty woes.

"Uh no, can't say I have. Why, anything good?"

Like a meth lab explosion in East Baywick?

I said a silent prayer that my stupid private school looking neighbours had enough braincells between them to not blow up my bloody house. I didn't even have renter's insurance.

Should I get renter's insurance? I questioned. How did you go about insuring your belongings against meth related damage? It would certainly be an interesting one to explain to the insurance company.

"A body washed up on Harbour beach this morning," Jenny said gravely, breaking me out of my thoughts with a horrible lurch.

I breathed in sharply. "Oh."

"Yeah." Jenny looked grim as she slid her phone with the news article, in front of me.

'BODY OF SCHOOL-GIRL FOUND ON HARBOUR BEACH'

"A school-girl?" I exhaled shakily. "Jesus."

The article was short and unhelpful. All police knew was that it was a girl and she had been brought in by the tide. She was found by a pair of early morning dog walkers and they had recognised the school uniform she was wearing. It was a small town and I reckoned that the police most likely had her name by now but would wait to release it until they had informed the family. It had appeared that she had drowned, and they weren't treating it as suspicious.

Jenny pulled her phone back and pocketed it. She was fiddling anxiously with a strand of her long dark hair and I felt her nervous energy mirror in my chest. I knew exactly what she was thinking. It was a very small town which meant that one of us probably knew her.

"I wonder what happened?" I murmured, mostly to myself.

"We'll probably find out soon," replied Jenny, darkly. "The post is going viral in the Baywick group on Facebook. Someone will eventually figure out who she is."

I couldn't help but think back to my evening on that same beach last night. How vividly I had felt the water filling my lungs. After a good night's sleep, I had almost managed to convince myself it didn't happen. The more time that ticked past, the less sure I was that I hadn't just imagined the whole thing. But this, it brought that horrible fear back to the forefront of my mind.

"How awful," Jenny was saying. "She must have been so scared… I can't even imagine…"

I could. I could still feel the salt in my throat.

I stood up clumsily and my chair clanged loudly into the wall behind us. Jenny stopped speaking in surprise, but I couldn't look at her.

"Need a fag," I mumbled, grabbing my coat and just coming short of sprinting out of the office as fast as possible.

"Wotcher Marlowe," Mick the graphic designer greeted as I narrowly avoided crashing into him in the corridor. "Where's the fire?"

I didn't answer him and didn't look back until I was out of the warehouse doors and in front of the smoking shelter. I fished around in my pocket for a loose cigarette and stuck it between my teeth. With shaky hands, I lit it and inhaled deeply, counting that as my first deep breath. The smoke hit the back of my throat in a not entirely unpleasant way and I stood, leaning my weight against the wall for a minute, my eyes closed.

It didn't mean anything, I reassured myself. The fact that I had a deeply unsettling episode where I thought I was drowning, on the same beach that a girl washed up on this morning after actually drowning, meant nothing. Just an eerie coincidence.

I wished I had told Wendy when I got home last night. I had every intention to when I walked in the door but the news that my neighbours were making meth in their shed had taken precedence and the rest of the evening sort of became a lost cause. I couldn't very well tell her now; she'd think I was absolutely mad. Or making it up.

Did it mean something? Not that I thought that I was psychic or anything, but what if it had been a message from the universe- or a warning? Wait, wasn't that what being psychic was all about? Was I psychic?

Fuck, this was ridiculous.

A young girl had died and here I was, making this awful tragedy all about me. Absolutely peak behaviour.

I sighed and stubbed out my cigarette, even though I still had half of it left. The tobacco was making me feel sick and heady. I loitered outside, unsure of what to do with myself. I couldn't go back into the office- I had too much nervous energy. I could feel it in my hands and legs; I was desperate to go out and do something reckless or stupid to distract myself. Anything to get the image of the girl on the beach out of my head.

With a head full of half-baked ideas, I hastened back to the office. I approached Will's desk and readied myself for a show.

"Will," I said quietly. "Could I have a quick word?" He looked up from his laptop and I got a proper look at how rough he was. His dark eyes were dull behind his glasses and he squinted up at me, as though the fluorescent lighting was hurting him. I wasn't sure if he was purposely trying to grow out his facial hair or if he simply wasn't fussed about shaving it, but it dotted his face in awkward patches. If I ignored the lines around his eyes, it wasn't hard to imagine him ten years younger as a school boy. I wondered which school he'd gone to and what his uniform looked like.

