Chapter 3
It was the following day and Rachel woke up early, she had an important day at work ahead with lots of meetings, so she wanted to get into work in good time so she could finish off preparing. Daniel was still in bed. She was so glad it was Friday and that she could have a lie in the following day.
She jumped in the shower and let the hot water run over her body for a while, it felt nice to be able to have a few minutes of undisturbed peace.
When she got out, she got changed into her favourite Armani black dress, it always did make her feel more confident when she wore it, she paired it with a red jacket and black boots.
After she'd finished getting ready, she went into Hattie's room, she wanted to check she was feeling better before she left for work. Daniel was going to work from home today and look after her.
Hattie stirred and opened her eyes. She saw her Mum was dressed for work, her hair and makeup were immaculate, this instantly made her seem scarier again, not like last night when she had seemed almost soft.
"Good morning Hattie" Rachel said, her voice sounding brusque.
"Morning" Hattie replied sleepily
"Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah, a bit" Hattie said.
"Good, I'm going to make breakfast, do you want to go back to sleep or have something to eat?"
Hattie did feel quite hungry now, she'd barely eaten anything since she got here.
"I'll have something to eat" Hattie said
"Okay, come down then with me"
Hattie got out of bed and put her dressing gown and some slippers on, she did look very cute.
"Can I go to the toilet before breakfast? I really need to go"
"Hattie for the last time, you live here you don't need to ask my permission to go to the toilet" Rachel snapped, she instantly felt bad, it had come out harsher than she'd intended.
Hearing her Mum speak so sharply to her made Hattie Instantly feel anxious, she bit her lip nervously.
"Sorry' she mumbled
"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped, just please when you have to go to the toilet just go" Rachel sighed
Hattie went off, so Rachel went downstairs and started making breakfast. She made a fruit salad and some yoghurt for herself and some toast and Weetabix for Hattie.
A few minutes later Hattie appeared downstairs, she felt a bit apprehensive sitting alone with her Mum.
She sat at the breakfast bar with her Mum, Rachel sipped her coffee while Hattie ate her toast, it was good to see her finally eating something Rachel thought.
Rachel was surprised when around 10 minutes later Daniel appeared in his suit downstairs.
"What are you doing up? I thought you'd have a bit of a lie in"
"There's an emergency at work, I've got to go in" Daniel explained, sounding a bit flustered.
"Well what about Hattie?" Rachel asked
"She'll have to go into work with you, it's hardly like she can come into work with me"
"Well what's the difference between her coming into work with you and with me?" Rachel asked, although she knew this was a daft point. Daniel's work was a completely different environment to hers and was hardly one suitable for a 6-year-old.
"Darling, you work in a school, it's designed for children, I'm sure Hattie will be fine there for one day"
Rachel sighed but realised this was the only option.
"Fine, have a good day" Rachel said
"Yeah, a good day might be a bit optimistic" Daniel said, but then he smiled weakly 'Love you, I'll see you later"
"Love you too' Rachel said, before giving him a quick kiss.
Hattie watched; she wished her Mum would tell her she loved her sometimes.
"So Hattie, you're coming into work with me" Rachel said, Hattie felt scared about having to spend the entire day alone with her Mum.
Once Hattie had finished eating, Rachel quickly got her dressed. She decided to check that Kate was awake.
She knocked on the door but didn't get a response, Rachel sighed, thinking that Kate must have slept in, so she walked into the room.
When she went in, she was shocked to find Kate stood by her bedroom mirror, she was in her underwear staring at herself, Rachel noticed at once how thin she looked.
As soon as Kate saw Rachel she gasped.
"Get out" she screamed, "Why the hell do you keep coming into my room without knocking? Am I not allowed any privacy?"
Rachel didn't react, she looked at her daughter and was almost certain she'd been crying.
"I came to check you were awake' Rachel said simply continuing to look at Kate's face.
"What are you staring at? You've checked I'm awake now so go"
"When you get to school, come to my office, there's some new starter forms we need to do" Rachel said
'Fine, are you going to continue to watch me get dressed or will you leave me alone now?"
Rachel left the room, closing the door behind her.
She got Hattie's things together before getting in the car.
As she drove into work, she couldn't help but think about what she'd just walked in on. For the first time, she found herself genuinely worrying about Kate, she wondered what was going on with her.
Rachel was so caught up in her thoughts, she pulled out at a roundabout without checking property first, she suddenly noticed a car veering towards her, just narrowly avoiding them
"Shit" she said out loud. She then remembered Hattie was in the car and felt bad for swearing, she knew she was setting a bad example.
