Chapter 3: Interrogation Time
Master Hand was checking up on his giant phone, observing the tracking of the groceries which finally arrived at their destination. Various wireframes would help with bringing them inside to put them away for the time being. After all, it costs a lot of money to feed a bunch of people, especially if they had to consider the spirits who decided to make themselves home for the time being. Little did he know, Palutena would barge inside without knocking. Oh boy, if he had eyes, Master Hand would of rolled them, wondering what the Goddess of Light wanted now. Truth be told, it was too much work to keep track of all these gods, whether they were currently alive or kicked the bucket long ago. Bye flying spaghetti monster, it was nice knowing you.
"Master Hand— it's an emergency!" Palutena said while she rushed inside. Usually, she was never one to fret over such trivial things but the banishment of the Smash Mansion would affect them greatly. Her concern was not only all the smashers and their guests, but also the children. Never did she enjoyed the thought of children going hungry and it bothered her to no end.
"And that is?"
"The Smash Mansion has been banned from access to all delivery apps!" Palutena explained, glancing off to the side. "Pit tried ordering with Door Dash while Pittoo tried UberEATS. Both were denied access and rejected, the app outright stating they were forbidden from ordering thanks to their new CEO. "
Master Hand let the newfound information sink in for a moment. Part of him wondered if Crazy Hand had done something to get them all banned yet realized that wasn't the case. Instead, part of him wondered if this was linked to the global pandemic currently taking place. To be honest, the whole idea of one location and its residents being currently banned from all delivery apps sounded completely far-fetched to him. It sounded practically like Palutena was trying to play a melodramatic joke (and a terrible one at that) as he was able to receive the groceries with ease. Until Palutena pointed towards the giant phone, revealing a message from the delivery driver.
Greg the Mii: Dear Master Hand and residents, it appears that this will be your guys's last delivery. You see, Instacart has recently obtained a new CEO. Under their new rules and obligations, we are no longer permitted to deliver to the Smash Mansion. Honestly it breaks my heart because you guys provide us all entertainment in this world with the all the tourneys. Hopefully things will settle down soon.
Master Hand gasped after reading the heartfelt message. He knew this would only hinder the delivery drivers in the long run because he always provided them generous tips for taking on such tasks. So to see Palutena was not jesting him hurt. He truly wished it was all a measly joke but instead, whoever this new CEO was, deserved nothing but hell. Soon he remembered Viridi, the Goddess of Nature and her extreme hatred towards humans. One could even say she was the mansion's residential misanthrope. Perhaps she was the one who was behind this awful scheme.
"Palutena, do me a favor and interrogate Viridi. Something tells me she's the one behind this and the virus," Master Hand said, sighing.
Palutena nodded in response before leaving. Immediately, she would make her way towards the backyard and into the gardens. Viridi was always bound to be found near nature. After all, it soothed her.
Speaking of Viridi, she was currently having tea while engrossed in a novel. When she caught sight of Palutena, she grimaced, annoyed that her precious me time was interrupted.
"What is it now?" she asked, clearly irritated. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of reading this book?!"
Palutena narrowed her gaze and placed her arms on her hips, slouching slightly. "You're the one behind COVID-19, aren't you?"
Viridi rose an eyebrow. "Seriously? You think I'm behind the virus?! Hah, I wish!" She set the novel aside and shrugged. "Just because I hate humans doesn't mean I have the power to produce such. Besides, I would rather have them suffer through a reset bomb than this."
Palutena relaxed a bit, taking a deep breath. "If you're not behind the virus, then I wonder if..."
Soon it clicked.
"HADES!" Palutena and Viridi said in unison.
"So, why exactly are we here again?" Robin questioned the two angels in front of him. Part of him was quite miffed due to his alone time with his husband Chrom being interrupted. People wondered how Lucina and Morgan were produced before remembering that the village maiden was their surrogate mother.
"Because you're going to help us," Pit said matter-of-factly. "You see, the Smash Mansion has been banned from all delivery apps! This means eventually our food supply would run out and we will starve!" Just the thought of going hungry caused Pit to whine, receiving an eye roll from Dark Pit in return who was fixated on his phone. Soon enough, he stumbled upon news of interest.
The queen's husband and decaying corpse Prince Phillip had passed away. He glanced in Shulk's direction, receiving a bewildered look from the Homs in return.
"Shulk, I'm here to give you my condolences for the loss of the crypt keeper Prince Philip," Dark Pit told him.
Shulk tilted his head, entirely confused for a moment before it clicked. He shook his head and sighed deeply. "For the last time, I'm not British," he exclaimed. Truth be told, Shulk got this a lot from the smashers back during the fourth game. It was quite annoying to say the least. "I come from the Bionis, not the United Kingdom!"
"Then explain the accent," Pit chimed in, completely getting distracted by the sudden news.
Shulk sighed again. He knew this was going to go nowhere as Samus had to step in.
"It's just a coincidence," she explained. "I mean, the Zelda in Link's world speaks with a similar accent but resides in Hyrule. Just because someone has an accent doesn't mean they hail from such region."
"Oh," Dark Pit said flatly. "In any case, I wonder what kind of shoes he was wearing in his casket."
"Now isn't the time for that Pittoo!" Pit yelled, realizing they were getting off track with the real issue at hand. He just wanted to be reunited with his precious Chili's. He shook his head and sighed. "Anyhow, when I tried ordering food, it kept denying us before saying that our location was permanently banned."
"Interesting," Reflet commented, rubbing her chin. She pondered for just a slight moment, wondering if Viridi had something to do with this, given her history with humans and their treatment towards nature. "Do you think maybe Viridi might have something to do with this? I mean, she does have a track record of despising humanity."
"Perhaps," Pit replied. He started thinking about it, wondering if Viridi wanted to get back at him for accidentally leaving her Nintendo Switch in sleep mode one time or running across her massive flower field in Animal Crossing: New Horizons.
While the others continued bickering and guesstimating the whole food issue, Byleth studied them. They were trying their best to figure out such culprit until recalling Sothis's words. Digging into their pocket, Byleth took out their cellphone and decided to search up information in regards to the massive purchase of all delivery apps and the banishment of the Smash Mansion location alongside its residents. Despite none of the articles outright saying who acquired the rights and how much they paid for it, it did manage to leave a hint.
"Z-"
Sothis would float around, staring at Byleth's phone.
"That man's alive?! But how?!" Just learning of such news baffled her, especially since Shulk managed to put an end to him before becoming a god himself for a temporary time. It was why he did not dwell inside him any longer. "You... you can't be serious?! Didn't Shulk destroy him?! But... but how?! None of this makes any sense."
To make matters much worse, Byleth managed to stumble upon Zanza's Tinder profile. Oh boy, so he was back. Disgusting. Before Byleth could answer or provide some insight onto the current problem, Palutena and Viridi stepped inside with another familiar face.
"Hello Pitty-pat!" Hades greeted, smiling.
Pit narrowed his gaze. "Hades..."