If he'd ever gone swimming on Harbour beach, while his mum worried about whether he was coming home. I found it surprisingly easy to play sick for Will, considering my stomach was actually doing somersaults.

"What's up?" he asked, actually sounding a little concerned. I must have looked as rough as he did.

"I'm sorry to do this but I can feel a migraine coming on. I've just had to go be sick and I think it's going to be a bad one. Do you mind if I head home and ride it out there?" I spoke softly, partly to back up my claims but also because I didn't want Jenny to hear. She was a fabulous bullshit detector and she'd see right through my fake migraine in an instant. I didn't have it in me to explain why I really needed to leave.

"Yeah of course you can. Let me know if you still feel rough tomorrow," Will replied. "Don't worry about it. Go get some rest."

I thanked him and swerved round his desk to my own, moving quickly. The one great thing about Will having so much time off was that he never begrudged us the odd day here and there, no questions asked. I could have given the worst performance ever and he would have still let me go. He was oddly reliable that way.

I grabbed my bag and thanked whoever was up there that Jenny and Terrence were evidently in a meeting and were focused on their computers, headsets on. I waved goodbye to Will and left the office, heading to reception. It was completely deserted, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing worse than getting caught at the final hurdle by HR.

I was just signing out when I heard footsteps come to a stop behind me.

"Don't have a pen do you?"

I turned and passed my pen to the lad behind me. I stepped out of the way for him but didn't leave, instead surveying him off to the side, as he scribbled on the sheet. He had a crop of light brown hair, styled the same way as every Love Island contestant I'd ever seen- shaved on the sides and longer on the top. It looked like it was gelled within an inch of its life and I briefly pondered whether the amount of gel one used was parallel to the amount of type A a person was. He was in obscenely tight, checked trousers, with a plain white shirt tucked into them. It wasn't a particularly exciting outfit, but it did what it was supposed to, and confirmed that he hadn't been lying all those times I had heard him talking about how often he went to the gym.

He was definitely hot, albeit in a "probably bullied me in secondary school" way.

"Half day?" I asked, surprising myself by making conversation. It wasn't like we really knew each other, just the occasional run in at the kettle or on the way to the bathroom. I thought maybe that he worked in the finance team, but I couldn't be sure. He looked like he was good with numbers, whatever that meant.

To his credit, he didn't look alarmed at the prospect of awkward small talk and instead smiled at me.

"Yeah, they're forcing me to take some holiday. Something about how 'the numbers will still be here when I get back'." He said the last bit with exaggerated air quotes, and I laughed. So, I had been right about the numbers.

"That's the pesky thing about numbers, they tend to haunt you," I replied, thinking back to my secondary school maths classes. I'd take boring product copy over Pythagoras' bloody Theorem any day of the week.

"How about you? Leaving to do anything fun?" He pushed the button to open the doors and we walked out together. I squinted against the autumn sun.

I considered it and decided to answer honestly. "I'm going to go for a drink, I think. Or several. Probably several." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him smile. He had a nice smile.

"Been that kind of week then? Wednesdays are notoriously the shittiest day of the week."

I smiled and forced myself to look at him, my earlier need for something reckless, slamming into me again like a freight train.

"Oh, the absolute worst," I agreed. I tucked my hair behind my ear shyly and threw myself off the metaphorical cliff, just as he did the same.

"Fancy joining me?"

"Fancy some company?"

We stared at each other for a second and then both burst into awkward but relieved laughter.

"I'd love some company," I said resolutely. "I'm Marlowe by the way."

"Craig," he grinned. His teeth were so white. I could practically see him with one of those Hi-Smile's in his mouth, whilst the football was on.

I'd never been out with a lad before. My vibe was usually much more artsy boys with nose rings and cameras and broken hearts. My gaze swept over his defined shoulders and my stomach did a flip. I was definitely willing to make an exception for Craig.

"Do you drive?" I asked, ready to get the Mistletoe Kiss building in a rear-view mirror.

"Yeah, just here." Craig pulled a fob out and clicked twice, pointing it at a red car.

Of course, it was a fucking Corsa.

After a slightly awkward start where I had turned on Craig's radio, we realised there was a JoJo Siwa CD in there and Craig protested for a little bit longer than necessary that it was his sisters', I found that I actually quite liked Craig. Well, maybe liked wasn't the right word- we had absolutely nothing in common. But he threw back tequila like a champ and he was a proper laugh. Plus, copious amounts of alcohol were a fantastic numbing agent when it came to conversations about his fantasy football league. It was exactly the kind of afternoon that I needed.