Hattie was looking up at her.
"Sorry Hattie, I shouldn't have said that" She said "I just got a shock that's all, I wasn't paying attention"
"That's okay, Kate says it all the time" Hattie said innocently
"Well, she shouldn't, it's naughty of her"
"Why?"
"Well because there's certain words that aren't very nice to say"
"Oh okay" Hattie said
Rachel finished the drive to school and the two of them got out. Rachel was the first to arrive so the school was empty, Hattie couldn't believe how big it looked.
"Right, let's go up to my office" Rachel said
Hattie followed her Mum upstairs and into the office, it was done out very nicely, Hattie thought. She couldn't believe her Mum was in charge of the school.
Rachel made herself a coffee from her coffee machine, before opening her laptop up. She felt a bit bad that Hattie had nothing to do, so printed her off some colouring, thinking that should entertain her for a while. She also got one of the schools I pad's and set up some games for her to play.
Hattie started to forget about being so nervous about being with her Mum, although she wasn't exactly being warm towards her, she wasn't being too harsh on her either.
"Hattie I'm leading assembly first thing so you'll have to stay up here, don't worry I'll get Joyce, my receptionist to keep an eye on you okay?"
"Okay" Hattie said
"Do you want a drink?"
"Can I have some water please?"
Rachel got up and poured her a glass of water.
Afterwards, she got on with some work, she always liked getting as much done in the morning as possible, it was the only uninterrupted time she had all day.
Hattie was colouring for a bit, but then suddenly started to feel really sleepy. She hadn't been sleeping well at all through the night and hadn't had a proper night's sleep since she had arrived at her Mum's, she also still wasn't feeling completely better.
"Mum, I feel really tired, can I lie down for a bit?"
"Yes, if you need to, lie down on the sofa over there" Rachel said
Hattie went over and laid down, she put one of the pillows under her head. She ended up falling asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, she really did feel exhausted.
Rachel couldn't believe how quickly Hattie had fallen asleep, although she knew that she hadn't been sleeping well so she clearly needed to get some proper rest.
At around 8.30 Kate appeared at Rachel's door.
"Right first things first, sort that skirt out" Rachel said, referring to the skirt Kate had managed to hitch extremely far up her legs.
"What's wrong with it?"
"It's ridiculously short" Rachel snapped "Now let me make one thing clear from the off, you're in my school, I don't care how things are at home between us, but while you're here you follow my rules, and if you don't follow my rules they'll be consequences, now are we clear?"
"Crystal" Kate said smirking
"Right, now sign these" Rachel said, handing her some paperwork
Kate rolled her eyes but signed the papers that Rachel gave her. Rachel then sorted out a timetable for her.
"Can I go now?"
"I'll take you to your form room?"
"I'm sure I can find it" Kate said casually, although she didn't really have a clue where to go.
"Fine, it's assembly first thing, do not be late"
Kate then sauntered off and eventually found her form room. Most of the others had already arrived by this point. She felt self-conscious as everyone's eyes turned to face her. Kate had always been popular in school, so it felt strange knowing no one.
She nervously went to sit down and found a seat next to one of the boys.
"Hey, I'm Charlie" he said smiling at her.
"Hi, I'm Kate" She replied
'You're new right? That must be tough"
"It's so weird being new"
"Yeah, but I'm sure before long you'll settle in, I can introduce you to a few of my friends if you like" he offered
"That'd be great" she said "I'd rather not be the new girl wandering around on her own"
"I can't see that happening" he said, causing Kate to smile weakly
Charlie then introduced Kate to a few of his friends, to her surprise everyone seemed really nice and before long she'd got chatting to quite a few of the girls.
"You're so pretty" one of them said
"Oh thanks" Kate said smiling shyly
"How come you've moved to this school, was your other one rubbish?"
"Oh it's a long story" Kate said, she didn't want to mention the fact she went to boarding school, fearing she might come across as snobby.
"Hey Kate, I'm having a party tonight, why don't you come?" A girl called Sophie suggested
Kate couldn't believe she'd been invited to a party already.
"Yeah sure, if you don't mind me coming"
"Of course not, you seem really nice, try and get some booze yeah?"
"That shouldn't be a problem"
"Will you have to check with your allowed to come first?"
