three: leah

It doesn't take long for Leah to learn that the boys are arsonists. Even her little brother's eyes go wide with excitement when Paul douses the wood in petrol — actual petrol, like the freakin' maniac the guy is, and they all cheer when they all nearly get their eyebrows singed right off.

They build a bonfire for every occasion, apparently. When someone joins their pack; when they're happy, or when they're bored; when somebody imprints (Leah hasn't even got the headspace to think about that yet); and, more often than not, when their little Alpha declares that they all need a bit of 'bonding time'. They all get together and collect wood for an hour, making a competition of it, and then they spend the rest of the night hollering and whooping and marvelling at the flames like the Neanderthals they are, as if they're the very first people in the universe to discover fire.

That's how Leah imagines it, anyway, when Embry explains it to her.

"This is just for fun," he explains, "so we can spend time together and get to know each other properly. You'll have your first proper bonfire at the next Council meeting, just like everyone else. Don't worry."

She's not worried.

He prattles on, pointing everybody out, and she doesn't bother to tell him that she knows every face and every name here — some more intimately than others. She doesn't remind him that Seth is her brother, or that she's known Julie all her life. He knows as well as everyone else does that the other girl is as good as family to the Clearwaters; they were raised together, and her older sisters were once Leah's best friends.

It's not that she doesn't care — well, that's a lie, because she doesn't. Really. But she doesn't need to waste her time getting to know anyone. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want them, doesn't want anything to do with this life. Doesn't, doesn't, doesn't. It's their life, not hers. But rather than telling Embry any of these things, she just nods along — not quite an agreement, not quite anything. It's easier. He wouldn't understand anyway.

The ends of her newly cut short hair brush disconcertingly around her jaw with the moment, uneven and blunt, and she resists tucking it behind her ears lest she show her discomfort. She still can't remember who had been the one to pin her down and chop off her waist-length locks. She had been too blind with rage, too crippled with grief to notice — and nobody has dared to admit to it yet. She'll be surprised if they do.

Truth be told, Leah can't remember much at all about what's happened over the past few days. What memories she does have come at her in quick fits and starts, at full force, enough to steal breath from her when she least expects it. The feeling reminds her of the panic attacks she started having after Sam went missing for two weeks during their junior year.

This is infinitely worse. How the hell is she supposed to look Sam in the eye, let alone sit here with him? Bond with him? It's effort enough as it is to keep her gaze pointedly away from where he has situated himself between Jared and Seth, who is positively beaming as he sits next to Julie.

Little traitor.

God. She hopes with all her might that the panic attacks won't start up again — at least, not when or where anyone else will be able to see. But they'll still know. If she phases and thinks of it, thinks of anything, they will all fucking know.

Embry lopes off towards the group, waving a hand over his shoulder. "Come sit down with us."

Leah knows she's being watched, but she keeps her eyes trained on the raging fire from her safe distance. "No, thanks," she mutters.

Of course, they all hear her anyway.

Jared chuckles as he pokes at the burning wood with a long stick, apparently too good to be used as kindling. "We're not going to bite."

"Speak for yourself," comes Paul's voice. Leah risks a fleeting glance at him, eyes narrowed, and she is unsurprised when he meets her glare with a challenge of his own. Except whereas hers promises violence, his promises something quite crude. He's always been a shameless flirt.

Embry sighs in weary resignation as he takes his place between Julie and Paul. It doesn't go unnoticed that he's been reserved pride of place on the little Alpha's right side within the circle they've made.

Four, nearly five days after her first phase, Leah is still trying to figure out how the hell Embry Call earned second-in-command.

"Just ignore him, Leah," he says. "The rest of us do." He gives his brother a huge shove for good measure, and snorts when Paul ends up flat on his back in the dirt.

Leah wishes she could ignore all of them. Wishes she could wake up from this bad dream she's been trapped in for what feels like years already, where she's stuck between a choice of picking the person she hates least to sit beside.

She picks Jared. It's him or Paul. And it might be dangerously close to Sam, who has hardly said a word since she arrived, but at least he won't be able to look at her without being obvious about it.

When she finally sits, they all cheer. She wants to punch them. Even Seth, the little turncoat — although her baby brother quickly remembers himself and throws her a soda from the cool box he's guarding at his feet from the other side of Sam. His grin is slightly apologetic.

"Who's running first?" Paul asks.

"As you asked, you can take the honour," Julie says, and he groans. Leah remembers Embry telling her that although they've been given the night off from patrols, Julie makes them run short bursts every hour or so. It was not too long along they took down a bloodsucker, and most of them still seem to be riding on the high of it.

"Sam," Julie says then. "You too." She looks at Seth. "Kid, you want to go with them?"

Seth's enthusiasm is boundless as he hurries after the two older boys, eager to be included, and Leah tries not to show the relief she feels that she's been given an ounce of breathing room. From Sam and Seth, who is grieving as deeply as she is and keeps looking at her to hold him up when nobody else is looking. He doesn't like looking weak in front of his new heroes, but it's a different story for her. She's been holding him up before he learned to walk.

