Me a month ago: I'll write a nice little one shot about this guilty pleasure of mine and it'll be great and awesome and-
Me now: *pure, unabashed angst with a dapple of happiness at the end*
Me now: Guess I'm turning this into a series~
If you're curious as to where the title of the fic and the chapter titles come from (or what the piece this is based off of sounds like), feel free to drop it in google alongside the name "Gustav Holst." (you may know him because of his work "The Planets") I've had to do quite a bit of research into Mr. Holst for school and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to reference some of my research in my writing.
Hope you enjoy this 9805 (or something like that) word chapter of angst with a happy ending!
...my love loves me
Home is where the heart is.
It's a mantra that Rex lives his life by. By the time he was old enough to start remembering things, he had already forgotten his parents. He had been raised by the entirety of Fonsett as a result. Eventually, once he was old enough, he had gone on to help the other adults with the responsibilities of raising the orphans in the village. It had just felt right to him. To give back to the people that had given so much to him. They weren't related to him by blood. They didn't owe him anything. But they still gave everything they could to him; their time, their resources, their love.
That has been his driving mantra his entire life. Giving. Giving back to the people important to him, even if they didn't give anything in return. It's why he took up salvaging. It's a horrid job but it pays well and helps keep Fonsett afloat in trying times. He hoped they would give something back to him. But he didn't expect that from others. He didn't sacrifice his time and his energy for people because he wanted something from him. He wanted them to be happy.
But there is a limit on how much one person can give. And, despite his best efforts, Rex knew he was reaching his limit. Three years into this little arrangement and he barely has time to take care of himself. Between filling out paperwork, assisting professors for introductory level classes, his own schoolwork, and another job, he is tired. If he didn't have Mythra to gently encourage him to eat and shower, he probably would skip both and elect to either sleep or get as ahead as he could with everything.
It didn't help that he really didn't want to return to the house he is living in. Rex has never thought of himself as much of a dancer. He has two left feet and a plethora of knee related health problems from salvaging. He could keep a steady beat and not much else. But he feels very much like a dancer, always tiptoeing around common spaces and awkward conversations. He feels like a stranger in his own house. Jin and Malos send odd glances at him anytime he so much as makes a soft noise. It's hard for him to discern why, too. The intensity of their gazes is too much to bear most of the time.
And really, they send odd glances anytime he comes out of the master bedroom or Mythra's studio. They have opposing schedules; Jin and Malos work during the day while he and Mythra work at night and in the early morning hours. Any attempts at conversation during the brief times when their schedules align are stilted and formal, even with Malos. He knows to expect it from Jin; he gets the feeling that he crossed a line when he claimed Jin as a blade. But Malos? The one who wanted him as a driver? He can't say that this distance didn't hurt, especially given how much time had passed. He genuinely enjoyed their company, even if it was slightly tense.
He supposes that he can't complain too much. Outside of his room and the adjacent areas, Jin and Malos do most of the house work, including the cooking. And he has the distinct feeling that the duo are still dealing with a lot of grief from their past. He knows from personal experience that it never bodes well when you are forced to move past grief faster than you're ready to. Besides, he has a lot of work to do for his degree. The world of marine biology had been completely turned on its head with the disappearance of the Cloud Sea and the crystal clear blue waters that had replaced it. Most of the work was research based which involved long nights or even days studying and writing papers and other logistical nonsense that came from studying the sciences. It's hard for him to work in a place with a lot of people moving about. The master bedroom is well adapted for his work. It had a spacious desk that he can spread out all of his papers on and store his supplies without anything going missing. It even has a place that he can store all of his sketchbooks in.
Speaking of sketching, he has more time to draw than he ever has before. It's one of his favorite pastimes. Most people don't expect it out of him. He looks too much like a jock to be a person that likes to draw. But it's relaxing for him. He has a sketchbook for nearly every leg of their journey. Scenery from Uraya, Gormott, Mor Ardain. There are multiple sketches of Pyra, Mythra, and Pneuma. Nia and Morag. Zeke and Pandoria. Vandam and Roc. Even the members of Torna; Akhos, Patroka, Sever. He looks them over occasionally, revisiting the crazy year and half that had shaped his current life into what it is now. There had been much heartbreak, undoubtedly. But it had left him more sure of himself than he ever thought he would be. It had left him with lifelong friendships and relationships. There is very little he would change about what had happened.
His current sketches focused on current aspects of his life. Which mostly consisted of his two housemates and Mythra. He makes sure to never leave his notebook out for them to see. He doesn't want them knowing that he draws them like this. He's managed to catch them when they seem more relaxed, commiting the image to memory before drawing it later when he has privacy. It's one of his most prized possessions.
One day, he hopes that they will grow comfortable enough with him to let their guard down when he's around. Perhaps that day would come when he finished his degree and he could spend more time at the house. Only time will tell.
"How are you faring? It's been a while since we've been able to see each other in person," Morag asks coolly, sipping lightly on her tea. Rex grins.
"I've been doing great!" He exclaims, leaning back in his seat. "I'm about halfway done with my degree. I have to say that I'm glad midterms are done. I was stressing so hard about this one class."
"Out of all the people in the world, I have to admit that you were the last person that I thought would pursue a degree," she says, brown eyes locking on his.
He laughs. "Well, I wasn't exactly expecting to go to school either. But I don't think any of us were exactly expecting the Cloud Sea to up and disappear like it did." Of course, he doesn't say that marine biology is one of the only careers that is both somewhat tolerable and also able to pay the bills. He doesn't say that it's because it gives him a legitimate excuse to leave the house and its confines. He doesn't say that he enjoys all the work because it gives him something to focus on when tensions run high. He doesn't say anything because she's the last person he should be talking with about his current situation.
