Fragile World
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these delightful characters, that honor belongs to Cassandra Clare. I have mostly followed the events of the show except for Simon's becoming a Vampire. For this story, I wanted Raphael to be his sire, so I followed the books version of his turning.
The song is Shattered (Turn the Car Around) by OAR
Chapter 3
It had been a week since Simon had come to stay with Magnus and Alec. They had all finally settled into a less awkward cohabitation of the apartment. Simon still got embarrassed whenever he walked in on the other two making out but other than that, everything was going as well as could be expected. He spent a lot of time hiding in his room, only leaving to seek out the others when his need for contact became too much or when Magnus made him come eat at mealtimes. The warlock insisted he needed to eat more regularly or else he would never grow "big and strong" whatever that was supposed to look like. Simon had always been scrawny, and he didn't think that would change.
Honestly, he had no appetite. Everything tasted like ash in his mouth. But he choked down at least a little bit at every meal to appease the frowning warlock. More often than not, he found himself in the bathroom emptying his stomach of what little he managed to eat not long after each meal. He was certain the others didn't know that this happened otherwise they would have asked him about it, but he didn't want to worry them. He was used to not eating so figured it was just his stomach adjusting to regular meals.
After two more days of staying cooped up in the apartment, he decided it was time to venture back out. He needed to retrieve his things and maybe some fresh air would help ease the nausea and the burning ache in his body. He made his way out into the living area, and upon seeing no one present, sat down on the couch and retrieved his converse sneakers from under the coffee table. As he bent to tie the laces, he jumped at hearing a voice from behind him.
"Going somewhere?" the warlock asked with a slight frown. Simon finished tying his shoe and stood up to face the other man.
"I was going to get my stuff. I left some clothes, my laptop and a guitar where I was staying. I figured the fresh air might do me good."
"Want some company?"
Simon shrugged. The warlock took that as an affirmative and retrieved a jacket from the hook by the door, grabbing a purple scarf and winding it around his neck as he stepped out into the hallway waiting for Simon to follow before locking the door.
Once outside, Simon paused, turning his face up toward the sun, letting the warmth spread across his face. He didn't know if he would ever get used to being able to be out in the day like this, but the warmth of the sun certainly felt good, and the air smelt like winter. He inhaled deeply, he smelled smoke from a wood burning chimney and a hint of impending snow. Simon liked winter. He and Becky used to go ice skating in the park and build snowmen together before usually breaking into an epic snowball fight.
He shook his head to keep from going down that line of thought and turned in the direction of the abandoned building he had left his things in. Magnus fell into step beside him, occasionally saying something about a person they passed or commenting on an article of clothing in a shop window that had caught his eye. Simon half listened as he rounded the corner on autopilot and then came to a sudden stop. The warlock had no warning and slammed into his back, narrowly escaping a fall to the concrete walkway by grabbing hold of the lamp post next to him.
"Simon? You ok?" he asked in concern, his eyes following Simon's horrified gaze to the townhouse a few feet in front of them. The house had been blocked off by yellow police tape and a notice attached to the front door designated it as a crime scene and denied anyone but law enforcement access.
"Simon?" Magnus asked again when the vampire made no indication that he had heard him. He looked like he was going to be ill. Magnus reached out a hand to cup the boy's cheek and turn his head to look at him. Simon met his gaze but didn't appear to actually be seeing him. It was like he was looking through him at something only he could see. Now Magnus was worried. He took Simon by the arm and led him half a block to an empty bench and sat them both down. Simon's gaze remained focused on the house. He glanced away briefly to look at Magnus when he snapped his fingers in front of his face to gain his attention, before returning his gaze to the house once more.
"That's my mom's house," he whispered. The warlock's eyes widened slightly as he gasped.
"Oh Simon! I knew you said that your family had died but I didn't realize you meant like that." Magnus truly hadn't expected it to by a crime that had taken the Vampires family from him. Perhaps an accident of some kind, but this was so much worse. No wonder the boy had been so utterly devastated when he had showed up at his door!
"I found them that night…. I was taking an indirect route home so that I could walk by the house and make sure everything was ok. I tried to do that once a week, for my peace of mind. When I got close, I saw that the house was dark. I thought maybe they had gone out to a friend's house for dinner but then I saw the front door open…." Simon paused, taking a shaky breath as he continued to gaze at the house. "As soon as I got halfway across the lawn, I smelled the blood. Lots of blood. I went inside, followed the smell to the living room. There was blood everywhere, splattered on the walls and puddles of it on the floor. My mom and sister were just lying there...eyes starring lifelessly…. they looked terrified…."
Magnus felt his heart break for the boy. He couldn't help himself, he pulled the vampire into his chest and wound his arms around him tightly. "I'm so sorry little one," he lamented. Simon went limp against him, slim arms coming up to loosely hug him back.