"They won't care" Kate said
"We've got assembly now, our head teacher if leading it so we better not be late" Sophie said
"Sounds boring" Kate sighed
"tell me about it"
"We could always just not go" Kate suggested, when a few of the others had gone ahead so she was left with just Sophie, Charlie and another girl called Ella.
"Skiving off on your first day? That's not going to go down well" Charlie said winking at her "But why not, I'm up for it"
The other girls agreed too, so the four of them went off to find somewhere to go.
In the end they found a deserted meeting room so decided to go in there.
"I'm so excited for tonight" Ella said "my brother said he'd buy me some wine"
"I've got some vodka at home" Kate said, remembering the bottle she'd bought
"What's the deal with your parents kate, are they like super relaxed or something?"
Kate sighed, realising it was going to come up sooner or later "My Mum's the head here"
"Wait what?" Sophie said, "Your Mum is Mrs Mason?"
"Yep"
"No way, what's she like at home?"
"Awful, we hate each other" Kate said
"She always seems okay in school; I quite like her" Ella said
"Try living with her" Kate said "You don't mind do you …you know the fact my Mum is the head"
The three of them looked at each other but then shook their heads.
It was the end of assembly and Kate's form tutor approached Rachel.
"Rachel just so you know, 4 of mine are missing from assembly"
"4" Rachel said surprised
"Yep, Charlie, Sophie, Ella and the new girl Kate… have you met her yet, she seemed to be settling in well, until this happened"
"You could say that" Rachel said "She's my daughter"
"Oh, I didn't realise you had a daughter"
"Yeah I've got two, I'll go and look for them now"
"Thanks'
Rachel went around the school looking for the four of them, it didn't take her long to find them. She walked straight into the room, the look on her face making it clear she wasn't happy.
"What do you think you're doing?" Rachel said "The four of you should have been in assembly, you're in Year 10, you should be setting an example and instead you're in here mucking about"
Charlie, Ella and Sophie all looked uncomfortable now, but Kate just stared right back at her Mum.
"You can all do a detention at lunch with me in the cooler, and if I get even an inkling there's been any more trouble today, it'll be detention for the rest of the week, are we clear?"
"Yes Miss" they said except Kate who remained silent
"Right, back to class at once" she said
"You stay here" she said pointing to Kate.
"Yeah?" Kate said once the others had gone
"What the hell are you playing at? You've been here 5 minutes and you're already skiving off school"
"Only the bit you were involved in"
"Well like it or not I run the school, so there's a fair bit I'm involved in"
"Whatever"
"Excuse me, don't speak to me like that" Rachel said raising her voice now. "Now, you've got a choice, you either sort yourself out and I don't hear another word about your behaviour for the rest of the day or you're out of this school"
"Fine, just stay out of my way" Kate said
"With pleasure" Rachel said, as soon as she said it she realised how harsh this was but she couldn't help herself.
Kate just looked at her disgusted, before walking off.
Rachel sighed and decided to go back up to her office, when she got there, she was surprised to see that Hattie was still fast asleep, she was clearly exhausted.
Rachel got on with some work for a bit and managed to get through a lot of paperwork. After about an hour had gone by, Rachel was starting to feel on top of things and felt considerably less stressed.
She couldn't believe that Hattie was still fast asleep, she was snoring gently and had her thumb in her mouth, she looked a lot younger than 6 Rachel thought to herself. She decided to go and wake her up as it was approaching lunch time.
She gently shook her awake, Hattie opened her eyes and saw her mum.
"Have I been asleep?" Hattie asked confused
"You've been asleep for hours" Rachel said
"Oh sorry"
"It's okay, you were clearly very tired" she said
'Mum I still really don't feel well" Hattie said, she'd woken up with a really sore stomach.
"Okay, well maybe some fresh air would do you good' Rachel said, "We could go for a quick walk"
To Rachel's surprise Hattie started to cry.
'What's the matter?" She asked uncertainly
"My tummy really hurts" She cried "I feel all shivery and I'm tired"
"It might be you've got a bit of a virus" Rachel said, she put her hand to
Hattie's forehead. "You do feel quite hot, look I've got a few more jobs I need to do here, but I'll be able to work from home for the afternoon. I'll take you home and then you can go back to bed"
Hattie was surprised her mum was going to take her home, but she was glad as all she wanted to do was go to bed.
"Thanks Mum" Hattie said
"Okay, well give me 15 minutes then we'll go home"
Rachel sat back at her desk and quickly sent a few emails that needed sending.