"No. I'll have to give you credit there," she says. "But I'm afraid that you did not answer my question."
"Oh?"
"I didn't ask how well you were faring in school. I was more asking how well you are faring at home," she says. "How are things with Mythra?"
He resists the urge to sigh, forcing himself to remain as neutral as possible. "Mythra's doing fine. She's taken up painting as of late, as a coping mechanism of sorts. We set up a studio for her in the spare bedroom so that she can have a place of her own to work. Can't say I'm really surprised given that she's always had a bit of a thing for fine art."
"I see. And what of Jin and Malos?"
He tilts his head to the side. "I already submitted the report for this week. If I remember correctly, you are the person reading over them, right?"
"Indeed. But I was hoping to hear a little more than precise, formal reporting about behaviors. How have they been?" she asks, her gaze seeming to pierce through his soul. He hums thoughtfully, choosing his words carefully.
"Well, Jin's experimenting with baking again, much to Malos' dismay. Apparently there was an incident that he refers to as 'Mystery Food X', which he always brings up anytime Malos attempts to approach the kitchen. As for the aforementioned Aegis… Heh," he grins. "Did you know he can sing?"
"Oh?"
"Yeah. He doesn't do it often, especially if he thinks people are paying attention. But he likes to sing. He has a nice voice. Tenor, I think," Rex says. "I don't understand half of what he's singing about most of the time. But it's very relaxing to listen to."
"And you? What about you?"
"I'm… tired in all honesty," Rex says, finally giving into what Morag is trying to get at. "Most of my classes going forward are going to involve fieldwork which means I'm going to be spending less time at the house."
"I see. Are you taking care of yourself at least?" She asks.
"As much as I can. If I didn't, Mythra can and will bash me over the head with a pillow until I shower or eat," Rex says, chuckling.
"I'm going to be honest with you Rex: I'm concerned. I've watched you grow more and more withdrawn over the past three years. Is there anything that I can do to help?"
He can't hold back the sigh this time. There are a lot of things that she can do. She could set Jin and Malos free. She could stop requiring them to work so that he can fix their sorry excuse of a relationship. She could force them to interact with him. But, at the same time, she can't do those things. They need to face the consequences of their actions. And she can't make Jin and Malos acknowledge him. She can't make them want to do anything with him. She can't give them all the courage to face their issues instead of dancing around them.
He sets his drink down. "I appreciate your concern, Morag. But I'm fine. Really." He stands up. "I'm afraid that I'll have to catch you another time. My next class starts in twenty minutes and it's a bit of a walk."
"Well, that went well," Brighid says as he walks away. Morag shakes her head.
"I'm concerned about him. He hasn't healed from what's happened," she says. The blade hums.
"I don't think that's all of it. You noticed how he spoke of Jin and Malos right? When he started talking about what living with them was like?"
"Yes," she says. "It seems that they have morphed into something of an obligation for him."
"What a steep obligation it is," the blade murmurs, shaking her head.
It's around that time that he first starts to notice that he's developed something of a crush on his housemates. He actively ignores it, however, choosing to go about his daily life like nothing had changed. He knows that he falls hard. He falls hard and fast and once it starts it's almost impossible to stop. He doesn't need to complicate things further. It's not a matter of their preferences not matching; he's come back to the house several times only to walk back out after hearing what they sometimes got up to with each other.
No. It's infinitely more complicated than preferences. But he can't help it. Malos is more compassionate and caring than he likes to let on. Considerate, too, given that hasn't once eaten something twice that he doesn't like. And Jin is the same but not as overt. It's the same things that lead him to fall in love with Pyra.
Reality, however, is very sobering when it wants to be. And it will take some astronomical luck for them to even glance his direction.
He's going home soon. It's been over a year since he's last seen Auntie Corrine in person. He invited them all to come with but they decided to stay at the house instead of taking time off. It doesn't surprise him but it does sting a little. Even Mythra declined. When he asked her about it, she said that she needed to take care of some business with Nia, who would be in the area. He accepts her reasoning without question. She may be his blade but she has autonomy and doesn't have to be attached to him 24/7.
Besides, it would give him a chance to think about what he is going to do about this… predicament.
Rex's vacation is supposed to last a week. Mythra isn't stupid, however. After exemplary performance and reports, Jin and Malos are now cleared to be alone without direct supervision. Additionally, reports only have to be once a month now. She knows that he's going to stay home as long as he can.
Why would he return, when all he feels when he's at the house is misery? When he doesn't even consider the house he's lived in for the past three years home? Who would do that?
That's why she's here, at a random upper class bar in Mor Ardain. Officially, Nia chose to become a traveling healer after the war and just so happened to be in Mor Ardain when Rex left. Unofficially, she travels to help flesh eaters reintegrate themselves into society and inform them of legal support networks to combat prejudice and fight for their right to exist without surveillance. It left her with the prime opportunity to do something that she had been wanting to do for a while. She needs help. Or rather, she is going to need help in the future. And she could think of no other person fit for the job (Roc notwithstanding) than Nia.
Nia's happy to see her. They catch up on recent events between small talk, nursing drinks. Nia's perceptive, however, and immediately picks up on her unanswered question.
"Hit me with it," Nia says. "It looks like you've been holding this in for a while."
"Let's say this all gets miraculously resolved in seven years, when he's twenty nine or thirty. Jin and Malos get to roam free and we're free to live our lives as we want. So ten years total. If he's lucky, that's going to be one tenth of his lifespan," Mythra begins, crossing her legs together. "You don't slave away for one tenth of your lifespan for just anyone. It has to be someone special. Someone important to you. Certainly not for the people who are responsible for all the terrible things in your life. I don't care how empathetic you are."
