Kurt entered Adam's apartment with the key that he had given him after their third date three months prior. In that time, he had spent a lot of time in the apartment, both alone and with Adam. It was his respite away from the craziness that was his constant companion in the loft. Between Rachel's ear-piercing vocal runs early in the mornings, Santana going through all of personal belongings, Rachel's diva attitude, followed by her despondent behavior after Midnight Madness, her incessant angst about her Funny Girl audition before hearing that she had gotten the role, and the endless fighting between them over the fact that Santana had gotten the role of Rachel's understudy – the last of his monumental patience had been exhausted.

He put the small bag of groceries down in the kitchen and emptied its contents. He washed his hands and quickly prepared the ingredients and put them in the Crock Pot. He placed the box of chocolates that he had bought in the cabinet where they wouldn't be noticed. He cleaned up, washed his hands again, and left to go back to NYADA for his afternoon classes.

On the walk back to campus, Kurt reflected on his three months of being in a relationship with Adam. It was still new, yet so felt comfortable. Adam was a simple man, who said what he meant and meant what he said. There were no games and no guessing, except that there were a lot of games and guessing – all fun. It had taken Kurt a few weeks to get used to Adam's forthcoming nature, to recognize that a simple statement about something Kurt had on or had done was sincere, always sincere.

Rather than show off to be the center of attention, Adam merely had to be himself. A light shown through him. His presence lit up a space. People were drawn to him, not because of what they thought he could do for them, but because he genuinely made people feel important. Kurt fought back the question of why would such an amazing man want to spend time with him. He decided to push those thoughts of unworthiness to the back of his mind and drown them out with a song. He began to hum "I Feel Pretty" as he continued towards to the building where his afternoon class was when they didn't utilize one of the small stages.

When he was halfway down the hall, his face lit up as he saw Adam standing outside the classroom he was heading towards. When he got close enough, Adam stepped away from the wall and pulled him into a wordless hug. He kissed him on the side of the neck and let go. He stepped back and took off at nearly a jog, dodging people in the hallway so he could make it to his own class on time. Kurt smiled and chuckled as he took his seat.

Adam kept him off balance in an amazingly fun way. He was unpredictable, yet completely dependable. It was combination Kurt was definitely appreciating more and more as he got accustomed to the surprises. His transition to enjoying his inability to predict what Adam would do came as a surprise to him. He had come to not only tolerate Adam's spontaneity, but to absolutely love it.

He was falling in love with Adam. He stopped himself from not being completely honest with himself. He was already in love with Adam. Three months seemed like such a short time, but being truthful with himself and others had been one of his goals since he had let Blaine stay at Christmas. Despite not wanting him there at all. Despite not taking his dad up on the original offer of sending his 'gift' back if he didn't like it. Despite acting like everything was fine for the during of their stay.

His New Year's resolution had been honestly, with himself and others.

He thought back to the first call he had made New Year's day. His breath hitched a bit remembering how he had told his dad the truth about his breakup with Blaine. They had both cried, which had been cathartic. By the end of their conversation, they had cleared the air about so many issues that Kurt no longer felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He had called Blaine next, and despite Blaine's constant effort to dominate the conversation about how they were soul mates, Kurt made his point clear. There would be no reconciliation. He did not even give Blaine the hope of future friendship because he knew with Blaine's mindset that a clean break was the only way to go. After he hung up, he cried until there were no tears left.

Despite the pain, the finality of their conversation left him able to move on with his life. He realized that he was finally ready to get help for himself, and when the term started, he did. He began seeing a counselor who began to help him see his own self worth.

And he met Adam. Sweet, kind, gentle, amazing Adam who had done more for healing the wounds he had than the counselor.

Adam who had waited for him just to hug and kiss him. He knew he loved Adam, but he was just coming to terms with accepting it himself and hadn't yet told him.

Kurt came back to the present when his name was called and he hadn't heard the question. He started to panic, but quickly realized that he hadn't been called on, but assigned to a group with three other people to run through a scene. One of the group members called his name, put her hand up, and motioned for him. He got up to move to the other side of the classroom to join her and the other two people in their group.

After his class ended, he went for a walk to clear his head. He walked past a shop he'd walked past several times, he hadn't go in. He pulled the door open and stepped inside. He was greeted warmly by the shopkeeper. He took his time browsing and found a scarf he liked and really nice broken in brown corduroy Levi's jacket. He slipped it on and was certain that it would fit Adam. He knew that Adam wouldn't want him to spend the money to get it, but he asked to put it on hold for a day to tell Adam about it. He bought the scarf and tied it around his neck.

The evening went really well. They enjoyed each other's company as they ate what Kurt had prepared – one of his go-to comfort meals of a simple roast with carrots and potatoes. They sat in the low light that flickered warmly from the candles Adam had lit right before they sat down to eat. They fed each other bites, talked, and laughed as the light jazz music that Adam had chosen played softly in the background. Everything about the evening had been beautiful, as so many of the evenings he had spent with Adam were. They had been snuggled up on the sofa together when Adam had asked him to consider spending the night. Kurt agreed.

A little later, Kurt came out of the bathroom and walked the few feet it took to cross the hall to Adam's bedroom. He paused just outside the door as his nerves got the better of him. Although they had been dating for three months, and Kurt had spent a lot of time at Adam's, this was Kurt's first time to sleep over and not sleep on the sofa.

As he hesitated to take the doorknob in his hand and turn it, Kurt reminded himself that he was exactly where he wanted to be. But it was new and different. He didn't know what to expect. He had never stepped foot into Adam's bedroom before. Adam had frequent visitors and always kept the door to his bedroom shut. In all the time that Kurt had spent in the apartment, he had never dared open it and trespass Adam's privacy.