"I have to go to the toilet" Hattie said a couple of minutes later, sounding anxious
"Right okay, there's one just down the corridor, I just need to call someone, but I'll show you where to go it's not far"
Rachel got up and showed Hattie where to go, Hattie then walked off. As soon as she got in the toilet she began to cry, she felt all scared and lonely again. She wished she had someone to properly comfort her. Her stomach was also really hurting her, and she felt sick.
After Rachel had finished her phone call with a governor, she decided to pack her things away and go and check on Hattie as she'd been gone quite a while now.
"Hattie, I'm ready to go now" she called through
Hattie came out of the cubicle, she looked very pale Rachel thought, she also noticed the red blotches around her eyes.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah" Hattie mumbled unconvincingly. "My stomach still hurts"
"I'll get you some medicine at home" Rachel said, "I'm sure you'll start to feel better soon"
Hattie followed her mum back to her office where they picked up their things and then walked out.
Even on the journey home Hattie ended up falling asleep in the car. Rachel couldn't believe how sleepy she seemed.
When they pulled up Hattie didn't wake up so Rachel put her stuff in the house and then went back to the car and lifted Hattie out.
She carried her upstairs and into her bedroom, where she got her into bed.
At this point Hattie did wake up.
"Hey, you fell asleep in the car so I carried you in" Rachel explained, "You're really hot, why don't you take your dress off and just sleep in your knickers?"
"Okay" Hattie said, before getting undressed.
Hattie then got into bed, and fell back to sleep.
Rachel was getting a bit worried now, she hoped that Hattie wasn't seriously unwell.
As she was making lunch, Rachel found herself thinking about Hattie and Kate again, she was doing this more over the last couple of days and it surprised her and scared her at the same time, she'd convinced herself she'd never be a mother to them, but for the first time in her life, she was starting to doubt herself.
She decided to make Hattie some soup, thinking this would be a good thing for her to have if she wasn't well.
It took her quite a while to make it, but after she did, she went upstairs and into Hattie's bedroom.
Hattie woke up when her Mum came in.
"How are you feeling?" Rachel asked as she sat down on the bed.
Hattie instantly started to cry again, before long she started sobbing quite hysterically. Rachel didn't know what to do, but realised she had to try and comfort her.
"Hey, come on it's okay" she said.
Hattie got out of bed and went and sat by her Mum, for the first time since she'd been here Rachel scooped Hattie onto her knee and let her cry into her chest.
Hattie could smell her Mum's perfume, she found this quite comforting. She couldn't believe her Mum was actually looking after her.
"What's up is it your stomach sill?"
"Yeah and I just don't feel well"
"It's okay, I'll get you some medicine" Rachel said
Hattie clung to her Mum and for once Rachel didn't try and push her off.
"I made soup, why don't you try and eat something huh?"
"Okay" Hattie agreed.
Rachel went downstairs and put the soup out for Hattie, Hattie sat down and started eating it.
Although Hattie hadn't really felt that hungry, as soon as she started eating, she realised how hungry she was. It was the first time she'd eaten properly in ages.
"You finished that off quickly" Rachel remarked "It's good to see you with an appetite"
"Can I go and watch some TV for a bit?"
"Sure, I've got to make a couple of phone calls and then I'll come and sit with you for a bit. you"
Hattie didn't understand why her Mum was being so nice to her, but it made her feel happier than she'd felt in ages, even though she was still feeling unwell.
She went through to the living room and laid down on the sofa, a few minutes later Rachel came back in.
Hattie put something on TV and Rachel got her laptop out to do some work.
After they'd been sat together for a while, Hattie finally managed to pluck up the courage to talk to her Mum about something that had been bothering her for a while.
"Mum?"
"Yes Hattie?"
"I can't sleep here, every night I have nightmare and now I'm tired all day"
Hearing Hattie say this made Rachel feel bad, she knew she hadn't been sleeping properly and hadn't done anything about it.
"Well, that can't be very nice for you, maybe we could mention it to the doctor when we see her" Rachel said "Did you have problems with sleep when you were at school? Or is it just since moving here?"
"At school it wasn't as bad, it's strange sleeping in my own room by myself and I get scared of the dark" Hattie admitted
"Well, that's one thing we can easily fix, I've got a nightlight in one of the other spare rooms, you could put that in your room" Rachel said
"Really? Thanks Mum" Hattie said smiling
They watched TV together for a bit before Hattie said, "I don't think Kate can sleep here either."
"What makes you think that Hattie?"
