Appointment #3

Alex was already waiting when Bucky walked into the room. Instead of the plush chair, she was seated at a small desk near the door. Two thick files were sitting closed with two thumb drives on top of them next to her. She had requested the information they contained and was surprised that Fury had consented. Although eager to go through everything, she decided to wait until she was home. Today, her goal was to get Bucky talking.

"Making notes before I even get here?" he said and watched her suspiciously.

"Doodling. Did you think about anything I said last week?"

Bucky shrugged but his intense stare never wavered. "Are you really a therapist?"

"I really am," she nodded. "And if you want me to be totally honest, I didn't even want to take this assignment."

"Why not?"

Alex exhaled before she answered, giving herself time to choose her words. "I'm still sorting out my feelings towards the major players involved in the Snap and the events of the following five years."

"There wasn't any other way," he said. Bucky continued to watch her intently and before she could say anything he interrupted.

"Did you get snapped?" he asked.

"No. Been here the whole time dealing with the aftermath. Half the population disintegrating caused worldwide trauma. And, once we all sort of came to terms with what happened and learn to live again…poof! Same thing in reverse."

Alex watched the hardness in his face slowly disappear. She had seen the reaction often; most of those who returned didn't realize that those left behind had to experience the shock twice. "You're not the only one in mandated therapy," she told him.

"You think the Flag Smashers were right?" Bucky asked as he leaned against the nearby wall.

She shook her head. "Violence isn't the answer. I'm not sure what is, but someone needs to figure it out because it's a mess. Do you agree with them?"

Bucky was almost certain that Alex was aware of what he had been involved in during the past few weeks, and looked at her in disbelief. Undeterred by his expression, she continued.

"Is it because of the ideology or because they took the super soldier serum?"

"I… I… What kind of question is that?" he asked.

"They voluntarily took a serum very similar to one that you didn't have a choice to take. Does that make you feel angry? Confused? Concerned?"

He ignored her question instead latching on to her sentiment about the serum. "Similar? Nagel said it was perfected."

"And you believe him? 'Cause I'd say he got it wrong."

"Zemo didn't think so."

"Zemo; the guy who has big problem with people who have taken the serum... including you. The guys who's hiding out God knows where, doing God know what. Yeah, he's trustworthy."

Alex stood up from her chair while Bucky gaped. She walked towards the door, gesturing for him to follow. He watched as she locked the door behind them and checked it twice.

"Where are we going?" Bucky asked as they exited the building and crossed the street.

"It's a nice day. We can talk anywhere."

"You didn't bring the notebook."

Alex did her best to hold back a laugh at his barb and instead gave him a side-eyed glance. She waited until they were a short distance from the building before asking any more loaded questions.

"James, what makes you happy?"

"Do you have to call me that?" He received an amused smile as an answer. After realizing she expected a reply, he answered her question. "I'm not really sure."

"You don't believe me?" he said in response to her raised eyebrows.

Alex assured him that she had no doubt in what he said and expressed surprise that he would think otherwise. Bucky then parroted that everyone has something that makes them happy with an acerbic edge.

"Sometimes we lose that thing," she stated. "What made you happy in 1943?"

"I don't remember."

"You're still you."

"Am I?" he asked.

The response caught Alex's attention as did his momentary glance over at his left arm. Although a small thing, it was an opening and she was going to jump on it.

"Steve Rogers thought so. He put his reputation on the line for you more than once," she said and watched as he nodded in agreement.

"But you don't really believe you're worthy of that… because… the arm and all that's tied up with it?"

"Not it," he said coldly.

"Okay, is it because Steve gave up on you and isn't here now to reassure you? Why don't you believe me when I say it?"

"Steve didn't give up on me," he said loudly. Alex knew she had struck a nerve. Instead of backing away, she kept pressing. She was determined to have him vocalize some the pain he had been burying for years.

"He didn't come back. He left you here. The one person who could relate to what you had gone through. Your best friend since you were kids. Now he's gone, and you're left to navigate this brave new world."

"He had a chance to be happy."

"What about you being happy? Or at least content. He left you here... alone. You… who stuck with him through it all."

"You don't know," Bucky angrily countered.

"What I know is you're here and I want to help you. But you insist on causing yourself more pain. Stop martyrizing yourself for a past you had no control over."

"The hell with this and you." He turned and stalked off quickly in the opposite direction. Alex watched Bucky go and made no attempt to stop him. She had expected an intense reaction and now she just needed to be patient.

Alex returned to the building, unlocked the office door, entered and locked it from the inside before returning to the desk. Since she had some spare time, she retrieved her laptop from the tote bag that was sitting on the floor and logged on. Deciding the files and reading could wait, she grabbed one of the thumb drives an plugged it in. She began clicking on the short video files. Alex grudgingly admitted to herself that street cameras were helpful at times.

"Are we going to be doing this every week?" Alex asked. She was just preparing to go home for the day when Nick Fury's call came.

"Maybe," he said shortly. "I heard you went for a walk today."

"Well, beige walls are not always conducive to conversation. I wanted to shake him up."

"Alex, I do not need him so shaken he goes off the grid. He is more than capable of doing that, as Dr. Raynor reminded me."

"That's who told you we were outside? Doesn't she have anything else to do?" Alex asked incredulously. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yours," Fury stated. "Is there anything I should know?"

"All you need to know is that I needed to push his buttons," she replied angrily.

"You have a funny way to trying to make friends."

"I see him as a person, not a means to an end or an asset to be deployed," Alex said.

"I see," he replied letting her verbal job slide.

"Listen, the best friends help you remember who you really are when you're lost. I'm just not as delicate about it as most people. If he's mad at me, so be it."

"Did it ever occur to you he might not show up at his next appointment?" Fury asked.

"Nope."

"That person who didn't want this job a couple of weeks ago suddenly sounds all in," he remarked.

"Yeah, well... thanks for getting me those files."

"Are you gonna share what you're hoping to find?"

"Not right now, it's just a theory about our super soldier," Alex answered and then ended the call.