He had insisted on doing the gentlemanly thing and walking me back to my house. Which lead to a chaste peck on the cheek, which then became a full-on snog on my doorstep. Before I had the chance to pick apart the fact that I was quite literally shitting where I ate, we had made it upstairs and into my bedroom. And honestly I had enjoyed seeing Craig naked enough that it all balanced out in my tequila addled head.

"Thanks for this," I said, feeling a little awkward now that we were on the other side of things. I was still drunk enough to ward off any blushing, thank god, but I had no idea where to focus my gaze. I clung onto the front door and hoped he would just get the message and leave.

Instead, he leant in and kissed me softly. I could tell that this was supposed to be his coup de grâce- his final chance to out Alpha Male all of my previous lovers. He was leaving this kiss as a calling card, to ensure that I would have to see him again. As he made to deepen it, I swiftly disengaged and pulled back. We'd had a good time but wow, Craig could not read a room.

Seemingly unfazed by my disinterest, Craig smiled warmly at me. "When can I see you again?" The assumption that he would see me again, it was just a matter of when, wasn't lost on me.

"Hmm? Oh well, I'll see you around the kitchen probably." I replied absently, looking over his shoulder. My favourite neighbours were also on their doorstep and they looked like they were gearing up for a massive argument. Their fights were legendary- each one was like the 'Who Shot Phil Mitchell?' EastEnders cliff-hanger in terms of drama and energy. They had terrified Wendy and I at first; they fully sounded like they were going to go down for first degree murder during some of their worst brawls, but eventually we'd come to appreciate the entertainment much like the rest of the street did. On our garden walls, popcorn in hand.

"Uh, right, yeah. I'll see you around I guess." Craig mumbled and I reluctantly smiled at him, to alleviate some of the fuck and chuck guilt I was feeling.

"Thanks again for the company, it really was a good time."

Craig shot me a grin and a salute over his shoulder, and then swaggered down my path and off down the road. I just knew that I was going to regret that at some point. It was hard to be too harsh with myself whilst still in the post orgasm haze however. I resolved to give myself a good telling off later.

As Craig disappeared round the corner, Caroline, and Bill (the angry neighbours over the road) eased into the warm-up portion of this particular production and I put the latch on the front door before closing it behind me and settling comfortably on my wall. As Caroline's dulcet tones caught the attention of the other neighbours, more of them began to flock out to their seats. I waved to Jerry a few doors down as he shook out his camping chair, thermos in hand.

I know what you're all thinking- how completely heartless of you all to feed off of someone else's crumbling marriage. Well firstly, Caroline and Bill weren't married. Secondly, this was a well-established routine around here. It was like flicking over to the newest episode of MasterChef at 8pm. Caroline and Bill thrived off of all of the attention, to the point where they had actually begun to pull some of us in, mid argument, like a character in a panto might encourage the kids to screech "he's behind you" halfway through the show. It was British theatre at its finest.

"You son of a bitch!" Caroline shrieked, slipper in hand. "You've really done it now, you bald twat!"

I had missed the last argument and I hoped Wendy would hurry up so she could fill me in. Although it was usually funnier without any context, I could already see the vein on Bill's forehead, which meant it was going to be a big one. A quick check of the time on my phone told me that she should be at the other end of the road right now.

"Aye up Marls," Tom, Melody's husband greeted me. He joined me on the front wall we technically shared, cocooned in a blanket.

"Don't get me wrong," he said, lowering his voice. "I love that they don't let a little thing like fucking freezing weather get in the way of these, but I wish they'd just hire out a space instead of doing this outside."

I snorted, just as Melody appeared with a thermos and a blanket of her own.

"Coffee?" she asked, passing the travel mug to me.

"Probably for the best," I sighed, removing the lid. "I'm absolutely wankered."

"Oh good." Melody replied cheerily, as I took a swig. "Because I put a shit ton of gin in it."

I choked on my mouthful as the gin hit the back of my throat and Tom helpfully thumped me on the back. I muttered my thanks and Mel took the thermos back with a cackle, swigging heartily from it.

"Fucking nutter," I mumbled, wiping coffee from my chin.

Tom was right though- it was fucking freezing. I needed to start leaving an emergency blanket and pair of slippers by the front door.

Wendy popped into view just as the streetlights came on and they lit her up in the dark. I watched as she speed-walked towards us, looking positively harried.