"She's always up really late, often she's crying"
"Really?" Rachel said sounding concerned now
She'd forget that Kate was still a child herself really and this made her feel even more guilty for the way she'd been treating her. It was becoming increasingly obvious that Kate had some issues going on.
"Maybe she's scared of the dark as well" Hattie said
"Maybe"
As they were watching the TV, Rachel suddenly started to feel really tired, she decided to close her eyes for a couple of minutes.
About half an hour went by and Daniel pulled up o. the drive, he'd managed to get away from work a bit earlier than planned. He knew Rachel was home as she'd texted him.
He opened the front door and called Rachel, but he didn't get a response, so he opened the door to the living room.
A smile spread across his face when he saw Hattie and Rachel both fast asleep on the sofa together, Rachel even had her arm around Hattie, it was a scene he thought he's never walk in on.
Rachel stirred when Daniel came in and opened her eyes, she couldn't believe she'd fallen asleep in the middle of the day, that wasn't like her at all.
"Hey darling, you looked peaceful there" Daniel said
"I can't believe I feel asleep" Rachel sighed "I'm supposed to be working from home"
"Well, no one will know, do you want a coffee?" he asked
"Yes please" Rachel said getting up.
The rest of the afternoon went by quite quickly and before long Kate was home.
As usual she ignored her Mum and went straight upstairs to get changed out of her uniform. She was really looking forward to the party tonight, she had enjoyed her day at school and already felt like she was settling in.
To Kate's surprise a few minutes later there was a knock on her door.
"Who is it?" Kate asked
"It's me" Rachel replied causing Kate to roll her eyes.
"What do you want?"
"Can I come in?"
"Fine" Kate sighed, she needed to ask her Mum about the party, so she knew she had to tread carefully.
Rachel came in and went and sat on Kate's bed.
"What are you doing?" Kate asked confused
"How was school?"
"Fine" Kate replied sharply.
"Did the day go okay?"
"Yep"
"And did you .."
"What is this? Are you suddenly trying to do the whole mother daughter chat? It's a bit late for that Mum"
Rachel sighed "Look I know I haven't exactly been welcoming to you and Hattie since you've been here'
"You don't say"
"But I want to change that, I don't want you feeling unhappy living here" Rachel said
"Like I said you're 14 years too late, I live with you because I have to, but don't pretend you want me here"
"I know how much you must hate me for what I did, but you have to understand there were reasons behind it and I truly did think I was doing the right thing by you and Hattie"
"Don't you dare start this, you have no idea how hard it's been growing up without a Mum, praying every day that you'd come and get me when I was younger, every weekend I'd sit staring out the window for hours waiting for you to show up, but you never did. I'll never forgive you for what you did to me"
Rachel didn't know what to say to this, she wished she could bring herself to explain to Kate the reasons behind what she did, but she just couldn't.
"Kate I'm sorry" Rachel said, she knew how pathetic that must sound but she felt like she had to say it.
'Just leave it Mum" Kate said "I'm not in the mood to have this conversation"
Rachel nodded her head and went to get up
"Oh by the way I'm going out tonight" Kate said
"Out where?"
"Just out"
"I need to know where you're going Kate" Rachel said
"It's none of your business"
"Well actually it is my business, you're 14 years old and I'm responsible for you"
"To a friend's house, happy?"
"Which friend?" Rachel asked suspiciously
"Jesus Christ, for 14 years you practically ignore my existence entirely now all of a sudden you want to apologise for it and care about where I go and who I'm with? Make your mind up Mum"
Rachel ignored the outburst "Tell me where you're going"
"To a girl in my years house, she invited me round, there's a couple of people going"
Rachel still didn't feel comfortable with this but didn't really feel she could stop her going so agreed to drop her off later.
A couple of hours past and then Kate decided to get ready. She did her hair and makeup but thought it would be best to get changed at the party as otherwise her Mum would definitely get suspicious.
When she was finished, she came downstairs
"Do you want anything to eat?" Rachel asked
'I'll get food there' Kate replied
"Okay, well give me 10 minutes to finish getting dinner prepared then I'll drop you off"
Kate went into the living room and sat with Hattie while she waited for Rachel
'How are you feeling now?" Kate asked her
"A bit better' Hattie replied "Mum was nice to me this afternoon"
"Oh really? I guess even wicked witches have their good days' she said causing Hattie to giggle
They chatted for a bit longer before Rachel came in to get Kate.
The two of them walked out to the car together.