Nia's ears flatten to the back of her head, already picking up on her implications. "You aren't saying that he…"
"I don't even think he realizes it. If he does, he's doing a damn good job of hiding it," Mythra says, miserable. "It might have started off as a need to save everyone. But it's morphed into something a lot more and a lot deeper. You know about his sketchbook right?"
"Who doesn't?" Nia asks. "He has time to sketch?"
"Yes. Sometimes he'll even forgo sleep to draw. It's his way of coping with the living situation. A lot of the more recent sketches are of them in a more domestic setting. Unlike how they act in real life, they appear happy. Content. Joyful, even," Mythra says. "I think that's what he wants. He wants them to be happy."
"And he wants them to be happy with him in their life," Nia finishes.
"Yeah," Mythra says, tears gathering at the edges of her vision. "But for as much as he sees in them, they don't seem to see a lot in him. They tolerate him, sure. They're not mean. But they're so standoffish most of the time that neither of us want to be around them for more than a few minutes a day. Trying to talk with them is like trying to navigate a minefield. With me, I get it. I'm not exactly on their list of 'Nicest People in the World.' But Rex?"
"Even Malos?"
She nods. "Even Malos. Although Jin's definitely the worse of the two."
"So what's your question, then? Are you wanting me to intervene? I doubt that I'd be able to be much help to be honest,"
"No. They're going to have to work out their differences on their own," Mythra says, choking on her own spit. "I need you to help me. When it happens, whatever it is, it's going to crush him. Not unlike what happened after the World Tree," They didn't talk about that. The events immediately preceding the World Tree was a sore spot for everyone, especially Rex. She had never seen his eyes as dull as they had been then. "I can't pull him back together myself. Not again. He's going to need the support from everyone he knows. Especially from his blades. I'd ask Roc but he's off running the Mercenary's in Rex's stead."
"Right," Nia says, eyes twitching. She places a hand over Mythra's, staring into her eyes. "You have my word that I'll be there. He's my driver too."
"Thank you. Nia," she says, eyes watering.
"I'll be staying in Mor Ardain for about a year helping establish some support networks. He's going to the university here, right?" Nia asks, crossing her legs. "Maybe we can meet to get lunch on occasion. It would be nice to see him more regularly. Traveling is not quite the same without him, you know?"
"Yeah," she says, throat suddenly dry. "Yeah. That's a good start."
She's afraid for him. If he pushes in just the right way at just the right time, it could completely destroy the fragile peace they've worked so hard to achieve. And she knows that he can't take that. She'll occasionally wake up to find him absentmindedly running his hand through her hair, staring intently at one specific spot in the room. She knows that look all too well; it's the look of someone who is lost in their memories or their own head. It usually takes him a while to snap out of it and go back to sleep.
She doesn't want to know what it would look like if he accidentally drives away the people he's sacrificing everything for.
Despite lacking her foresight abilities, it seems that her intuition has not suffered in the slightest. It had been a bad day for everyone. Jin and Malos had been harassed by some of the supervising officers, leading to some of the soldiers trying to attack the blades. They didn't fight back but the ensuing chaos and paperwork had been a mess. Rex had come back late from an atrocious day at work. All in all, it was a recipe for disaster. She doesn't know exactly what sets things off. One moment she is chopping up meat for soup and the next she hears is them arguing with each other. She freezes at first, the sound of people shouting bringing back memories she's tried to keep buried. Eventually, she wanders out into the living room, taking in the scene. All three of them are livid.
Arguing is a natural part of a relationship. But there is a line that shouldn't be crossed.
"You're not Addam and you never will be. Stop trying," Malos says, shaking his head. "And stop trying to butt into our business while you're at it. If we wanted to include you in on things, we would."
"You won't even be what we need," Jin says, frustration painting his face. "We wanted to die. We didn't ask you to save us. We didn't ask that you spare us. We chose to give our lives for what we believed in. And then you had to step in and interfere, tying our fate to you. One wrong move and it's the end for us. It doesn't matter how much you reassure us that you won't use your power against us. It doesn't matter how much. Because you're human. A glorified jailer for a gilded cage."
Despite lacking her foresight abilities, Mythra can see the precise moment when Rex's heart shatters into a million pieces. There's a hint of remorse on Jin's face as soon as the words tumble out of his mouth; much like Rex's comment earlier, Jin most likely said it out of stress. But the damage has already been done. She watches as Rex chokes on his own breath, his entire body flinching. He slowly backs away, hand rising to steady himself against the couch, before he stumbles out of the house, rushing in the direction of the small cove that he had created for himself several kilometers out.
It takes her a second to process what she's feeling, to process what had just happened. When it processes, she does the first thing that comes to mind. She grabs the knife that she had been using to chop the meat, hurling in towards Jin in a blur of yellow light. It grazes the side of his ear, embedding itself into the wall behind him.
"If you want to die so badly, then you can use that to kill yourself," she says coldly, turning around to speed after her driver. She pauses at the door, speaking as she leaves. "I know you don't have the greatest of experiences with humanity. I get it. But he doesn't deserve this." She waves her hand in the air. "This is what they're counting on, you know. They're counting on us tearing each other, namely Rex, apart until he can't pick himself up. He's your only line of defense and they know it. They're waiting. And when you toss him aside like trash, they'll descend on you like sharks in water. And I'll stand back and watch."
