It was so stupid but Raven did it anyway.
She did it every day, every night, and every minute if her mind could wrap around it.
As much as she attempted not to do this, it was inevitable.
She feared emotions.
How ridiculous it was, to be afraid of something invisible. Emotions have no physical definition. They weren't huge slime monsters or masterminds with a deceiving plot. They were merely imperceptible beings with labels on them.
That was the problem, however.
A state that was obscured came with so much power.
Feelings surface themselves into reality by ensnaring someone's senses.
All the same, it made the Titan anxious how overwhelming, dark, and deep her mental range could become.
A perfect, yet empty horizon laid outside the Tower. The light of day was draining away, which gave way to dusky colors, buzzing crickets, and street lights clicking on.
So here Raven was, standing in the Common Room.
At hand, was the movie Beastboy rented a while ago. Wicked Scary was printed in red across the cover. A green monster was illustrated chasing people. Her mind plunged into the abyss of the near past. Every detail was outlined transparently in her head, as if the scare happened yesterday.
Raven's eyes froze into a blank stare, her hand began to tremble, and goosebumps spread over her body.
"Raven?"
The abrupt voice startled the empath.
"Yes?" Raven pulled her hood over her head, then faced Beastboy.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Hey! Why are you touching that?" the changeling's eyes widened, seeing what his friend was holding.
"Reminiscing." Raven stated sarcastically.
"Why would you want to remember that night?"
"I don't know!"
Beastboy backed away in response to Raven's sudden outburst.
"I don't know, okay?! I don't. I'm trying my hardest not to remember but it's literally impossible."
Beastboy studied Raven's eyes carefully. They weren't untroubled or dull like usual. This time, they appeared unsettled and somewhat glassy.
"Easy, I didn't know this still bothers you." Beastboy's voice softened.
"It does, and it's just..."
Raven plopped herself on the couch.
"I don't want anyone to know."
"Why not?"
"I don't want anyone to think I'm some scaredy-cat. I mean how can someone like me get scared over a horror movie? That's stupid."
"Raven, for whatever reason you were afraid. Do you realize the same thing you're doing right now, is the same root of what happened?"
"What?"
"You're restraining your emotions again. That's why the monster came out in the first place."
"It's become so natural to me, to hide what I feel. From being a kid and having all of these dark weights to carry. I had to be strong for my mother and even stronger against my father. Then, to come here and be a hero. Having to put on a brave face everyday. Nobody wants a hero who is afraid. I accepted after a while, that I have to be strong for others... even when I am weak for myself." Raven pursed her lips and glanced down at the movie.
"It's something you were basically grown up with doing, so it's hard to break out of. Your circumstances didn't really give you much of a choice."
"Exactly. I've built these walls to protect myself from things, only to find that I'm trapped inside them."
"I get that."
"I also don't want to bother any of you guys with these kind of things. I know that you all struggle with your own pasts and insecurities, and I don't want to worry or burden you guys any further than you already are."
"I understand what you mean, it's hard, even for me. But I think all of us program ourselves that way. We know that people around us may feel the same way, but instead of that helping us, it hurts us even more. Because in the end, all we do is suck it up and wish for it to go away by tomorrow."
Raven's timid glance shifted to Beastboy, then back within her own space.
"It does make it hurt even more. I feel like I'm the only one at war, and everyone else is in a battle."
"Oof."
"I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm scared of what's inside it. When that monster came out I wasn't really afraid of it. I was scared... of myself," Raven paused.
"That's why it's so hard to confess to others how I feel. It's hard for me to admit to myself that I am struggling. It pains me more than anything else to have to stare my problems in the face."
"I think you do that more than you realize. You do have trouble managing your fears and stuff. But there always comes a time where you embrace them, and they are no longer your enemy. They become stepping stones to your strength. The time may not be now, but it will come. You just have to be patient." Beastboy reassured kindly.
"That's really sincere of you," Raven's cheeks warmed, "but patience isn't my strongest virtue."
"Yeah, clearly."
"What do you mean?" Raven's eyes sparked.
"N-nothing! It's just that you aren't the most patient person out there. Speaking from experience." Beastboy nervously chuckled.
He already knew some extent of Raven's power, and did not want to be a victim of it.
"I'm totally patient! Well... it depends on the person." Raven shyly giggled.
"Ouuu, so it varies? What's the reason behind you being so impatient with me?" Beastboy wiggled his eyebrows playfully.
"You're really working to get deleted from dimension Earth."