Remembering the chocolates that he had hidden, he pulled his hand back. He retrieved them quickly and opted to knock lightly when he returned to Adam's door. When he heard Adam call out for him to enter, he reached for the doorknob again. This time he turned it and opened the door slowly.

He peeked in to find Adam sitting in a brown chaise lounge in the left back corner near the window. He looked up at Kurt with a bright and welcoming smile, beckoning Kurt to sit with him. Kurt closed the door behind him before crossing the room. Rather than sit up and make room for Kurt to sit next to him in the chair, Adam made room for Kurt to sit between his legs and recline back into his chest. Kurt sat and leaned back, allowing Adam to wrap his arms around his chest.

Kurt took a slow deep breath and looked around. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't what he saw. The room was painted a pale turquoise so light that it was nearly white. Adam's mattress sat on a brown platform frame with drawers underneath, with no headboard or footboard. It had a lovely vintage quilt made of brown and turquoise patterned fabric triangles that formed squares and rhombuses which was pulled up over the pillows. Besides the brown upholstered chair they sat in and the lamp that hung over it from the corner behind it, there was no other furniture in the room. There were no posters or art of any type hanging on the walls. Covering the window were pale turquoise curtains, in a slightly darker shade than the walls.

Adam reached down and picked up a bill organizer accordion file. He took out the first letter in the front file section out and handed it to Kurt, who tipped his head back with a perplexed looked. Adam just nodded and unfolded the letter where Kurt could read it.

Dear Me,

That's an unusual way to start a letter, but my therapist told me to write these letters to myself. Love letters. I can't think of a solitary thing that I can truthfully write that I love about myself or my life. Not a thing. But alas, I will not fail at the first task I've been asked to do. So, I'll start off with something that I don't hate about myself. I cook well enough to not rely solely on fast food, take out, or delivery.

That's as good as it gets for now.

Myself

Adam took the letter and folded it up and put it back in the file folder. He pulled out 51 more. one by one, and gave each one to Kurt to read. Adam had been prepared for the tears that would follow and moved a box of tissues within Kurt's reach. He had gone through quite a few by the time he got to the last letter.

Dear Me,

This is my 52nd letter, which means i've completed the task of writing love letters about myself and my life for a full year. I've learned a lot about myself and what I want from life, which are the best things about having completed this task.

I have myself, whom I have come to love, despite the massive amount of effort it took to get to this point. I have my life here in New York City, which after much internal struggle, I have also come to love. The Adam's Apples are meeting tomorrow for the first time this year. We'll be looking amongst the incoming first-years to see if we can find anyone crazy enough to join us. I'm actually looking forward to this school year. My sophomore year awaits, a blank canvas for me to paint.

As I've spent this year reflecting on one aspect of my life each week, I finally feel like I'm whole again. I've come to the end of the writing these love letters to myself. I've learned to see each part of my life as a blank canvas to create the life I want for myself. I'm looking forward to living my life, finishing my schooling, looking for a job, and to finding the man who will want to share this adventure we call "life" with me.

Myself

After Adam had folded up the last one that had been in the file, he picked up a notebook and handed it to Kurt.

My dearest Kurt,

Other than my therapist, you are the only person who knows about the letters. You, my darling, are the only person who has read them. I let her see that I had written one each week, but I never let her read them. It was a personal journey. It chronicled a broken 18-year-old's transition to a 19-year-ld who had been restored.

When I first saw you at the Winter Showcase, your beauty drew me to you immediately. As you sang, you left your nerves behind and the song flowed through you. As you finished, I could see your anxieties return. I wanted to rush up and tell you how amazing you were, but I was fairly certain that you would not believe me.

We met the first time as you were looking through the activities board. I wanted you to join the Apples. Desperately. Both because I thought you would make an amazing addition to the group, but also because I was so drawn to you.

Our rendition of "Baby Got Back" made you laugh. Your smile lit up the whole room. From your reaction of covering your laughter, I wondered how long it had been since you had laughed like that. I was determined to bring that smile out as often as I could.

The day you asked me out, I was screaming on the inside, all the while trying to look cool and collected on the outside. I had to dig deep into my acting lessons to even come close to pulling that off. We went out and had a great time. I learned that I was unfortunately right about what you thought of yourself. We started dating by the end of that week. I was determined not to let the most amazing man I had ever met slip through my fingers.

Sadly, I learned a lot by seeing you with Rachel and Santana. You were already seeing the counselor I had seen, the one that made me write the letters you read. I saw you grow stronger. You worked through your issues. You opened up to me. You blossomed at school. I saw how people looked at you. You could have used your Midnight Madness win as a way to the leap to the top of the heap, instead you used it to spread your protective wings over the Apples. You've graciously dealt with Rachel insufferable behavior and Santana's intrusive snooping for long enough to be considered for sainthood.

The last letter I wrote mentioned me looking forward to meeting a man who would want to share his life with me. It's my hope that you're that man. You already have my heart and a key to my apartment. Will you please move in with me and share this space with me?

I've kept the simplicity of the quilt my grandmother made for me when I turned 13 and got a larger bed, along with buying this chair to have a place to read for pleasure. The walls are a blank canvas we can decorate together, along with choosing some additional furniture – if you'll accept my offer. Please share my space and my life. I love you, darling. So much.

Your sweetheart for as long as you'll have me,
Adam

Kurt closed the notebook and laid it on the floor along with the box of tissues and the used ones he had balled up. He turned in Adam's arms, nodded, and kissed him.