Julie catches her eye then, and the little Alpha nods as if she understands. Which she probably does, having heard and learned everything she has. She likely sent Sam to run first because she thinks she's doing Leah a favour. "You can go next, if you want," she offers kindly. "As soon as they get back."

Leah might be relieved, but she's not going to kiss ass about it. "You can't keep us apart forever."

Julie raises an eyebrow. "Oh, sorry, did you want me to call them back over?" she asks. She is unlike anything Leah remembers from their childhood. "Maybe you can switch out with Paul, or your brother?"

When Leah doesn't deign to answer, Julie snorts. "No? I thought not."

"You don't need to look out for me, is what I meant."

"It's not just you I'm looking out for."

"What do you need to protect him from?" Leah demands, pointing into the trees where Sam has disappeared. She ignores the look of warning Embry sends her way.

"You," Julie says, unbothered by her hostility. "We might heal fast, but you'd leave him and Paul permanently disfigured if I gave you the chance. I'd rather have my pack in one piece, thanks."

"Your pack," Leah scoffs. "That's a joke. It's like the blind leading the blind around here."

Embry growls. "Leah."

"Don't even get me started on you," she bites back nastily. It's not as if anyone she loves is around to see her breaking, and she's glad for it. Glad Seth is out of the way. "How'd you of all people get to be Second, anyway? Favouritism? Must be. Can't think of another reason. Can you, Jared?"

"Leave me out of it," he says, still poking the fire with his stick.

"Coward," she sneers.

He just shakes his head, eyes flicking up to Julie. "You really gonna let her talk to us like that? To you?"

Julie gives a passive shrug, expression unchanged from its matching complaisance. "She just needs to get it out of her system, is all."

"She's been getting it out of her system for about four days now," Jared mutters back, and Leah swears she sees a smirk appear on Julie's face.

"I'm right here!" she yells.

"We know that," Jared says, sighing at the same time Embry says, "We're not your punching bag, sweetheart. We all know how you feel."

Leah snarls at him, at the endearment he uses. Actually snarls. "You have no idea what I—"

"Yes," he says, "we do. Anyone who's been inside of your head knows exactly what you're feeling. We get it. We know you don't want to be here. We know."

Beside him, Julie leans back in her rusty lawn chair, her throne, seemingly content to let the scene play out in front of her. She stretches her legs out, folds her arms over her stomach, and simply . . . observes.

"But just because we understand what the cost of you being here is, that doesn't mean you get to take it out on us," Embry continues. "It's not our fault."

"So I suppose it's my fault?" she spits back, feeling suddenly exposed. Because it is her fault, and they all know it. It's her fault her fault her dad is dead, her fault that she couldn't phase back in time to attend his funeral. Her fault that she can't keep her temper in line like the rest of them seem to be able. Her fault that they all hate her.

"I didn't say that," Embry replies evenly. His tone makes her wonder who she'll be able to get a rise out of first, whether it'll be Embry the first to split his skin or his Alpha beside him. At least then somebody else will be burning with her.

Jared huffs loudly. "You're wasting your breath, Em. Save your energy and leave her be."

Yes, Leah thinks, leave me be.

But Embry doesn't have to listen to anybody except for one person here. So, naturally, he carries on, as if he is pushing for the release Leah is looking for.

"It's not your fault," he continues. "It's not yours, not mine, and it's not Julie's."

"Precious Julie," Leah hisses. "Fucking fifteen years old and she's got you all wrapped round her little fucking finger like—"

"That's enough," Embry snaps, his own anger showing, and Leah feels her mouth snap shut. His order doesn't have the same weight to it as one of Julie's might, but he's got enough power to keep her wolves in line if he needs to.

She fumes underneath his authority.

"You're lucky she's Alpha," Embry says hotly. Defensively. "Sam would have probably let you crash and burn with all this, but we're not going to. Sorry, Jared," he adds quickly with an apologetic look, "I know he's your best friend, but you know he would have. It would've been a damn mess."

Jared holds his breath, as if preparing to argue, although his tight expression relaxes after a few seconds. Barely, but enough. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Sam didn't want it," Julie says quietly, but not weakly.

Leah's head whips round to her. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Sam didn't want it," she repeats. "He didn't want to be Alpha, not really, so I took it. It was mine to take."

"Am I supposed to be grateful?"

"I offered him Second," Julie continues as if nobody has spoken. "He didn't want that, either, so I gave it to the next Uley in line, as is tradition. It was just coincidence that Embry happens to be my best friend, too."

Embry and Jared have fallen deathly quiet beside her, and Leah vaguely thinks that this might be a warning in itself except she doesn't want to take note. She is not one of them. She will not submit.

Julie unfurls her arms and sits up a little straighter, looking at her straight in the eye. "You might be new to being in a pack, but this Queen Bitch shit you've got going on isn't going to get you anywhere far. So I'd be very, very careful about what you say next."

The power that lies within her voice is undeniable, and Leah hates, hates how her body reacts to it.

Fuck.

For a long minute, all that can be heard is the fire crackling as Leah tries to shake off the trembling in her arms, to swallow around the tightness in her throat, to breathe around the tight feeling in her chest.