"What time do you want picking up"
"I'll get a lift off someone"
"I'd rather pick you up"
"Fine I'll text you" Kate said
They sat in silence for a few minutes as Rachel drove before Rachel said, "Kate I know that I'm not exactly you're favourite person, but I just want to check everything's okay?"
"Fine why wouldn't it be?"
Rachel paused for a second before saying "When I came into your room this morning, I noticed you were staring at yourself in the mirror and it looked like you'd been crying, and then Hattie told me often you're up really late crying"
"It's not a big deal, I don't want to talk about it" Kate said abruptly
"Okay, but if ever you did …"
"What I can always talk to you about it? As if"
Rachel decided not to push this any further. The rest of the drive was spent in silence.
"Right here we are, just text me when you need picking up"
Kate didn't respond and just got out the car.
Rachel couldn't believe how badly the talk between them had gone, it left her feeling even more worried about Kate, it was clear how much she was struggling at the moment. Rachel had convinced herself for so many years that she was doing the right thing for the girls, but it was only now that she was starting to realise the harm she was doing and had done to the girls.
When she got home it was getting late, so Rachel gave Hattie her bath and then got her into bed, she'd already given her dinner earlier.
"Do you feel any better now?"
"Yeah, quite a bit"
"Okay well remember to come and get me if you need me' Rachel said
"Mum thanks for being nice to me today"
Hearing her say this caused a lump to form in Rachel's throat, hearing Hattie sound so grateful for the fact Rachel had shown the slightest bit of kindness made her feel awful.
She sat down on the bed next to Hattie, "Sit up just for a minute Hattie"
Hattie did as she was told, she wondered what her Mum wanted to talk to her about.
"Hattie I'm sorry about the way I've been treating you, I know how bad a Mum I've been to you for all of these years, but I want to try and make it up to you if you'll let me. You're too young to understand the reasons why I had to do what I did but I promise one day when you're older I'll explain it to you"
Hattie couldn't believe her Mum was saying this, she'd dreamt all her life about having a real Mum.
"Does that mean I don't have to go back to boarding school?"
Rachel thought for a second, she knew she was making the biggest decision of her life. If she agreed for Hattie to live with her, she knew it meant that she'd have to properly step up to her role as a mother, it was a role that for 14 years she'd convinced herself she couldn't do.
"If you want to live with me, then I'd like that very much, but it's your choice, I'd understand if you didn't want to"
"I want to" Hattie said instantly, she instantly put her arms around her Mum.
Rachel felt tears form in her eyes, she couldn't believe how willingly Hattie had accepted her apology.
A minute or so later Rachel said "Well if you're going to be living here all the time, it means I need to start doing a better job of looking after you, which means earlier nights, eating properly and starting school"
"Okay" Hattie agreed still smiling
"Right, come on then you, let's get you tucked back in"
Rachel stayed with her for a couple more minutes and then left her to go to sleep.
She went downstairs to see Daniel, and sat next to him on the sofa.
"Hey Rach, did Hattie get off to sleep okay?"
"Yeah she was fine. Daniel she asked if she could live with me instead of going back to boarding school"
"And what did you say?" Daniel asked
"I said yes"
"Really? That's amazing Rachel"
"So you don't mind?"
"Of course not, they're your kids"
"Yeah well, it's not like I've acted like they are is it?"
"You can change that, there's still time"
"For Hattie maybe, but not for Kate, she'll never forgive me, and I don't blame her"
"You don't know that"
"Daniel you must think I'm such an awful person for abandoning them the way I did, especially when you don't even really know the reasons why"
"You know I'd never think you're an awful person, I've always known you've had your reasons, I never wanted to push you for them"
Rachel paused for a moment before saying "I met my ex-husband Steve when I was just 18, it was all a mess really, I was a mess at that age, I had no idea what I wanted to do, I'd be out every night, getting up to all sorts. Anyway, at first Steve and I were good together… well it was never perfect but when I was 20, he asked me to marry him and I said yes, two years later I feel pregnant with Kate. That's around the time he started hitting me, he'd get drunk all the time and come back and I'd be the punchbag. Even when I was pregnant, he'd still do it. I gave birth and then he changed for a while, but when Kate got a bit older, he'd threaten to take it out on her as well, that's when I knew we had to get away. I tried to be a mother to her for a but, but I was in such a bad place mentally I couldn't give her what she needed, I'd spend my days just crying or staring into space. In the end I realised the kindest thing I could do was let someone else take care of her so that's what I did. I convinced myself she'd be so much better off without me. After that, I got myself sorted and got a proper education, became a teacher, the years went by and I didn't want to unsettle Kate by visiting too much, she seemed happy and that's what mattered. I moved on with my life and then 7 years ago…" Rachel had to take a pause for breath here, this was a part of the story she'd spent 7 years trying to never think about let alone discuss "7 years ago, my ex-husband traced me down, he knocked on my door, and convinced me he just wanted to catch up, he truly seemed like he'd changed his life around and I stupidly let him in. Things were okay at first, so good that when he kissed me I kissed him back, it was stupid I know, but then he tightened his grip around me, I didn't want to go any further but he …he didn't listen"
Rachel had never seen Daniel cry before, but tears were falling freely down his face
"A month later I found out I was pregnant with Hattie, I was devastated, I even considered an abortion, but I couldn't go through with it. But when she was born it just reminded me of him, and I couldn't be a Mum to her"
Daniel stayed silent for a moment but then put his arms around Rachel and held her close to him.