"Did I miss it?" she asked anxiously as reached us. "Monica from number 57 said it was going to be a big one. Said she heard that Caroline was really going to take the kids to her mum's this time."

I shook my head and shuffled further down the wall so she could squeeze in.

"Just in time," I grinned. She grinned back at me and then leant closer, sniffing the air.

"Are you- are you drunk?"

I tried my best to look ashamed. "Maybe."

Wendy raised her eyebrows at me just as Caroline began to introduce the key players in tonight's performance. "We'll unpack that later," she muttered to me, letting me know I absolutely wasn't off the hook. She did however, shrug off her coat and put it around both of our shoulders for warmth.

"So," Caroline began, her voice at a volume I didn't know was possible for human beings. I admired her dedication to her craft though, she never forgot about those further down the road. "Shanice called today. You remember Shanice, don't you Bill?"

"Who's Shanice?" I whispered to Wendy.

"Bianca's best friend," she whispered back. Oh, this was going to be big. Bianca was Bill's ex-girlfriend and Caroline definitely thought that Bill thought that she was the one who got away. She didn't really get far though, considering she only lived three roads over and their kids went to the same primary school. Made for some really tense PTA meetings.

"Shanice who?" Bill answered through gritted teeth.

"Interesting move from Bill," Wendy noted. "He's going with playing dumb today."

"Not his best tactic," Tom said conversationally. "The last time he used that was the summer of '18 and Caroline set his signed football shirt on fire."

"So that's what happened to the Rooney shirt?" I shook my head sadly. "What a way to go."

"Oh, you know," Caroline laughed dangerously. "Bianca's best friend. You remember Bianca, don't you Bill?"

Oh, we all remembered Bianca.

"Oh really?" Bill replied, working very hard to sound uninterested. "What's she up to then?"

"What's she up to? WHAT'S SHE UP TO?" Caroline screamed, going from 0 – 100 in seconds. "WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, YOU LYING BASTARD."

We all collectively 'ooohed' as Bill reeled back, pre-emptively red in the face.

"OH, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE NOW? HUH? WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I SUPPOSEDLY DONE NOW, YOU CRAZY BITCH?" Bill shouted back, arms flying. They never actually got violent with each other, they would just shout a lot and then Caroline would throw all of Bill's clothes out of the window or set their wheelie bins on fire. Which admittedly made less sense than the first one, as they were technically both of theirs, but it still made for a bloody good show.

"YOU'VE BEEN SNAPCHATTING HER HAVEN'T YOU?" Caroline screeched. "DON'T TRY TO LIE TO ME YOU BALD FUCK, I'VE SEEN THE SCREENSHOTS."

I raised a hand to my mouth as Wendy gasped. Caroline had screenshots- Bill was toast.

"What the fuck is Snapchat?" a posh voice asked from behind us. I swivelled around in surprise so fast that I was in danger of falling clear off the wall, until a warm hand grabbed my shoulder to steady me.

"Careful," Remus murmured, and I could do nothing but stare up into his face and blink absently at him. No thoughts, head worryingly empty.

The streetlamp illuminated his face beautifully, like a spotlight designed just for him. I found my eyes absentmindedly tracking his jaw. His hand stayed on my shoulder for a few seconds longer before Sirius cleared his throat behind him. Remus dropped his arm like I'd been an open flame and broke our eye contact. It was like a punch to the gut, but I was actually grateful for Sirius' intrusion, I could barely form coherent thoughts with Remus' eyes on me, let alone sentences.

"How do you not know what Snapchat is?" Wendy asked, completely unaware of my suffering.

Sirius shrugged. "We're not really into that sort of stuff," he said smoothly.

I wasn't sure why, but something told me that was a lie. I couldn't tell if Sirius just put me on edge or if I really had grounds to be suspicious, but I couldn't shake the feeling he gave me. Deep unease.

"It's a messaging platform," I explained hoarsely. "You take pictures and send them to people, with captions or without, and they disappear once you've opened them. It was a real game changer for adultery."

Melody snorted. "Yeah surprisingly more secure than your conventional avenues like Ashley Madison."

"But not without it's pitfalls," I added. "You can't evade the ever-powerful screenshot."

"Isn't it a little perverse to just sit and watch this?" Peter asked. I hadn't realised that he and James had joined the other two and I tried to smile warmly at them.

"Nah, they love the attention," Wendy assured him. "They play up to the crowd. Watch."