She rushes off in a blur, following his footprints. She knows her driver. She knows what he's going through, what he's feeling. She is not mad. Far from it. She has never thought ill of his capacity for love. Of his capacity to give. She had always been willing to share with Pneuma and Pyra before they realized what they had to do. She had even been willing to share with Nia before the flesh eater's gaze turned elsewhere (she still loved Rex, mind you, but not in that way). It's comforting, in a way. His capacity to love. It's something that she used to reassure herself that she is lovable, that someone does care for her.
But it also comes with a price. It is a gamble to give so much of yourself away and hope the people around you returned the favor. Sometimes, it pays off. Other times, not so much. Unfortunately for them both, she has a feeling which situation this was turning into. She finds him laying in the field under the stars, gaze distant. His cheeks and eyes are puffy and red, dried tears painting his face. It hurts her even more when she forms an ether connection with him. Her legs give out from underneath her as the oxygen is abruptly knocked out of her lungs, heartbeat swelling and decaying in tempo with every passing thought. She crawls over to him, pulling him close.
"Will you be there for me?" The broken, dry tone to his voice makes her heart ache. "Will you be there to pick up the pieces when they reject me? When I can't take it anymore?"
"Rex…" She purses her lip, electing not to say the obvious.
"I'm trying Mythra. I'm trying so hard. But I don't feel that it's enough for them. And I don't want to mention this to them because I don't want them to think I'm manipulating them. But…" Tears glisten at the edges of his eyes. "Then they accuse me of not doing enough. I don't know what to do Mythra. I-" His voice cracks harshly as he speaks. "I just- I'm trying."
"Shhh…" She reassures, running her fingers through his hairs as he sobs quietly. "You are trying. And you're doing so well. You've come so far in such a short period of time. You've done so much for us. We will never be able to repay you for everything that you have done. For everything that you're doing."
She holds him until he falls asleep, breaths disjointed even while resting. Her voice falls to a whisper. "I can't make them understand. I can't make them want to do anything with you." She sighs. "But I'll be here for you, like you were there for me. For Pyra. For Pneuma. It's my turn to help you."
She has to carry him back to the house. His body is fraught with tension the entire way, hands gripping her for dear life. Thankfully, the house is empty when they return, the knife still embedded in the wall. She draws a bath for him, carefully washing the dried tears and grime from his face and body. After drying him off, she eases him into bed, letting him rest against her side. For the first time, she notices how eerily quiet the house is. She's gotten so used to living with three people that the sudden absence of two makes all the difference.
He falls in and out of a restless sleep, hand clasped tightly around her own. She doesn't sleep at all, rubbing his face and shoulders when he starts to hyperventilate. Reluctantly and only after she's sure he'll be fine, she leaves their bed early the next morning to stalk into their housemates' room, around the time they would be getting up. She throws the object in her hand with a little more force than necessary, hitting Jin flat in the face. She can't bring herself to care much, least of all for even an insincere apology.
"What-"
"Open it. Flip through the pages. Look at what he's drawn. Read what he wrote," she commands. He glares at her but she matches his gaze with her own. She is done cowering away from them because of guilt. They had crossed a line. And they were going to feel it.
The first few pages are recreations from the trial. Rex had been watching virtually, watching as they gave testimony as to what had been fabricated. That's not what she wants them to see, however. She made a 'keep going gesture'. Malos flipped a little farther in, landing on a picture of Jin. It had been one of the many times he had left for the market, selecting vegetables for lunch or dinner. He was bent over one of the stalls, a contemplative look on his face as he gathered some onions.
"That's actually pretty good," Malos acknowledges, flipping to the next page. This time, it was of Jin and Malos lying together on the couch. Sometimes, they were so exhausted by a day's work that they didn't make it to the bedroom and just crashed on the couch. This depicted one such occurrence. Malos was splayed all across the couch fast asleep, Jin resting on top of him.
"When did he get this one?" Jin asks. "Blade armor isn't easy to draw. The detail work had to have taken hours."
"It was the time you actually slept all through the night," Mythra responds. "You aren't the only one who is light on their feet. Keep going."
The next few pictures featured a few of her and Rex. In one, they were having a picnic in the park. In the next, they were cuddling on the couch in a manner similar to what Malos and Jin had been. In the next, well…
Malos snickers, smirking. "Well, at least he knows his anatomy…"
She glares at him, unamused, voice laced with thick sarcasm. "Haha. So funny. He's drawn me naked with my consent. It's not like we have sex with each other or anything. Keep going . I'm trying to prove a point."
The next drawing is of Malos. He's wearing a form fitting tank top and leggings, propped against a tree in midday reading a book. She watches as they fawn over the detail, tracing lightly over the various different aspects of it.
"'He's so muscular,'" Malos repeats, reading a comment on the back of the page. "'I'm not even sure if I'm getting this completely right since I've never seen him outside of his armor. Kinda makes a guy envious, you know? I would do just about anything to have that much muscle.'"
"That's actually pretty spot on," Jin comments.
"What can I say? He likes muscles," Mythra says. Malos raises an eyebrow but doesn't comment. He flips to the next page, which features Jin. He's lying in an open field on his back, taking a nap in the afternoon sun. Even though it was drawn in pencil, Rex managed to portray Jin in an almost angelic way.
"'Blade armor is so hard to draw.'" Jin repeats. "'So many small details and intricacies. I'm almost afraid to ask given how much he seems to hate me (they both do, really) but I would love to see him in the flesh eater outfit again. It looks like it would be a nice challenge.'" The flesh eater frowns, glancing up at her. "Does he really think we hate him?"
"Yes," She says. "You barely give him the time of day. When you do, it's so awkward that he doesn't know what to do. When he tries to break the ice, you both retreat inward and then we're back at square one. It's been like this for the past three years."