"I should have been there," he said so quietly that Magnus had to strain to hear his words. "I should have been there sooner. I got distracted at the comic bookstore, I had meant to go much earlier in the day. If I had just gone right over, maybe…. maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I could have stopped it!" The warlock tightened his arms around Simon.
"Or you could have also been killed," he said softly. "You don't know what happened in there. It could have been a Mundane break in, or it could have been something much worse. It could have been a demon attack, a rogue vampire, or it could have been something done intentionally to send you a message."
Simon tensed. He hadn't even thought of that. He had assumed it was a normal human break in gone wrong…. but he knew better. He knew about the shadowworld now and the sinister things that lurked in the dark. What if it wasn't a random crime. What if it was done by someone in the shadow world, someone who knew who Simon was and wanted to tell him something by murdering his only living relatives. He had no clue who would do such or thing or why, but he certainly couldn't ignore the possibility.
"But who would want to do something like that?" he asked the warlock bewildered. "I'm nobody! What kind of message would someone be trying to send? I'm not special and I'm certainly not important in any capacity!" Magnus drew back to look at Simon.
"You underestimate yourself Simon. You are incredibly special. You are a daylighter, a hot commodity in the shadowworld so to speak. You are also a genuinely decent person. Your loyalty to your friends knows no bounds. You would literally die to help the ones you love. You are truly one of a kind."
Simon blinked owlishly. "But…. I'm not…. I mean who would think I'm important enough to do this? What do they want from me?"
"You're a daylighter. Many people in the downworld would kill to have you on their side. The things you could do with your vampire strength and speed as well as being able to walk in the sun…it is very tempting to many; I have no doubt. Is there anyone you can think of that might want to send you a message?" Magnus asked, a slight frown touching his lips.
Simon furrowed his brow, thinking about any interactions he may have had recently that could possibly indicate this turn of events. He started to shake his head no but stopped as his gaze snapped up and met the warlock's golden cat eyes.
"Camille!" he exclaimed. The warlock's eyes widened slightly, the only indication of his surprise. "She tricked me a few months ago. She had her subjugates bring me to meet the 'head' of a New York clan. I thought I was meeting Raphael, but it was her. She wanted me to help her overthrow Raphael, to kill him, so she could take back the clan and pull the strings in New York again. I refused her…. I helped the Clave capture and bring her in for questioning. You know the rest. She said she would only talk to you after they brought her in." Magnus nodded.
"I do indeed…. Camille is certainly capable of such a thing. She is not a woman who is used to being told no or having anyone walk away from her offers. She is a master of manipulation and will go to any means necessary to achieve her goals. She is certainly capable of cold-blooded murder if she thought it would help her obtain what she wanted."
Simon inhaled deeply, a reflex to steady himself left over from his human life. His thoughts were racing, going a million different directions. Trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together but not being able to as so many pieces were still missing. He clenched his fist and slammed in down into the bench beside him, ignoring the jolt of pain as his knuckles splintered the wood. Several passersby eyes him cautiously and increased their pace to walk by faster.
"I'm going to kill her! I'm going to rip her throat out with my bare hands and then throw her in the sunlight and watch her burn," he declared vehemently. Magnus quirked an eyebrow.
"Simon calm down. If Camille did this, I will personally help you track her down, but we need to confirm that she is the one responsible. I have many connections. I will put feelers out and we will get to the bottom of this."
Simon stared hard at the warlock for a minute and then nodded curtly. He took one more shuddering breath and then pushed himself up from the bench turning in the direction of his original destination. He continued walking, knowing that Magnus would follow him. The warlock fell into step beside him a moment later and they continued to the abandoned building in silence. Simon ducked inside, leaving Magnus on the sidewalk, and returned a moment later with a tattered backpack and a guitar case covered in stickers. Magnus took the guitar case silently and Simon swung the backpack up onto his shoulders before they both turned and walked solemnly back to the loft.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Simon didn't say anything when they got back to the loft. He slipped his sneakers off upon entering, took the guitar from Magnus, and went to his room shutting the door firmly behind himself. He was feeling overwhelmed. He couldn't decide what he needed or how to calm the roiling mass of emotions swirling about him. He set the guitar case on the bed and sat down cross legged next to it. Music always helped to calm him, gave him something to focus on. It centered him and gave him an outlet for his emotions. He opened the case and took out the old acoustic instrument, positioning it comfortable across his lap. He spent several minutes getting it back in tune before he strummed a few chords. He didn't think about anything, just let his fingers freely pluck the guitar strings, unconsciously picking a song to help free the mass of emotions that he was currently feeling. He took a deep breath and let the words flow from his mouth, his voice deep and haunting.