With that, Wendy started up a rallying cry of the chorus of 'Sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond and the boys watched in bewilderment, as half of the road joined her. The woman of the hour herself, took a grand bow as we finished and blew us all kisses, like a singer on a stage. If you squinted, the purple dressing gown she was in could have been a fancy ball gown.

"You're all fucking mental," Sirius muttered, but sat down next to me all the same. "So, wait- who's Bianca?" Peter joined him on the last bit of remaining wall and James and Remus stood behind us, watching over our shoulders. Remus positioned himself almost directly behind me and I swear to god, he was so close- I could smell him.

"She's um…" Heady waves of lavender and cardamom rolled over me and I felt my thoughts slip through my fingers like sand. "She's…"

"She's Bill's ex," Wendy explained, eyeing me suspiciously. "They've been broken up for like five years."

I vaguely heard Sirius ask another question and stared resolutely forward, as Wendy answered.

A few years ago, I had asked my mum how she and my dad met. I'd heard the Disney Channel 'love at first sight' version several times growing up, but I wanted the nitty gritty details, the PG 13 story. They'd been together for almost 25 years and had always seemed so obnoxiously in love. I was desperate to know how mum had just known that my dad was the one, right off the bat. She explained that whilst she obviously found him immediately attractive, it was his scent that had sealed the deal for her. Mum called it a chemical attraction. I'd always thought it was a bit of Mills & Boon bullshit honestly. Who the hell picked a life partner based on the aftershave they wore?

But right now, I was sat on a garden wall, freezing my arse off and trying to subtly huff Remus like glue. He was intoxicating- earthy and strong and I felt like I was getting a contact high as it washed over me. It was the sort of scent which would cling to your sheets after he'd left and mark all of his favourite clothes. Yet at the same time, it managed to be subtle and delicate.

I felt Remus shift behind me, and it brought me back down to Earth. What the fuck was I doing? I couldn't believe it; I was actually waxing poetic about my drug dealer neighbour's cologne. I was off my fucking nut- I was quite literally losing my mind.

"Mel," I croaked out. "Chuck us the flask." She passed it over and I all but ripped the lid off. I chugged it, ignoring the disgusting taste of the lukewarm coffee and focused on the reassuring burn of the gin. I needed to sort myself out, fast.

"Thanks," I muttered, passing the empty flask back. She didn't say a word and I was grateful.

"I KNOW YOU SLEPT WITH HER, YOU PIG." Caroline was screaming, her slipper raised like it was Excalibur, and she was defending Camelot.

"ARE YOU CRACKED IN THE HEAD?" Bill bellowed, his entire body scarlet red. It was a little jarring, that the blush had spread to his legs, but I figured that was love for you.

"CRACKED? YOU THINK I'M CRACKED, DO YOU WILLIAM?"

"Oh shit," Tom whispered. "She called him William."

Caroline disappeared inside and Bill was left breathing like a bull on the doorstep.

"Is it over?" Peter asked, sounding disappointed.

"Definitely not," I assured him. "She's gone upstairs to chuck his clothes out the window, guaranteed."

"Nah, she's going to start smashing up his favourite mugs again," Tom said. "He was devastated when she did the Sports Direct one."

"No way," I argued. "She did that last time. It's definitely going to be the clothes. They just got a massive JD Sports delivery the other day, I promise you, she's getting rid of the new tracksuits."

"Care to put your money where your mouth is?" Tom asked and I grinned.

"Fiver it's the tracksuits?"

"You're on." We shook hands over Wendy and Remus chuckled behind me. He might as well have been drip feeding me that meth he'd been cooking because man, I was completely hooked on him. The sound was music to my ears- more so because I knew he was chuckling at me. How sad was I?

It only took another minute or so for Caroline to storm back outside. It was incredibly dark by now, but the streetlamps did a perfect job of spotlighting our stars. I did however, struggle to see what she was holding, from across the street.

"Wendy, what's she-"

"DO YOU WANT TO SEE CRACKED BILL? HUH? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE WHAT CRACKED LOOKS LIKE?" she roared, bypassing Bill and coming to a stop in front of their new car. I knew for a fact that it was new because Bill had been telling everyone at the pub that he couldn't believe he'd managed to swing it on finance, with his credit. He'd practically scammed the car dealership, apparently.

"I'LL GIVE YOU CRACKED."