She closes her eyes as Malos flips to the next page. She knows what picture is up next without having to look. It was a full body sketch of one of the conductor's from the AP's annual Conducting Symposium. Rex had decided to go on a whim after work since they opened it up to the public in the year following the solidification of borders. She had joined him after completing her duties, interested to see how such an event worked. It was a lot more fun than she had expected. Watching some of the conductor's get roasted by the guest conductor and watching some hold in their barely concealed anger was delicious. But there was one conductor that stood out from the rest.
The piece that was played (the name escaped her at the moment) was about loving someone so much that you let them go to live their life freely. He had talked about his daughters and how he would have to let them go one day. And he had told the musicians that he hoped that they too would find someone like that in their lives. She remembers him freezing on the spot for a brief second before resuming his sketch. Neither of them had dry eyes in the following intermission.
"'I can't get his words out of my head.'" Malos repeats. "'It's funny, how I keep finding myself in these situations. Maybe I am just that dumb bastard that falls in love too quickly. I shouldn't be in love with them, all things considered. They barely give me the time of day. Then again, it was the same thing with Pyra and Mythra and Pneuma, at first."
"'Seven more years'" Jin repeats. "'That's more time than I got with Pyra, with Pneuma, by far. Gotta make it count before I have to let them go.'"
"He's in love with us…?" Malos questions. She resists the urge to march over and slap him.
"Maybe I'm looking back with rose tinted glasses but I thought you came to an understanding. I thought you genuinely wanted to get along with him," she says, closing her eyes. "If you really don't want anything to do with him, fine. You're not obligated to. But don't string him along like this. Stop pretending to care only to pull back and give him the cold shoulder. If he breaks apart again, I can't put him back together. We've… been talking with the lawyers. If the cards are played right, this little arrangement will be fifteen years total, at most. But it should be no more than seven additional years if it works out like we hope. That should be nothing to you both, considering how old you are."
"Mythra…" Jin says.
"Don't." She says, marching forward. She shuts the book with care, tucking it underneath her arm. "Just don't. I don't want to hear excuses for why you can't be an adult and communicate."
"We need to talk," Malos says, leaning against the wall. Rex bristles at the address, walking around the furniture. "This is getting ridiculous."
"Fine," Rex says. "Mythra should be here any minute now."
Malos would have to give Rex credit; when he didn't want to be found, you wouldn't find him. As far as he could tell, Rex hadn't been home in close to two weeks. Where he stayed, he didn't know. Given that Mythra hasn't thrown a fit, he assumes its at a friend or close allies place. They gather in the living room as they wait for Mythra, tension thicker than when they had first arrived at the house. When she does, she immediately takes her place next to Rex. He can already tell that this is going to be one hell of a conversation.
Jin holds a hand up, stopping Rex before he can open his mouth. "You made a stupid comment, Rex. I think we can all agree on that. And I also think we can all agree that you probably didn't mean it and that you're probably going to spend the next ten minutes apologizing for. But we took it way too far. And that's something that I can't apologize enough for."
"I apologize as well. I didn't even mean what I said," Malos says, sitting on the edge of the couch, arms crossed. "We're broken, Rex. We're both broken. Both, funnily enough, having to do with what happened to our drivers."
He watches the anger flash across the face of both driver and blade. He sighs. "It's not an excuse. We are as responsible for our own actions just as the both of you are. What we did was uncalled for one hundred percent. But I think it's high time you both understand where we're coming from and why we are the way we are." He pauses. "That is, if you're willing to listen."
To his surprise, Mythra's gaze is the one that softens. Rex's remains closed off and cold.
"Addam didn't… end his life immediately after the war ended. It happened a couple years after," he begins, sitting in the edge of the couch, growing quiet. "I stayed with him after everything had happened. He rarely spoke and spent most of his time staring off in the distance, lost in his own memories. Minoth, who you know as Cole, and I tried to engage him in conversation and get him to interact with his family. His wife fell pregnant shortly before he resonated with me and gave birth shortly after the war ended. But even his family couldn't help him. Minoth had to leave after about a year and a half, not wanting to draw attention to us as the propaganda about flesh eaters really started to spread."
He clears his throat, wrapping a blanket around himself. "I think, looking back, Jin appearing on our doorstep was the last straw. Nothing had to be explained; he just seemed to know. I remember," he sucked in a deep breath, air hitching at the back of his throat. "I remember going to bed that night restless, barely able to sleep. I wish I hadn't tried. He was gone the next morning. I didn't get to even say goodbye."
"Malos…" Rex says, glare softening. It hurts to see his driver like this. Despite having every reason to hate his guts, Rex still had enough compassion and empathy to share his pain.
"I don't mean to compare you. You're similar in a lot of ways but different in others," he says, wiping away the tears gathering at the edges of his eyes. "I've never been the best at dealing with emotions. Five hundred years of almost total isolation didn't help that. I need you to tell me what you need from me. Because I don't know. I don't know how to human. I lost that part of me when I lost Addam."
"Malos…" Rex says, approaching tentatively. When his driver clasps their hands together, he can't resist it anymore. He pulls Rex into a bone crushing hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Rex freezes momentarily before returning the embrace, wrapping his arms around his waist.
"I knew Lora for over twenty years," Jin begins, eyes watching Rex and him settle together on the couch. "She was a child when she resonated with me. I was, am, a powerful blade. I was actually in a similar position to Brighid, being the blade passed down in the Tornan military. Her sorry excuse for a father tried to kill her because he wanted my power for himself. I sliced his arm off and ran off with her. We joined a band of mercenaries that raised her and educated her since I wasn't at all qualified to help a child."