In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you
Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you
But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you
But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
Simon could feel the tears on his face, dripping off his chin and leaving red stains on his white tee shirt. He carefully put the guitar away and fell back onto the bed swiping angrily at his eyes. What he wouldn't give to have his Sire's comfort right now. Raphael was always the most comforting to him, presumably because Simon had the other boys blood running through his veins. He felt so weak, so fragile, so young, so in need of the comfort of his clan. The clan he couldn't have because of Clary. Clary who had asked him to betray his own clan. Clary who had asked him to put his life in danger countless times to get what she wanted. Clary who had dated him and told him she loved him to get what she wanted. Clary who had thrown him away like garbage as soon as she had everything she needed and didn't have a use for him anymore.
He sat up and let out a raw frustrated yell before rising to his feet and moving to the door throwing it wide and making his way down the hall to the open living area. Magnus and Alec were both sitting on the couch talking quietly, looking concerned. They looked up when he entered the room, taking in his ragged appearance and tear stained face and tee shirt before they moved apart, making a space on the couch between them. That was all the invitation Simon needed. He practically fell onto the couch, leaning heavily into the warlock's side as Alec scooted closer on the other side, effectively cocooning him in warmth.
"I'm such a fucking mess!" he cried in frustration. The other two exchanged a look over Simon's head and then Alec sat up a bit.
"Is there anything we can get for you? Anything that could help?" he asked softly, at a loss for what to do. Simon shrugged.
"Not unless you can get me my Sire," he said bitterly. "His ability to influence my emotions… to calm me is stronger than others."
Alec looked at Magnus questioningly.
"Do you think he would come if we asked? He has always listened to you more than others." Magnus shrugged.
"Raphael has always been a stubborn boy. Vampires are prideful creatures. It often takes more time than necessary for things to right themselves when a perceived wrongdoing has occurred. I suppose I could call him and test the waters so to speak. If Simon wants me to that is," he said looking down at the fledging plastered to his side.
"No," Simon shook his head. "Raphael hates me. He made it very clear that he never wants to see me or have anything to do with me ever again." Simon's shoulders slumped. "He wouldn't come for me just because you ask him to."
"It's worth a shot," Alec tried. "I mean, if you already expect the worst, if he says no at least you know it's coming. Maybe he'll surprise you?" He sounded a bit unsure but kept his tone positive.
Simon sighed. He was so conflicted. And he was so tired of feeling empty and frazzled all the time. He would feel exponentially better if he could see Raphael, but the clan leader had made it very clear how much he detested Simon for a multitude of reasons. Would he be okay if his Sire wouldn't come? Would it just make things worse?
"I don't know if I can handle it if he says no," he whispered. "I'm already a mess…. I don't know if I can handle it even if I am expecting a negative response." Magnus squeezed his shoulder and kissed his forehead.
"Then I will not contact him sweetheart. We will do our best to offer what comfort we can as you need it. And hopefully Raphael will get his head out of his ass sooner rather than later!"
"I can go beat him up for you if you want!" offered a distinctly female voice. Everyone looked up in surprise as Isabelle walked into the living room and directed her gaze to Simon. "Simon Lewis, where the hell have you been and why have you not answered any of my calls or texts!"
Simon sat up quickly looking at Alec with wide eyes, silently pleading for help. Alec just shrugged and sat back to watch his sister in amusement. She continued to gaze at Simon her eyes narrowed. He gulped. She was truly an intimidating sight to behold.
"Um…. hey Izzy…. I was… um, busy?" he replied, shrinking back into the couch cushions, trying to become invisible.
"Busy my ass! Busy for months and not a single free minute to send even one message! I had to hear from Alec that you were staying here. You're lucky I don't punch you in the face you jerk!" Simon flinched.
"I'm sorry Iz, really I am. It's been a rough few months…" he trailed off as she stomped her way over to him, expecting a slap to the face. Instead, he found himself with an armful of Izzy as she threw herself at him, hugging him tightly.
"Don't you dare do anything like this again, you hear me. I will not hesitate to feed you to the wolves if you disappear without a word again!" She threatened as she hugged him tighter. He slowly brought his arms up and squeezed her back.
"I missed you too Iz," he said softly into her hair. She straightened up, wiping her eyes, and then grabbed his hand and pulled him up from the couch.
"Come on then," she said in a tone that brooked no argument as she pulled him down the hall toward his room. "You are going to tell me EVERYTHING that I have missed from your 'rough few months' and I will tell you what you've missed in mine."
Simon glanced back at Magnus and Alec with a pleading look but was met with no help from either of them. Shooting them a glare that promised retribution, he let himself be dragged into his room by the determined girl in front of him.
A/N: Another chapter down. I hope you enjoyed! Next chapter Jace will finally show up as well. Let me know what you think so far! Thanks for reading!