Caroline raised her arms and swung them down in a lethal arc. The fluidity of the motion was enchanting and the serene look on Caroline's face was terrifying. Time slowed down, as her arms cut through the air and then fell, with a deafening crack. The entire road collectively jerked back, and for a brief moment I was pressed against Remus. In the commotion I could have sworn that I felt his arms reflexively wrap around me, but it was over in a flash.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?" Bill screamed, finally reaching a pitch which matched Caroline's. Her eyes glinted in the lamplight as she swung again, and I finally realised what she was doing.

She was caving in their windshield with a rounders bat.

"Holy fuck," Wendy muttered in awe.

"Does this always happen?" Sirius asked, sounding appalled. Absolutely feral shouts had begun to echo down the road, as the neighbours began to cheer Caroline on.

"Never," I breathed. We had just reached dizzying new heights of drama. Destruction of serious property.

Caroline, buoyed by our cheers (I couldn't help but join in, the mob mentality was infectious, and I was quite drunk), began smashing with gusto. The bat flew through the air again and again, making contact with any surface she could reach as Bill wept on his doorstep.

"That's. For. Shagging. Bianca!" Each word was punctuated by another blow and I stood up, to cheer louder. Did Bill actually shag Bianca? Couldn't tell you. Did I particularly care? No, not really. I just wanted blood. Figuratively speaking of course, we weren't animals.

I saw the red and blue lights before I heard the siren. A police car rounded the corner and came to a screeching stop in front of Caroline's house. She paid them absolutely no notice. God, what a Queen.

Two police officers got out and immediately started to try to diffuse the situation. One set about wrestling the bat away from a possessed Caroline, the other grabbed a megaphone.

"Alright folks, that's it for tonight! Pack it in and go home!"

I booed loudly and my neighbours laughed, a few joining in.

"Marlowe, you absolute nightmare, get inside!" Wendy laughed. She caught my arm and swivelled me round, keeping both hands on me as we realised just how unsteady I was.

"Pigs, the lot of them," I said to Peter matter-of-factly. Concern lit up his delicate features and he looked to Wendy dubiously.

"Is she alright?"

Wendy snickered and I crossed my arms in mock annoyance. "Yeah, she's fine. Just absolutely rat arsed."

"I'm right here," I said, gesturing dramatically at myself and then looking to Melody for support. Instead, her eyes glinted mischievously and I realised too late that I was in for a good public humiliation.

"Tell us Marlowe darling, who was it who got you so rat arsed in the first place?" she asked, grinning like the Cheshire cat. Her smile was practically ear to ear. "Was it the lovely lad who walked you home earlier?"

I opted to just stare at the ground, willing it to open up and swallow me whole.

"Dunno whatchu mean." I mumbled.

Melody snickered as Wendy rounded on me. "Lad?" she asked. "What lad?"

I fiddled with a piece of hair and continued my descent into my own personal Hell.

"There was no lad."

"Really?" Melody baited. "Not the one in the tight trousers who walked you home earlier? And then went inside for a bit? And then came out and snogged you senseless? He not ringing a bell?"

I gasped and pointed an accusatory finger at her. "You cow! You curtain twitching cow!" I felt my entire body burn in embarrassment. I didn't want anyone knowing about Finance Craig- least of all the half of my bloody road who were still loitering outside in an attempt to listen in.

"Someone snogged you senseless?" Wendy exclaimed, as Melody doubled over in uncontrollable laughter.

"Oi!" I hissed, deep in the throes of the five stages of grief. "Don't say it like it's this big, inconceivable notion."

Wendy sniggered. "I mean, it has… been a while, hasn't it?"

Jesus, that was fatal. Not only had my hook-up just been declared to half the street but Wendy had just lovingly announced that no one had fancied me in an age. Absolutely disgusting housemate behaviour.

In front of Remus too. There was no saving myself now.

"Well, on that pathetic note, I'm going to bed." I said, completely resigned to my fate as a laughing stock. Even our previously cold neighbours were laughing. Dickheads, the lot of them.

I shot them all the finger as a parting gift and made to dramatically stalk inside, but not before seeking Remus out one last time. I couldn't resist.

I was startled to see that he was already watching me and he met my look with unwavering confidence. We stared at each other for a second, transfixed. It was brief and his face was completely unreadable. I hoped mine was too.

Finally, I blinked and the connection was broken. Remus looked away and I disappeared inside, left to wonder just how much of this was in my head. The scent of lavender followed me all the way up to my bedroom and into my dreams.