"Rachel I'm so sorry" he whispered "I can't believe you've kept it a secret all this time"
"So that's why it's taken me so long to be able to even try to connect with the girls"
"I understand, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you"
"But Daniel, for the first time I feel like I'm ready to be a Mum... I want to be a Mum to them"
"You'll be a fantastic Mum to them"
"Kate won't forgive me"
"She will, sooner or later you'll earn her trust"
They were downstairs for ages, talking everything through. Suddenly though they were interrupted by the door opening.
Hattie stood at the door looking scared and upset.
"Hattie what's up?" Rachel said, she hastily tried to wipe her smudged mascara, she didn't want her daughter to see that she'd been crying.
"I woke up and now I can't sleep" Hattie explained
Rachel and Daniel exchanged glances with one another.
"Why don't you come and sit with us for a bit then, just until you're ready to go to sleep" Rachel suggested
"Really" Hattie asked
"Yep come on, come and sit down"
"I'm going to make a coffee, rach do you want one?"
"Yes please, Hattie do you want a drink?"
"Can I have some water please?"
Daniel went off so Hattie went and sat down next to her mum. It was strange that just a couple of days ago Hattie was too scared to be in a room alone with her, but now all Hattie wanted to do was cuddle up next to her mum.
A few minutes later Daniel came back.
"No biscuits?"
"How many hands do you think I have Rach?"
"Well, you could have brought the tray through"
Hattie giggled; it was funny to see her Mum bossing Daniel around
"When will Kate be back?" Hattie asked, she always did worry about her sister
"That's a good question Hattie, hopefully she'll ask me to pick her up soon"
Coincidentally, just a few moments later, Rachel's phone started ringing "Oh that's strange, she's ringing me now"
"Hi Kate, are you ready for me to come and pick you up'
"It's not Kate, it's Sophie, I've been she's been at my house for the party …"
"What party?"
"That's where we've all been, but Kate's had too much to drink, I think you'll have to pick her up"
"What" Rachel asked shocked, she couldn't believe Kate had been drinking, she instantly felt a mixture of anger and concern
After speaking to Sophie for another minute or so, Rachel put down the phone.
"Is kate okay?" Hattie asked sounding worried
"She'll be fine, don't worry Hattie. I'm going to go and get her now, so why don't you nip into the kitchen, get a couple of biscuits for you and Daniel while I'm gone"
As soon as Hattie was out of ear shot, Rachel turned to face Daniel "Kate's been drinking, she's in a bad way apparently"
"yeah I gathered from the phone call" Daniel said
"She's 14 for god's sake" Rachel sighed "Honestly Daniel, I'm really worried about her, she's smoking, drinking it's obvious that she's going completely off the rails"
"come on Rachel, we've all been that age once, you know better than anyone what kids are like"
Rachel was about to respond when Hattie came back in.
"Hey Hattie, I'm going to go and get Kate, why don't you stay down here with Daniel for a bit and then he'll get you tucked back into bed okay?"
"Okay" Hattie said, "Do you promise Kate's okay?"
"I promise" Rachel said "I'll come and check on you when I get back"
Rachel then put her coat on and left. As she was driving her mind was racing, she was so worried about Kate and all the trouble she seemed to be getting into.
Before long she pulled up on the drive. Almost as soon as she got out Sophie came over to her, she looked really worried.