And then, in the silence, in between all of that, she realises something.

"Sorry," she says, although she sounds anything but, "what do you mean, the next Uley in line?"

The tension breaks. Embry and Jared laugh, and even Julie seems to crack a tiny smile. She releases a too-long breath as she rakes her thin fingers through her choppy hair, and she settles back into her seat.

Embry looks at her, and she nods. As if giving permission.

"She's going to find out anyway," Julie says. "Better you tell her now before he gets back."

Embry smiles at her, and Leah thinks she sees a flash of something more before he says, "Sam's my brother. Half-brother, actually, but y'know, still my brother. Same dad."

It is Leah's turn to laugh. She laughs until she almost falls backwards, if only because she's so fucking shocked that she can do nothing else. It just sounds so . . . so ridiculous. After she was ready to tear all their heads off, after Julie nearly tore her head off . . .

She clutches her sides, feeling a slight delirious with it. "What the hell? How do you know?"

"Julie."

"And how did Her Royal Highness know?" Leah asks, and she's surprised to hear that there's hardly any venom in her own voice. Maybe she's still feeling the after effects of the Alpha's authority. Who knows.

Embry hears it, too, and his smile is a mile-wide as he slings his arm around Julie's shoulders. "She backed my mom into a corner — and I mean literally—"

"I did no such thing," Julie grumbles.

"You did," he and Jared reply, their heads turned in her direction and looking different kinds of exasperated, rolling their eyes and shaking their heads.

Embry flicks her ear, and adds, "You scared her to within an inch of her life until she admitted the truth."

"Such an exaggeration," Julie sighs, batting his hand away from her. "I simply asked—"

"You shouted at her," Jared chimes in. "And made her cry."

"Sweetheart, you practically chased her off the Rez," Embry reminds her, and Leah thinks that he looks a little proud.

Jules scowls back at them all. "Tiffany chose to leave."

"Your mom left?" Leah blurts, unable to help herself. She glances at Embry and then Jules and back again. "What happened?"

"It's fine," Embry says. "Really. She's never been all that much of a mom anyway, if I'm honest."

Julie scoffs over the fire, derisive and furious and everything in between; she is livid. She looks dangerous, in fact, like she wants to rip something (or someone) apart with her bare hands, and far scarier than she was five minutes ago.

Embry ignores her. "Things got worse when I joined the pack," he begins explaining to Leah in an easy tone that suggests he has long since made his peace with this part of his story. "I mean, don't get me wrong, things were fine growing up. It felt like I was always 'round Quil or Julie's place anyway, so I didn't really know any different, y'know?"

"Because you were always 'round my place."

He ignores her again. "But then I phased, and Mom started to catch me going out sometimes — and coming back in, too — and she always tried to ground me, but she was hardly around to enforce it. So there really wasn't a point."

"Swore I could hear her screaming at you from my street, sometimes," Jared says.

"You probably could." Embry even laughs at that. "I guess she was just trying to stop me from embarrassing her, from people looking too close to home. Because everyone seemed to think we were bad news or something anyway, considering she left her own people, y'know? Most still do, I guess." He shrugs. "So my mom just shouted at me a lot instead, tried to scare me with stories about drugs and the police and going to jail and stuff. At least, she did when she was around, anyway. She used to go out a lot. Hated being at home."

"So Julie shouted at her," Leah says, hedging.

He shakes his head. "Not just because of that. It didn't really matter, that part. I didn't even bother to argue back when Mom really got going. The secret was too important. "

Leah raises an eyebrow. "Was?"

"Julie told her."

"Everything?" she gasps.

He nods, smiling still. "Everything."

Leah suspects that there's a little bit of favouritism between Julie and Embry after all. "Was this before or after she ran your mom off?" she asks.

"Before, if you can believe it."

"Speaking of running," Julie interrupts, nodding towards where Paul, Sam and Seth have broken through the trees and are making their approach, tying their shorts in sync. Seth looks hyper, hardly able to stop bouncing on his toes. He looks . . . happy.

Embry nudges Leah, getting to his feet. "We're up," he tells her, just as Paul reaches the fire. He raises a hand to ruffle Julie's hair as he passes her chair, but she ducks and sends a swift arm to his gut — which he dodges, just in the nick of time, and laughs before skipping away.

Leah is stunned for a few seconds, unused to seeing such joy on his face. Seth being happy is one thing, but when did Paul Lahote ever laugh like that?

Unfazed, Julie simply rolls her eyes, giving a minute shake of her head at his antics. Then she looks pointedly at Embry as he is about to hurry Leah on, eager to stretch his legs and run a few spokes.

"Hey," she says, stopping him with a quick touch on his wrist. "You good?"

He waves his other hand, about as dismissive as the second-in-command is allowed to be. "We'll be fine."

"That's not what I asked." Julie drops her hand, a slight pout to her lips that lasts for a fraction of a second or so. But Leah sees it, and she knows that Embry does too.

He pokes his tongue out at her. "I know. See you in a bit. Come on, Leah."

Nobody is more shocked than Leah is at herself when she follows without complaint.