He closes his eyes. "Eventually, we started working together as driver and blade, working for the same mercenary group. Since I was technically a stolen blade, I needed a way to blend in with humans. So Lora created a mask for me. We managed to stay anonymous for a little while until Addam tracked us down. After a brief skirmish, we teamed up and eventually found ourselves in the middle of the Aegis War."
"We fell in love," Jin says softly. "After the war, we were going to find a quiet place to settle down and live the rest of our lives in. We were tired of the conflict and being named one of the Knights of Torna would have given us more than enough to comfortably live on. But as we escaped Torna to Spessia, Amalthus ordered the bombing of the titan. She got caught in a blast and let me take her heart so that I would remember."
"Jin…" Rex says, eyes watering. Jin stands up and pulls Rex close, resting his forehead against the human's.
"I'm sorry. When I said what I said earlier, I was trying to hurt you. I specifically said things that I knew would hurt you. And I'll spend however long you need me to to make up for it," Jin says. "I'm also sorry for being so distant. It's been a while since either of us have had anything close to a normal relationship with someone. With the others, it was five codependent people who fed into each other's grief that relied only on each other. It's going to take a little while longer for us to adjust to this."
"I just want you to be okay. Preferably happy," Rex says, hiding his face in Jin's shoulder. "It doesn't have to be that type of happiness where you have a husband or wife with five kids, three dogs, and a white picket fence. But I want… I just want you to be okay. There's really no other way for me to say it."
"Amen," Malos says quietly, sitting up. "We can start by spending more time together as a group. I barely feel like you're my driver."
"It doesn't even feel like you're my blade at all," Rex admits, reaching behind him running his fingers over the blade's knuckles. "I tried reaching out more but I stopped after it only seemed to piss you off."
"Yeah. Sorry about that…" He murmurs, scooting closer to them. He leans over, resting against Rex. They fell into a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts. The combination of a long day at work, the adrenaline rush he had just experienced, and the presence of the blades next to him lulls Rex into a deep sleep.
Mythra leans against the wall, hands resting behind her tailbone. "Throwing a knife at your head was probably not the smartest idea, all things considered."
"It got your point across," Jin says. "And I think that we needed it."
"It did," she acquiesces. "Look, stop taking your anger at me out on him. I'm responsible for a lot of things; he is not."
"I'm not angry with you. That's not even the reason I'm so frustrated," Jin says, sighing.
"It's my fault. I've been trying to get him to interact with Rex but he's being a stubborn ass about it," Malos says. "He's not exactly happy about Rex claiming to be his driver."
"Do you know why he did that, even knowing what Jin's stance is on that?"
"It was for our defense. He wouldn't have been able to stick his neck out for blades that weren't his own," he says. She shakes her head.
"It's a lot more than that. Do you even know what William's law is?" Mythra asks. "I didn't until I looked it up."
"I tried but I couldn't find anything concrete," Jin says. "I only found a couple mentions of it."
"It can be invoked at any point before the trail officially comes to a close. It allows the driver to take the punishments for their blades for themselves while the blades escape without punishment," Mythra says. "Did you know that torture is legally allowed under Ardanian law? They don't call it that, of course, but that's what it is."
"He would have taken both of your life sentences, which would have been torture until you both faded away into the ether," Mythra says, standing up straight. "That's what I mean when I say you should consider just exactly what he has done for you. Because he would have gone through with it. He was prepared to go through with it."
Malos' eyes widen. "Leftheria wouldn't allow that."
"No. They wouldn't," Mythra acknowledges. "But once it's been invoked, nothing can be done. This is the Ardnanian Senate we are talking about."
Jin grunts. "You're right." He rests his hand on top of Rex's head. "I'll try. To be better."
"No. You're not going to try. You're going to be better," Mythra corrects, twisting a lock of hair in her hand.
"Sheesh. Pushy, aren't we?" Malos murmurs, resting his hand on top of Jin's. "But you're right. We'll be better. It's what he deserves for everything he's done for us."
Somewhere, far in the distance, a star pulses brightly.
When Rex wakes, he finds himself on top of a very familiar hill. He blinks owlishly, glancing to see Jin, Malos, and Mythra laying down next to his side. Yawning, he lazily stands up, stretching his limbs.
"Hello there. It's Rex, right?" A voice says. He startles, jumping back several paces. He turns his head to the side, meeting eyes with a tall, muscular man with silver hair and shimmering golden eyes. He has never seen the person before in his entire life but a name slips out of his mouth anyways.
"Addam...?" he asks, squinting. The man opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by another voice behind him.
"No…" Malos says, voice airy. "It can't be... "
"Malos!" the man says cheerfully, grinning from side to side. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up. You certainly haven't changed since the last time I saw you."
"Addam…!" the blade chokes, surging forward to engulf his driver in a tight embrace. "How… Is this some kind of fucked up dream?"
"Not quite. I'm not exactly sure how but it is me here," Addam says. "As is Lora, if you want to see her, Jin. She's standing near the top of the hill."
Rex watches as Jin shakily stands and rushes up the hill. He completely understands, given the circumstances. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Mythra stand up, stretching.
"Addam... I..." Malos begins.
Addam shakes his head. "Now none of that. There's no need to cry. We have a lot of things to catch up on, don't we?"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Malos says, voice thin and hoarse. "I tried to help you but…!"
"Stop right there. I made the decision to end my own life. There was very little you could have done to help me. Everything, everyone that I knew, was gone. Milton, Lora, Haze, Hugo, my country, my home… All gone in the blink of an eye," Addam says, pulling Malos close. "It's not your fault Malos. You did nothing wrong."