"Sophie do your parents know about this. About you having a party" Rachel asked, realising if she hadn't, the responsibility would fall on her to break up the party and inform Sophie's parents
"They do now, I had to call them because things were getting out of hand. They made everyone go home, except there's a few people still waiting for lifts" Sophie said miserably "I'm in so much trouble"
"Well, I'm not surprised, have you got any idea how irresponsible this was? Never mind illegal"
"I know Miss"
"Right where's Kate'
"She's in the bathroom, my mum's been looking after her"
"Come on then, show me where it is"
Rachel followed Sophie into the house and then into the bathroom. Rachel got a shock when she saw Kate, her dress was falling off her and she'd clearly been sick on it, she was slumped on the ground, it was clear she was in a bad way. Sophie's Mum was next to her trying desperately to clean her up, she looked relieved when she was Rachel.
"I'm so sorry about this" Sophie's mum said
"It's not your fault" Rachel said
"Why are you here, go away" Kate slurred to Rachel
"Come on Kate, let's get you home" Rachel said
"No I want to stay here" Kate cried "It's not like you want me to live with you, you hate me"
Rachel ignored this and with the help of Sophie's Mum, got Kate into the car. Kate was shivering violently.
Once she'd got Kate in, Rachel went into the boot. She found one of her jackets and jumpers, she always carried a spare outfit in case she spilled something over herself at work
"Put this on, your shivering" Rachel said
"I don't want to go home; I want to keep drinking" Kate said, hiccupping as she spoke
"In your state I don't think that would be the brightest idea young lady" Rachel sighed "Now put this on"
Kate managed to put the t-shirt on over her dress and Rachel helped her put the jacket on
"I don't want to go home" Kate repeated "I just want to keep on having fun"
"What have you had to drink?" Rachel asked
"Vodka and wine and something else but I can't remember"
"Not a good combination then"
"Why do you care anyway? It's not like you care about me" Kate slurred
"I do care about you Kate" Rachel said "And I'm certainly very worried about you"
"Nobody cares about me; I wish I'd never been born" Kate said suddenly crying
"Hey you don't mean that" Rachel said gently
"Yes I do"
"Come on let's go home yeah? We'll get you sorted back there"
Kate continued to cry most of the way back, she did wonder why her Mum was being so nice to her and why she wasn't shouting at her about getting drunk.
When they got back Rachel helped her out the car.
She took Kate upstairs and used her makeup remover to take away the makeup streaming down her face.
She then put her hair over the shower and washed it for her.
Kate was starting to sober up a bit now.
"Can you get changed into your pyjamas?"
"Yeah"
"Okay, get changed then I'll come back up in two minutes with some water"
Rachel left Kate to get changed and went downstairs.
"How is she?" Daniel asked, he'd seen Rachel come in and went into the kitchen
Rachel sighed and shook her head "Not good"
"Well I'm sure the sore head she'll have tomorrow will teach her a lesson"
"It's not so much the drinking I'm worried about, although obviously that's not great either, she just seems like she's not in a good place at all"
"I'm sure after a few weeks here she'll settle"
Rachel talked to Daniel for a couple of minutes before going back upstairs into Kate's room.
Kate was sat up in bed now.
'Right drink this, you'll feel better for it in the morning trust me" Rachel said
"What is it?"
"Water" Rachel said
Kate took it and gulped it down
"That's it, good girl" she said taking the glass off Kate
Kate suddenly got all tearful again, "Everyone will hate me now"
"Why would anyone hate you?"
"I got really drunk and stupid" she said, her voice was still slurred but not as bad as before
"Well, it certainly didn't sound like you were the only one, although tomorrow you and I are going to have a chat about all of this, and I know I'm the last person you want to talk to about it but tough"
"And I looked really fat in all the pictures" Kate said crying
"What? Kate you couldn't be further away from being fat" Rachel said "why would you think you say that"
"Because it's true, I am fat"
"That is not true, not at all, is that why you were staring at yourself in the mirror earlier?"
"I always do it every morning; I need to check to see if I'm starting to look slimmer or not"
Kate would never have told her Mum this sober; she didn't know why she was confiding in her now.
"Kate we need to talk about all of this properly, but while you're drunk probably isn't the best time" Rachel said gently, "Why don't you try and get some sleep, you'll wake up with a sore head and regret but we've all been there"
"Why are you being nice to me? You hate me"
"Oh Kate I don't hate you. Things were hard when you were born and I did some things I regret but I promise I never hated you. And I want to try and make things up to you, if you'll let me"
"Why did you leave me?"
"That's a conversation for when you're sober, but I will explain it to you one day, I promise" Rachel said "But for now get some sleep"
"Night Mum" Kate said
"Good night Kate"
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