It seems that was all it took; Malos starts sobbing, burying his face in his driver's shoulder. Rex approaches briefly to reassuringly squeeze one of Malos' hands before making his way over to his blade.
"Why are we here?" he asks quietly, averting his gaze out of respect.
"I think… I think Pneuma brought us here. But there's only one way to find out," Mythra says. "I think we should give them space. It's getting a little… steamy."
"Yeah," Rex says, smiling as the two share a passionate kiss. "I think we should. They deserve it, after all this time. Isn't the tree a little up ahead?"
"If this really is the memory space of Elysium, it should be a short hike," Mythra says. Rex gives a small smile to Lora when he passes by her and Jin. He's resting his head in her lap, stretched out and comfortable. They continue on. Anticipation builds in his gut as he approaches a familiar scene. Pyra stands to the right of the tree, hand resting against the trunk. Pneuma stands to the left, arms crossed as she gazes into the distance. They turn back to him, arms spread wide, as he sprints towards them, tackling them in a hug. Immediately, the tears start falling but he can't bring himself to care.
"Rex..." Pyra soothes.
"Architect how I've missed you. Missed you both," he sobs, burying his face in her shoulder. She pulls him close, Pneuma hugging him from behind. They stay like that until he calms down. After another round of hugs from Mythra, they sit underneath the tree and catch up. He tells them all about what happened after the World Tree. He tells them about how hard it has been to stay strong in the face of all the adversity he's face. He tells about Jin and Malos and how he thinks that he might be developing feelings for them. How he cares for them but how they don't seem to care for him back.
"The best thing you can do is to have patience," Pyra advises. "They'll come around eventually. Their trauma, much like ours, runs deep."
"I agree. I also think that you will be pleasantly surprised by what may come if you just wait," Pneuma says, running her fingers though his hair.
"Okay," he mumbles, still in disbelief. "I trust you."
Eventually, they find themselves gazing upon the memory of Elysium. He stands in the middle of Pyra and Mythra, holding their hands. Pneuma wraps her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on his head. It feels… comforting. Like what home feels like. Like waking up to the smells of Auntie Corrine's cooking in the middle of the harsh Leftherian winters. He lets himself enjoy the moment, taking in the sensation of holding (or being held by) all of the people he loves. He isn't going to get another chance like this so he's going to take as much as he can.
After some time, he hears four sets of footsteps tentatively approach them.
"You guys enjoy yourselves?" He asks, barely able to contain the grin wanting to show on his face. Jin snorts as Malos mumbles something incoherently. He imagines that the blade is blushing rather profoundly. He almost wants to turn around and see it for himself but he also wants to stay right where he is. Because he knows they're together on borrowed time.
"So you're their driver… It's nice to finally meet you, Rex," Lora says.
"It's nice to meet you as well, Lora," he says. "Even though I can't see you because a certain blade has a vice grip around my shoulders."
"Oops." Pneuma says, letting go. He turns to face them, a somber smile on his face. Malos and Jin looked so happy standing by their original drivers. He didn't think he ever recalled such an easy going smile on Jin before. Malos was constantly shifting his weight back and forth, unable to contain his excitement after seeing his driver. (Although, that could just be the endorphins talking.) They talk until the sun in the sky starts to set and they feel the exhaustion that comes from socializing.
"Lie down with me, won't you?" Addam asks quietly, pulling Malos close as they lay underneath the tree. "You always wanted to fall asleep in my arms."
"But…" Malos protests. Rex's heart aches at the pure emotion in the blade's voice. He completely understands what Malos is feeling. How he doesn't want to let go because he's never going to get this opportunity again.
"If you don't want to fall asleep, then just rest," Rex suggests softly. Malos eventually gives in, burying his face in Addam's shoulder, clutching for dear life. He turns away as they whisper to each other, giving them as much privacy as he can.
"Take care of him as long as you can, will you?" Lora asks, a strange tone to her voice. Rex raises an eyebrow.
"I ask that you do the same for Malos. I failed rather spectacularly in that endeavor," Addam says. "But the past is the past. They will need your support in the future."
"I have been," Rex says. "But I have a feeling that there's something else that you're implying, isn't there?"
"Ask Minoth about it when you see him next," Addam says. "And give him my regards, will you?"
"Of course," Rex asks, pulling Pyra closer. Pneuma settles at his back, wrapping her arms around his waist. Mythra elects to sleep on top of him, arms wrapped protectively around his torso. He falls asleep to the comforting sounds of their breathing, a prayer of thanks on his lips.
Both Mythra and himself nearly launch themselves out of bed once they wake up. His heart is beating so quickly that he's sure it's audible to everyone in the house. They share a look of understanding before climbing out of bed. They take a total of two steps before the doors to the bedroom are abruptly swung open. His heart melts at the grief stricken look on the blades' faces. With Mythra's help, he gently ushers them in bed. After several minutes of shifting limbs, he finds himself cuddled face to face with Malos on one side of the bed. On the other, Jin has his arm wrapped around Mythra's torso, holding her as close to him as physically possible.
It's a tight squeeze. Their bed is comfortable enough for himself and Mythra and he reckons that it would be comfortable enough to fit Jin and Malos by themselves as well. But not all four of them. Especially since the aforementioned blades dwarfed both of them in size considerably.
But it was only for one night. And he doesn't blame them at all for what they're feeling. They're all hurting and reeling from what just happened and he isn't going to deny them the comfort they needed.
Their dynamic shifts noticeably after that. When Mythra and him come home early in the morning, they eat a meal with Jin and Malos before heading to bed, chatting about what they had encountered during their shift. When Jin and Malos return home, they find that dinner has already been cooked and waiting for them as he and Mythra head out to work or school. On their days off, they spend their time together, bonding over topics ranging from the flowers growing outside their home to the more serious ones regarding their past. It's during one such day off that Rex senses something is different. Malos had been constantly shifting his weight between his feet, arms crossed in front of him as he sat at the end of the couch. Jin pointedly refused to look in his direction, slightly hunched over as he sat back into the cushions. Mythra was sitting next to Jin, not making eye contact with him.
They are nervous about something. He just can't figure out what.
"So... We have something to tell you, Rex," Malos begins, sighing. "And... I know you're not going to be exactly happy, necessarily. But we need you to listen to what we have to say."
"Okay. Shoot," he says, strangely nervous.
"Do you remember when we had that big fight?" Malos asks. He nods. "Mythra came into our room the next morning to give us a piece of her mind. Instead of yelling at us, however, she threw something at our faces."
"It was your most recent sketchbook," Jin says, looking him in the eye. "She made us look through the entire thing."
He freezes, panic starting to settle. "I'm sorry for violating your privacy like that, Rex. But I needed to make them understand what exactly they were doing to you."
He swallows the lump in his throat. "So you saw everything... including the one about the...?"
"The conductor? Yes." Jin confirms.
He takes a deep breath, shaking. His voice grows quiet, cracking as he utters his question. "And...?"
"I don't think I feel for you in the same way that you feel for me. I don't think I'm ready to call you my driver just yet either," Jin says, holding up a hand. "But I feel something. Something a little different than friendship. And I'd like to see where it goes. Is that alright with you?"
"Yes. That's more than okay," Rex whispers, not bothering to hide his relief. It isn't exactly what he is hoping for but it was infinitely better than rejection. "And you?"
"Same deal here, Rex. Same here," Malos replies. He stumbles forward and sits on the other side of Jin, leaning back. The flesh eater places a comforting hand on his thigh, squeezing as he takes shaky breaths.
"So what are we then?" Mythra asks.
"We're something," Jin says, letting her head fall on his shoulder. "I don't think we need to rush to label anything just yet. Or ever. To be honest, Malos and I haven't really put a label on ourselves and we've been intimate for several hundred years."
Rex hums, taking a deep breath. Yes. They didn't need to rush head first into anything just yet. Just being them, together in some fashion, is enough for now. He allows Jin to pull him onto his body, their chest flushes against each other. It's... such a sappy thing to think about but the sensation of a person simply breathing wasn't like anything else he could describe. He pressed his ear over Jin's heart, letting its steady rhythm calm the restless energy in his body. Malos slides down into the space he had previously occupied, head resting on Jin's other shoulder. For the very first time, Rex feels like he's home. Like this is the place that he's meant to be. He glances up at Jin, locking eyes before quickly averting his gaze, face flushing.
"If you really want this, then you're going to have to get used to looking me in the eyes. I'm not that intimidating," Jin says. He huffs a laugh in spite of himself.
"Has anyone told you that you have very intense eyes?" Rex asks, forcing himself to gaze back at the flesh eater. He lightly cups the side of Jin's face, face warming at the tender looks he receives. "It's how you express your emotions. And even though you're not as transparent about it, you feel just as deeply as me, Malos, and Mythra do. It's a lot to process."
"Lora said the same thing, as did Addam, Malos, Mikhail, Akhos…" Jin says, amusement shining through his face. "Your eyes hold quite a bit of emotion too."
"Great," Malos groans, linking their hands together. "Next thing you know they're both going to spout cringy poetry about emotional expression through eyes or some shit like that."
Jin sends him a deadpan look. "Please. We both know who's the poet out of the two of us. Shall I read-"
"That won't be necessary," Malos says. Mythra chuckles before asking a question.
"What are we going to do about sleeping arrangements? Are you both comfortable with joining us in bed or...?"
"I would love for us to sleep in the same bed," Malos begins. "But it's really cramped for me."
"Same here," Jin says.
"Well, looks like we have an excuse to buy a bigger, and better, bed then," Rex says, grinning.
One order form and a hefty price tag later, a new bed is on its way. In the meantime, they all find themselves sleep in the living room, spread out in a tangle of limbs on the longest and biggest piece of furniture that they own. When the bed finally arrives, thankfully during a space of time where they have a couple of days off, Malos and Jin do most of the heavy lifting while Mythra and him focus on putting the frame together. He's happy when they all finally sink into it at the end of the night, cuddling close with ample space to spread out if they need it.
There's still a lot to be said and a lot to think about. A lot of history between individuals hasn't been addressed. He knows that they're going to fight again. He knows that they're going to step on each other's last nerve. He knows this relationship is going to cause a lot of controversy once it hits the public eye (Because, let's be real: He can't keep a secret to save his life). He can already imagine the look on Morag's face when she inevitably finds out.
But it's worth it. It's worth all the hassle. It's worth all the sleepless nights. Because he loves them and they love him. That's all that matters, in the end.
The bit about the conducting symposium actually happened to me in real life. Due to COVID regulations and how that affects playing with large groups of people, every rehearsal for nearly every ensemble is an open rehearsal. Thus, I actually got to see the symposium and how it worked. I was crying when that conductor got off the podium and I will always remember what he said. The piece this fic is based on is not the piece the ensemble performed, however. I don't want to reveal too much information about day to day me, you know?
I'm glad I ultimately decided to post this here. And I'm glad that I'm not completely alone in liking this ship. Now if someone else other than me would start writing for this ship (or just Rex/Jin in general)...